My name is Joan, and I have been suffering from a strange disease since I was a child, and my right hand is much stronger than my left, and it is covered with yellow dense fluff, just like the limbs of the big yellow dog in the village, which is extremely ugly. Because of this, everyone in the village looked at me strangely.

I am an outcast picked up by my mother, and my mother has never been married in her life, so I have no father.

Since I was sensible, my mother's health was very poor, she often coughed, and she couldn't do heavy work. The family was poor, and my mother did not have the money to go to the doctor, which caused her to fall ill and get worse and worse, and finally died when I was five years old.

When my mother was alive, the people in the village didn't dare to do anything, but after my mother died, everyone was eager to drive me out of the village, especially those adults, who would spit on me every time they saw me, staring at my hairy right hand, and scolding viciously in their mouths: "I have only heard that wool grows on sheep, but I have never seen dog legs grow on people, what a freak, disgusting to death!"

The children in the village never played with me, and they would bully me, calling me a wild seed, calling me a monster, and calling me a beast born of a female dog.

As time went on, I became more and more timid, and I hardly dared to leave the house, at most I hid in the yard, watched those children chase and play through the crack in the door, playing eagles and chickens, hide and seek, watching them play carefree and crazy on the street, secretly wiping tears, and my heart was indescribably painful and envious.

Although no one played with me, the dogs in the village were very close to me, no matter who raised them, they would shake their heads and tail when they saw me, and never bark at me, and even some dogs were very afraid of me, as long as I showed a little viciousness, they immediately ran away with their tails between them.

However, every time I played with those dogs, the children in the village would come around and laugh at me, calling my mother a female dog, and calling me a little wild dog born of a female dog, and only wild dogs would play with dogs, and dogs eat, so I would just eat.

At first, those children scolded my mother, and I would be very angry, and I even fought with them a few times, but there were so many of them that I couldn't beat them at all, so I had to avoid them, neither fight with them, nor give them a chance to speak ill of my mother.

In the two years after my mother's death, there was a famine, and everything I could eat was very expensive, so I had to get up before dawn every day and go door-to-door to help others wash their clothes in exchange for one or two overnight steamed buns, or rancid sweet potatoes. Because my family was really poor, the village gave me a subsistence allowance, which allowed me to receive 100 yuan a month for living expenses, and the school tuition was completely free.

That way, I was finally able to go to school like any other child.

It's just that there are a lot of people in the school, and there are many people who hate me, whether they are male or female, they are far away from me, and every time they pass by me, they have to pinch their noses, looking disgusted, as if I have a very stinky smell on my body.

For six years of elementary school, my teachers didn't like me, my classmates excluded me, I always sat in the last row, and I didn't even have a friend to talk to.

Fortunately, I learn things quickly and my grades are very good, so even if my classmates don't like me anymore, they can't do anything with me, after all, many people still have to copy my homework.

When I went to junior high school, I became much more sensible and learned to wear long-sleeved clothes and cover my hairy right hand. In this way, it does not interfere with other people's eyes, and it also makes me look like a normal person at last.

In the second semester of the second year of junior high school, a female classmate named Li Shuang transferred to the class, she was very beautiful, her skin was very white, she wore a double ponytail, and her face was flushed, like a star on TV.

Li Shuang is very lively, since she came, the whole class has been lively, and the male classmates like her very much, revolving around her every day, eager to stick with her.

I also want to play with Li Shuang, but I have low self-esteem, after all, my strange illness is not a secret in the class, I still remember the first time Li Shuang saw my right hand, there was a surprised expression on his face, which made me even more embarrassed, and I wanted to use a knife to cut off my disgusting right hand.

But it's strange to say that Li Shuang is not afraid of me, because I study well and the seat is right next to her, so she often asks me some questions about studying.

From childhood to adulthood, except for my mother, no one was close to me, everyone rejected me and was afraid of me, only Li Shuang would not, not only bought me snacks to eat, but also played with me every day, chatting about the content of the book, the world outside the book, and the dream of the future.

After a long time, the classmates thought that I liked Li Shuang, especially the boys, and hated me even more, and looked at me viciously all day long, like an enemy, and sometimes when I was not in the classroom, they would throw my books into the garbage, or simply take a pen and scribble on my books, making a mess of my desk.

Fortunately, after Li Shuang knew these things, she went to talk about those boys, and they restrained a lot.

In this way, as long as the school is closed and there are holidays, Li Shuang will come to the village to play with me, I take her to catch fish with a dustpan, dig a bird's nest, and sit on a tree to enjoy the shade, and at night I will take a small net bag made by myself, catch the fireflies flying in the sky in a glass bottle on the field, and put them in the middle of the yard, and then I will sit opposite Li Shuang, quietly watching the fireflies twinkling like stars.

Li Shuang under the bright light of fireflies is particularly beautiful, and she looks like a fairy as others say, I often look at it and look at it, and I am stunned.

It can be said that this period of time with Li Shuang was the happiest time in my life.

But such a happy time, suddenly said that it was gone.

