ps: The male protagonist's angle

I dreamed again of the day she left, woke up with a slight light, poured a glass of boiled water, glanced at the calendar, and counted, there was still a whole month.

Sometimes I wonder if what Lu Mochuan said at the beginning was right. Not bothering may be the greatest tenderness. But I couldn't control myself, and I realized that I owed her so much in the beginning.

Not for atonement, but in the bottom of my heart, I really can't let go.

During that time, my grandfather was sick, and I originally thought it was just an excuse for the old man to trick me into going back to Beijing, but after I really went back, I realized that my grandfather's health was not as good as before.

In the early years of army life, she fell ill, and her health deteriorated, and even doctors said that it was still a question whether she could pass this dangerous period.

I never wanted to go through the life of my grandfather and dad. In my opinion, the outside world is always wonderful. But the moment I watched my grandfather fall, I suddenly felt that I owed my family too much for so many years.

I also learned this from her.

Grandpa said that the marriage with Professor Zhang must be done before he died. This sentence came from the mouth of an old man who was over eighty years old, and it was a word that made his children so embarrassed. I also understand that in this kind of family, marriage events have long been beyond my control.

This is also the reason why I have been hesitant to get closer to her during that time. If it were another girl, maybe I wouldn't have thought about it at all. But she was different, it was she who made me feel like I was shaking this idea.

I couldn't convince my family, and after struggling for about a week, my grandfather was admitted to the ICU again. My mother, who has never been willing to say a word to me, told me outside the ward, "Child, you are making your grandfather lose his trust, and he will not be blind to death."

I know that my grandfather's life is an upright life, and honor and dignity are more important to him than life.

I was embarrassed, facing the old man with tubes all over his body, there were some things that I couldn't say.

Originally, her game had time to drag on, and I pondered, wait a little longer, when grandpa can speak, I will use the identity of a man to talk to him well. Before, my identity was his grandson, so the conversation ended unhappily, and finally he was so angry that he entered the ICU again.

Zhang Xue also knows about this, but she understands what I mean, we are all smart people, and I don't want to talk nonsense.

But just after that game ended, the entertainment version covered his and her headlines. I looked anxious, but I couldn't leave the people. There must have been a problem with the way I handled it before, and if I couldn't solve it and go back later, I thought, I don't have the face to see her.

I called her, and I didn't call once, and my heart hung even more. Because in her voice, I could hear the thought of giving up.

A lot of words, I don't know where to start. Love at first sight is just a man's exclamation under hormonal stimulation, but we are different.

Our relationship is the foundation of many years.

I wondered, if I hadn't found that photo, would we be less entangled now?

No, that time when I was drunk, didn't she also kiss me secretly?

Chen Heng said that when I was special to her, I didn't care about it. I always felt that maybe as she said, we were good buddies and good friends. Across genders.

The appearance of Lu Mochuan made me negate this idea, and I saw my heart more and more clearly.

After seeing it clearly, there is a lot of fear and guilt.

The fear is that he is led by the nose by a woman, and he is getting deeper and deeper, refusing to turn back.

The guilt is that at first, she treated me wholeheartedly, and I never knew it.

I wondered, am I really qualified to struggle with this relationship again? Maybe not.

I also understand that now she is no longer the little girl who follows me, but an assertive and thoughtful woman.

In the first year she left, I had insomnia many nights when I missed her. I couldn't figure out why she didn't want to see me one last time, and I tried so hard to get back in the car, just to tell her that I was willing to give up everything and be with her.

Grandpa doesn't want it, parents don't want it, people's reputation doesn't need it, and material things don't need it. With her, there will be a home, and there will be our future.

But she was gone anyway, and without even looking at me for the last time, she left the city ruthlessly. Abandoned me.

The ticket can be changed, so in a hurry to go, is it because you don't want to give me one last chance?

This year, I blamed her.

In the first three months of hospitalization, the doctor seriously warned me that if I drank too much, I would not be able to save the king.

Why do you save me? It's better to die.

Acute gastric ulcer causes gastric perforation, and after perforation, a large amount of gastrointestinal fluid flows into the abdominal cavity, causing chemical peritonitis and toxic shock.

At that time, I really wanted to take a picture and send it to her, I let her see, I was really fucking going to die, I didn't believe it, you didn't come back to see me.

Yang Xiaofei, you know, every time I have abdominal pain, how much I miss your millet porridge. The servants have brought no less than fifty kinds of rice porridge, the imperial capital is so big, and the old man of the rice porridge in the big and small restaurants has also arranged it, but the taste is not right.

When Chen Heng came to see me, he told me with a smile that I had successfully lost weight.

Yes, I lost thirty pounds during that time.

Now that I think about it, it's just self-inflicted. I resent your departure, but I never had the courage to find you again. By the time I made up my mind to inquire about you, I could see you with a bright smile in the photo.

As you wished, you finally proved yourself.

At the beginning, I thought that Lu Mochuan's attitude towards you was just because of what happened to us back then. In my opinion, it makes no sense that he likes you, how well I know him, I know his aesthetics, I know his preferences, so in my opinion, you can't.

But in the past two years, he has frequently gone abroad, but he always meets you by chance, and I understand that his love for you is from the heart.

I know better than you how proud he is. At that time, he could choose to go abroad without hesitation and choose to put aside all relationships, which had already shown his determination. If it were me, at that age, I wouldn't have the courage after all.

We both understand each other's psychology, and when we met, he also warned me not to disturb you.

So I also began to hesitate, at this time, you are excellent, can you still accept a man who has failed you? Will my absence be the best protection for you?

I want to respect your choice, but I don't want to respect your choice.

Until one day, I saw you say your acceptance speech on the catwalk, and I finally knew that you want to let go of the past.

The two-year contract with my grandfather is still a month away, I thought you would never return to the city, I wanted to follow their wishes, be a groom without any emotions, but I didn't expect that you would come back.

You're back.

I thought you would never want to go back to this city with our shared memories, but I didn't expect you to come back.

The moment I watched you walk out of the airport with a small reputation on the international stage, I wanted to run over and hug you as soon as possible.

Watching you take his arm and walk into the restaurant, how I look forward to it, the person standing next to you is me.

Watching you stare at the wishing bottle on the tree in a daze, reason tells me, take a look and go. But my legs were out of control.

You must have remembered. Your three wishes.

You must have remembered. Christmas Eve that year.

But at this time, you, the person you are thinking, is it not me?

It is said that a man, if he can't give a woman happiness, should not disturb him in everything.

I am the man who once failed you, I am the man who once couldn't comfort you and promise you, I am the former good buddy in your eyes, I am the unspeakable secret in your heart, I know it.

However, if you have already let go of me and bother you again, it is not my sin.

Last night, I looked through your phone uncontrollably, and when that still was gone, I finally understood that you had let me go.

You're right, men should have men's responsibilities. Men should not just stay in love.

Men should have great ambitions and responsibilities for a family. I know I'm no longer qualified to love you.

I'm just sorry you said, I can't give you the wedding of having two golden retrievers as flower girls.

PS: Spoiler: The end is still a reunion.