Today, I asked five or six relatives and friends to go to the big battle, but they either had something to do or had already fought, so I had to listen to songs in YY, and I didn't see anyone come in after listening to it for a long time, and I felt a little lost, and I was getting more and more bored to play. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info This channel used to be very lively, especially in the summer, a group of people chatting, how nostalgic, they don't know anything, I teach them to fight, teach them how to do daily life, they will only come to my channel after they go online, and when I take them to play, I have become accustomed to hearing their laughter every time I enter the channel, although I don't speak, but my heart is very happy. It's just that as time goes by, they slowly get familiar with this Jianghu, they each meet new friends, go to their friends' channels, play with friends, they don't need me anymore, and I can't call anyone to fight a big war when I'm online, it's as cold as winter outside the window, and I can only listen to songs in YY alone. The most listened to are Jay Chou's "Uncle Jock" and Wang Leehom's "You Are Not", I seem to be able to hear the echo of the song, spreading back and forth in the empty YY, only I can hear it. I'm just a humble clown, flip a few heels, just wait for you to clap your hands, after the crowd disperses, the night is hazy, and the moonlight will follow me, I'm not a lonely clown, after you laugh, you don't need to remember me, when the lights go out, the starry sky, the brightest is lonely.

I think "Uncle Jock" is one of the few good songs in Jay Chou's later period, it really sings the sad feeling behind the happiness, the clown is to bring people laughter, but who can hear their sadness after the end? In their eyes, I am a sharp second kill, but who can see the loneliness of me on their account to help them play copies and do activities in the middle of the night? At this moment, it is the last day of 2012, the New Year's Eve concert is playing on TV, the bustling Shanghai outside the window is setting off fireworks, blooming in the cold night sky, covering the stars and the moon, what a festive and lively moment, why I can't feel it, I seem to see the clown again, on the stage after the end, under the light in the dark, silently packing up the props, thousands of lights, but no one holds a light for him.

In fact, I like to listen to the sound of fireworks, but I don't like to listen to the sound of fireworks alone, and the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen in my impression are one night in my third year of high school, when I often skipped class at night, and ran to the water tower on the sixth floor of the dormitory alone to listen to Wang Leehom's "You Are Not There". On that New Year's Day night, the literary and art building was holding a party, the beautiful school flower gate was performing to the fullest, the classroom was brightly lit, some people were watching TV, some people were eating melon seeds, some people were laughing and playing, and there were campus dates under the night, and I was thinking about Yun'er, but I didn't know where she was, so I had to listen to the song on the water tower alone. Downstairs, fireworks were set off in Deng Zhongxia Square, blooming in the night sky, just as far as I could reach, the whole starry sky was twinkling, like the birth of the universe, I sat on the high water tower, as if I was in the middle of the Milky Way. Leehom Wang's lonely singing surrounds me, accompanied by the lonely fireworks in the night sky, the firelight illuminates the world in a flash, and also illuminates the silhouette on my water tower, I am the closest to the fireworks, looking in your direction.

Unfortunately, I was still writing my diary with a pen at that time, and I don't know where the diary was scattered and how much dust it covered, and I couldn't find it anymore. All I can find is the diary in the QQ space, coincidentally 09, 10, 11 December 31, I wrote a diary, looking at the diary at that time, one by one I had typed down the words, as if shuttling through time and space, around me, as if I was still in yesterday, when I was looking forward to the unknown New Year, and the future I was looking forward to at that time has become a distant memory. In 09, I lamented when my life was only left with the Internet, looking forward to a new life in the future, but I'm sorry, I disappointed me in 09, even now in 2012, my life is still online, if I can know this life in 09 in advance, I'm afraid I won't have a longing for the New Year.

It's 2013 in a blink of an eye, I'm about to be 23 years old, a year has passed, I'm still running in this world at a loss, I can't find the way to the future, I can't find the way to come, those partners who used to walk side by side have been lost, I can only be in this strange and prosperous city, reading their names, thinking about the stupid things I have done with them, those happy, sad, stupid things, have gradually gone away with the time of year after year. At this moment, I miss them very much, I miss the friends who walked with me in those times, at this moment they may still be working overtime in the company, still worrying about not being able to pay the rent, still having a little mood with their girlfriends, still walking alone in the cold city, and still brave the wind and snow in the desert with no people, I sincerely wish you all and wish you a better new year.

