"Brother, what's wrong with you. Xia must have sensed something strange in my eyes and asked me in a low voice.

I'm sorry, I didn't cry in anger.

If I say that it is really this bleak moonlight that makes me cry, will Xia believe it?

In a few days, I will send away my thirtieth year in this cool moonlight. I was about to stand up, and I should have been able to hold back the surging tears, but Xia's whispered inquiry was too gentle and opened my tear valve.

I cried, tears fell down, the past ten years, is the ten years of my hard work, these ten years, in addition to the tears of excitement after the completion of the work, I did not shed a single extra tear, this moment, the time to come is finally here, my tears, bursting.

Xia was frightened, went back and squatted beside me with a cigarette of paper, and said, "Brother, what's wrong?"

I was so uncomfortable that I lay on the couch, staring at the moon in the sky and saying, "It's almost my birthday." ”

"I know, what are you crying about, I'll give you a big cake tomorrow. Xia tried his best to amuse me, and drew a big circle in his hand.

"It's not about birthdays, it's because I don't want to have birthdays. ”

"Why?"

"Because after that, it's really thirty. ”

"More than thirty is good, everyone Confucius said, stand at thirty. ”

"It's not because of age, it's just because of my heart, and inexplicably thirty years have passed, and I haven't understood it, and I feel that this day is not worth it. ”

"No one can live and understand, those who live and understand have gone underground, live and live, and live and understand, and live and understand. Xia anxiously persuaded me, and the speed of my speech also increased.

"It's not that you can't live to understand, it's just that it's not exciting, it's not exciting to say, you don't feel anything about it, you know?"

I didn't want to tell anyone that I would slowly endure this time, but I really couldn't stand it. Xia shook his head, he didn't feel the same way as me, I closed my eyes, imagining that the person in front of me was a confidant.

But Xia then nodded and said, "I know, I have had too." ”

"And then, what do you feel? I asked Xia anxiously, hoping that her language could describe the terrible feeling.

"No, even sometimes I feel bored at night, I have nothing, the money I earn is gone, I haven't succeeded, I go back to sell my body, I can't let go of this breath, go back to school, I'm afraid of delaying my work in vain, let's die, I'm afraid that tomorrow will be surprised, I'll live better, live, in fact, that's it. Xia sneered twice, feeling that he had said too much, and quickly returned to me, saying, "Look at you, you have everything, even if you lie at home every day, you still have money to spend, you blow the air conditioner every day, you don't have to sweat anything, how good." ”

"That's because I've been sweating a lot. ”

"It's all the same. Xia patted me on the shoulder and comforted me, this was the first time Xia patted my shoulder, and it was like a pat, but it was really a pat, a patter that was very close, and I said to Xia, "I feel that you are living very violently, I didn't expect it to be so frustrated." ”

"Fierce?" Natsu was startled by my adjective.

"It's just feeling, feeling. "I wanted to explain the feeling, but I just couldn't. I've been alone for a long time, and I've thought a lot in my head, but I'm not as good at speaking as I used to be.

"Are you alone when you're a child?" I asked Xia as I lay on the couch with my eyes closed.

"Hmm. ”

"Is it difficult for a person to grow so big?"

"That's it. Natsuya lay on another couch, hugging a pillow and looking at the moon with his eyes open.

"Shouldn't it be hard for you to come from that place, and you haven't grown bad?"

"They're all very nice. ”

"I don't see it, they think you're weird when they talk to you. I turned to look at Natsu, who also had moonlight on her face, and I closed my eyes again.

"That's the way they speak, and people aren't bad. ”

"Really, then they call you a fool one by one, looking for your surrogacy, looking for you to make pornography, stealing your money, and touching your hands. ”

"Didn't you see when they were nice to me, if they were really bad to me, I would have survived until now?"

"When did you do it by yourself. ”

"Five years old. ”

"Five years old, how did you grow so big? "I'm kind of incredible.

