"My family introduced me to two people, and they both felt very good, and they got along well, and they both took a fancy to me. The first one, the person is very beautiful, and the figure is also very good, quite sticky to me, but a little squeamish, not very good at housework. The second one, the person is also good-looking, a small jasper type, very virtuous, and very attentive to me.

\tI feel very distressed now, and I don't know what to do, so I came here for help...... Teacher Ding, according to the situation I just introduced, in your opinion, which one is more appropriate?" The speaker was a twenty-six-year-old man named Shen Hang, who was quite handsome, with his back against the sofa and his right hand on the armrest, his right leg resting on his left leg, and he was smiling when he asked.

In the psychological counseling room, Ding Qi sat on Shen Hang's right side, paying attention to the other party's speech and reaction. Judging from the problem told by this help-seeker, it is a typical "double avoidance psychological conflict".

\tHuman actions usually have a purpose, and people often want to achieve not one but many, and there are often contradictions and conflicts between these motives.

\tIf there are two equally attractive goals, but only one of them can be achieved, this is called a twink-trend conflict. If you want to avoid both targets, but you can only choose to avoid one of them, it is called a double avoidance conflict. If there are multiple goals at the same time, all of them have advantages and disadvantages, and there are gains and losses in making decisions, it is a double avoidance conflict.

This kind of problem is very easy to understand, and almost ordinary people will encounter it, and Ding Qi understands it as soon as he hears it. But he asked rhetorically from another angle: "Mr. Shen, you said that you don't know what choice to make, and you feel very distressed. But as you say that, I notice that you don't react in distress. It's a bit of a contradiction, can you tell me what's going on?"

Shen Hang was stunned, frowned slightly, and said, "Teacher Ding, do you mean that I was lying just now?"

"No, I'm sure what you're saying is true," Tintzi explained. But when you say you're distressed about it, I don't realize that you're really distressed. It's a bit weird, can you analyze it yourself?"

Psychologists, of course, need to be observant. Sometimes some people disguise or disguise their expressions, so that they do not match their real emotional state. In this case, two phenomena can be observed, one is whether there is a contradiction between facial expression and gaze, or whether there is a contradiction between expression and body posture, and the other is to observe whether there is an "expression delay".

\tThe so-called expression delay means that the expression response is slower than normal. For example, a wide open mouth and raised eyebrows indicate surprise, usually at the same time as the object that caused the surprise is perceived. If you think about it a little bit, you think you "should" be surprised, and then react with surprise, you will be a little slower.

This is often just a momentary delay that is not easy to observe, but can be detected by a trained psychologist.

The young man in front of him was good, his expression was not disguised, it was a normal reaction, he looked very cheerful, obviously proud, but he was telling that he was very distressed. If you are a person with schizophrenia, this is a "mood reversal" disorder. But this young man is clearly not a patient, so there is only one other possibility for the answer - he is duplicitous.

The counselor must listen attentively, accept and empathize with the other person, but it is not what the client says. If it is only analyzed according to the other party's self-report, this is a double avoidance psychological conflict, and then the conflict is resolved, but in fact, the real problem of the help-seeker is not here, then the counseling will not be effective at all.

\tDuplicity, Ding Qi has seen a lot.

Shen Hang finished for a while, and changed the topic: "Teacher, I came to you for help, in fact, I want you to help me analyze and analyze, which one is the best choice? You are professional, you must be very discerning, I believe in your vision!"

Ding Qi smiled, the help-seeker was avoiding the question just now, and he didn't intend to force the other party to admit it, as long as the other party realized it, he replied with a smile: "Mr. Shen, I think you still have some misunderstandings about psychological counseling. We don't solve specific problems in reality for the person seeking help, and it is impossible to make this choice directly for you. ”

Shen Hang was a little dissatisfied: "Then what can you do?"

"We can only help you solve your own psychological problems, such as if you feel distressed and anxious, which affects your work and life, and we will help you analyze the causes of distress and anxiety and find ways to alleviate and eliminate it," Ding Qi patiently explained. So I want you to tell me, is there anything you can do to help you?"

\t Shen Hang waved his left hand, sighed a little exaggeratedly, and said: "Alas, this kind of problem can indeed only be solved by yourself, and others can't help!