In 2012, let it be goodbye! Everyone has their own life, everyone has everyone's friends, who can always accompany whom? I would rather stay away from this game, keep the good memories before this, than watch the friends around me in the once lively rivers and lakes estranged one by one, this will only tarnish the beauty of the past, I didn't expect this day to come so soon, I thought they would always be by my side, I thought that I thought I was too important.

It's a pity that I didn't go back to Daoxiang Village to see, that was the first time I came here, at that time I was just a stupid novice, without any friends, a person stupidly killed monsters to do tasks, slowly upgraded, Luoyang's teahouse door, Chang'an's maple forest, Yangzhou's boulevard, have left traces of me doing tasks. At that time, I didn't know how to do a big war, I was scolded, I didn't know how to do a daily life, I used to grope stupidly, I didn't know what a family and friend group was, I would only play alone, but at that time I had a lot of fun, I simply played games, and I didn't think about anything else.

It's just that once you get to know your friends, the game becomes tasteless, you can no longer simply play the game, you will rejoice because of their intimacy, but also sad because of their estrangement, is it that after the prosperity will begin to be desolate, and after the reunion, it will be over? I can't remember exactly, when was the last time they waited for me to go online on the channel?

What do I look forward to in 2013? Actually, it is still a book, this is my dream, but it is also a dream that I have forgotten for a year. Last year, I was hoping to write a good book this year, but I didn't make it, I still failed, I was silent in the world of online games, and I didn't think about writing books anymore. But when I came to my senses, I had wasted most of my time, what a good time, but I wasted in a virtual game, but if I was given another chance, would I choose not to play this game? I'm afraid it's difficult, because in this game, I got to know Guanshan, Sleeping, Begonia, Sisi, Xiangxiang, and a group of lovely apprentices, although they were estranged one by one, but once had good memories. If I choose to write a book in the past six months and don't play this game, then I must not know them, we are still unrelated strangers in the vast sea of people, Guanshan crowds the subway in Beijing, I take the bus in Shanghai, Begonia rushes through the alley in the early morning, I walk alone in the alley at dusk, there is my own sadness, there is my own sweetness, across the distance of six billion people, I can't see my smile, I can't hear your heartbeat.

In 2012, I chose to give up the novel and get to know them, I don't know if I will continue in 2013, continue to meet strangers one by one in the vast sea of people, if so, my novel will definitely not be written. You can never judge which life will be better, if I continue like this, I may know the most important person in my life, the most memorable thing will happen, but at the same time I will not be able to fulfill my dreams, I have to choose one or the other. I want to choose to say goodbye to someone I've never met, but perhaps the most important person in my life, and instead say to my long-lost dream that I'm back. But this decision was very difficult, I was a little reluctant, maybe one night, I chose to write a book instead of playing games, and as a result, I missed the opportunity to meet a girl. And if I met that girl, maybe my future life will be full of sweetness, that girl will become the person I love to death, the most important person in my life, she and I only have one chance to meet, she will pass by the door of the teahouse in Luoyang in that second of that day, accidentally bumped into my white horse, and since then I have met her...... If I hadn't been in the game, but had been writing a book, and hadn't been able to catch the second I met her, we would have missed it forever and never seen her again in the rest of our lives.

But I still decided to give up on her, because the so-called miss, there must be a premise of meeting, if I have never met her, how would I know that I missed her? I didn't even know that there would be such a person as her in this world. I can't put it off any longer, I have to pick up the pen again, finish writing the stories that I haven't had time to start, and write the novels that I have been thinking about but haven't put pen to paper, otherwise I can't face myself, and I can't face those former book friends, today several book friends are asking me, are you the author? Why don't you update it? When will it be updated? I don't dare to speak, I can only look at their questions over and over again, and ask myself in my heart, when will you update? Do you still have a few years of youth to waste?

In 2013, I came back.

Huang Huayi

2012.12.31-2013.1.1