"Brother, I said that you are who doesn't listen to the excitement at night, I won't say it, I will talk to you about something else, you can't sleep at night and listen to the sound, why bother. ”

Xia's words were telling me that she didn't want to mention the past, and she said again, "Besides, I can't go back after I finish speaking, what are you doing thinking about something useless?"

I glanced at Xia again, my heart was haggard, but I was looking forward to wanting to know Xia's past, I said to Xia, "Then talk about me, what do you want to know, ask me." ”

Xia thought for a moment and asked, "Why don't you want to celebrate your thirtieth birthday?" ”

"I haven't thought about it, but I'm uncomfortable, I've been like this for the past few months, I can't sleep at night, I'm inexplicably depressed, melancholy, but I don't know what I'm worried about, maybe it has nothing to do with my birthday, it's just just in time for this time, I don't want to do anything, let alone celebrate my birthday. ”

"Doctor, go take a look. ”

"I don't want to see it, but I actually like it, sometimes when I'm anxious, a lot of new designs pop up in my head, which are better than the previous designs. ”

"But if you don't go to work every day, won't you be unemployed?"

"No, the studio is opened by me and him, I usually sit at the desk at work, and I can do it from home, and the entertainment is all his. ”

"Don't you have a family, why do you live alone all the time, maybe you just let them stay with you for a while. ”

"My home is in the south, and they don't know that I'm like this, and they think I'm working. ”

"Where's my girlfriend?"

"Nope. ”

"What, you really don't have a girlfriend. Xia was surprised, sat up, and said, "You're thirty years old, and you don't have a girlfriend yet." ”

The first half of Xia's sentence made me feel happy, and she said 'really', indicating that she must have pondered me from my heart before, but in the next sentence, I was a little sad and asked, "What's wrong with thirty." ”

"Oh, that's not what I mean, I mean, you should have one. Why not. ”

"It's work, it's overtime, it's gone. ”

"Not one?"

I nodded, Natsu smiled, sat up straight, hugged the pillow again, and said, "I'm thinking too much." ”

"What do you think?"

Xia didn't say anything, he smiled first, "When I first came, I saw your car, saw your room, and thought you were married, I still thought, if your sympathy is overflowing and let me go to your house for a day, your daughter-in-law must not call me to death, fight with you, who will I help if I want to fight with you, help you, you will die worse in the future, help her, I am too inauthentic, but come in to see your house, it is empty, there is nothing, and there is still a little popularity in the house where you sleep." ”

"You have so many thoughts in your heart, what else do you think. ”

Natsu smiled embarrassedly, and I smiled too, saying, "As a result, I'm not as bad as you think, am I?"

Xia didn't speak, I suddenly got up and said, "Actually, I'm not without ideas. ”

Xia straightened up suddenly, his hand was pinned to the back pocket in an instant, and when he touched the knife, I didn't move, and she didn't take it out, I said seriously, "What do you think a knife can block?"

Xia didn't speak, her eyes stared straight at me, her mouth opened slightly, her whole face seemed to be frozen, her knife had already popped out behind her back, a crisp voice came out, her legs were still coiled in place, I took a step forward, and Xia's body shook a little.

I couldn't hold on, I took a step back and sat on the sofa laughing, my prank was successful, but it was just normal happiness, pointing at Xia and saying, "Look at you're scared." ”

Xia also smiled, his expression was still dull, his mouth was still slightly open, the corner of his right mouth was raised, he was smiling madly, the knife in his hand was silently put back, and he sat cross-legged again, Xia's feet were numb, and after stretching hard, Xia said to go to the toilet.

What I heard was not the sound of the toilet, but the sound of the door closing gently, Xia wanted to close the door gently, but the clicking sound when closing the door was very soft in the silent night, I hurriedly chased out, Xia was wearing slippers, did not wait for the elevator, on the stairs of the fire escape, from the twelfth floor rubbing down, the emergency lights were lit up one by one.