46: Disheartened

The whole month of June is the busiest month in our rural area, from the ripening and harvesting of the wheat, to drying, threshing, and finally drying again. Warehousing, none of these steps can be missing, and there can be no rainy days during the period, it is even more miserable when it rains, the wheat that is withdrawn will sprout quickly, causing huge losses, and the weather cooperates with the completion of these steps, which is the end of the summer harvest; So this month, my family has been busy with farm work in the fields, and I can't leave it alone at this critical time of the year. By the time these things were all done, it was already mid-July. I guess the summer vacation in college is about to end.,It's been more than a month since I came back.,I should go to see Wu Na who I've been thinking about in my heart.,If Nana is still the same Nana before.,I'll confess directly.,If Nana can't stand the temptation of beauty anymore.,Change your mind.,I'll ...... I don't dare to think about it anymore.

At dinner in the evening, I asked my mother for 500 yuan, and my mother asked me why I wanted so much money? I had to lie and say that I went to see an old classmate in Xi'an and might want to invite me to dinner. Mother suddenly patted her head and said: "Look at my memory, I am really old and confused, when you were not at home, a very beautiful girl came to you, saying that her name is Xia He and she has worked with you." You're not going to see her, are you?"

Dad glared at his mother fiercely: "You dead old woman, why are you so gossipy? When the child is talking about his girlfriend, who he likes to find whom, what do you care about him? Give the child 1,000 yuan, no, put 5,000 yuan of private money around the child in the future, so that the child can use the money in the future, don't let the child go out and lose face, for a little pocket money has to ask you, when you are old, you will not have a little eyesight, and you will be disgusted."

The old mother smiled wryly: "I forgot and forgot, I thought our dog was still young, so I got used to it." It's so old, it's time to leave some money for the child. ”

I threw a grateful smile at my dad and said in my heart: It's still men who understand men best. A man keeps money for his lover to spend on his lover, and a woman keeps money for her husband to spend it.

Despite the blazing sun, he still put on the jeans, with white short sleeves, and the big VCR in his hand, and rushed to Nana's university, found a small shop in front of the school, and temporarily stored the VCR in the small store. In case Nana loses interest in me, it would be too abrupt to give someone a VCR, and they won't ask for it, so let yourself be slapped in the face.

Just like last time, I continued to hide behind the holly tree, and my heart was apprehensive and scared.

After the class bell rang, I saw Nana walk out of the corridor, this time there was not a boy, but four, two on the left and right, one of them, is the handsome boy I saw last time, I secretly slandered: This is really different, I saw it three times, three times are different, the first time was a girl next to her came out with her, the second time was a handsome boy next to her, this third time it became four boys, you are a cow.

No matter what the situation, I must talk to her this time, if I really have no love for me, I will die. Seeing that they were about to come over, he gritted his teeth and stood up, facing Nana's figure and watching quietly.

Nana was talking and laughing with the male classmates next to her while walking, and she was about to walk to me, only to suddenly find me standing in front of her, stunned on the spot, and after a while, she changed her smile and walked over: "Brother Zhang Yue, long time no see." ”

When I heard this first sentence, my heart sank: it's over, so polite, there is obviously a sense of alienation.

"yes, we haven't seen each other in nearly four months, it's been a long time. I said in a loud voice: "How are you? I see that you seem to have studied and lived very well in the past few months, alas, my brother invited you to dinner, and I will talk to my brother for a while, which also makes my brother happy." ”

"Okay, you wait a minute. As he spoke, he walked over and whispered something to the handsome boy he had seen last time, and then came over to me and said, "Let's go, let's go to a dumpling restaurant." After saying that, he walked forward.

I'm more like a frosted eggplant at the moment, wilting, and my heart is uncomfortable. Last time, I didn't care that other people were screaming and holding my arm, but this time I ...... The gap is too big.

"Why are you stunned?"

I quickly walked a few quick steps, followed her buttocks, and quickly walked out of the school gate.

I couldn't help it anymore, and said with a pun: "I haven't seen you for a few months, you have changed a lot, you are more beautiful and more characterful than before." ”

Nana turned her head and smiled slightly: "Yes, the country is changing, society is changing, everything is changing, as a person in society, who can not change?"

"Hehe, profound, incisive, in the end, a college student, the pride of the sky, and my old peasant's knowledge is different, admire and admire. ”

Nana smiled and didn't speak.