Ding Qi still smiled: "You are not sick, this is the normal emotional reaction of normal people, everyone will encounter problems that distress them, and they will have inner conflicts, but they are mentally normal." ”

Ding Qi had already seen that Shen Hang was not expressing distress, but with a show-off mood, wanting to prove his superiority and obtain some kind of satisfaction. From the perspective of an ordinary person, he may be scolded for saying "sick in the brain", but from the perspective of a psychiatrist or psychiatrist, he is indeed not sick.

\tShen Hang took care of himself and continued: "Actually, I also thought about it, so I was with two people at the same time...... Do you think my mind is unhealthy?"

Ding Qi replied in a measured manner: "Mental health from a professional perspective is not the same thing as the so-called mental health of ordinary people. The problems to be solved by psychological counseling are only aimed at the psychological state. If you have any inner conflicts or anxieties, you can tell me truthfully. Rest assured that our talks are confidential. ”

Counseling is not a social conversation, it is not a comforting and enlightening thing, and it is not an ideological education. What ordinary people say about whether their minds are healthy or not is not healthy is not the same thing as whether there is a problem of psychological existence in the eyes of counselors. Counselors adhere to the principle of value neutrality and do not impose their own values on the head of the client, but on the other hand, they should also pay attention to their own guiding position.

For example, if Shen Hang said the idea of two objects working together, Ding Qi would not directly make a positive or negative evaluation, and he would not show any support and approval.

\tThe counselor does not solve the real problems in the client's life, and will not provide the answer of choosing one or two, let alone the answer of both. If the help-seeker does make a certain choice, but turns around and claims that it is the counselor's advice, and the dissatisfied person comes to the door to ask for an explanation, then the fun will be great.

Seeing Ding Qi's reaction, Shen Hang said again: "I was just joking just now, don't take it seriously." If there is any trouble, I am afraid it is the trouble of love!"

Ding Qi immediately prompted: "This doesn't seem to be a problem of love, judging from your statement, it should not have fully entered the stage of love from a psychological point of view, but a problem of self-centered rational choice." ”

\tShen Hang immediately came to his senses, bowed his body and said: "Oh, teacher, can you tell me what love is?

Ding Qi smiled bitterly: "I am not a thinker and a writer, I can't define love, and it is difficult for psychologists to define love." At the end of the last century, academic experts in various fields in the world had a big discussion about what love is, and in the end there was no definite conclusion. Although we cannot give a clear definition of it, there are several characteristics that can be summarized from a psychological perspective......

From what you said, I have not observed any of these characteristics, neither passionate nor partnering. The mutual attachment of emotional involvement, the altruistic motivation to please the other person, the high dependence on intimacy, the three dimensions of psychology about the characteristics of love, are not expressed enough in your relationship with these two objects.

Maybe your relationship with any of them hasn't developed to this stage. So it's not a matter of love, or whether you choose feelings or reality. In fact, it doesn't matter much, many people have not gone through this stage and still established a socially recognized marriage and love relationship, which is still a matter of personal choice.

So the focus of our discussion today is not the problems caused by love, but your personal understanding of 'choice'. ”

Shen Hang was a little stunned, as if he had vaguely realized something, leaned forward and said, "Teacher, then in your opinion, what can be wrong with a person like me?"

At first, he didn't really come to ask for help, and there was no psychological conflict as he was talking about, but the initial purpose was just to prove that he was superior and to get satisfaction from the ostentatious storytelling. Even if someone criticizes him for his flowery heart, he will also get satisfaction, because this kind of evaluation is not a real negative for him.

\tFor such help-seekers, if the counselor sees it, he often does not have expectations for the goal of the consultation, and it is enough to meet the other party's request for counseling. But since the other party was already sitting in front of him, Ding Qi was still very conscientious, and asked a little abruptly: "Mr. Shen, where do you usually have lunch on weekdays, and how do you eat lunch?"

Shen Hang was stunned, and replied a little strangely: "Our company is not big, there is no staff canteen, and lunch is generally take-out." ”

"How do you order food every day, how long does it take, and you're generally not satisfied with your lunch?"

Although Shen Hang didn't know why, he still replied: "I usually listen to what my colleagues recommend, or ask others what is delicious, as for being dissatisfied, I can't talk about it, so it's just like that." ”

\t Ding Qi changed his words again: "Who should these two objects choose, have you asked your parents?"