That evening, I took Li Shuang to the small river outside the village to catch fish, and suddenly six or seven boys swaggered over, I knew them, they were all from the village, and the one who took the lead was called Chen Chao, who was the child king of the village, and bullied me a lot when I was a child.

Chen Chao is usually used to being domineering, and he looks strong, and he will be about the same age as me next year, but he looks no different from adults, and the children in the village are afraid of him.

Chen Chao saw me from a distance, and after he walked up, he said in a strange way: "Isn't this a wild dog born from a female dog in our village?

The others immediately gloated and chimed in, saying, "That's it, if you can't find it, we'll pull it for you to eat!"

Because I was bullied by these people since I was a child, I was very afraid of these people, so I wanted to pull Li Shuang and leave quickly, but Li Shuang was usually held by the stars at school, and almost all the boys revolved around her, so I was afraid of Chen Chao and these people?

Chen Chao glared and said, "I'm scolding Qiao An, what's the matter with you?"

Li Shuang replied without giving in: "Qiao An is my friend, you scold him, it's just not good!"

Chen Chao became angry all of a sudden, and scolded: "Qiao An is a wild dog, then if you play with him, you are a female dog!"

Li Shuang was so angry that her face turned red, she couldn't speak for a long time, and in the end, she could only squeeze out a sentence from between her teeth: "The quality is so poor, there must be a mother who has no father to teach." ”

Who knew that this sentence completely annoyed Chen Chao, because everyone in the village knew that Chen Chao's father used to be a bastard, and he was sentenced for slashing people, and he has been in prison for more than ten years, and he has not been released yet, and his mother remarried very early, and now Chen Chao has only one grandfather in the village.

"Stinky!" Chen Chao walked up, without saying a word, slapped Li Shuang hard, and scolded viciously: "You dare to scold me, see how I clean you up!" While scolding, she went to pull Li Shuang's hair, Li Shuang kept struggling, and she also broke Chen Chao's hand, but the more she struggled Chen Chao, the harder she worked, and she couldn't break free.

The boys who were watching next to him clapped their hands and coaxed, shouting: "Beat her and beat her, dare to scold you and kill her!"

And I stood in place, trembling with fear, lowering my head, watching Chen Chao slap Li Shuang's face, watching Li Shuang keep screaming, and then stretched out his hand to me, shouting: "Qiao An, help me quickly......"

But I have been bullied by Chen Chao since I was a child, and I have long had a shadow on him, and he still has so many accomplices, if I dare to resist, I will definitely be beaten.

So even though Li Shuang kept calling for help, I just didn't dare to go up to help, and gradually Li Shuang's voice lowered, and when I looked at it again, her beautiful face was already swollen, two lines of bright tears slid down her cheeks, and her hair was messy, looking very pitiful.

Chen Chao grabbed Li Shuang's neck, gritted his teeth and said, "As for Qiao An's kind of wreck, it's too late to avoid me, and you still expect him to help ......"

Before he finished speaking, Li Shuang bit Chen Chao's hand and directly bit him to bleed, and then at the moment when Chen Chao let go of his hand, he wanted to run back, but before he could run a few steps, he was dragged back by Chen Chao's hair.

"Dead, you dare to bite me!" Chen Chao seemed to be dizzy, pushed Li Shuang to the ground, and then quickly took out a switchblade from his trouser pocket and slashed it heavily on Li Shuang's face.

I opened my eyes wide and watched the blood pouring out of Li Shuang's face, tears and blood mixed together, so dazzling, so profound.

I don't know who shouted: "Run, it's dead!"

The onlookers scattered in an uproar, and their shadows disappeared in the blink of an eye, and even Chen Chao's face turned pale, and he didn't dare to say a word again, so he ran away with a rolling belt.

After everyone was gone, Li Shuang got up from the ground, I couldn't help but look at her, and found that she was also looking at me, but her eyes no longer had the closeness and tenderness of the past, but turned into deep disgust and anger, a deep wound on her face, blood kept gushing out, staining her clothes scarlet.

Afterwards, Li Shuang neither beat me, nor scolded me, or even said a word to me, turned around and trotted away in the direction of the entrance of the village, and never looked back.

I stared blankly in the direction she had left, remembering her cold gaze with hatred before leaving, tears welling up in my eyes, and my heart was filled with unspeakable remorse.

From that day on, Li Shuang never came to school again, and I heard from the head teacher that she transferred to the city.

The more I think about it, the more I regret it, since I was a child, except for my mother, I only have one friend of her, and the other children are afraid of me and bully me, only she is willing to play with me, not only buy me snacks to eat, but also often touch my right hand, and say from the bottom of my heart that the furry is so cute......

But in the end, because of my cowardice, she was beaten so badly by Chen Chao, because of my nest, her face was cut so deeply by a knife, and she may have to have a scar for the rest of her life, which is a permanent wound for a girl.

Every time I think back to Li Shuang's cold gaze before leaving, I don't know how much I regret it, and my heart hurts like a knife.

It's just that regret is useless, I can only study more diligently, only in this way can I apply for the key high school in the city, because I know that Li Shuang will definitely go, even if she won't forgive me, even if she still hates me, I don't care at all.

This is the only chance I can say sorry to her.