I remember reading a book that once said a very classic: a person who is liked is actually good at stimulating others' desire to talk, and he is a patient listener.

In order to adjust the atmosphere and be a person that Nana likes, after ordering two dumplings, I mustered up the courage to squeeze out a smile and said, "Nana, tell my brother about your happiness in the past four months, and let my brother share your happiness." ”

"There's nothing to say, just seven words: learn and learn and learn. ”

"Oh", I was embarrassed and didn't know what to say, so I had to change the topic again: "Look at me, I'm so stupid, what can college students do if they don't study in school." Isn't it coming up for summer vacation? What are your plans?"

"A group of our classmates made an appointment to go to Huashan to play, although I am also from Shaanxi, but I have grown so big, I really haven't been there, many foreign students asked, I can't explain to others, so this time we have a group of local and foreign classmates made an appointment, climb Huashan, long knowledge, and wish. ”

I frowned slightly and said, "Huashan is very dangerous, a girl's house, someone must take care of and protect it." ”

"What about our bunch of people, most of them are male classmates, what do they eat? It's okay, besides, I can take care of myself. ”

I opened my mouth, and I couldn't say any more.

"Don't just ask me, tell me about you, what are you doing during this time when you get home, and what are your plans for the future?"

My intuition tells me that Nana and I no longer have the kind of intimate relationship that we used to have, she used to take the initiative, I was passive, now I want to take the initiative, I want to take the initiative very much, but even the active environment and atmosphere are almost gone.

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but let out a long sigh: God, why are you playing tricks on me like this? Could it be that I can only fall in love with my sister in my life? Finally, there is a younger sister who makes my heart move, but I accidentally pass by, and I won't even be given a chance to reform myself. Am I destined to be someone else's lover? I really want to have a relationship, not so vigorous, I just want to talk about an open relationship, a love that my parents agree to, my relatives know, and my friends bless, if I can, just talk about it, either don't start it, or live a lifetime. But why is it so difficult? Sisters, where did you all die?

The more I thought about it, the more I lost my self-confidence, and my heart ached like countless ants gnawing at me.

"Brother Zhang Yue, what's wrong with you? Why don't you speak?" A soft call finally made me wake up, yes, people have even changed their title to "Brother Zhang Yue", without the sweetness of "Brother Yue", I am a farmer, even if I have money, I can't get rid of my identity as a farmer, how can I fall in love with my sister with some excellent conditions, such as Miss Guanjia, the pride of contemporary heaven, and the fairy who looks like a fairy? Forget it, it's better to be down-to-earth, don't have those unrealistic dreams. Instantly, I was disheartened.

"Oh, Wu Na, I don't have any plans, where is the water and soil not supporting people? I plan to farm and repair the earth in this life. "My heart is full of loneliness, what else to say, at this moment I want to stand up immediately and run away from her.

"Zhang Yue, Comrade Zhang Yue, how can you be like this? Are you still Comrade Zhang Yue whom I knew before? Don't be detached because of a setback or failure, because every successful person has a hard time behind it. You see, even if it is as brilliant as the sun, sometimes it is obscured by clouds, and your talent will not be buried forever, unless you want to bury your future. Think about the path you want to take in the future, learn to wait for opportunities and arrange yourself, decadence and evasion are the shame of men. If you want to be a hero, you might as well be a bear first,

I'm afraid that you're indifferent to anything. There is no bridge over the river and you can wait for it to freeze, and after a long dark night, it is dawn. Sober up, my Comrade Zhang Yue, I look down on those boys who have no fighting spirit the most. ”

My heart sank, and I was reprimanded by Nana like a song, and I realized that Nana actually cared about me very much, and was not as indifferent to me as she thought, and was a little comforted. But in the bottom of my heart, I was shouting: Wu Na, Wu Na, do you think I have become decadent because I have lost my job? This little setback can't defeat me at all, and you are too smart, right? You completely misunderstood me, I was because of the change in your attitude towards me, because you hooked up with others, and because my attitude towards you changed from cold to hot, because I cared too much about you, so that my already fragile glass heart began to break, and I became lonely and decadent in front of you. You are so clever and self-righteous, do you teachers know? Didn't she educate you? Alas......

I can't say this at the moment, the occasion is not right. But what should be said, I want to say it, give her the choice, make her uncomfortable, make me easier, even if I am rejected, at least I have worked hard, and I have no regrets in this life.