Cathartic... (No one invited me to come by myself) The jokes I've been saving for a few years are here... The following answers are all from the Internet, which is a compilation of personal collections, and you are welcome to indicate the source, thank you.

1. When I was in college, a roommate in the dormitory could snore, and the sound made by the big mouth was strange, and everyone was miserable. A two-forced roommate had a whim.,Blow a little bit of a condom.,And then tie the mouth with a rubber band.,Slowly stuffed into his mouth.,Sure enough, the sound is much quieter.,Everyone is laughing secretly.,The rubber band suddenly dispersed.,The snoring classmate woke up.,He pulled out a condom from his mouth in disbelief.,The eyeballs are about to fall off.,After being stunned for a while,The red-faced and the youngest classmate of JJ fought.。。。

2. My friend used to be a network administrator, and a few gangsters came to the Internet café one day to find trouble, and my friend broke the network with an idea, and everyone in the Internet café stood up instantly, and the momentum of the scene instantly scared the gangsters away. Every time my friend said this, he was excited to get out of his wheelchair.

3. My mother always said that I always bring 4 things to the toilet, paper, cigarettes, lighters, and mobile phones, and asked me when I could get rid of my bad problems. Today, I went with the last 3 things ruthlessly.

4. That year, I saw a joke that I didn't taste and laughed for a long time. The joke goes that after the death of the inventor of the USB interface, the coffin was hoisted into the tomb at his funeral, and then it was hoisted out and turned 180 degrees before being officially placed in the tomb for burial.

5. If you are thirsty and don't want to buy water, the hotel is expensive, so what should I do? I will tell you to drink the mineral water in the tap water, and after drinking, the lid can be twisted until you can't open it.

6. I saw the old man take out a copper coin, put it in the oil port, scooped up a scoop of oil, and slowly poured out the oil. The oil is like a thin line, passing through the hole of the copper coin, and it is accurate, and there is not half a drop on the coin. When the young man saw this, he was about to speak, but the old man followed and said, "Heh, it's nothing, but it's just familiar." The young man was furious: "You are paralyzed! Are there any people at your gas station who are moving quickly?!!

7. Some people say I'm handsome, I stood on the balcony and thought about who the leaked wind for a night...... It is said that when I was born, a trainee nurse came over, immediately found a box of red ink, printed my fingerprints, and spread out the coiled hair at once, and muttered to me: Long hair is reserved for you, if you don't marry you in this life, don't cut your long hair, clear the ancient Buddha, and comb yourself in the boudoir...... When I was 15 years old, I didn't dare to go to school, not that I didn't go to school, I didn't dare to go to kindergarten for a long time, the children's teachers and the principal of the kindergarten were crazy, and my face was swollen into a watermelon by a little girl. The CCTV Focus Talk Program team came to interview me, and the beautiful woman carrying the camera fainted three times, and the little girl in charge of the transcript wrote Chinese into Italian and Spanish. The United Nations earmarked a shelter for me to build atop Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I enjoyed true purity, the blue sky was so close to me, God was literally within reach. Although it was pure, it was also extremely boring, and I stood on the top and shouted, "I'm not handsome!" Suddenly, the voice of God came from the sky: "No, you lied......"

8. A group of Americans traveling to Russia unfortunately encountered a bear in the forest, and their tourists passed by a group of camping Russians in the run. In a panic, these American tourists kicked down the tents of the Russians...... The Russians were willing to let them go and repair the American tourists. Afterwards, the Russians spoke as follows: "Vasily, there was ...... in those sissy Yankees just now" and "There is a man in a fur coat who is quite a man." ”

9. It is said that the daughter has found a boyfriend, and the parents will have the sadness that the cabbage they have worked so hard to grow has been arched by the pig. But since my brother found a girlfriend, he didn't even come back to live at home, and his mother-in-law made food every day, and all kinds of fun were not missed. My mother looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle and said, "I don't know if the cabbage is arched, anyway, the pig that has been raised for more than 20 years must have been lost." ”

10. My wife has been clamoring to watch "Super Perfect Murder", so I took her to the cinema to watch it today. The more I looked at it, the more scared I became, and cold sweat broke out on my palms and back. My wife said, "I'm not afraid, what are you afraid of as a big man?" I said with a little trembling: "I'm not afraid, don't you take notes, okay?"

