Comrade Jia Yuhao:

These days, I went to Peking University to study for a week, and then went back to my hometown.

You say, I can't forget you in my life, I can't forget the sun and moon we walked together, what should I do?

In the past seven or eight years, I have also tried my best to get out of the past, but the engraving of the years has already carved every cell that I miss you, and every unintentional vicissitudes of life is the mark of I miss you.

I haven't had any real happiness since you left, and I know I won't have it again in this life—I know that very well.

No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing or thinking, I'm thinking about you, and as the years go by, I think I'm going to slowly fade away from this thought, but no. I know I can't!

Whether I was deliberately angry with you at the time or later wanted to find someone to accompany me in order to get rid of loneliness, I knew that all this would not go against my true heart and weaken the slightest bit that I missed you.

When I saw your shadow in a trance at my second uncle's house on the way back, or in my mother's new home, the scene was completely different, but you still couldn't get out of my thoughts, and I still thought from time to time: What would happen if you were there?

When I went to the parent-teacher conference for my child that day, I was also thinking about you silently - if you were here, what would our child look like? With your education, your role model and your care, she must have better grades and more space than she does now, right?

I often think that this life is not a process, as long as the child can live happily, what will happen if there is nothing? Don't you also graduate with a doctorate? So what?

No one can resist this thing.

Peking University used to be such an unreachable place, and I was fortunate enough to attend a lecture from the professors of Peking University for a week, which made me feel that there was nothing wrong with having a lofty mind.

My parents are healthy, and I don't have too many worries and worries in my heart.

There's someone who accompanied me back, as you know.

Without you, in this life, no one will be able to enter my heart again, just a secular companionship, and I don't force it, this person will no longer be as indispensable as you, just a Zhang San Li Si.

Walking on the road of growing old, the years have already carved a fatal wound in my life, and it will follow me for the rest of my life until the end of this life.

I miss you so much these days, I can't stop crying.

You also often fall into dreams, but they are all trivial and trivial daily life, and they are no longer clearly awakened.

The child is going to take the college entrance examination next year, I think it should be very suitable for her character to go to the military school, what do you say? In this way, your sacrifice can be regarded as sheltering the child, otherwise you will sacrifice in vain, and I and the child are only suffering, if you can successfully go to the military school because of your sacrifice, it can be regarded as the last dedication of your life as a father.

Alas! Every time I see my unconscious vicissitudes of sadness, I know that it is a lovesickness that I can't get rid of! I miss your goodness, I miss every good moment we have spent, I miss the days when we loved each other selflessly and deeply, and I miss your dependence and reluctance on me...... You have taken away the love and joy of my life.

Elm Bay is still there, and those old elm trees are still standing in the cold wind, do you remember?

This world will always be an individual survival, no matter your biological parents or children, they can't enter your joys, sorrows, sorrows, and sorrows, your joy can only be borne by yourself, don't expect anyone to understand that you can help you, everything is only carried by yourself.

Completing the old-age care of my parents and the raising of my children, even if I complete the responsibilities and obligations of this life, maybe one day, I will quietly stay away from the crowd and the world and find a quiet place to face the Green Lantern Ancient Buddha, no longer think of you so much, no longer trapped in the world and unable to extricate myself, and abandon all hardships and joys, just like you abandoned me.

Jia Yu, do you know? I miss you! I miss you and I am bored, I miss you and my liver and intestines are broken!

Do you miss me?

What have we done to make us so deeply loved and separated by yin and yang?

I miss you!!!!!!!

XW

November 16, 2017