Comrade Jia Yuhao:

The day before yesterday, I went to the political office to get a copy of your certificate of sacrifice in the line of duty, and I was in a semi-comatose state at that stage, and in me: you are gone, and everything else is meaningless. Pen ~ Fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info I even feel that your academics, your profession, your thoughts and achievements have become meaningless, not to mention some things outside your body. But your father was sober, and he took the certificate and didn't even tell me a word.

When I got the certificate, I found out that he actually took the certificate and hid it in less than a month after you left, and the procedures for receiving the pension were completed at that time, and then you were still robbing me of child support when you left for two months. It's so admirable!

In addition to sadness, it is to give birth to a lot of contempt! Don't say that I don't expect anything to be exchanged for your departure at all, I can't bear it. What do I want, where is your father's opponent in my mind? and my heart is already dead, and everything has become dung to me. Why did they do that? Wouldn't he feel a little guilty compared to my integrity?

Yes, he gave birth to you and raised you. He deserves the benefits he deserves, but why should he do such a serious thing? I said I would fulfill his wishes. If you compare with him, then I have suffered with you for more than ten years? How will I live the rest of my life? Before the child grows up, who will take care of me and compensate me? Who can help me raise the child in the slightest?

I am alone in this foreign land, you let go of it, it is inevitable to take this step, how you complain and blame me have already decided, I can't live up to my parents and children in order to guard your empty shadow, and even more so to live up to myself. I have a clear conscience with you, how have I lived those difficult days with you wholeheartedly for so many years? How have I been filial to your unreasonable and unruly parents as parents? You know!

Now, under the repeated urging of my mother and Doudou, and with the encouragement and persuasion of everyone, I finally made up my mind to take this step, but you still come to blame me? If you know that my elderly mother worries about my situation and can't sleep every night for my life, if you can know that my parents have one percent of their heartache, you should not blame me.

You said that if someone is good to me, you will let go, but now you have let go, and there are people who want to be good to me, and you are like this?

In the early hours of the morning, your clear face appeared in front of you, and you said, "I have already arranged it for you at home, and you are still tossing around!" Then one hand took my hand and woke me up from a nightmare. You came back and told me when you left: I've arranged everything for you. The question is what have you arranged for me? Where are you in the long night, when I wake up alone until dawn, when I can't stop crying? Where are you when I can't control my pain and tear my heart out? When the child asks me, "Mom, when will we not be alone?" Where are you? When the child alone says, "When will the fatherly love I longed for come again?" These are all heart-wrenching pains to me! You know?

Not to mention that your family ignores the children, and how they calculated us when I was most hurt and lifeless, and what kind of damage your departure caused to my life, just talk about the fact that now, the children are growing up day by day, and they are about to take the high school entrance examination to live in school, and you say that I go home every day alone to face a big and lifeless house, what should I do? Are you willing to watch me decadent day by day, languishing day by day, and consuming this life day by day? You are not so ruthless, right? Not to mention your previous promise, even if you see me finally getting better now, and want to live the rest of my life well, you should also bless me, right? Do you feel that you have value when you watch me go to work every day and cry behind closed doors? Is it meaningful? If so, I am even more determined to move forward, because even you are as selfish and ruthless as your family.

I also know your grievances and God's injustice to you, so many years of your conscientious, diligent efforts and achievements have been taken away in an instant, every time I think of your ambition is unpaid, my pain is far heavier than losing you, I should understand the pity and distress in my heart for you. If possible, how I wish I could replace you! I have always thought and said this, the heavens have God to learn from, and I am willing to replace you! But God may think that I am too ordinary and inactive and unwilling to invite me to go, and take you away early, but I am so powerless in all this, I have always said: If you give me one ten-thousandth of the room for maneuver, I must have tried my best and tried my best, but you did not give me even the slightest room for the light of the fireflies! After you left, I was tolerant of all people and things, although it will be uncomfortable to say, but I don't care anymore, without you, there is no point in worrying. Maybe people think I'm stupid and think I'm a bully, but how do they know that I'm desperate?!

If you have a spirit, you should also sense how I escaped death and how I came here in the past few years. You should feel sorry for me, not blame, and you shouldn't scare me with nightmares. Do you know my temper, I was intimidated by you in this way? I remember your goodness, but it can't accompany me through my life, my body and mind need someone to take care of and cherish, my life is not easy to be a person, should I make this rare life happy and make a difference?

You see me getting better slowly, you should be relieved, you should be relieved, it is our feelings, it is your love that makes me not lose confidence in life, and I hope that the rest of my days will be happy with my kindness and wisdom. You should bless me!

Don't blame me anymore, don't try to intimidate me anymore, I'm not even afraid of death, what am I afraid of? You should know this.

If you still have an unbreakable love, please help me open Doudou's wisdom and make her life happy and smooth.

XW

2013、11、13