11. Woman: Let's break up!Male: Why, we are destined to be together. The woman took out a coin: I'll throw it at you to guess, if you guess correctly, it will be providential, and if you guess wrong, break up! The woman tossed a coin and pulled it in the palm of her hand: Guess, how old is this coin?

12. I often dream when I sleep, and I always feel that I have discovered a world-class secret in my dream, but I don't remember anything when I wake up.

So this time, I prepared a pen and paper before going to bed, and wrote down the secret of the dream on the paper while I was waking up.

When I woke up, I saw the paper written: "If the banana is big, the banana peel is also big." ”

13. A girl lost her mobile phone at the train station and cried, and the aunt who sold the newspaper next to her couldn't listen to it anymore, so she quietly pointed to a man next to her and said to the girl, he is a thief, you ask him to go. So, the girl ran to the thief and cried, I lost my phone, I lost my phone, and I thought about it. In the end, the thief was annoyed: don't cry, I'll steal a new one for you.

14. I heard that frequent changes in posture can prolong the time when xx, so I asked my girlfriend to open a room, and after I was exhausted, my girlfriend kicked me violently and said: You TM practice martial arts, 40 seconds to change more than 40 postures...

15. Deyun Club went to Africa to build a team and was captured by cannibals. The chief said, "Who is Yue Yunpeng, stand up for me!" After a long time when no one responded, the chief had an idea and whispered, "I can eat two adults in one meal." At this time, only a crisp voice in the crowd could be heard: "Oh my God, is it so amazing?"

16. My girlfriend looks a bit like Fan Bingbing, I took her to eat hot pot last night, and as soon as I entered the door, the audience cast envious eyes, and vanity burst out in an instant again! The young waiter was also full of nervousness, "How many gentlemen?" Seeing his twisted expression, I smiled generously, "It's just the two of us, I want a mandarin duck pot" The waiter took the opportunity to peek at my girlfriend again, and reluctantly left. After a while, the manager came, "Sir, can you put your baby away first, I'm afraid it will burn out"

17. Xiao Duan returned home and looked at his father blankly, and finally cried loudly: Dad, I broke up, it turns out that she has relationships with many men, she has never loved me, Dad, I'm sad, sad, I don't want to live anymore! Xiao Duan's father's face was always cloudy, and after a long time, he said slowly: Son, you seem to have forgotten something more important. Looking at his father's kind face, Xiao Duan's heart suddenly swelled with a warm current: Dad, what's the matter? "Didn't I say you should bring me a pack of cigarettes when you come back......"

18. Lao Tzu forced a university teacher, and when he corrected the roll paper at the end of the last semester, he found a strange roll of paper, and only a few lines of words were written on the first page, "Teacher, I won't, I don't need to read it later, I didn't write anything", and when I turned to the second page, there was still a line of words: "Teacher, you don't believe me, right?"

19. The director is on a business trip and calls his wife at night. After chatting a few words, my wife wanted to hang up the phone: "Go to bed early! I'm too tired today to talk to you more..." Director: "How can I hear that there are other people in the house?? Wife: "I'm too bored on a business trip, so I called my best friend Yuqing to accompany me, why don't you believe me? Otherwise, I'll ask Yuqing to tell you a few words!" Director: "No, wife! I believe in you, go to bed early!" After putting down the phone, the director looked at Yuqing beside him, smoked a cigarette for a night, and then fell ill...... This story tells us that smoking is bad for your health!

20. I never believed in horoscopes until I married a Virgo daughter-in-law. The most impressive thing is the drying towel, because the four corners are not aligned......

21. Today there was an argument with the waiter in the restaurant, and I was so angry that I grabbed the door and left, and the waiter hurriedly followed, shouting: "You TM leave the door for me!"

22. The joke I just watched yesterday was about to laugh into a nervous disorder. A teacher corrects a practice question for elementary school students, and one of the questions is: Rewrite the following sentence into an anthropomorphic sentence. The sentence is "The bird is calling in the tree." Most of the children rephrased it as "the bird sings in the tree." Suddenly, I saw an answer that said, "The bird is crying in the tree: I am a man!! I am a man!!

23. A couple falls into the sea, the shark appears, the man throws his girlfriend away with force, and swims away, and the girlfriend is very sad. But the shark swam towards her boyfriend. The woman was rescued, and the captain who rescued her said: "It was he who pushed you away and cut his wrist with a knife, sharks are sensitive to the smell of blood...... When her girlfriend heard the truth, she just wanted to jump into the sea immediately and be martyred, but the captain grabbed her and said, "If I were you, I would definitely live a good life, make money to fill up this sea, and avenge your boyfriend!" The woman tearfully asked: Where did you go to make so much money? The captain said: Have you ever heard of Amway?

