It was a painful time in a psychiatric hospital. Every day after taking medicine, I have to sneak into the bathroom and poke my throat with my index finger to make myself vomit. At that time, I often had nightmares, dreaming that I had really become a psychopath, and I was tied up by them and lying on the bed unable to move. They were forced into a corner and electrocuted with electric batons. I yelled that I wasn't insane, and they injected me with a tranquilizer and fell into a deep sleep. Every time I woke up, my hand was wet. At this point, I'm really scared. I was afraid that I would suddenly die one day, or that one day I would be really overwhelmed and crazy, or that I would be controlled by drugs, stupid, stupid, hollow-eyed, and with a low IQ. I'm only eighteen years old, and if I were to spend the rest of my life here, I wouldn't be reconciled.

Every day, when I am let out, I pay attention to where it is easier to escape. When the doctor examines me, he pays attention to which doctor has the highest authority. It's just that I observed for half a year, and I didn't find an exit. I know my power is small, but as long as I don't give up on myself, no one can give up on me. Just a doctor, I know one. His name is Gaoshang, and he looks very noble when he hears his name. In the conversation of the nurses, he seems to be the second or third in command in the hospital. It's just that I don't see him very often, and to this day, I don't know what he looks like. I just know that he is about 1.8 meters tall, because he is always surrounded by a group of people, and he is the most fierce there.

As the days went by, I became more and more afraid. Yesterday my neighbor's bed was so manic that I was electrocuted by a few people, and I don't know if it was because the electricity was too hard or if he should have died, and he died this morning. Because he is mentally ill, there are not many friends and relatives who come to visit the mentally ill. My next bed was a girl in her thirties, who died quietly, without a husband and no children. As the paramedics pulled her away, I suddenly remembered what she had said a few days ago, "I don't want to stay here at all, but my husband won't pick me up, and my son won't call me mommy." I'm dead, maybe it's a relief for them. With that, she laughed like crazy. I was too scared to come near her, and it would be even more wrongful if her mania came up and beat me half to death. Even though I would love to give her a hug and comfort her. But now, I'm so selfish that I just want to save myself. I know, I've changed a bit. I have become more self-conscious, and I can't say I hate or like this change.

I looked at the empty bed next to me, and soon another new patient would come in. I don't know how the psychiatric hospital determines the recovery of patients, and every time I tell people that I'm not sick, no one believes me. Since I don't have any relatives, the chances of being discharged from the hospital are even slimmer.

Later, I slowly learned to survive in this mental hospital. Cut off your long-lasting hair with a pair of scissors. This time, it's not for love, it's just that I'm afraid that I won't be able to pull my hair when other neuropathy occurs. But after a year of devastation, I've become a little sluggish and lethargic. I know it's because I haven't been able to spit out pills before. I can't stay any longer, and one day I'll really become insane.

I had to take a gamble. That's the time pattern that I have figured out after two years, and since I knew that Gao Shang was a high-level hospital, I began to explore his work rules and his habitual movements. Now put him around the corner, and I can recognize him just by his back.

I sneaked up on the roof, maybe someone cared about my death, or maybe not. If not, I'll creep down on my own, because you're a psychopath, and no one will condemn a neurotic. Seeing more and more people gathering downstairs, there was even an air cushion prepared for me. The reason why I chose the roof is also because the wind is strong and vast, and it is possible to speak loudly and not be able to hear clearly. What's more, everyone avoids it, after all, I'm a psychopath, and if I'm unhappy, I will go down with them. If the person who comes to do the psychological guidance is high, then we can also have an open and private conversation.

I don't know if it's useful, but I know I'll be passing by this building today. I just hope that he can go to the clinic for me, and if he can't go up to the roof to persuade me to go down. Maybe it was really good luck that Gao Shang actually went to the top of the building to talk to me.

I watched him slowly walk towards me, and tears suddenly came out. Over the years, my tears have become less and less, and when I think back to my fear of the psychiatric hospital and the countless dark nights I have tossed and turned, I have squeezed out tears to win the sympathy of others. Now he's only three steps away from me.

"Will you listen to me?" I continued, without listening to him.

"Actually, I'm not insane. ”

"Every patient doesn't feel sick. ”

"But I think you'll believe that I'm not sick. "I kept the tears from coming out of my eyes, hoping that I would look pitiful at the moment.

I looked down and deliberately pretended to be ready to die, "Do you think you're going to fall to death at this height?" ”

"If you happen to fall outside of the air cushion, you should die. ”

"Let's make a bet that if I win, you'll help me get out of the hospital. I bet I know you better than you do. ”

Gao Shang smiled indifferently, and he didn't look interested.

"You like to slap your thigh with a folder, your pen is always in your left pocket but you're not left-handed, you like to look at the sky for a long time, you will be in a daze, occasionally eat lollipops, but always hide and eat alone. And..."

"Looks like you've been watching me for a long time?"

"It's been a long time, two years, do you think it's been a long time? I observe that you are indeed utilitarian, so I do not deny that I want to use your position and power to send me out of the hospital. ”

"You also know that there is a procedure for discharge. One step at a time. "The posture of looking at me from above, waiting for me to answer.

"I'm sure you know I'm not sick. I also know that you have a way to go through the procedure. As long as you are willing to help, this is indeed within your reach. ”

"And what if I don't want to help?"

"I can be your lover, the kind that is well-behaved, obedient, doesn't want money, and doesn't destroy your family. "I know I don't have the capital to let him help me, and all I have is this fairly young body.

"You think too much of yourself, don't you? He looked at me sarcastically, but didn't walk away.

"It's not that I can afford to look down on myself. I was sexually assaulted by Li Chungen, and I came to a mental hospital even though I reported it to the police. It proves that Li Chungen is also a person in a high position. What kind of girl is a man like him looking for? However, before he sexually assaulted me, he was kind and friendly to my grandmother, and it would not be too much to say that he had coveted me for a long time. I still don't think I'm attractive. ”

I can't figure it out Li Chungen, when my grandmother was there, he often helped my grandmother measure her blood pressure and help our family find a sewer worker to open the toilet. Sometimes some seafood is delivered. Li Chungen has a wife and children, and his wife is also very beautiful. Because of my grandfather, my grandmother and I lived in a family home for retired cadres. But then many people moved away, because the family home is very old and a little old, and it is a large two-bedroom and one-living room structure, but our house has an extra yard on the first floor. So it is not unusual for Li Chungen to be a cadre, because he has always been approachable, thinking that he is a section chief. At that time, I thought he was a Valjean character, unassuming but kind-hearted. After all, his hypocrite's face was taken off after five or six years. As soon as my grandmother passed away, he couldn't wait to come to my house with the tools of the crime, and it shouldn't be a day or two for him to think about me. I just can't figure out what I have about him who can get the case out so much.

"I'll help you get out of the hospital, although I don't know where you're attractive right now. ”

Gao Shang held my hand, took me over, picked me up, and when he walked to the staircase of the rooftop, he used a small and small way to make the crowd of onlookers who had been watching from a distance just now say, "You are not very stable now, I will take you to be diagnosed again." ”

I deliberately kept the distance between the patient and the doctor, and nodded in confusion and sluggishness. I won the bet.