It was pitch black all around, and apart from a dim lamp, there was only this elegant old aunt sitting face to face with me, with a coffee-colored reading glasses hanging on her chest, a notebook and a pen on her lap, and always preparing to record something.

The two of us just looked at each other and were silent, her patience was good, she never bothered me, I think she should be watching me.

After a long time, I seemed to be a little tired of this silence, so I said to her, "I am a severe confused person. ”

My aunt was not surprised at all by my sudden opening, but picked up the pen and smiled at me: "I have been a psychiatrist all my life, in fact, I can see without you talking, you are not confused, you are just struggling." ”

I asked, "Does it make a difference?"

"Confusion is a question and answer, and tangle is a multiple-choice question," she said. ”

I said, "Actually, in my original life, there shouldn't have been so many choices, but I don't know when I started thinking and acting that all my thoughts and actions were wrong, and that they were completely contrary to the meaning of my existence, and then suddenly I had a desire to escape from reality, and I began to dislike myself, I didn't like everything, Auntie, can you think about it?"

"People always say that running away is not the solution, but when you don't have a better choice, you might as well use the worst way, and it won't necessarily work out, and the reason why you will be disgusted with everything may be that you keep thinking about running away, but you don't really run away," she said. ”

I said, "How dare I, men who have to support their families, who dare to run?" ”

She said: "This is the root of your entanglement, forever wandering in the real world and the spiritual world struggling. ”

I said, "But I've been like this for a long time, why can't I get used to this feeling?" ”

"Habit and acceptance are not the same," she said. ”

I said, "Then you say, since I can't solve this problem and I can't turn the page over, what should I do?"

She closed the notebook and said softly: "Dou Bao, you, you are polluted by all kinds of great principles of life, and always let all kinds of rules and regulations of life limit yourself: what to love life, what not to forget the original intention, what people live for freedom, what we have to do something we like, what to cherish and meet the person we like, what to work hard for our dreams, what to be full of hope and confidence in the future, What do you want to be a responsible and responsible man, what bullshit, these all make your thoughts become muddy, in today's words, it is not pure; people who have not experienced a few things in their lives, and then summed up a few nonsense life philosophy, but what is the use of this, is it possible for a coal miner to turn over and become a coal boss because he said a few incisive words about life, is it impossible; the reason why you live so painfully every day is that you too much hope is pinned on tomorrow, you remember, today is the real world, you don't live today, what qualifications do you have to fantasize about tomorrowSo what you should do now should be to solve the problem at hand first, lest tomorrow really come, and you start to regret yesterday again. ”

I asked her, "What problems can I have, and those with problems are dead, and I am also dead." ”

She said, "Can you still come here when you're dead, and why are you here?" ”

I thought, "Am I not dead, but I remember that I died with my friends." ”

She asked me, "Then why did they die?"

I said, "Let me be pitted to death." ”

She asked, "Then why did you trap them again?"

I said, "There's a bunch of bastards who threatened their lives and ended up killing them because of my incompetence." ”

She asked, "Did your friends who were killed by your incompetence blame you?"

I shook my head and said, "No, they're good, and that's why I'm sorry for them." ”

She laughed and said, "Isn't this back to square one, your very good friends are dead, but the bastards who threatened their lives are still alive; If all the wisdom that God has made you understand be written into the fifth great masterpiece, what can you say, what can you do, will your group of very good friends come to life, if so many people have helped you with words or deeds, and tried their best to make your life a little happier, and a little more confident, but it still doesn't work, then do you think that you are sitting here, and I say to you, even though your friends are dead, they must want you to live well, this kind of sensational words can make your future life meaningful, I don't believe it? ”

I smacked my lips and nodded: "Yes, I've been fantasizing all my life, how to live in the future, how to live, but I still haven't lived as I want, and the confusion, helplessness, frustration, failure, loss, and unwillingness that I should have experienced are the same; ”

I don't know what's going on, the notebook in her hand turned into a gun, handed it to me, and said at the same time: "I'm a psychiatrist, not your friend, your friend can help you feel relieved, and my role is to help you cure the disease, so the prescription I give you will be very bitter, but it is also very simple: you are a killer, of course, you must use the way you are good at to eradicate the root of the disease, go, and leave no piece of armor to destroy those bastards!"

I took the gun, and I measured the familiar feeling in my hand, and I found that it was a very good feeling.

When I came back to my senses, the aunt in front of me had turned into an evil man with a golden snake tattooed on the corner of his eye, and he was looking at me with his eyes squinted.

Your mother, are you looking down on me, I didn't hesitate to raise my gun and burst his head.

Today, it's you who wins;

Tomorrow, we continue!