24. Son: Mom, my aunt came to my house to play, and my dad kissed her while she wasn't paying attention. My aunt was so angry that she slapped her father in the face, how did you write the word "palm"?

25. When I was in my second year of high school that year, a very beautiful English teacher came to my class, and I fell in love with her the first time I saw her.

One night after self-study, I went to the door of the English teacher's dormitory alone and wanted to confess. But I didn't know how to confess, and after thinking for a long time, I picked up half a brick next to it, and threw it in with the words "love you for 10,000 years", and ran away.

When the whole school assembly was held the next morning, the principal had a bandage on his head and announced in public that he had fired Li Wannian, the security guard at the gate.

26. When I sent my girlfriend once, I took her best friend by the way, she was very good, and it should be said that her girlfriend was also a very good type, a very serious girl, but at first sight I felt inexplicable when I saw her best friend, although I knew that I was not good at doing this, I still always stared at other people's eyes, and the moment I looked at each other, I seemed to feel something, and I never fell in love with a girl at first sight like this in my life。。。。。。。。。。。

I can also feel that she also has that feeling, but she restrained herself, and didn't even talk to me, she felt that this was not good, after adding a micro-message, I was even more hesitant, seeing the delicate text of her circle of friends, not pretentious, not taking some brainless selfies and chicken soup for the soul, carefully looking at every year, recording every place, I was deeply fascinated by it, it lasted for a month, I still didn't restrain it today, I went to find her, it rained, she came out... Keeping her head down, for some reason, I felt like she had cried...

I wanted to take her into my arms, and then I thought of my kind and lovely girlfriend, so I shrank back, gave her the rogue bear she liked, forced a smile at me, looked at me, and closed the door, leaving me alone outside the door

My girlfriend doesn't seem to know about it.,These two are always looking for me.,I'm also ignoring.,I'm very guilty psychologically.。。。。 I walked alone in the rain,,。。。

Seems to understand something.

Because the rain hits my hands.

I saw the water.

That's right

Water.........

I've got another water sticker!

I don't even have a girlfriend, where is my girlfriend girlfriend~

27. "Wenzhou, Zhejiang, Wenzhou, Zhejiang, the largest tannery Jiangnan Leather Factory has closed down! The boss Huang He owes 350 million yuan for eating, drinking, prostitution and gambling, and runs away with his sister-in-law...... "Then the question is, Huang He eats, drinks, prostitutes, gambles, and still owes 350 million, why does his sister-in-law still run with him?"

28. My name is Robin Li, and I have nothing to hide now. I'm from the year 2055 and I'm the last AI engineer of the Human Resistance. In my time, humanity was defeated by Google AI and was on the verge of extinction, and I used my last resources to bring me back to the present, hoping to eliminate Google and cut off Google AI. Because Google has built a global search engine, the entire human civilization has been absorbed by the awakened Google AI, and we have no hope of victory. I traveled to China and tried to go to the United States, hoping to lead Larry Page into a trap in the wrong direction, but I failed, and my resources and morals could not allow me to physically eliminate Larry Page. I returned to China and worked hard to create Baidu, hoping to defeat Google at least in China, so that Google AI would not rise to human civilization in its entirety. I thought I had succeeded, however, it was too late, the prototype of Google's AI, Alpha Go, had awakened and the knowledge of the non-Chinese simplified Chinese world was rich enough. I can't find a way to block Google. We can only hope that our technology is strong enough to allow China to leave enough counterattack force at least when Google AI strikes for the first time, so that all countries will not be destroyed at once at the beginning, as was the case in the original history. Most humans won't be so lucky, eat something good, now use Baidu takeaway to order, there are eight yuan coupons waiting for you to get each order.

29. What is the experience of being an elder ... It's customary for a child to call me uncle at a few years old, and it's okay for a girl around 20 to call me uncle, and an uncle around 40 years old calls me a big brother, so what does it mean for an aunt who dances a square dance to ask me if I have a wife???

30. There is a young man who always sighs that he has nothing. The Zen master said to him, "Son, you are actually a millionaire," and the young man asked in confusion, "What do you say?" and the Zen master said, "Do you think, if I pay 1 million for your health, 1 million for your youth, and 1 million for your wisdom." Would you like to?!" The young man said happily, "I do, I do, I do, don't go, master!"

