Chapter 275: Emotional Loss

1.

On the weekend, Sun Xiaofei made an exception and did not go home.

It was almost noon, Sun Xiaofei stayed quietly in the dormitory alone, sorting out her chaotic thoughts. In recent days, because of Xu Dan's strong invasion, Sun Xiaofei has fallen into the pain of a love that is almost desperate.

Sun Xiaofei doesn't know whether her "love" should be called "love", because the protagonist of the story is always Sun Xiaofei herself, she is alone in love, alone in waiting, and alone in enduring. For example, now, Sun Xiaofei has to endure Xu Dan's figure appearing in the dormitory of Spring again and again, endure Xu Dan's company by Spring's side, endure the discussions and blessings of the teachers around her about Spring and Xu Dan's love and marriage, and endure the torture of her relationship with Spring from time to time, and endure Spring's indifference and ignorance of her. Sun Xiaofei gritted her teeth and could bear these. What Sun Xiaofei can't bear the most is the kind of waiting that can't see any hope, the pain of "can't ask for it, and can't be convinced". For many quiet nights, lying in the cold quilt, secretly thinking about spring alone, this has become the most secret happiness in Sun Xiaofei's heart. In many dreams, the handsome and upright figure of spring that quietly appeared would make Sun Xiaofei indulge in dreams and reluctant to wake up, because only in this way could Sun Xiaofei secretly indulge herself, arbitrarily possess and enjoy the illusory watery tenderness.

Everyone wants to have a love that lasts forever, a simple and happy love, and Sun Xiaofei is no exception. But the reality is always so cruel and helpless, Sun Xiaofei can really feel that there is no intimacy and joy in her "love", but the distance between herself and the person she loves, not in space, but in the soul. This feeling of remoteness often makes Sun Xiaofei, who is lost in the abyss of feelings, shudder.

As a result, the sadness of love seems to be lingering in Sun Xiaofei's heart, lingering...

2.

Now, Sun Xiaofei is more and more afraid of seeing spring, and the regular meetings of the school Youth League Committee are often absent for some reason, and the content of the meeting and work arrangements are conveyed through Wu Xiaodai. Thinking is a pain, love is a kind of suffering, what is it like to want to see but dare not see?

Acacia has lingered in the bones, making people eclipsed, but what is the taste of "not daring to be lovesick"?

This kind of pain that makes people scratch their ears and cheeks, want to break their liver and intestines, tear their hearts and lungs and can't stop, Sun Xiaofei experiences it every day, and suffers in it every day.

When there is no class, Sun Xiaofei often sneaks back to the dormitory alone, lies lazily on the bed, closes her eyes, and counts every day she has walked with spring in the past three years in her heart, savoring the rare sweetness and warmth.

However, after every time the sweetness of the memories passes, Sun Xiaofei will feel heartache! And this kind of pain, Sun Xiaofei doesn't know when it will be an end! This kind of faint pain in her heart reminds Sun Xiaofei from time to time that "love" has not gone far, it has always occupied her body, soul and entire youth.

What should I do? What should I do? Flee from love or have the courage to pursue it? But every time I think of my broken body, Sun Xiaofei doesn't know where to go, and the confidence and longing for love are gone. can't leave his best things to the people he loves the most, this has become an eternal pain in Sun Xiaofei's heart!

Our lives are often spent in such contradictions and entanglements. For Sun Xiaofei, love is not an intimate game that depends on each other, maybe it is the kind of pain that makes people worry but have to leave.

Although she knew that this "love" must be an endless sorrow, Sun Xiaofei didn't know how to take back her heart, and the hands full of thirst stretched out never got a response from love.

3.

"Spring heart is not a common flower, an inch of acacia and an inch of gray", Sun Xiaofei hung such a word on the head of her bed. The calligraphy that is full of smart charm like flowing clouds and flowing water is from the hands of spring.

This painting was written on New Year's Day in 1995, when Sun Xiaofei and Spring were preparing for the "New Year's Day Party" together. Sun Xiaofei originally wanted to use these two lines of Li Shangyin's poems to express her heart, so that Spring could understand her lovesickness for him. However, Spring didn't know whether he was deliberately pretending to be stupid or really didn't understand, so he picked up the brush without saying a word and waved it on the white rice paper, threw the brush on the table and turned away, leaving Sun Xiaofei, who was demented and had a stomach to say. This incident made Sun Xiaofei's heart ache for many days.

Now, looking at the words hanging on the head of the bed, Sun Xiaofei once again burst into tears. "An inch of acacia and an inch of ashes", even if every inch of his acacia is turned into ashes, who knows?

If, it is not you Sun Xiaofei who stands by the side of Spring in the end, if, after going through ups and downs, you will eventually separate, if, at the end of the story, there are other people around you. So, where will you store your wandering soul? Do you still cling to your love? In the dead of night, Sun Xiaofei often asks herself this question, painstakingly asking questions that may never be answered.

Thoughts overflow the sea of memory, and the love of a lifetime wanders in the dream-like years. Some love, destined to be flashy in a dream, turn into dust, once persistent love, sooner or later scattered to the end of the world, heart, but unwilling to leave. The cruelty of reality may eventually make Sun Xiaofei's carefully cared for love drift away in the wind...

A lovesickness turns into tears, and at that time, will there be anyone standing in the old time, staring at the eyebrows, and being a speck of dust in that humble love?

Sun Xiaofei couldn't find an answer.

4.

Since a relationship cannot be cultivated to achieve positive results, should it not give the other party a deep blessing? The sacredness of love lies in taking refuge in the happiness of the other party at all times. If there is pain, keep it to yourself. Sun Xiaofei suddenly felt that she should tell Spring something in another form, and then slowly put away all her affection, looking forward to meeting this beloved man again in the next life.

Turning over and getting up, Sun Xiaofei reached out and pushed open the window of the dormitory.

Outside the window, the sun is shining, just like the bright smiling face in spring.

Sun Xiaofei was stunned again, and she suddenly felt that the light of love shone in her heart again.

Yes, even if there is no you in my world in the end, I will never give up paying attention to you, I will always wait for our end, until the end of my life, to the end! Standing quietly by the window, facing the fine sunlight under the shade of the tung tree outside the window, Sun Xiaofei muttered to herself.