When I was a girl, I always felt that I was a goblin who loved to toss, and every day was like fireworks, crackling, colorful, brilliant, and full of gunsmoke. But only a few years later, my head seemed to have been flattened by a hundred bulldozers and beaten by a hundred excavators, and I can't think of anything commendable that I have done before.

Later, I figured out that it wasn't that I hadn't done anything interesting, but that the things that I thought were awesome at the beginning now feel dull. To put it bluntly, I have grown up, my heart is scattered, and my feelings are light. The smoke cleared, leaving me alone in the same place, so I was not lonely.

There's nothing wrong with being lonely, loneliness isn't chasing our Soul Eater, it's not dark, it's not damp or even scary, it's an island, some people build dungeons on the island, some people build castles, lighthouses, bridges on the island, the water ripples in the distance, and the sky is clear.

However, when I watched Qi Zhijia enter the palace of marriage lively, I couldn't help but feel a little envious, of course, this envy is not because she has a final belonging-we are all independent individuals, and we will not and will not belong to someone completely-what I envy is that she lives transparently, and she understands her true heart early, and she doesn't have to waste time looking for it. As for me, I don't know what kind of life I want in my heart, I am a student and I am now, and I can't measure my current life by the standards of the past. I can only stand in place, looking left and right, looking at the people around me, one by one out of the fog, enthusiastically into real life, one day, I am the only one left at the intersection.

On the days when I didn't have to go to work, it was cloudless and the sun was shining, I leaned on the glass of the bus and swiped my mobile phone, holding my schoolbag in my arms, and my paper was lying quietly, and the number of words in the paper exceeded 10,000 words, but my heart did not fluctuate at all, and I even felt a little like laughing. After all, except for the abstract, there are many precedents for the graduation thesis to be aggressive. I submitted my thesis outline last month and met with my thesis supervisor, which still makes my mind heavy, and my outline has been circled by her countless times, which is like the outer wall of the Water Cube, with big beads and small beads falling on the jade plate.

After four years of professional classes, my biggest nightmare finally found my door, he wore a neat suit, put his hand on the door, looked at me lightly, and sneered: "Hey, youarescrewed." Little, you're playing with a ball.

Refresh the circle of friends, and when I saw that my mother who was far away from my mother's house posted a photo of eating with my grandmother's family, I let out a long breath, it seems that my grandmother's illness has improved a lot. In the past two years, in order to take care of my sick father and work, my mother has burned a candle at both ends, and she is exhausted.

The passenger's cell phone next door rang suddenly, and it was a very old English song. She picked it up after a few seconds, and the rest of the lyrics were playing automatically in my head, and I wouldn't stop until I finished singing — I might have been a gramophone in my last life.

I know it's going to be hard for you to live life alone / But don't be as stubborn as a stone / No place in life is as important as home / My life is like a boat that has been overturned and stranded on a cliff / It's you who lead the water to fill this place and help me set sail / You tell with a kiss / What a great gift it is / Your breath fills my lungs / We float through that rift together.

I came back to my senses, and then I swiped down, and Ah Huan passed a ticket back to the magic capital, and I knew that she was also turned over by the mentor. I immediately went to knock on Ah Huan's WeChat and asked her if the journey was smooth, and she replied to me like this. "I'm looking for a job, I don't have time to change my paper, I can only rush to work on the train, but there is a bear child sitting next to me, I want to eat fried noodles for a while, and I have to play games for a while, which is so annoying. ”

Ah Huan is the fourth girl in her family, with a golden Buddha around her neck, a silver bracelet on her wrist, and the latest Apple mobile phone in her bag. Her hometown is not in the magic capital, but in the capital city of Linzhou, she went home to look for a job during the winter vacation, and she touched the dust. Of course, she thought about staying in the magic capital, but because of the limitations of her education and ability, she ran into walls everywhere, and the comparison between the favorable conditions at home and the pressure of life in the magic capital, she naturally chose to go home.

Compared with Ah Huan, the identity of the indigenous people of the Modu means that I can eat and live at home, but this is a shelter from the rain and a shackle for me. In his eyes, the two or three thousand yuan of renting a house is better than being in his own bag than flowing into someone else's pocket. I am sometimes persuaded by him that I would rather get off work and pet my cat with a decent salary, rather than drink Starbucks and work overtime until the early hours of the morning - but this life is a little bit of a picture, not the pitiful freedom, life is precious, love is more expensive, if it is for freedom, both can be thrown. Now, these are old dreams, and I don't want to talk about them for the time being.

I asked her, "Have you found a job?" ”

Her input state lasted for nearly a minute, and then she held back a sentence: "Small cities, unless they are particularly good, can only rely on relationships." ”

I frowned and followed her down: "Although there are many job opportunities in Shanghai, most of them are ordinary jobs, and one is an economic migrant worker. ”

"Yes, yes, there are so few positions and so many people. She made a childlike nodding emoji.