Shen Hang said in a slightly reproachful tone: "Of course I asked! But they said it was okay, it depends on my own meaning, otherwise how could I be so troublesome?"

\tTin Qi finally got the point out. This young man does have some problems, which can be summed up as "choice dependence" or "external blame", although it is not a personality disorder, but his personality is also flawed.

There are many things in life that need to be chosen, and each choice has its pros and cons, and there is a possibility of mistakes, so the choice is also responsible. As a result, some people avoid making their own choices, and thus subconsciously feel that they do not have to take certain responsibilities.

\tThere are similarities between "choosing dependence" and "choosing difficulty", but there are also differences, mainly because of whether you want to take responsibility or not, and whether you pursue a sense of security or superiority without responsibility. Blame is not attribution, and when the choice has consequences, such people tend to attribute the positive side to their own factors and the negative side to the factors of others.

There are many things that have to be chosen, such as the question of eating rice or noodles, starving if you don't eat, and starving to death if you don't eat all the time. But there are many ways to choose, and relying on others is also a way, which reflects everyone's inner tendencies and behavioral habits.

It's not simply a question of independence, strength or weakness, but rather stubbornness and self-awareness.

So Shen Hang's psychology is contradictory, he thinks that he has outstanding conditions, and he can have multiple choices at the same time that are enough to be envied by ordinary people, from which he can be satisfied and self-affirmed. But on the other hand, he doesn't want to take responsibility for his choice. So his real inner conflict is not which of the two objects is better, but that he himself has a problem.

At this stage, it is time to negotiate a consultation plan and determine specific consulting goals. Ding Qi pointed out Shen Hang's problem, analyzed it very clearly and carefully, and finally said: "Let's first determine a small goal and formulate an acceptable plan. To adjust your daily behavior from the perspective of self-knowledge, and then adjust your thinking habits, you start by ordering takeout at noon every day...... Okay, okay?"

Before pushing the door and leaving, Shen Hang suddenly turned around and said, "Teacher Ding, I admire you very much, I really want to make a friend, if you have any questions, I can ask you for advice, can you leave a contact information?"

Ding Qi replied mildly but resolutely: "This violates our professional regulations, does not meet the requirements of the job, and is not good for the psychological counseling itself." If you have counseling needs and it is not convenient to be there in person, you can also make an appointment for telephone consultation or online consultation through the mental health center, but the effect is better to come to the person for consultation. ”

\tThe counselor and the client do not have a real-life relationship outside the counseling room, otherwise they will deviate from their professional identity. Shen Hang was clearly stipulated, and there was a reminder before the consultation meeting began, but he still put forward this additional request, trying to give it a try, which can also see his psychological habits.

This is not uncommon, and the reasons are varied. As for Shen Hang, he obviously also has dependent expectations for Ding Qi, hoping that Ding Qi can take more responsibility for himself outside the consultation room. After spending 600 yuan and conducting a psychological consultation, it is unrealistic to solve the puzzle of life, and no expert can do it.

\tThis is exactly the mentality that Shen Hang needs to change, Ding Qi has provided a specific plan, but he still needs to solve it himself after Shen Hang goes back. And Ding Qi had a feeling that after clearly rejecting Shen Hang's request, no matter what the consultation effect was, Shen Hang would not come to him again.

In fact, after every psychological consultation, Ding Qi will have a judgment, that is, will the person who asks for help come again, and this judgment is almost 100% accurate!

When Shen Hang walked out of the mental health center, he looked up at the oblique sunlight at half past five in the afternoon, and felt a little dazzling. Before he walked into the counseling room, he didn't expect such a result.

\t It was a question of who the two subjects should choose, but they came back with a homework, and every day at noon, they completed the takeout order independently, and made notes in the process, analyzing their feelings and thoughts......

It was already time to get off work, but Tintze didn't leave, he went to the office upstairs. The consultation room is not an office, he has a desk and a filing cabinet in the psychiatric department. Ding Qi sat at his desk and was thinking about doing a psychiatric evaluation for Tian Qi, and the result was this afternoon.

In another room in the same building, Professor Liu Feng signed his name with a solemn face. His handwriting at this time was very neat, writing stroke by stroke, each stroke was very attentive and serious, not scribbled at all, and it was not the same as the usual circle and signature on office documents.

