26: Give and give

Walking out of the county seat, feeling the dark and turning on the familiar way home, the numb nerves have made me unable to judge the time of appearance, just let the darkness around me surround me wantonly, my hurt, painful feeling that I can barely breathe came to my heart again, I cried for a while, laughed for a while, was crazy for a while, sad for a while, indulged my emotions at will, laughed at my stupidity at will, and cried at my first love at will......

There was an evil fire in my heart, I hated women and vowed to take revenge on them.

When the first crowing of the rooster sounded, I finally reached the door of the house, and I opened the door, ignoring my father's questions and concerns about seeing me covered in mud and tiredness, I closed my own door and slipped into the warm bed.

It's better to have your own home, home is the source of warmth, and home is a holy place for healing. And that's what I need most right now.

In my sleep, I seemed to hear my mother call me up several times to eat, but I didn't want to open my eyes, I just felt that sleeping was the most comfortable thing. Later, I learned that my mother couldn't wake me up, touched my head, found that my hands were hot, and the whole person was burned in a daze, so I hurriedly pushed a trolley with my father to send me to the town's health center, and I was injected with a bottle needle for three days before my body gradually recovered. During this period, my father had called my aunt at the town's post and telecommunications office and asked her to help call Director Wu's family to ask for sick leave, and Director Wu generously allowed me to completely cure my illness at home and come back to work after the Spring Festival holiday.

In the past few days of recuperating at home, I have carefully sorted out my emotional journey for almost a year of work, and reflected on the reasons for emotional failure, so as to prevent more serious emotional damage in the future.

Recalling that I had that kind of relationship with Xiaoshuang and Master Ding, two women, no matter how different their reasons were, but there are two things in common, one is that they both resorted to charm, maybe my views are too extreme, but in fact I was indeed charmed, hormone secretion stimulated and lost my mind. Of course, I also have a lot of responsibility with myself, I can't keep calm, I don't have enough concentration, and it's difficult to sit still. The second is that they are all people who have life experience, in front of me, a naïve little white sweet young man who has just entered the love field, but they are all at the level of a master; although I have given up a lot, such as various important firsts, first kisses, first love, first nights, etc., but at the same time I have gained a lot, such as experience, experience, maturity;

How many people in the world have not come over like this? How many people have not repeated in the process of continuous loss and continuous gain?

The word "willingness" will accompany everyone for a lifetime.

Thinking about it like this, I feel much better, and I have corrected my mentality, giving up those narrow and shallow thoughts of revenge on women.

It's because I'm too rough, I don't get along and understand each other deeply, so I easily invest in feelings, and I deserve to be hurt. It's too easy to gain, and it's easy to lose.

Rationally recall, when I miss her, the scenes that come to my mind the most are the scenes of joy with her, not those meaningful experiences, and the experience with Nana in Hong Kong is worth recalling; I thought that this was love, but now it seems that this is purely the physical pleasure between men and women, and it is far from true love. My understanding of love is still only in the pleasure of the flesh, and I can't help but laugh dumbly, ashamed of my heartbreak. The so-called injury is just a hurt on the face of being played with and abandoned.

If you don't experience it, you may encounter harm, and if you have it, you can gradually mature. This may be the price a man must pay to grow up.

After thinking about this, I quickly walked out of the shadow of broken love, went to Tiedan's house to visit the door, went to the field to see the pomegranate trees that had grown, chatted with my father, went to the kitchen to learn to cook with my mother, and made up for the family and friendship that I hadn't communicated for a long time because I was busy with work. He also used the money from the Hong Kong business trip subsidy to buy himself a new Feige brand bicycle in the county town and rode home happily.

On the third day of the Lunar New Year, according to the custom of previous years, I squeezed on the bus again to pay New Year's greetings to my aunt's family. Because my uncle-in-law had colleagues who kept coming to visit me for the New Year, I hid in Lei Ting's room with my cousin and cousin to chat; chatting and chatting and talking about a few boys in their school chasing her, one of them is a boy, always give her a place in the library, help her buy food, and the person is also good-looking, but the person is more boring, not good at words; the other boy is tall and handsome, is a basketball court athlete, looks very sunny, people are also very talkative, and he is always with him There are endless words, but there is a problem that this guy chases him more girls; and the other is that she values more, is a scholar, very smart, a little cold, usually does not take the initiative to chat with girls, but is very special to his cousin, cousin took the initiative to ask him questions several times, he answered patiently, the cousin has a lot of feelings for him.

