From the beginning, Han Lu thought that maybe everything was doomed from the time her father abandoned her.

She was abandoned by her career, immediately abandoned by her collaborators who had always courted her after losing her usefulness, and then she seemed to be abandoned by her partner.

The standard by which they measure her worth is probably her achievements.

Can she still skate, can she jump, how high she can jump, how long can she skate.

Can you participate in the competition, can you get another medal.

That's all.

If she was sensible enough, she probably shouldn't think so, but right now, there was nothing she could do, and she couldn't stop the negative, self-defeating emotions that kept bumping into her heart.

If possible, she really wants to be a person who can smoothly enjoy the blessings of her birthday, enjoy the moments of talking and laughing with her friends, and enjoy the gentle evenings in the distance, she hopes that those happy moments will no longer be one illusory break point after another, that they can continue, that they can become her real life.

However, things always seem to come back to square one.

She wants to be outside of the glory of the outside world, her own value, but she refuses to reveal herself to others.

She didn't know what she wanted.

"Did you hear me? At this time, Xu Haoyang also stood up. They were standing next to the bench face to face, and she looked at him, but he was avoiding her gaze.

"Hmm. Han Lu self-deprecatingly hooked the corners of his mouth and looked at Xu Haoyang. "You think so, don't you? I'm the one who is holding you back, it's the one who makes a mess of the tune you chose. ”

"Nope. Xu Haoyang frowned and quickly denied it. "Not really. ”

"If that's the case, then why don't you say it!?" she raised her voice all at once, "why didn't you tell him it wasn't!?"

"I ......"

"Why didn't you tell him it wasn't?"

“……”

I thought you didn't care about that. Xu Haoyang thought, I thought you wouldn't care what other people say.

However, this is not possible.

Under Han Lu's questioning, he couldn't find any reason to excuse his silence at that time.

It's impossible, there's no harm to get used to, there's no reason for other people to continue to accept harm because they're used to it.

"I'm sorry. Xu Haoyang said, "I just think his provocation is boring, and there is no need to waste energy for this kind of person." ”

"You have a point. Han Lu nodded suddenly, "What about Duhamel?"

"Duhamel?"

"You don't know, do you? Han Lu said, "In the days when she had an accident, don't you know that you have been revolving around her all the time, as if you were her partner." And what about me—"

Say no more.

Don't say any more.

Han Lu shouted so loudly to herself in her heart.

If you keep talking, you have to ......

"What about me—what did you say to me? What did you say to me when I was ridiculed and messed up, when I was afraid of the recurrence of old wounds, when I was so nervous that I was dying of stress every day?"

Speak up.

I don't know how long the accusations of dissatisfaction, pain, and grievances have been accumulated, and they are thrown at Xu Haoyang together with the pain and tears in his chest.

Xu Haoyang is a very gentle person.

However, his gentleness doesn't seem to have anything to do with her.

Xu Haoyang didn't know what to say. He just stood in place, watching Han Lu with tears in his eyes, breathing hard, and asking him why word by word.

Why can't he give her his tenderness, why can't he sustain her when she needs it?

Things have completely gone to a much more uncontrollable situation than Xu Haoyang imagined.

Originally, he really planned to stimulate her, let her say what she had been holding in her heart during this time, even if it was just to open a little gap to him, and he could find something he could understand and control from that gap.

But now, there is far more than a crack, her heart is completely broken, broken by all kinds of things, I don't know where to start to piece it back together, even if it is just a good illusion.

Moreover, what he didn't expect was that he had also cut a wound on her heart.

"I'm sorry. Xu Haoyang said, "I thought you were ...... Not like that. ”

“……”

"I thought that for you, unnecessary comfort would only embarrass you. I don't think you're a person who likes to expose your weak side. ”

“…… yes!" Han Lu shouted, "I don't like it!"

"I'm sorry. ”

"But I ...... I don't like to make people—"

"I understand. ”

“…… Anyway, I don't know what I want. Han Lu shook his head weakly, and then slowly squatted down with his knees folded in place. She still has some words that she hasn't said, for example, she wants to say that what Xu Haoyang said is not wrong, it is very likely that he comforted her at that time, and she will also be angry with him because she thinks it is an insult to her. She had a different idea in her mind at every different time, she wanted this one moment, and she wanted that one moment. Anyone who gets close to her can be a nuisance.