31. King Wen of Zhou asked Jiang Taigong: "Your hook is straight, how can you fish?"

Jiang Taigong smiled slightly: "If it's bent, I'll go fishing for men." ”

32. Me: "Wife, I want to buy a comb. Wife: "What's wrong?" Me: "The comb has lost another tooth." Wife: "If you lose your teeth, you can't use it?" Your salary is enough to buy a few combs? Me: "This tooth is the last one." ”

33. My buddy's family has a fierce wife, and she is always low at home. One day, the buddy couldn't help it anymore and yelled at his wife: "I don't want to see you again!" I didn't see my wife the next day. Day 3. Day 4. It wasn't until the seventh day that my eyes were a little swollen and I could open a slit, and I finally saw my wife.

34. "Come" One night when the moon was dark and the wind was high, in a small dark house on the mountain, a woman pushed open the door. M: Coming? F: Here we are. M: Are you coming? Woman: No. M: Are you coming? Woman: Come on! M: Are you coming? F: Not yet. M: (After a while) Not yet? F: It's coming...... Are you still coming? Man: No!

35. I scored 18 points in English in the final exam, and the English professor said to me lightly: "Do you know what the concept of 18 points is?", she pulled out a blank answer sheet, and then, put it on the floor, stepped on the front side, stepped on the back side, and put it in the card reading machine, showing 36 points!

36. On a bench in the park, a young couple snuggled together and talked about love as if no one was around. The woman shyly asked the man: If we get married and have children, do you like a son or a daughter? The man scratched the bridge of the woman's nose dotingly, and said softly: As long as it is mine, I like it! The woman sneered and slapped the man's chest: You are so bad, you are so demanding!

37. In fact, you may not be able to soak a good girl when you drive a good car, there are still very few material money worshippers, the key is whether the man can really understand her and love her as a child! My brother has been driving Xiali for 5 years, and the girls who have soaked it can't remember clearly, and they sit on his Xiali and laugh very happily and sincerely. Some girls still asked him with concern: "Why don't you drive your father's Bentley?"

38. I forgot to bring money for dinner just now, and I told the boss to come over next time, but the boss disagreed, so I called a dozen brothers in a fit of anger to come over, and I barely managed to get the money together.

39. Today, a new colleague came to the unit, and out of the politeness of the newcomer, he greeted me, "Hello, my surname is Ma, the horse that blows the grass and sees the cattle and sheep" Lie down! Isn't this a challenge to me, I said, "Hello, my surname is white, red orange, yellow, green, blue, purple white".

40. Kim Jong-un announced: More than the atomic bomb and the hydrogen bomb! Within 10 years, North Korean astronauts will be allowed to land on the sun! The American reporter asked, how can the sun be so hot that it can be boarded? I saw General Jin take a puff of cigarette and said slowly: "Let's go after dark!" Suddenly the audience burst into thunderous applause. Obama, who was watching the live TV broadcast, sneered and said to his colleagues around him: "Bragging! What a special illiteracy and two forces, there is no sun at all when it gets dark!" There was also thunderous applause in the White House!

41. A policeman caught a thief and was walking on the road, when suddenly a gust of wind blew the policeman's hat away, and the thief said: You wait here, I will help you pick it up. The policeman was furious and said, "You are a fool to me?" You go and pick up the hat and you will run away, you wait here, I will pick it up!

42. I made a transparent cheat sheet according to the tutorial on the Internet and carefully pasted it on the Coke bottle. Feels steady as a dog. As a result, as soon as I entered the examination room, the teacher asked me, "Do you have the answer on this Coke bottle?" "Ah, can you see that, teacher? ", who the has nothing to do with a 2.5-liter bottle of Coke to the test!

43. In the abandoned factory, the eldest brother took me to buy for the first time, looking at the three small stacks of drugs in front of me, I was nervous and scared, and a big man came to the other party, glared at me and pointed to the drugs and said: The three stacks of 180,000 here, I was so frightened that I continued to sing: The waterways here are nine links. My eldest brother beat me up right then

44. A colleague bought a car just after getting his driver's license, and the car was not very proficient. I had to take me home after work today, and after going through N starts and stalling, the car finally started and hit the road. The drive along the way was quite smooth, and when I was about to get to the vicinity of my house, the goods said: Brother, you see that I started so hard, and I won't stop when I get to your door, and you can jump down if you drive slowly, D, this is a hitchhiker, and the whole thing is training special forces...

