I talked to my parents on the phone for two hours, and today's update may be going to be in the soup again.

I talked a lot about it openly, and I haven't had such an exchange for a long time. I hope you can also communicate with your parents more, because they will always be the most supportive of you. Even if you don't really understand your decision.

I'm in my third year of college and I'm faced with a decision about whether or not to go to graduate school. In fact, if you make up your mind, you should start preparing for your sophomore or even freshman year. It's just that I've been vaguely resistant.

Since I was a child, I have worked hard many times, the high school entrance examination, the college entrance examination, and I even pushed myself to death. I felt really weak at the time, but I told myself that I would die after the exam.

But those things weren't what I wanted to do, I just had to do them. Because you carry the expectations of your family, teachers, and even friends. There is also the idea of wanting to change his fate.

Although there are certainly middle school students among my friends who read my books, I still want to dispel your illusions: because when you go to college, you will find that your fate is actually in your own hands, and it is not decided by an admission letter.

What do you want to be?

If you have entered the profession you like, then I really congratulate you, I am happy for you, and I envy you. Because my situation is not so rosy.

I don't like it and try to learn, it's a kind of perseverance, and it's very admirable. But it is also a kind of courage to take control of your life and find the right direction again.

And the latter seems to be more difficult to get the support of those around them.

I calmed down when I was most confused and decided to try my hand at writing. Writing was something I started doing in junior high school, but at that time I was thinking too fast. I put aside the idea of writing fiction for a while and started writing essays, essays, and poetry.

I've never given up writing, and if I ever had a dream, it would have to be.

Before starting to write the book, Korean entertainment was just one of many alternative genres. If I just wanted to practice writing, I actually wanted to write a Harry Potter fandom.

Doujin is a good choice, and the character and background are ready-made. Perfect for novices on the road.

But I sat in front of my computer all night, looking at my music list, and thinking about my six or seven years. I suddenly realized that the biggest influence on me was actually Girlhood.

It's nine girls, and it's Yuna.

When I was in my junior year of high school, I listened to "One Day at a Time" the most, but the one that gave me the most motivation was "Indestructible".

It's because of you

I fell in love with myself all over again

Even nasty emotions

It's also reduced a lot

Those who know how to love will be stronger

Sometimes what's important is intangible

It is invisible to the eye

So I had to repeat it

What you can't touch always dissipates

So it has to be mixed with reality

Thank you for this fate

The boat sails out to sea

Nor will it succumb in the midst of a frenzied storm

Because that leads to something you've never seen before

Beautiful New World

……

I never felt that the words hard work and perseverance were so reassuring.

If you want to go to a world you've never seen before, you have to do something you've never done before. Hard work and then reap the rewards is simply the most reasonable explanation in the world!

I've never wanted to do anything that way, even when the outside world is so harsh. There are both internal and external troubles, and it is difficult to find a reason to persevere.

So really all that's left is the meaning of persistence.

Because this book is about myself.

The protagonist's inexplicable entanglements are undoubtedly a reflection of my heart. I hope that in the process of exploration, he will gradually realize his self-worth. In the process of creation, I also completed the reflection on the first 20 years of my life.

Give yourself a satisfactory answer, and if you can succeed, of course, it will be better.

So I can't dismiss this book, even if it's just for a short time. I was so clear about my inner will, but if I did choose to compromise in the end, it would be meaningless to write it down.

The mental state I am in now is obviously not what I should have when preparing for graduate school entrance examinations. And if I make up my mind to go to graduate school, I will inevitably put writing on the back burner.

I had to convince myself that I was ignoring what writing meant to me. In that way, you can devote all your energy to the graduate school entrance examination, and then squeeze out your own potential again.

Then, regardless of whether my graduate school entrance examination results are successful or not, the book is completely over.

I can no longer relate to the protagonist and understand what he is after. Because I was at the most critical juncture, I chose another path. I obeyed the wishes of those around me, but betrayed my own heart.

If betraying others is for oneself, then what is the purpose of betraying oneself?

A person who has betrayed his heart, although he is alive and well on the surface, is not actually dead?

I don't know if I'm right or not, maybe it's just a fallacy.

But it's not a sin, it's more like an awakening.

Writing made me feel happy and fulfilled, and for the first time in my 20 years of life, I had a direction I wanted to work towards. I don't think I can miss this kind of stability and satisfaction in my heart.

At the end of the call, I plucked up the courage and told my parents that I didn't want to go to graduate school. This decision may have been selfish, and probably broke my mother's heart. But luckily my dad was very supportive, saying that having a goal is more important than anything else.

It may not work out in the end, but I made up my mind.