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Next: December 15, 2007

I was working here in a daze, and after mentioning the resignation procedures, I suddenly lost my mind about work. Pen ~ Fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info novel has been another trough recently, and it is written without state. These days, I don't know what I'm doing. In fact, there is nothing around me, it is very calm, but I always feel that there are many things, and those hidden behind it are all emerging at the moment and intertwined in this life. We are always moving forward in a daze, even if we have found our purpose in life, but the process is still full of fog.

Another summer is coming, count it, I've been in this city for three years, almost a college reincarnation. Recently, I saw those college freshmen filling in their volunteers, majors, and military training, and suddenly remembered the distant year 2008. I was also in Shanghai that summer, but at that time I was purely here to play, and a good summer vacation and a wonderful university life awaited me. I was so young at that time, young enough to surf the Internet all night without feeling any tiredness, and I was still living in Pudong at that time, and I often went to the square under the Oriental Pearl, standing on the crowded streets to watch those people passing by, looking at their expressions, happy or sad, numb or vivid. Sometimes the sky is very dark, and I go to the villa in the park, which is very quiet, like a paradise, and I always fantasize that there is a well-read girl living in the villa, and she will look at me, and I will look at her. But the villa was empty, no one lived in it, and under the gloomy sky, the house in the window was as silent as an old photograph, and if you were to write a novel there, you would be very engaged.

I've lived alone in this city for three years, with only my colleagues, no friends, I'm on the verge of becoming an unsociable person, I used to be so fond of joking and messing with my friends, but there is no one here who I call him a and he'll be happy. Now I have degenerated into a polite man, forgetting the noble instincts of obscenity, and have changed from a human being in animal skins to a well-dressed beast.

I'm already on the verge of becoming a germ in this city, which is like a rotten earth, and when I look down from the rooftop, all the people here are ants, wriggling in the streets and alleys, going to the dark nests, doing their jobs, and there is no daylight.

A lot of times I ask myself, where do I really aspire? But all I can answer is where I come from.