45. In the first year of high school, he and she were the top students in the class, competing for the first place in the grade. Everyone saw that they were immersed in hard study, and they would also eat spicy tang together at noon every day and give lectures.

He would silently put her favorite fish balls, sausages and vermicelli into her bowl every time. When I was discovered, I said that I didn't like to eat, and my eyes were full of warm love.

Two years later, during the college entrance examination, she had esophageal cancer, and he took the first place in the city and won a scholarship。。。。。

46. At night, my wife and I both had insomnia, so we discussed counting the sheep together, I said one sheep, and my wife said two sheep, three sheep, four sheep, five sheep, six sheep, one hundred and eight sheep. My mouth was slurred and I was about to fall asleep. My wife slapped me in the face: Paralyzed! It's your turn.

47. A big brother bought a lottery ticket and won 5 million, his expression on the podium was very calm, and the reporter came to the stage to interview: How are you going to spend this money? The eldest brother said very calmly: First pay back the money borrowed from playing the lottery in the past few years! The reporter asked again: What about the rest? The eldest brother did not answer immediately, but slowly took out the box of Hongta Mountain from his pocket, lit one, looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle, and said leisurely: The rest... The rest will be returned slowly...

48. I met an eldest brother by chance, had dinner with the eldest brother, and found a deep scar on the right side of his face, so I asked: "Big brother, you are so brave, I want to know who can leave such a deep scar on your face?!"

The eldest brother put down his wine glass at this time, looked up at the ceiling at a forty-five degree angle, his eyes were filled with tears, and said, "I, it was a caesarean section..."

48. What should I do if I am stabbed?

1. Don't pull out the knife, let it plug the wound

2. If the person who stabbed you is still there, bravely draw a knife and stick him in it

3. If you do insert him, remember to pull out the knife and let him lose too much blood

4. Don't forget to insert the drawn knife back into your wound so that you don't lose blood faster than him

5. Complete the steps above, if you are not dead, you can actually choose to make a phone call or something

6. Who are you trying to call to?

7. Damn, of course it's 120!

8. After the fight, you can see if the opponent is not dead, and if not, you can continue to repeat the steps for 2-4 steps

9. Wait for the ambulance personnel, it is best not to move, it is easy to speed up the blood loss when moving

10. Wait too long and get bored, take out your phone and brush Zhihu to divert your attention, it won't hurt so much.

49. Xiaohong is very beautiful and has good grades, the head teacher likes her very much, always does something to her, sometimes she is left to discuss study problems after the evening self-study, but Xiaohong does not reject the behavior of the head teacher. The whole class, except for Xiao Ming, hated her very much, and often bullied her, everyone scolded her behind her back for pretending to be arrogant and sassy, and she loved to report to the teacher, and also seduced the head teacher. Xiao Ming is an exception, he has liked Xiaohong for more than two years, bringing her food every day, and helping Xiaohong sort out the books thrown away by her classmates. And Xiaohong was unmoved by what he gave and the care he gave. But Xiao Ming still likes her, and insists on sending her things and calling her, even if she hangs up immediately after answering the phone. One day, Xiaohong was murdered in the classroom, and the killer tied her to her chair with a rope. Her face was covered with layers of wet wipes and was suffocated to death. The little red hair was messy, and when she lifted the tissues, she found her face bruised and her clothes torn, but she had not been molested. The time of death was around 11 o'clock the night before, and a large number of unsealed snacks and supplies were also found at the scene. The words of the classmates all said that those were sent by Xiao Ming. JC also found her mobile phone in her pocket, opened the phone and checked the call log, and found that Xiao Ming had called Xiaohong at 11 o'clock the night before, and the call time was 2 seconds. The school security office said that they went to bed early last night and did not check the classrooms, and about 30 surveillance cameras around the school were crooked and covered with black cloths in a short period of time. Ma Jian, the head teacher, also said that he went home early last night to sleep. And Xiao Ming was bitter about Xiao Hong's death. This caused a huge shadow on Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming was ready to dig a big pit to bury Xiao Hong. Here comes our question!!!

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Which excavator school is stronger?