At this time, Xu Haoyang also squatted down. His hand rested on her shoulder, and in a somewhat strange position, he gently wrapped his arms around her.

It made her shiver a little.

His hands were warm – they she had become very familiar with for the past two years. From the discomfort of being touched by him at first, to getting used to his strength and temperature little by little. However, those hands have always belonged to the show, to a certain rhythm in the music, to a certain role, and to a certain atmosphere, but at this time, Han Lu confirmed one thing in his chaotic and hazy consciousness, the current Xu Haoyang is no one, it is himself. She was no one now, she had no defenses, she had never been so weak—she didn't even think she could be so weak.

"I've never thought of it that way. Xu Haoyang whispered in a voice that only she could hear, "I never used it...... Those things have judged you. ”

"I also hate people who think that. ”

"But, I don't think, it's not necessary for everyone to know what kind of person you are. ”

"The proud, powerful, and never-defeating you, very good. ”

"But, not so powerful, it's you. He paused, he wasn't a good talker, he had never said anything like that to anyone before, but he had to say it now.

He wanted to tell her those words.

In fact, he has long understood that if there is no unspoken thoughts and no expressed feelings, it is equivalent to non-existence.

"It's also good. ”

Han Lu heard Xu Haoyang say this to her.

After releasing all these messy bad emotions, Han Lu did feel that her whole body was much lighter—however, after the night had passed, she couldn't allow herself to think about what had happened that night.

"—what did you say to me?"

She simply couldn't face herself who asked this question.

It's a shame.

It's just a shame that in retrospect, I want to dig a hole in the ice rink and bury myself in it.

However, she couldn't let herself not think about what Xu Haoyang said to her that day, he told her that she was strong, and she was not so strong, and she was also good.

It was the first time she had heard someone say that to her.

You don't have to win, you don't have to win to the end, you don't have to prove to the world that you deserve the cheers and cheers.

You're already good.

After two weeks of mixed shame and inexplicable pleasure, they flew together to the French city of Grenoble, where the Grand Prix Grand Prix Finals were held. This ill-fated new show will be put to a more serious test in this place.

On the same day, they started their makeup and dressing in the preparation area. Make-up artists and stylists stepped forward to organize their looks based on the new design concepts they had previously provided.

For the sake of the mysterious theme of "Afternoon of the Faun", they once again set out to transform the costumes. The color scheme of the garment is mainly brown and pale green, and the material is made of gauze, without obvious sequins, and is replaced by a hazy outer veil with a pearlescent feel. Both used this part of the material in their clothing.

Han Lu and Xu Haoyang sat very close, because the makeup was also close, so the makeup artist was applying makeup to two people at the same time. Han Lu's eyes were closed, and the music he had listened to countless times during this time echoed in his mind. The Faun God Paine was the son of Hermes, the god of the gods, the god of half man and half beast, the god of the faun and the god of the mountains, he could play beautiful tunes with the reed flute, and the fairies of the mountains and forests would come to listen to him.

The Faun had forests and mountains, but he sometimes felt that he had nothing.

While fairies are embraced by others, they are also infinitely lonely.

Why don't you play a tune, maybe the fairies will be able to hear it. The Faun thought so.

I love these tunes, but I don't know what to say to him. The fairy thought so.

The wind of the hair dryer stopped, and the stylist finally straightened Han Lu's coiled hair with his hands and nodded with satisfaction.

Han Lu opened her eyes, the eyebrows in the mirror were soft, the makeup artist deliberately lightened her own more heroic eyebrows, and at the same time, the corners of her eyes were dotted with shiny light green powder, and the blush was a superposition of yellow and orange-brown, making the whole person show a quiet exotic color.

Xu Haoyang's face was stacked with several layers of shadows, and his originally delicate appearance looked distinct under the shadows, he showed his forehead, and the center of his eyebrows was painted with oil paint in the shape of a leaf, and the dark green veins under his eyes were also painted with oil paint. He bowed his head slightly, his eyelashes drooping, like an innocent and brave young beast in mythology.

Their eyes met in the mirror, Xu Haoyang smiled, and Han Lu smiled in return.

No more problems.

She thought.