At present, the cousin of these three people thinks it is very good, and she doesn't know who to choose to fall in love with, and she expects us to help her get an idea.

My cousin Raymond smiled slightly and said to me: "Tingting also told me about this, I helped her choose the one she liked, because it is difficult to buy the joy in the heart, since it is in love, you have to find someone you like, take the initiative to choose the joy in your heart, instead of passively waiting for others to choose the joy in your heart." ”

After that, both of them looked at me fixedly.

I took a deep breath, straightened out my thoughts, and said: "Tingting, it is said that you are only eighteen years old now, and it is the period of youth. I have a few questions, and I can answer you only if you answer me. First question: What is the purpose of your relationship?

Both of them were stunned, "What kind of question is this, how do you ask someone to answer?" Tingting couldn't help but ask first.

I smiled and said, "What's so hard to answer." To break it down to you, this question contains two contents, which means to ask you: Are you just looking for a person of the opposite sex to experience the taste of loving and being loved because of the restlessness of puberty? Or do you want to find a lifelong partner to marry and fall in love?"

Tingting: "This ...... It doesn't seem to have been considered. ”

Cousin Raymond was silent for a while, and said: "This question is really difficult to answer, because these two questions are interconnected, go in love now, it is not excluded that it contains adolescent restlessness, and there is a sense of experience, but the feelings developed between each other are deep, and they can also become lifelong partners." ”

I smiled and said, "Yes, what you said is very right, but the probability of this situation is too small, and there are many tests to go through during the period, such as a long time (four years of college), long distance (getting along in a long distance in the future), changes in human nature (greater temptation, etc.), changes in the working and living environment, etc., and finally how many people can really become partners and enter marriage?" Therefore, although it is not possible to strictly distinguish between experience and partner selection, it can be distinguished as a universal existence, and this is a question that needs to be clearly answered by oneself. ”

I took a sip of tea and continued to talk: "If it is for the purpose of experience, then choose a person you like, talk about a love that has almost no results and is destined to hurt your body and mind, but you must build your own psychology well to prevent the sequelae of falling out of love; You have to remember: there are two sides to everything, there is a give-and-go to gain, and there is a gain and a loss".

I paused, and then said: "Finally, I emphasize again: if you just experience life, then the two of you must grasp the scale, don't devote yourself to everything, then you will die a miserable death, remember what your main task is in college, love is just the embellishment of college life, yes, yes, no, don't force it, don't mess up the priorities."

I had been talking for a long time, and I saw that the two sisters were silent and thoughtful.

It was my cousin who recovered first: "Brother, what you said is so good, incisive, profound, profound." I already know what I have to do. Brother, I found that you are now making progress every day, and I can't catch up with your wisdom even now, in this short period of time, you have become an expert in love. In the future, if I have any problems with my sister in love, I will directly ask you, the master, to get it. ”

At this moment, I saw the eldest aunt pushing the door and walking in: "Dog, what you said is so good, I heard it outside, and I also oppose Tingting falling in love at such a young age, but my words with your uncle-in-law are always so orthodox and unconvincing, and she can't listen to them, or what you said is more profound and goes straight to the hearts of the people." ”

It turned out that my aunt and uncle had sent off the guests, so they all came to the room to look for me, and they happened to stand at the door and eavesdropped on the conversation between us.

I scratched my head embarrassedly: "Didn't I enter the university hall of society before the two of them, and after learning some theoretical knowledge, I came to show off, hehe."

Aunt: "Your uncle and I entered society earlier than you, but we couldn't get through to the two of them."

Me: "Can that be the same? Can you be free to love at that time? Even if you can, but when is it now? Reform and opening up, the times are different, and the concept of love is different. ”

Aunt: "Hehe, stinky boy, this mouthful of kung fu has become much more powerful." Come and sit in the living room and tell your aunt about your situation in Hong Kong, how is Director Wu doing now?"

......