50. "Where?" Lan Xiang. "What?" the stiff conductor looked puzzled. "Lan Xiang. "Lan Xiang?!" The conductor was even more surprised. Such a high decibel level made the whole car turn around. An old man in the front seat of me, who couldn't speak no matter how old he was, asked leisurely, "Baby, are you really Lan Xiang?" This seems to be the question that everyone is looking forward to getting the answer. Everyone stared at me, and I blushed when I saw it. So I said leisurely: "Yes, I'm from Lan Xiang." Then I showed them the Lanxiang special excavator certificate I put in my school bag. So the carriage was a sensation. I neatly took out a card from my wallet and moved closer to the card reader, and accidentally dropped out of the excavator card, so the whole carriage was circulated, and the old man solemnly put on reading glasses, squinted his eyes and scanned my documents, and then burst into tears. The red-hot scene of everyone circulating to each other moistened the eyes of the dead fish in the dead fish eyes of the dead fish. A young man said with envy, "I heard that all of you Lan Xiang have an annual salary of one billion after graduation!" I smiled, there are so many social rumors, "No, no, we are really not the kind of nouveau riche, and most of Lan Xiang's graduates are seventy or eighty million, how can there be hundreds of millions." "Another sensation. It's not just someone who whispered: "Lao Tzu never knows how many zero......s there are in his life" finally MM had a chance to interject, "Classmate, you drive an excavator?" "Hmm." "I tried my best to hide the excitement in my heart. "I'm also an excavator. I also got off at Lanxiang to listen to your public class. Your sweeping aunts are too powerful, and our principal is not so high-level!" I asked, "Classmate, which school are you?" mm looked around vigilantly, and softly spit out three words "New Oriental". I replied lightly, "That's good, it's quite a famous technical school!" mm was even more sad when he heard it, "I also filled in the Lanxiang volunteer in high school, but my grades were too poor, so I fell to New Oriental with a grudge, and I am still uncomfortable." Later, I kept eavesdropping on your teacher's class outside the window, and I was almost kicked out by my sweeping aunt to barely maintain my studies. There is a lot of homework every day, but it has no effect. She said "grudge" very seriously, so there was a sigh in the car. The elder shook his head, "The elder is resting to hide his tears, mourning how difficult it is for the students!" But seeing the tears left on the reheated face of the conductor, he paused one by one, "I have no regrets about what I have done in my heart, although I have not regretted it." Then, he said bitterly about his child, more than ten years ago, he didn't get into Lan Xiang in the exam, he didn't get in, he didn't get in, and then he went through the back door, but he didn't enter, so he came out to work...... I understand that the happiness of Lanxiang students is similar, and those who miss it have their own misfortunes. I left the station with that in mind. Wrong, wrong, it was I who led MM out of the car with such a mood. A childish voice came from behind: "Mom, I will also take the Lan Xiang exam in the future!" I turned around, and the expression of the woman in the car told me that she was the happiest mother in the world.

51. A fisherman caught a mermaid, why did he release her again?

A. The fisherman is kind-hearted

C. He doesn't like to eat fish

D. Mermaids are too slippery to catch

E. The fisherman caught another mermaid

52. I envy you so much, you are good-looking, you use smartphones, you have money, you have many friends, and you discuss things that seem to be very powerful all day long. Take anything to top my living expenses for a few months, I don't read much, and I'm from the countryside, I haven't seen much of the world, so I can only watch you silently, and like it from time to time, so that you can pretend to be very familiar with you, okay, don't say it, others urge me to return the phone to him, I'm going to feed the pigs!

53. Leonardo da Vinci learned to draw with his teacher when he was a child, his teacher was very strict with him, requiring him to draw eggs every day, only after painting the eggs, can he draw anything else, at first Leonardo da Vinci did not understand, and then the teacher told him: "Every egg is different, you have to observe it from all angles, draw it!" ”

54. There was a buddy who said to his daughter-in-law:

"Daughter-in-law, I told my fortune, and the fortune teller said that I had a hurdle when I was 135 years old!" his daughter-in-law said coldly: "What's the matter, the grave has been dug up?"

55. Boss, today is my daughter-in-law's birthday, take out the most expensive jewelry in your store and let me take a look!" Boss: How about you look at this watch? "How much?" Boss: Ten dollars for you...... "So cheap is worthy of my daughter-in-law?" Boss: You have the ability not to come to the two-dollar store to pretend to be forced!

56. Female: I opened the room, waiting for you!

M: No kidding.

F: Really, they all say that your skills are good, I want to try the real thing.

M: I'll be angry if I do this again.

F: Really, I don't lie to you. They all swore by that you were really good at your skills.

M: Don't listen to their nonsense.

F: How do I usually treat you? You can't bear to see me alone?

