Suppress your desires in the strongest position in your heart, and then seal them again and again, until your heart burns into ashes, leaving only a skin, and you tear it off and turn it into a piece of ground, the sticky scrap of meat under your feet, that's me, the one you once loved......

I shouldn't have come, there was a conflict when I came last time, I stayed all night in an Internet café, and I went alone early in the morning on the second day, and there was a contradiction this time, but this time the contradiction was deeper, I left her in a strange room in the middle of the night, and sent a text message to her mobile phone that had been turned off, and then I took my things and left, came to the Internet café, deleted her QQ for the first time, turned off the phone, and planned to leave at dawn, and change a number after returning to Changsha, this time I want to be a real stranger with her, no longer like the previous few times, and reconcile in two days, I don't want to be like this again, men should be ruthless to themselves, I also want to be really ruthless once。 Pen ~ fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info In this strange city, I have never felt warm, in her eyes, the definition of my boyfriend is the best one among friends, in other words, I am a better friend than a friend in her eyes, in essence, just a friend after all......

Absent-mindedly on the Internet, absent-mindedly in the Internet café, in that room, I wanted to divert my attention so that I didn't think about her, but I couldn't calm down, what if, if a bad guy came into the room, what if she needed help...... All kinds of scenarios came to mind, and at about 3 o'clock, I finally couldn't help but turn on my phone, and if something happened to her, I would be able to receive her call. What if, what if she is really sad and can't sleep?4 o'clock, no longer have the intention of surfing the Internet, dragging my tired body back to the room, outside the door, I sat on the cold ground for a long time, hesitating to go in, if it does this until dawn, it is better than in the Internet café, my clothes are too thin, my heart is too tired, finally I can't help but knock on the door, knock three times, use all my courage mixed with some self-esteem, she opened the door, I couldn't see her expression clearly in the night, closed the door, there was no cold inside, because she was inside.

Closing the door, I just lay down, picked up her phone and turned it on, intending to delete the text message I sent before, "Give it to me!" she said coldly, I was unmoved, and then the two scrambled, she never cared about her phone before, but why did she care so much this time, did she blame me for abandoning her suddenly? I let go and gave her the phone.

"Delete that missed text!" I whispered.

"Well, I'll delete it myself. With that, she deleted the text message.

I turned my head and continued to write text messages, saving them and planning to send them to her when I left the next day, she turned her head and stared at my phone, "What are you writing?" she asked, snatching my phone.

"I'm just going to send you a text message tomorrow. ”

When I got my phone back, I found that she was looking at my messages, and after all, she still saw the deleted text message:

"I can't sleep, I'm leaving, the opening receipt and the key are on the table, you take it and check out tomorrow! I hope we can take this opportunity to be real strangers, I will delete your QQ, and then change the phone number, I wish you can find a suitable boyfriend." ”

She turned her back to me, and I got my phone back and turned my back to her.

"Won't you take off your coat?" she asked me.

"I'm tired from going online and don't want to move. My tone was full of tiredness.

She didn't say anything more, just fell asleep with her back to me.

Within reach, but back to back, with two worlds in between, four years apart, four years of time, four years of time, broke into a person, if it weren't for him, I don't think I would have lost any temper with her in the past few months, just like 4 years ago, she let her do whatever she liked, but, just that person was like a thorn, stinging me every time I thought of her, every time she appeared in my mind, she had such a thorn on her appearance, and she was covered in bruises when she hugged her. I was the first, now the third, he was in the middle, and then he left, and when I came, I found that I had become the second forever, and he took the first position with him......

He can, why can't, why, I'm not like him......

Neither of us spoke again, as if we had fallen asleep, and had gone back in time to his time, and had she and he slept in this room? What kind of jokes had she told?

After all, I still can't let go, I can't understand her lifestyle, I can't catch her, the two of them are at a loss together, the girlfriend I want is just a girlfriend I can grasp, it's simple, don't let me be unpredictable......

I fell asleep, and I didn't know when I woke up again, and the night outside the window became a little lighter, and how long would it be before dawn? We were still back to back, what kind of sadness was this? When I woke up for the second time, it was already dawn, and vaguely, she hugged me from behind, what did she dream about? Do you need to rely on? I turned to face her and took her into my arms.

