"Are these your books?" I asked, standing up and dangling a book.

"Sort of. ”

"Have you seen them all?"

"It's okay, rummage through it when you're bored. Natsu was mopping the floor outside, answering my questions intentionally and unintentionally.

I opened Xia's book, I wanted to look at it casually, but I looked at it and saw it, the book "Human Disqualification", for some reason, I especially understand Ye Zang's sensitivity, confusion and helplessness, I looked at it, I felt uncomfortable, the delicate perception ability in the book reminded me of the night when I couldn't sleep this month, my pain and sorrow, as if magnified a hundred times a thousand times, once again knocked me down.

I firmly believe that this is just a novel, a story that Osamu Dazai has described with his own superb writing, and I am the one who really feels the hidden bad mood at night, and really lives in this world and suffers. "Brother, hey. Natsu shook me, and I looked up and asked Natsu, "What's wrong?" ”

"People want to buy wine, why don't you speak. Xia stood outside the counter, shaking my arm, and I woke up suddenly, and Xia came in from below to greet the guests for me.

"I'm done mopping the floor, I'll close the door in a while, I'll take you to see your feet." Xia said as he took off the sleeves in his hand, not knowing which drawer he had stuffed into.

"No, I'll just go back and buy a Band-Aid. "I looked at my foot, but it hurt a little, and it wasn't a big deal. Then he picked up the book in his hand and asked Xia, "This is the book you read?"

"Yes. ”

"Why is it such a book cover. I pointed to the book jacket with an image of a man in a suit hugging a scantily clad woman, lingering and kissing.

"Clean, don't stain the books inside. ”

"That's it," I had to nod, so many book covers are not needed, I have to find such a book cover, and I feel helpless to think about it, "Have you finished reading this book?"

"Hmm. ”

"What do you think?"

"Moaning without disease, most books in Japan are like this. ”

"Disease-free moaning?" I was a little puzzled, I had forgotten what I had just read, and Xia came to the sentence "disease-free moaning" painlessly and itchyly, "Then have you read a lot of Japanese books?" I asked.

"It's okay. Xia wiped the glass case, squatted down and poked my foot, looked up and asked me, "Does your foot still hurt?" ”

"It doesn't hurt," I said, not focusing on my feet at all, and I asked, "Have you seen all of those?"

"It's all in that drawer on your left foot, look at it, I've forgotten it. ”

I squatted down and opened another drawer, which was heavier than the one just now, and it was also stacked in a mess, a lot of books on Japanese literature, I saw a copy of "Paradise Lost", picked it up and asked Natsu, "Have you read it?"

"Hmm. Natsu nodded.

I laughed and said, "You've read a lot, I only read this book when I was in college." ”

"Have you read all of this?" I pointed to the drawer that had just been opened, about twenty or thirty copies, and with the drawer just now, there were fifty or sixty copies.

"Boring to watch from here. "Most of these books are world classics, and there are some classics of Chinese culture, and the rest are miscellaneous books that I have never heard of the name, it seems that Xia is not as simple as I think.

"Then why do you think this book is moaning without illness?" I asked Xia as I held up the book in my hand again.

"I just think that the male protagonist has such a good family background, and he can live a good life, so what's so good about letting himself sink. ”

"Yes. I agreed with Natsu's words. I haven't finished reading it yet, and I don't want to argue with Xia, some emotions are only detected by sensitive people, and it should be okay to see Xia live so optimistic and cheerful, and not be able to empathize.

"Then can you lend me a look, and I'll pay you back tomorrow." "I want to finish reading him, it's been a long time since I've met a confidant, even if it's just a person who lives in a novel.

When it closed, it occurred to me that my car was parked in a shopping mall far away, and I was thinking of borrowing Xia's bicycle to go home, but I couldn't ride it anymore. "Brother, I'll borrow you a car. With that, Xia ran into the alley.

Xia Tui brought an electric car, I haven't ridden it for a long time, I'm worried about how well I ride, "Brother, don't forget to charge it, it can't run far, don't forget to ride it back tomorrow, I have to return it to others." "Xia was standing behind me, trying to see me leave, but I hadn't ridden an electric car for many years, and I wanted to wait for Xia to leave before leaving.

"Xia, you go back, I'll leave later. ”

Xia suddenly opened his eyes wide, leaned his neck forward, his face was slightly surprised, and the corners of his mouth rose in an instant, and he snapped his fingers in my ear, "Got it, brother, goodbye." Then he retreated and disappeared into the alley.

I was a little confused, but suddenly I came back to my senses and shouted, "Xia, come back." "But Xia had already trotted away, she misunderstood me again, I didn't want to find someone in Fireworks Alley, I just didn't want to ride in front of Xia, in case I fell, it would be embarrassing, and the ambiguity caused by the result made me feel even more embarrassed.

On the way home, there was no one person, not a car, I rode on it, recalling the seventeen-year-old boy riding a bicycle, I don't know if he didn't know the sorrow back then, and wanted to race with the motorcycle, did he think that the thirty-year-old he was so stumbling. The summer wind blew, inhaled sharply, held it for a long time, and exhaled a little, the wind filled my shirt, banging back and forth, I rolled up my trouser legs, and wanted to shout, but I felt awkward, after all, I was a thirty-year-old calm man, but when I was going downhill, I still couldn't help but shout out, humming an old song from many years ago.

At two o'clock in the morning, only my house was still lit in the whole building, I squatted on the side of the bed to read Xia's book, these days, I was desperate enough, I squatted on the side of the bed in one breath to read it, after reading it, lying on the bed motionless, an inexplicable depression occupied my heart, stronger than ever, people are really a magical animal, there are always some special feelings rooted in our bodies like DNA, in the idiom we call empathy, rhetoric is called triggering sympathy, tonight, I am the same as him Ye Zang, the same normal, the same absurd, the same sensitive, and the same futile。

I felt a strange blood flowing in my body, where it passed, extremely fragile, extremely sad, I shook my head violently, curled myself up in the quilt, the male protagonist felt that he had lost his qualification to be a man, and he died, and I was also living in pain, and every tendon in my brain was stirred up by the night, and I couldn't help but die.

But I can't, I repeatedly comforted myself, I'm just a little unhappy recently, surrounded by an unknown reason, I don't understand the emotion, and tomorrow, I have to return the car and the book to Xia, I threw the book away, covered my head and fell asleep.