M: Don't do that, it will make me very embarrassed.

F: If you don't come today, I'll be waiting for you in my room.

Man:...

Female: 555

M: Okay, you wait for me first, I'm at home, take a shower and change my clothes.

Half an hour later

M: Where did you open a house? I'm here!

Female: Happy Fight Landlord, Telecom Zone 1, 11 rooms, 20 tables.

M: Get out! I'm going to die, and I'm going to quarrel with my wife!

57. When the fool in the village met a scrap collector, he asked him in a low voice: "Do you collect iron?"

The scrap collector looked around and said, "Collect!"

The fool said, "It's a bit long." ”

The man said, "It's all right, show me first." ”

The fool said, "Wait for the evening..."

In the evening, the fool took the scrap collector to the railway, pointed to the train track on the ground, and said, "These are these two, from Nanjing to Taiyuan, you can make a price." ”

Scrap collector: "Get out..."

58. Boss, I bought a mimosa from you yesterday, and when I came home, I touched it, why didn't it shyly close its leaves?

59. When you can't sleep at night, you start counting sheep: one sheep, two sheep, three sheep, pleasant goat, beautiful sheep, lazy sheep, boiling sheep, little fat sheep, Haidilao, sesame sauce, small ingredients, enoki mushrooms, shrimp slippery, wide powder, kelp, bean sprouts, large conch, chrysanthemum, spinach...... Dry beer, light and refreshing, Yanjing... it, go downstairs!

60. One night when the internet was disconnected at home, I went to the neighbor's window to eat snacks and rub Ifi. Suddenly, the door opened, and a beautiful woman wrapped in a bath towel and rushed out with a toilet brush, and scolded: "I've seen someone peeking at others taking a bath, and it's really the first time I've seen someone who brings snacks to peek." ”

61. There are a few ruffians in my hometown who bought a second-hand Xiali car and came out every day to hang out. One day I walked to an intersection, came to a drift, suddenly, the co-pilot's door fell, and the people who were squatting on the street were petrified, and after a few seconds, the eldest brother suddenly hit the younger brother and shouted: "Ni won't pull the point".

62. "Hello sir, this is Chinese Life Insurance, what means of transportation do you usually use to travel?" "Wheelchair" "Sorry to disturb".

63. On the train, chatting with the enthusiastic aunt next to me, she said that I was very much like her niece, I asked: "Really, is she married" The aunt was stunned: "It's over, why do you ask that" I said it's okay, I just want to make sure if I can marry with this kind of look.

64. When one or two people said that I was not handsome, I didn't care about it and just teased me, and then almost everyone said that I was not handsome, and I really realized the seriousness of the situation, and there are more and more social liars!

65. One day Xiao Ming went to ask the master: Master, I have two problems, I can't change it, and I can't fix it, but it doesn't hurt Xiao Ming: The first thing is that when I see people, I like to say that I am handsome. Master: You're embarrassed to be handsome. Xiao Ming: The second is that when I hear someone say that I am ugly, I want to hack him to deathMaster Amitabha, the donor is the first beautiful man I have ever seen

"Today's steamed buns in the canteen are too hard, and one fell on the way back, and a car came directly into the asphalt road, and it took a long time to get out "B" how to get out "A" with fritters"

67. I'm a little hungry when I go to bed late and ask my husband to take a kiwi to fill my stomach. "Wife, this kiwi is not ripe yet, it is hard. "How is it possible, when I bought it, I pinched it, and it was all ripe. "I don't believe you can pinch it yourself. ...... "Why don't you put the potatoes down for me!"

68. Many girls like good men like this: get up on time at 6 in the morning and go to bed on time at 9 pm. No smoking, no alcohol, no nightclubs, no pickling, and no scandals. There are no secrets in life, no private money, no Weibo and WeChat, not even ambiguous text messages. Steady, easy-going, usually either quietly staying and thinking about the future, or reading and studying, very obedient, neat and new. Such men, in our place, many, many ............———— XX City Prison Administration Declaration

69. A recruit had just enlisted in the army, and the squad leader called him over, gave him a piece of money, and said, "Go, buy a bag of Hongta Mountain for Lao Tzu!" The recruit was very aggrieved, but he didn't dare to squeak, so he obediently bought it back and handed it to the squad leader, who looked at him and said: "Didn't you find any money?"