She was asleep, her hair was messy, she was not as beautiful as she used to be, but she was very calm, this is the real her, like in 2005, but at that time, we were sitting on a roof in the city, snuggling up and sleeping together, not afraid of the night wind and cold, as long as the two of us were together, after dawn, they went back to their respective schools to sleep, they didn't need too many words, as long as they snuggled together so simply, since when did he start to take her to the open room to sleep? Since when did she feel that this is normal? Since when did I think this is normal? Since when did we no longer have the simplicity of snuggling up to the roof for the night?

Vaguely, she turned around again, her back to me again, a woman's seductive back was close at hand, black stockings, ultra-short jeans, she would never dare to wear this before, I reached out to touch her stockings, she reached out and held me: "It can't be like this." ”

I withdrew my hand, looked out the window at the bright sky, lifted the quilt, sat on the edge of the bed, and began to put on my shoes.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, getting up.

I didn't speak.

"Will you go later?" she reached out and grabbed me and pressed me back into bed.

I lay obediently, staring at the ceiling.

"There was a bus at 7 o'clock. "I checked it out last night when I was surfing the Internet.

"You'll leave later, I'll send you. ”

I hesitated for a second, but finally got up and turned to look at her, "Is it bus 5 to the train station?"

She sighed softly, turned her back to me, and answered.

After brushing my teeth and taking a shower, the sun was already very bright, I stood by the window with my wet hair and looked at the vibrant world outside, is this her city? What kind of stories will happen with some people? I looked back, she was still sleeping in bed, quiet and well-behaved, at this moment, I seemed to have sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand, looking at her quiet sleeping face, forever accompanying her, but that man appeared in my mind in an instant, and all my enthusiasm and fantasies were extinguished......

I put my satchel on my shoulder, looked down and pondered for a moment, then looked up in her direction and said:

"I'm leaving, the receipt and keys are on the table, take it and check out when you get up!" A tingling feeling grew in my heart, I opened the door and walked out, the moment I closed the door with my backhand, through the crack in the door, I saw that she seemed to be looking up, the door was closed by me, I don't know if she looked up or not, I left in such a stubborn way.

Walking through the cold streets of the early morning, in the midst of the bustling crowd, I walked like a walking corpse, my heart was not in my body, it disobeyed my orders and stayed in that room without permission.

The sun has completely risen, dispelling the coldness left behind in the night, but what kind of sunlight can expel the coldness in the heart? The lovers passing by on the street have a kind of piercing laughter, a feeling of loneliness is deep, deep.

Like last time, I stepped on the No. 5 bus, fell asleep tired inside the bus, and while waiting at the train station, her text message came

"What time is the car?"

"It's a pit stop, half past nine, baby, tell you something, let's try not to contact for a year, okay? Don't even ......send a full stop."

Her answer was short, with only two words: "yes"

Actually, I didn't say more thoughts, 1 year, whether it is long or not, whether it is short or not, but it is enough for me to distinguish the essence of this relationship, I think, after 365 days, I may really be able to forget her, and she will forget me, maybe this is the best choice.

Baby, I want to love you, but I miss you even more......

The train drove slowly, and I could clearly feel that the city was moving away, on this dazzling sunny day, everything related to her was slowly moving away, this unique latitude, intersecting this unique meridian, her name, at this intersection, slowly evaporated, drifted into the sky, disappeared.

Vaguely, I thought of the boy and the girl again, in the cold night, on a roof under the reflection of a high-rise building, snuggling up and sleeping, sleeping quietly, not afraid of anything, after dawn, in the warm sunshine, smiling like flowers, waving goodbye, and then going back to their respective schools to sleep, and continuing to snuggle in their dreams.

When I woke up from my thoughts, the city, I was completely out of sight, the train was carrying my shell, struggling to move towards the unknown, I looked in her direction, and I couldn't help but quickly retreat......

Baby, goodbye, in my heart, you will always be the girl who snuggled up in my arms on the roof......

The night of March 28, 2010