Perhaps, it's just that this is the common direction between him and her

When you look at the sky, your eyes are blinded by the afterglow of the setting sun, and the last afterglow and warm sun are about to sink into the mountain, and the night will eventually come, which is a law that no one can change, so let today's things end. Pen @ fun @ pavilion wWw. ｂｉｑUｇE。 ｉｎｆｏ

But I haven't felt that unwilling feeling for a long time, how long has it been since I've been so eager to succeed? The things I want, which sin cannot lose, are ahead. The man who left his back to me facing the sunset, there was only such a distance of less than a meter between me and him, and if I stretched out my hand, maybe I could connect them, right? If I pretended to be weak, I might be able to hold my two hands closer.

But what I'm asking for is these things that need to be wrapped in lies, and is it really necessary to take those caring and worrying actions with gentle and unbearable eyes?

No, it would be nice if we could stay like that, but one day it will disappear completely... Those false things. Hoping to get everything, always hoping to take everything into your arms, but not being able to get the real touch, those phantoms that turn into bubbles will always be disillusioned when they indulge in it.

Therefore, what I desire is not these temporary things, but more real things that can be called "always" in this world, and what I hope for is the gentleness that can always exist with me, the reassuring back that I can see every time I wake up... Or the face.

However, I don't see hope.

I thought that if I became mean, I would be able to find a gap, and if there was a gap, even if it was just a little careless, it would be overlooked, that was my hope. Then I can get into it with a gentle smile and sincere words, and I will have a certain amount of space, right?

However, this cannot be done.

Because whether it is crying or funny, gentle or indifferent, in the conversation or in contact, I can't feel a trace of his wavering, and I won't even hesitate, as long as I think it's what I should do, even if it's in a place and time that will cause people to misunderstand, I won't choose to retreat. Probably for him, even if he is misunderstood, it won't have any effect, right?

Because of absolute trust in each other, this unconditional trust.

Everything I do becomes meaningless in the face of such trust, just a continuous waste of time, I am a person who hates wasting time, because I feel that if I regard wasted time as a time period in my life, I feel that it is a waste of my life, because there are still many things I want to do, so I feel that wasting time is absolutely forbidden... But I continued again and again knowing it. I do it for a day, a month, a year, or even a dozen years because... What I want has become the whole of life, and nothing can change again...

So, I encouraged myself again and again, and I didn't do anything wrong.

Hear their dialogue without disobedience, see their connected figures even if they are far apart, indulge in their own world, find a quiet place even if they are in the middle of the city, and stay awake while indulging in it, not to be stumped by hidden traps, let alone deep in it. Therefore, even those who have any intentions about this can only watch it from afar, and even the closest friends and beloved relatives can only silently offer sincere blessings.

However, in the midst of this impregnable barrier, there is a color that fascinates me.

If, I mean, if the person who was around him was me, what kind of exciting world would it be? maybe a lot less expectation, maybe less communication, but... For those extra things, these are just a drop in the ocean. One action, one look, you know the other person's thoughts, and give the most beautiful response. can naturally say those willful words that are not recognized, and then be able to accept them in helplessness. can turn the prank that suddenly came out of his heart into reality as a coquettish way to fool the past, and can see his truest and weakest side... There will be these.

As the book says, human life is only once, and if you lose it, you can never get it back. Of course, there may be a name for "hope", but the part that has passed... And what should I do to supplement it? With feelings of pain, remorse, and self-reproach? It's just a ridiculous form of self-redemption. The fact that it has no effect on the pain caused to others, and the fact that it doesn't matter what is said in the mouth, but the words of forgiveness bear everything alone does not change in the slightest. Saying those words that make you feel a little comfortable and comforting in your heart, but ignoring all that others have endured... Isn't this also true? So, who should bear the burden of what is lost, what comes after, what comes out of it?

So, you will regret what you have lost.

I was blinded by anticipation, I saw hope while ignoring his feelings, and I took it upon myself to attribute everything to "the past" and "was", and I seemed so impatient, maybe... From the very beginning, I became like Iago in Shakespeare's plays, a clown who deceived everyone for his own selfish desires, and who had not tried anything but shamelessly thirsted for everything from him, without even giving even the most basic things... It's ridiculous. In the end, having nothing can only be regarded as self-inflicted... What a nasty person, myself.

However, by the end of the day... All of them were accepted gently.Although he didn't say the words I expected directly, maybe the words that he himself would not say directly even if he admitted it, but slowly expressed them with his actions through some subtle changes... That's exactly what he is.

I also wanted to share his joys and sorrows, but every time I was rejected without leaving a trace, and people could not even feel unwilling.

Even I think it's ridiculous, a person like me would have this kind of affection that I am absolutely not qualified to have, and if it was a punishment for me, I would have accepted it gladly... But it's different. I can't refrain from saying those words of blessing, nor can I calmly accept the facts, knowing that the most important thing to do now is to pray for their good with caring eyes.

This is clearly the absolutely correct choice, but I did not hesitate to rule it out, and even the qualification to "give up" was ruthlessly discarded, and the only thing I wanted was to get a position next to him.

If not her position, it will be close.

---------

[What do you want to eat today?]

[.... Cup noodles. ]

After a few seconds of silence, I heard such an unmotivated reply, and I couldn't help but imagine the face that matched the tone, and I felt a sense of relief and smiled

[Is ramen okay?]

[No, no need to bother..]

[That... Can you come with me?]

[....]

Facing his helpless and slightly worried gaze as he turned his head, I unconsciously lowered my head, and finally... It's definitely going together, and you already know the result before you answer, this... It hasn't changed since that day, and it won't change.