Four years ago, God gave me the most precious birthday present. Now, four years later, I must give this gift back to God. It's so precious, I'm going to return it a day early.

Now, my soul prostrates on the ground and confesses to God: I have failed your gifts......

In the same way, my soul also said goodbye to the Sky Master in shame: In this life, I said that I wanted to practice with you, but I broke my trust in you and failed to fulfill my responsibility......

Four years ago, on July 17th. On this morning, it was still raining heavily.

After lunch, the rain was light.

Gather your companions and go up the mountain. It is most meaningful to be able to go up the mountain on your birthday.

The ascent four years ago was always a route. That is to enter from the mountain pass, pass through the Pure Industry Temple, and then go up a mountain for a while, to another temple, Wat Pho. Then he went back down the mountain. After climbing the mountain for a year, I returned the same way for a year.

It was still raining lightly when we set out from the city. At the foot of the mountain, the rain stopped. From the beginning of entering the mountain, we still talked and laughed. It's just that this time it's different, and my companion said: Today I'm going to eat the peaches offered by the main hall, and I must eat them!

Haha, I thought he was joking, and he went to the Pure Industry Temple in a joke. There is only one person in the precinct.

This time, instead of going in and bowing down as he had done before, he burned incense in front of the incense burner outside the temple, and then sat down on the stone fence and said, "Duo'er, bring me peaches." I'm going to eat peaches.

Haha, I kept laughing. At the same time, I felt why he didn't go in by himself today, and when did I enter the main hall?

Seeing that I didn't take it, my companion said to the monk who was the only one serving in front of the main hall, "Master, I want to eat the peaches."

His expression was not a joke, which made the master's expression puzzled.

Seeing him like this, I walked into the hall with a smile, worried that if there were really peaches, it would be inappropriate for him to eat them. The companion sat on the stone railing, still talking to the master about eating peaches.

Hehe, the offerings in this hall are really funny, I looked around and came out with a smile.

My companion looked at me anxiously and said, "Why don't you bring me peaches out to eat?"

"Haha, you can't eat it, your Buddha won't let you eat it, and he replaced the peaches with huge watermelons! It's all that seedless watermelon! That's a lot!"

"Yes, I want to eat watermelon too. Master, I want to eat watermelon, cut it for me and eat it. He said to the master seriously.

The master smiled and said, "She has already told you if you can eat it, so you don't have to ask me."

"Duo'er, why can't I eat it? "Hey, naïve companion, this expression is urgent and aggrieved, and there is a strange look.

I sat next to him: "It's true that your Buddha won't let you eat it, that watermelon is too big." How can you eat the fruit? haha......"

The companion continued to negotiate with the master to eat watermelon.

Seeing my companion like this, I smiled and thought, "What's the matter today?" Once a week, we have been here for more than a year, and he has always reverently entered the main hall and bowed down, and then went up the mountain. Nothing else has ever been proposed.

Since my companion was sitting on the left, I looked at him to the left and smiled.

Suddenly, I saw a handsome, handsome young monk walking towards us from a distance. My heart hurt so much that I clutched my chest and said "ah", and blurted out: "What a sin!

Followed by......

This scene made Duo'er's brain blank and she didn't have any thoughts.

The young monk walked past me without any expression.

I looked sadly at his back. When he walked through the door of the main hall, he suddenly saw his back, the little monk was too tall and long, the smoky gray monk's costume was so good-looking, walking up, dancing elegantly, his steps were like stepping on the clouds, it was so fairy!

When I saw this, my mood suddenly became happy again, like a movie switching, and then I saw the right side of the main hall he passed, and the light in that place was indescribably white and fresh and peaceful (and the outside of this range was the opposite, cloudy), and some adults and children were all smiling.

A voice rose in his head: "He's so pure, it's so suitable for him here! "Doer's heart is firm and happy!

After the main hall blocked the view and could not see the young monk, I did not tell my companion what I saw, but urgently asked another monk in front of the main hall who came to the young monk we knew.

This thin-faced monk (Tianchang) used to annoy him to death, and never talked to him with straight eyes. This will not be annoying, and it will be pleasing to the eye when he looks there.

Tianchang said impatiently: He has been here for a year, why haven't you seen him......

His companion said, "When you entered the main hall just now, that handsome monk passed in front of me, and he went to the toilet." At that time, I thought that with this little effort, you and this beautiful little monk missed it. Just as I was about to tell you, he came over again, and you saw you again. ”

At that time, I was so excited that I didn't think about his words. Now that I think about it, he was only talking about his watermelon, which meant it. It's not surprising, with his careful eyes, he can tell me!

Again, I didn't tell him what I saw. To this day he doesn't know what I saw and how I reacted at the time.

