In the summer of 1992, when I was still a sophomore, I had just participated in the knowledge quiz organized by the school, and won the second place.

On the phone, the second sister was incoherent, and I heard a "Mom is gone", is it gone......?

I didn't dare to think about it, I hurriedly bought a ticket to take the bus, on the way, my whole body was stiff, I didn't want to believe it, I repeatedly convinced myself that this was a dream, a joke made by the second sister.

Instead of going home, I went straight to the funeral home.

There, I saw the second sister who was still crying, the eldest sister with red and swollen eyes who was learning about the situation from the police, and my mother who had fallen asleep forever, with a pale face, cold hands, and several deep knife cuts on her body that pierced my heart.

The second sister held my hand tightly, and I gently touched my mother's lifeless face, and I cried, crying so numb that my whole body cried, and my voice was hoarse.

Who was it? Who was it? I hated as much pain as I did at that time.

In the evening, Ruan Ming came back, his eyes were full of tears, and he knelt beside my mother and hugged my shoulder, and he couldn't stop sobbing anymore. That day, I was almost drowned in tears, and although I could no longer squeeze out a tear in my eyes at the end, there was still endless pain in every inch of my heart, and I tasted the pain for the first time.

To this day, I still have nightmares. Running after her mother's back, watching her fall into a pool of blood but never getting closer, every time she woke up from a dream, she was sweating profusely and her face was full of tears. Sometimes Cheng Muhui was woken up by me, so he sat on the balcony with me to blow the wind and chat. The next day he went to work with the panda eyes, I was grateful and distressed to him in my heart, if it wasn't for a series of things that happened later, maybe we would have already had a group of children.

But at the age of 19, I hadn't met Cheng Muhui yet, I was still an infatuated girl at that time, a girl who was as simple as a blank sheet of paper for her feelings, curled up under the wings of her family and Ruan Ming like a darling all day long, and over time, I ignored a lot of things and indifferent a lot of feelings.

Later, I read a passage in a book in the library:

The Buddha said, "It takes a thousand times to look back in a past life in exchange for a passing moment in this life." "It is conceivable that our parents and we have accumulated many lifetimes of fate to meet, which is extremely precious and full of affection. We always rely on our parents to be young, on ourselves as children, on countless time bombs that gradually forget time, and we are always squandering or squeezing our luck that we may not have much. And the unexpected came like a blow to the head to wake up, but the water has passed away, and the flowers have fallen.

Because of empathy, my tears couldn't stop flowing out in an instant, and after a while, the boy sitting next to me grabbed the book and ran away, and many years later I learned that the boy was Cheng Muhui. He was startled when he saw me suddenly crying, and then he sobbed again, and he couldn't help the eyes of the girl opposite him and left in a hurry.

In fact, the real scary thing is not that it's too late, and the real resentment is not that you cherish it when you lose it, but that you hug the person you believe in the most, but you don't know that it is he who makes you lose the person closest to you, which is really ridiculous and unexpected.