On the third day after Ruan Ming's execution, I received a letter from prison, written by Ruan Ming.

His handwriting is as delicate as ever, and I used to laugh at him for just looking at the words, maybe I would identify him as a girl. Now there is a deep bitterness in my heart, shouldn't it be hatred? I pounded my chest, trying to breathe more air to calm myself.

Embarrassed:

This is the last time I've called you that, I know you resent me, I've thought about it a lot these days, I'm starting to regret it, I'm starting to miss the days we were together, I don't ask you to forgive me, I just want you to know that I'm in this world or not, and I like you like that never changed.

I didn't go out that day, and I didn't expect my godmother to know about those things. When I heard that my godmother asked me to turn myself in and disagree with us being together, my years of grudge flared up again, I couldn't control myself, and I realized afterwards what I had done. I was afraid, afraid that things would be revealed, and I convinced myself to blame everything on you, to convince myself that I had done the right thing, so that I could be with you in peace, and you must have thought I was a heinous demon, right? But when I saw you again that day, I hesitated. I thought that it would make you feel better to say that sentence cruelly, and it would be good to put more resentment on me.

Tomorrow I will be executed, and I know you can't come, and I don't deserve you. It's impossible for us in this life, in the next life, in the next life, I hope I can have a good family, and I will definitely find you again when the time comes.

……

I don't know whether to hate him or pity him, I just know that my heart really hurts, maybe it was a mistake for us to know each other from the beginning, I hope that our family is still in that remote village, even if there are some rumors, at least each other will be safe.

I still remember the year before my grandmother died, I took my mother and three of us sisters to the temple to burn incense, I was very worshipful of ghosts and gods at that time, after all, I heard the six grandfathers at the entrance of the village tell a lot of absurd and magical legends, the sky and the sea, three heads and six arms, very fresh and peculiar.

After that, grandma took us to the earthen courtyard behind the temple, where there was a fortune-telling mother-in-law, who was blinded in one eye when breaking feudal superstitions, and fled here to live.

I don't quite remember what she said, but I remember her shaking her head and sighing very well. On the way back, the eldest sister frowned and said to her mother: "That old woman is just nonsense, what kind of life is short and lonely, saying that the road to life is bumpy, and the love is thin, as soon as I hear it, I make it up, and I also set it up." ”

I looked at my little hand and asked the second sister: "Then what is hard life, self-denial?"

The second sister smiled and said, "I don't understand either, maybe something is wrong." ”

I thought it was a big joke, and I didn't do anything bad, so why was it bad?

Now that I think about it, isn't I just self-denial? My mother is gone, Ruan Ming is gone, Lin Xiao is gone, which one doesn't involve me? Maybe I'm just a disaster, and I have been immersed in such pain and entanglement during that time, so much so that I couldn't convince myself to get out of the haze later.

Whether it's superstition or self-blame, the so-called three people become tigers, if they are in the autumn of many disasters, many words will not be believed or not.