I'm going to see the little monk and have something to say to him. Let him practice well here, this place is suitable for him, and he will definitely be able to become a great monk and purify all sentient beings.

My companion accompanied me into the little monk's bedroom and said this (the details are written in the space "The Little Monk in the Sky").

We were very happy when we left the monastery and climbed the mountain. I am happy to meet the little monk, and my companion believes in Buddhism, and his happiness is normal.

However, our climb became the last time we climbed the mountain together......

Later, the sky also said, "It was your companion who brought you, who have no faith, here to know me." He is a very high cultivator......

When I got home, the figure of Master Sky lingered in my mind and heart. The first few days were exciting, just happy. I always think that I have done a great thing for the world.

After three days, I started to feel uneasy, and then I turned to blame myself. This kind of self-blame often makes my heart ache faintly, and then it becomes that whenever I think of him, my heart hurts. Countless times I woke up in the middle of the night, and when I thought of the little master in the sky, I felt heartache and blamed myself.

The self-blame and uneasiness came from what I said to him at the time. Why should I tell the little master to let him practice there well, saying that the temple is suitable for him? How can I do this, maybe the little master of the sky is just a station of life in the temple, and as a result, my words set him there.

How could I be so irresponsible?

Since that adventure, I have been climbing the mountain every week, but I have never gone up from the Pure Industry Temple again, for fear of seeing the little master of the sky. But I didn't let go of him for a day.

Half a year later, I went hiking at the beginning of the year. When my family went down the mountain, they had to go from the Pure Industry Temple, and I asked the international student to walk with me from the Fengde Temple, but he didn't agree. I had no choice but to go down the mountain from the Pure Industry Temple.

I met the little master of the sky in the temple, and it turned out that he still remembered me......

I was thrilled to meet this time, and my guilt was alleviated a lot because he became the acting host......

After that, I still didn't go to see him, and I still missed him. I didn't go because I really didn't know how to communicate with him, let alone how to do something for him to help him.

Another half a year has passed. Among them, I went down from the Pure Industry Temple several times, the purpose was to inquire about Master Tianchang's situation from Master Tianchang.

In the blink of an eye, it was still July, and I was looking for Tianchang to have something. But he insisted that I go to the sky: you miss him so much, go up to him. Go for it!

After thinking about it, I went upstairs to Master Sky.

This time, we talked for more than two hours, and it turned out that he had a lot to tell me......

What I didn't expect was that in the chat after I came back from Tibet, he said for the first time that I was selfish.

I was stunned: How could I be selfish?

Sky Mages have a habit of wearing only your hat when they button it, but they don't say why.

He said this when he said that I was selfish: You always want others to do this, that......

He won't talk about it later.

I felt wronged, and I didn't understand how I was being selfish, and after a few days, I suddenly figured it out. So I sent a text message: That's hope, hope is pinned on the basis of ability, that's not selfishness.

Sky Mage: Hope is selfish, too!

Isn't that reasonable!

After thinking about it, think about the selfishness he said. He didn't give a specific explanation, and I speculated on my own: I asked him to practice hard in the monastery, and after saying that, he walked far away, and I didn't see him for more than a year. Moreover, I know about his relationship with me, that's it, I didn't even come to see him, I may just be selfish!

After thinking about it, I decided to go to my soul 'loved one'. I'm going to practice with him.

The decision to practice with him came from the last conversation. I found that I could do something for him because we had good communication. I didn't come in the past, not because I didn't care about him, but because I didn't know how to care and communicate.

It's decided, I'm going to do it.

So I said, "Sky, I practice with you, and fate has tied us together." You are a Buddha, I am an Ananda. It's best for you to be Confucius and I to be Yan Hui.

The Sky Mage smiled.

I mean it. I did it seriously. Every time I go I seriously be an ignorant student and let him guide me.

may be too devoted, and as a result, the friend who went with him is puzzled: how did you start a student in front of him......

They are holding grievances for me. Master Sky has never been a teacher, and his attitude when he told me made my friends feel that I had been wronged.

They don't understand, I'm volunteering. The sky is right, I nodded, he said something wrong, and I don't correct it. Only in this way can Master Sky expound his views seriously and unrestrainedly and read out what he has learned. In the process, I discovered his erudition and wisdom. It's just that the categories are cluttered and create 'congestion'. I'm going to help him straighten things out.

I will record a lot of what he said. Because many of them are proverbs of wisdom.

"Seeing the Sun" was born naturally.

The differences were buried, but I didn't realize it.

In fact, Master Sky has always noticed that I am not modest. It's just that he didn't break me. This was mentioned in his later book, "Answering the Clouds and Seeing the Sun". And I've always thought that my students are doing a good job.

After "Seeing the Sun in the Clouds", I was in the excitement of liberation for a long time, and Master Sky wanted to sing all the way.

