Chapter 049: Old Letters Are Not Letters (2 Letters)

What an English text message:

I don't know what to say to you, I'm miserable anyway. Of course, I can't tell you or the gentleman in front of me, because women are a curse, and I can't blame you (them), what do you say, Yueping?

Thank you for the pillow towel. I don't know why, but when I put my head on it, I had nightmares, which were terrible. I've thought about it, I'm going to come up with a name for this pillow towel of yours, but I can't think of the best name, so I've been thinking about it, but it has never worked. I am very distressed, but I don't need your sympathy, that's for sure.

"Woe to you, woman!" I don't remember which "writer" said it, but I always grasped it to be imprinted on my heart. You think so too (which is unequivocal).

I'm not in a position to advise you, no why.

I'm so sorry, your mirror is broken, the broken mirror can't be reunited!

Thank you for your help!

The high temperature and white snow of Xiaoyang

1986.10.13.13：30

[The pillow towel that is actually a pillowcase I of course named it "Mengying Scarf", twenty-seven years later, I can't remember the exquisite embroidery on it: Beware of wrapping around your neck, so it was returned to me, what you pillowed, I can't say, is it love or resentment? Is it hatred or warmth? It doesn't matter anymore, the important thing is an end - broken, the broken mirror can't be reunited! sorry!] [Until today, I have opened my shell a little, her so-called "Xiao Yang" Maybe it's not the rich guy in Chengdu, maybe it's just that I've always been pressed in the third or fourth place, and the test scores are always a big difference, and I have never been put in my eyes by the Yang classmate, they lived for a not too short time later, and the results of a few unhappy partings were heard about, but I never cared about it anymore. 】

The gentleman wanted to ruin this article [of course, it was destroyed in the end], so he copied it. I went to lie on the parallel bars for more than an hour, [the mood] became heavier and heavier, I was afraid that the parallel bars could not afford it, and I had to go back to the classroom, what was the gentleman writing. He didn't buy a notebook in the evening, and he didn't know if he was writing a letter or a note. He's been writing for two hours. He was able to take notes, but he was a big step forward.

"Where is the dream of Yihe?" Her destination, my "powerlessness", shows whether our wisdom and strength can fight against those things that cannot be seen, and the contrast with their power—this is the severity of life. Of course, we didn't do our best, so to speak, but it wasn't determined by our subjectivity, it was influenced by the invisible devil.

October 14th, ghost weather

October 15th

Yesterday, it was all blank, and I borrowed money to watch "Swan Song" in the evening, and I was really excited by the exaggerated and beautified penmanship. A few girls shouted when they came out of the cinema: "Even if you die, you can send it."

I was really impulsive all night, and when I returned to the classroom, I wrote half an untrue letter to my parents, and also designed such a sincere letter for me and "He Ying", the latter one was written after entering the bed when it was time to turn off the lights.

As the old man said in the letter he received today: "People always have to write some ridiculous words, say some ridiculous things, and do some ridiculous things. "I copied down the design of that night, and I lost some time.

Daddy, Mom:

I have a lot to say to you, but I don't know how to say it, I can't say it.

I'm miserable, frustrated, guilty, you know? I'm torturing myself. I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for my [dead] brother, I'm sorry for my relatives and friends, and I'm sorry for myself.

I have ideals, I am strong, down-to-earth, and I relentlessly yearn for the future, but I can't be myself, I can't control myself. I hate, I hated inexplicably, I don't know what to do. Since I went to school, I have been playing in vain, not learning much, not seeing anything. I didn't go to see it when I was sick, I drove away my kind classmates and let the blood flow forever. Somebody asked me to watch a movie, look! Somebody asked me to watch TV, look! Somebody asked me to borrow a novel, okay!

The gentleman told me to die once, "Okay!" We came to the Tuojiang River, and walked into the Tuojiang River, but the river was half of us, and the river was still very turbulent in October, and neither of us could water], and after two hours, we "turned back and went ashore."

Sitting in the classroom, thinking about the window, facing foreign language books, all written are Chinese characters.

What is love, Dad! Ask what love is in the world, Mom!

I was so genuinely in love with someone, she was the first woman I was willing to sacrifice for her. Love is unconditional, if you fall in love, you fall in love, no matter what kind of ugly monster, broken jar, vixen, no matter what kind of poor bastard she is, no one wants it, no one cares. Love is in love, you can't persuade you, you can't drive away, you don't know how to be ashamed, you don't know how to scold and you don't know the pain, you just want to love, you want to love, you want to love, you are dead-eyed, you are not afraid of slashing and burning, you are not afraid of slashing and burning, and you will sink together in heaven and on earth!

Dad, I'm a melon, a wooden head, I'm a stupid boy, an idiot, a stupid stupid thing, a stupid guy. Maybe you all think that she is not desirable, and I know that there are many people who are stronger than her, but I just tied her up, trapped, and dreamed!

I can't tell, I can't tell, a whole bunch of simple whys: why love, why distractions, why not firmly grasp the university. I can't tell, I can't figure it out, I'm confused, I'm a bastard!

However, a qiē is useless, useless! The idiot of an idiot is useless, the little power of a little person is useless, the dead eye of a dead papaya is useless, useless, and a qiē is useless!

I can't help her all as planned, I can't pull her away from Xiao Yang she doesn't love, I can't let her study and succeed with peace of mind, I can't let her complain and complain to the wooden brain she also loves. I'm incompetent, I'm stupid......

He told me again and again, don't be sentimental, don't do useless work, don't write these ghost diaries for me.

She called me Yueping, then a classmate, then a classmate of her brother, and then she called herself to me "a woman who is always bad, but she doesn't want to change!", and finally, she simply called herself "Xiao Yang's hot white snow!"

This letter [of course will not be handed over to the parents] is only written here, the time to turn off the lights has passed, and the class leader ruthlessly kicks us out of the classroom.

Later, in the dormitory, I wrote down more than two pages of thoughts in the dark, and there were a few sentences in them, and the answer was a bit organized: ...... Let me be confident, let me save my life, and give me two years [let me complete the spring moth plan and break out of the cocoon into a butterfly], and I will really pursue you passionately...... Don't see that I am calm on the surface, my feelings are still pressed in my heart, which has been making me impulsive and excited......

Gentlemen, their efforts on me will not work, only you can...... I'm too slow, until now, I have found that I can't help but love you, I try to dissolve, regulate, control myself, think that love can be turned into friendship, but I fail, I can't change the affection to the bones! Don't have an inferiority complex, don't think unworthy, I love you, that's enough......

"Don't want me anymore?"

[I thought, maybe] the years are difficult, she is already equivalent to a young woman, it is difficult to keep the empty boudoir, and she has to get close to Xiao Yang, so she is miserable. But I can't satisfy her in any way. She's not outstanding, she's not a saint, she's not a strange woman, she's just my crush, what a unique crush!

My life with a gentleman is inseparable from singing, at least every morning, every noon, every evening. He said he was hooked on "Stealing Fire."

He said to me, "Don't live by letters alone!"