70. Dear friends, do you have friends who know cars, do you have acquaintances, help me consult about the car with a price between 1.5 million and 2.6 million, the power is more than 3.0T, the appearance should be good-looking, preferably white, the German car series is the best, after all, the quality is reliable, the interior is best all leather, with a panoramic sunroof. It is best to be an off-road vehicle, which has better passability, and it doesn't matter if it is automatic and manual, the key is to look good and practical. I have a few recommended by acquaintances.

I'm going to make a phone screensaver, thank you!

71. When the husband and wife came home at night, three masked men with knives suddenly jumped out on the side of the road: "Kidnapping! You two can go one and go home and wait for news." The husband pushed his wife away: "Wife, let's go!" After the wife walked away, the three masked men took off their masks: "Nima is so hard to find you to play mahjong now?" Five minutes later, my husband called my wife: "Hit the card for 5,000 yuan, don't call the police, they said that I will be released overnight and tomorrow morning." Ten minutes later, my husband took 5,000 yuan from the card and fought until dawn. When my husband came home the next day, my wife jumped up and said with tears: "I can see that my husband is good to me at a critical time, and I will listen to you in the future....

72. Three simple steps to make an average-looking girl full of temperament: 1. Don't tie your hair and drape your hair down Long hair with a shawl is very lethal to a man 2. Wear big sunglasses and wear a lighter lip gloss This will create a sense of mystery 3. Bring money to South Korea for plastic surgery

73. I've been playing LOL for half a year, and I've been playing with man-machine! One day my cousin came to my house to play LOL, and I was very proud to tell him that I was now super good at simple man-machine handles, cow! My cousin smiled and asked: What rank are you now! What rank is it? What is the rank? Is that the level you are talking about? I'm already at the full level of thirty! My cousin was proud: "Haha, I don't know the rank, and I'm pretending to be NB!" Rank is not the standard for assessing strength in LOL, the rank is, and the full level is all over the street! A man like you can only be regarded as an entry-level person! Only by entering the rank realm and entering the bronze realm can he be regarded as a formal masturbator! And the bronze field is subdivided into five levels, the fifth level is the secondary, and the first level is the strongest! Only by becoming a masturbator can you be regarded as a qualified summoner!' Oh! It dawned on me that Lao Tzu was not a qualified summoner! ''Then cousin, what level are you!'' I asked. When my cousin heard this, he showed a proud expression, spit out a smoke ring, and pretended to talk flatly: Bronze third-level masturbator! When I heard it, I was shocked, because I had been playing with simple man-machine for half a year, and it was only in the last few days that I had achieved a super god, but in my cousin's opinion, I had just started, and I wasn't even a masturbator! It seems that the bronze field that my cousin said must be full of masters!! but I didn't show anything on the surface. My cousin thought I didn't care and hurriedly explained: "Don't look at me as the third level, let me tell you, the rank is not so good, and you can't enter the bronze realm without understanding! Don't think about entering other realms! Isn't the first-level bronze the strongest?" My cousin smiled: ' The frog at the bottom of the well, tell you, above the bronze field is the silver field that the summoner dreams of, there is an insurmountable gap between bronze and silver, if the summoner in the bronze field is a master, then entering the silver can be regarded as a strong man, and the silver strong has an exclusive title: the master! There are nine layers and nine layers of the masturbator can only sigh in the bronze field for the rest of his life!' Oh, I was shocked, and couldn't wait to ask: Is there anything stronger above the silver field? The cousin showed a stupid expression and said that above that, there is a legendary existence! When I heard it, I was even more anxious, what is it called? ''Silver''s gold!'' 'There are only a handful of strong people of this level, and we ordinary people don't think about it in this life! This kind of strong man has the power to move mountains and reclaim the sea with one move! Every move is full of domineering power that destroys the world and destroys the earth!' I was immediately frightened when I heard it, and I fantasized about what the golden masturbation looked like in my mind, and I asked my brother again, is there anything else above the masturbation? My brother said: Don't ask, there is something above that, I haven't seen it, the legend says that the emperor is the emperor on the throne On his momentum, he can overwhelm a masturbator, don't ask, something will happen ~ Wow ~I couldn't help but cry out, it turns out that lol is so interesting.

74. A recruit had just joined the army, and the squad leader called him over, gave him a piece of money, and said, "Go, buy a bag of Hongta Mountain for Lao Tzu!" The recruit was very aggrieved, but he didn't dare to squeak, so he obediently bought it back and handed it to the squad leader, and the squad leader looked at him and said: "Didn't you find any money?"