One of the three original appraisers, Ding Qi, who had the least seniority, was replaced. In fact, according to the regulations, two appraisers can also complete the appraisal procedure, but the relevant leaders attach great importance to this case, and Liu Feng's "decision" to remove Ding Qi is also due to his lack of qualifications and work experience, so the three appraisers still complete the appraisal together.

\tSo in this field, who has the most qualifications and authority, of course, is Liu Feng. Even if Liu Feng himself does not want to be on it, the relevant leaders will let him go, the potential impact of this case may be very large, and the appraisal must have absolute authority, and it is best to be presided over by Liu Feng, a great expert, so as to minimize criticism.

As Ding Qi had expected, the identification itself was not complicated, and the results had already come out: the suspect Tian Qi suffered from a delusional mental disorder, had no self-awareness at the time of the crime, could not recognize and control his own behavior, and was incapable of criminal responsibility. In view of the great social harm and the serious consequences that have been caused, compulsory treatment should be accepted.

Maybe the latter sentence is the point, Liu Feng not only gave an appraisal conclusion, but also put forward a very clear opinion to the judge. Instead of the common "potentially harmful to society", it is "extremely harmful to society", and it is not "it is recommended to receive compulsory treatment" in most cases, but directly writes "should receive compulsory treatment".

The so-called compulsory treatment, according to the understanding of most ordinary people, is compulsory imprisonment in a psychiatric hospital. Within the scope of the appraiser's duties, there is only so much Liu Feng can do.

\tThe conclusion is very clear, it seems that Tian Qi will escape criminal punishment again this time, Lu Che, who was sitting on Liu Feng's left side, felt that the air was a little stuffy, and he felt that he couldn't breathe, as if something was holding in his heart and made him very angry, but he had no way to vent on this occasion.

Lu Che is not an expert from the academy, he graduated from the police academy 30 years ago with a technical secondary school degree and joined the public security police force. He first started as a criminal policeman, studied on-the-job adult education, successively obtained a college degree and a bachelor's degree, and later received public training, became a forensic doctor 20 years ago, obtained the qualification of a forensic expert five years ago, and just turned 50 years old this year.

Lu Che has been a veteran criminal investigator for 30 years, and has spent almost half his life dealing with criminal cases, solving cases, arresting criminals, and receiving many awards for meritorious service. In his early years, he had a hot temper, he could not rub sand in his eyes, and could not tolerate the escape of any murderous criminal, but now that he is older, he seems to have a much better temper, but he still has a jealous and hateful heart.

Before the final appraisal results were released, Lu Che even had an inexplicable illusion in his heart, hoping that Liu Feng would make a conclusion that he "had full capacity for criminal responsibility". With Liu Feng's identity and professional level, as long as he gives the appraisal results, it is an authoritative conclusion.

But this was just a flash of thought, and Lu Che knew that it could only be an unrealistic delusion. From a professional point of view, there is nothing to question about this appraisal result, and he himself has come to the same conclusion. Seeing that Liu Feng had already signed, Lu Che also signed his name with a straight face, although he was very unwilling, but no matter how unwilling he was, he could only do this.

Zhong Dafang, another expert who sat on Liu Feng's right, also signed his name, and there was no expression on his face. Zhong Dafang is the most non-existent of the three appraisal experts today, it seems that he is just here to be a foil, if there is no removal of the appraiser, this role should have belonged to Ding Qi.

Zhong Dafang is in his early 40s this year, and he is the deputy director of the Mental Health Center of the Affiliated Hospital of Jinghu University, and the director is Liu Feng. Zhong Dafang graduated from Yuanjinghu Medical College, Liu Feng was his teacher when he was an undergraduate, and he was also Ding Qi's senior brother.

In fact, when Lu Che was receiving vocational training on the job, he also took classes taught by Liu Feng, and the main subjects were criminal psychology and psychiatric evaluation. In Jinghu City and even the whole province, many business backbones in the fields of psychology and psychiatry have a relationship with Liu Fengneng, which is also an authority in another sense.

Liu Feng is well aware of his identity, as well as the authority and professionalism it represents, especially in such occasions. He could also sense Lu Che's mood at the moment, and he was very aware of the other party's inner conflict. Even if there is an inner conflict, it is necessary to make the right choice, and at the same time it means taking responsibility, and everyone is the same.