"In addition to the people who signed the three parties, the others are not constantly changing jobs, a drop in the ocean, and drifting with the tide. "I reassured her that it didn't matter if she didn't have a job now, everyone was pretty much the same.

"After talking to you, I feel much better. ”

She hesitated to type, and I waited to see what happened, and she replied.

"My parents asked someone to find me a position in a state-owned enterprise, and I was really ashamed. ”

I didn't think much about it, and replied: "Finding a relationship is just opening a door, and whether you can keep it in the end depends on yourself." Besides, there are no laws in society. ”

She was immediately relieved, replied with a happy expression, and said, "I feel that you see things more clearly than me." ”

I smiled, I didn't take her praise seriously, you seem worldly, and I am just as vulgar. So I went back: "It's easier to look at others, but it's a mess for yourself." ”

I was nothing more than an empty boat, drifting aimlessly on the vast expanse of the lake, crossing the river only occasionally.

Seeing that I was supportive of her, she continued to reply: "...... So, I'm going to start work next week, and I didn't expect it to be so efficient. Hey, I instantly felt the pressure of you going to work and writing your paper at the same time. ”

I was expressionless, knowing that this complaint was also a show off, and I lowered my head and typed, "Wow! "It's undoubtedly unfair to the rest of the society to go through the back door, but I'm not stupid, I can't say this sentence in front of Ahmad.

"Thanks," she replied, "Ah, I'm so nervous now that I can't eat." I'll order takeout when I get to school later. ”

I gave full play to my specialty of changing the topic, citing the grilled cold noodles, braised pork rice, spicy hot, fragrant pot, skewers, fish hot pot, sauerkraut fish, stir-fried meat, etc. on the school's dark food street. I propped my head with one hand and replied with difficulty with the other hand - the current mobile phone screen is too big to, and the other hand is completely unsupportable - mostly congratulations to her, and then talked about the prices and housing prices near her new company, and the two of them immediately united to complain about the high housing prices in the magic capital.

The house price is more like a soul eater chasing me, trying to suck my young life into its dark body, and when it lets go of the tentacles that entangle me and throws it back into the vast world, I will already be an old man in the age of flowers. The thought of rising housing prices and rising prices often makes me fall into a sudden sadness and confusion.

Even so, I won't leave the magic capital like Ah Huan, unless one day I really break my heart for the city. I love the city, I love the 24-hour convenience store, I yearn for the food store where you can cook food from all over the world, I love walking on the streets of Shikumen and seeing the elderly carrying birdcages basking in the sun...... These are the magic capital in my eyes, and the demons in a certain four-dimensional pen are different from the ghosts and horses, love and hatred, and blood and throat sealing, or perhaps, I am the fake demon capital.

I pinned these unspeakable nostalgia on miniatures and food. When I was a freshman, I began to learn to make miniatures, and most of the miniatures I made were delicious foods in my memory, which were slightly different from the exquisite and gorgeous food toys on the Internet, and most of the snacks I made were crude and common snacks, which were not very novel. Sometimes I also make things that people like according to the seasons and holidays, such as making small figurines in Santa hats at Christmas, such as pinching a Minion when I am despicable when I come out with a new movie. Most of these gadgets were given to roommates and classmates, and I always kept the ugliest one, like a baby that I couldn't handle, and the baby had to be placed on the windowsill.

And food is the ultimate cure for my ordinary day, it brings not only temporary satiety, but also a yearning for the future life. One of my favorite bakeries is right next to the school. The first time I opened the glass door, I could hear the baker shouting, "The red bean bread is freshly baked," and the smell of warm wheat filled the room. Therefore, my favorite food is red bean bread.

The freshly baked red bean bread has a crispy and fragrant skin, and the brown skin is dotted with black sesame seeds. As soon as you break it with your hands, the red bean paste flows out, the red bean paste is mixed with cream, the sweetness is moderate, fragrant and delicious, and the bread is soft and fragrant. This made me develop a bad habit of being a spoiled child, and complained about cold bread, as if only hot bread was the ultimate meaning.

Being a pastry chef who can bring happiness to people is one of the professions I aspire to. It's a pity that no one applauds the profession that is now popular, as if only the white-collar workers in the lattice room are the dragons and phoenixes among people...... Only they know that they are just caged birds in high-rise buildings, and no matter how gorgeous their feathers are, they are just a layer of fur.

After getting out of the car and going back to school, the first thing I did was to buy bread, I plugged in my headphones and listened to music, walked on the way to the library, and took a bite of bread, the crispy crust of the toast was full of crushed peanuts, and the peanut butter inside hugged the soft and fragrant milk bread, and it was warm and sweet.

This song is plain / Tells you about your past / I will tell you about the fears of the past / They are indeed dead / When you are like an ocean warmed by the sun / You must be very strong / Don't forget that love is just a few meters away / Shine in the darkness.