He kept telling me to read the scriptures, and I couldn't read them at all. I just want to be 'Yan Hui', not 'Ananda'.

And before I knew it, my original 'face' was restored. I'm not the serious 'student' who asks him from time to time and corrects him. I couldn't listen to what he said.

Let me read the scriptures, and I will refer to the 'faults' in the scriptures. Advise me what to do, and I tell him it's not right, I can't do it.

Master Sky has a very good cultivation, often one thing, he says it once, I don't listen to it, I don't repeat it, but let me listen to my explanation as if he was listening. It's just a mistake in a mistake.

After that, I don't want him to become a monk. The first time he told him, he listened to the plan and said, "Please, don't mention letting me go abroad in the future, okay?"

I couldn't listen. And actively go to do it for him. And tell him: I was going to pay half of your expenses (I say this to show my determination.) )。 If you still want to become a monk after you finish your studies, I will not stop you at that time.

He was silent. I didn't feel anything and kept busy.

At the same time, I was always worried that he had wasted his years, and asked him to write articles: You write articles, and I will read the scriptures.

He wrote it and copied it on the Internet. After reading it, I was so angry that I never let him write an article again.

He said, "You don't respect me at all."

I said, "You will unjustly kill me, I hold you in the palm of my hand." "I thought: I'm still wronged. In addition to caring about me, when have you ever respected me!

The number of things that went wrong increased dramatically.

In my most difficult times, he tested the results of his enlightenment to me with a spiritual routine. At the time, I didn't want him to worry and didn't tell him that something was wrong at home.

Before the verification, he said for the first time with an undetermined gaze: I will do something and say something to you in the future, and if I say something wrong to you, you will not refute it, and you will not be angry with me, okay?

I glanced at him and didn't think much of it: Okay!

For this 'good', I paid a huge price for the sky.

Since then, everything I say, he says wrong. What he said made me feel that he was not the sky I knew, and not the kind, innocent sky, but an unreasonable and heartless person.

In the process, he said something wrong, and I quarreled with him. He is even more powerful, and his excessive language is sharper than the other.

I'm sad and broken. He was disappointed.

I was sad, how could he be such a heartless person? He was disappointed that his enlightenment in me had not succeeded at all.

So he said, "I will never test you again." So disappointed. You've disappointed me that I don't even want to say the word 'disappointed'.

After all this, I don't trust him completely. Because, he is so hard-hearted and ruthless in the process, I can't separate them, and I can't tell when he is telling the truth and when he is acting. The sky in my eyes felt strange to me at this time.

However, this does not affect my concern for him, I still regard him as the closest person, and I will discuss anything with him. I can also feel that he is still his family when I am him.

He also found that the problem was serious, but he didn't explain anything, but recommended me a Buddhist movie about the master's test of the apprentice. Much rougher than the sky.

After reading it, I understood. Tell him: You have to teach him according to his aptitude.

It's just that he thinks I hate him. So he wrote in the article: He hates me to the core.

I didn't hate him. The gas will pass in a while. It's too late to cherish it.

At the same time, this incident also made me understand a truth, because I did not understand religious knowledge, I could not communicate with him in person. So, I was busy looking for a communicator for him online. Recommend to him, one after another.

In order to know how well he communicated, the friend who recommended him would tell me about his discussion, and I found valuable content from it. The results were not ideal.

I blame the Sky Mage for this undesirable outcome. When he speaks in a wrong tone to those who ask for advice, I criticize him harshly. Moreover, I was surprised after the excessive language.

I am a perfectionist, and I hope that he will always maintain the best image of a teacher. Therefore, I will not allow him to make mistakes. If I am not careful, I will chase and fight hard.

Then I regretted it to death. And he was worried about whether I would blame myself too much. He didn't bother with me.

So many times, my excessive language, upgraded again and again. I gave the Sky Mage the most excesses, sharp words I could think of.

He was silent when he saw it.

Every time, I felt sick to death. I started out with a heart to love him, but I threw him to the ground.

……

Finally, today I suddenly understood.

The Sky Mage was not a relative of my previous life. Rather, God asked me to care for him as if he were the closest person to me in my blood. It's like the kind of 'mother and child' feeling.

The Sky Mage is the angel of God, and God is to make the Sky Mage plump with feathers with me. And I misunderstood, and at the same time pulling out the seedlings to help them grow, I also removed his roots and feathers......

God, my soul prostrates on the ground, confessing to you: I have failed your gift, and I have not done what I did to treat him like a 'mother'.

God, my soul is prostrate on the ground, and I ask you: let a selfless and noble soul accomplish my unfinished mission as soon as possible.

Doll begs you to be quicker, faster. Because, I delayed for too long.

Once again, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to Master Sky for his concern for me, and Dora was fortunate to meet him......