The following is the original text of the letter written by Yang Zhu, and later in his life, he has read its content over and over again, but he may never understand that before writing this letter, Yang Zhu fell into absolute helplessness, floating in the loneliness of the world of ignorance, as if abandoned in the boundless dark universe, which is even worse than the pain experienced by thousands of lovelorn girls.

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On the cloth of my love,

It is often said that words are like faces, but when you open this letter, I will no longer be the person in your mind. Today will be the last day to love you, and it will be the last time to cry for your love and mine. I say goodbye to you. At this moment, I am in Mount Emei, and I will cut my hair to become a nun one day. When you started your faith, I was no longer a man of the world.

Don't come looking for it, and don't blame yourself. I have considered this matter thoroughly since the farewell at the airport that day. We can't be together anymore, I didn't tell you, when in this year that we met and fell in love, your departed fiancée conceived a baby of yours alone and was born without incident. Not long ago, I received a letter to you, which was not handed over to you. A photo of the baby is attached to it. (Photo attached in envelope)

I really don't want to be taken away from our wonderful time together, I want to be with you for one more day, one more day. Every day with you feels like forever. As long as you are in the days, they are full of peace of mind, and you don't have to look back on the past, and you don't have to look forward to tomorrow and worry about the future, because with you, every moment is pure.

And because of that, looking at the letter with the baby attached, my heart was filled with jealousy, I thought that you would hold a child who was not with me, I was jealous, I thought that you would hold other women, I was jealous, jealousy made me angry, so that I could not control myself..... I was extremely distressed, and the pain drilled into my heart, I thought I loved you, but I began to hate you, hated that you could not spend this life with me, hated you and made me willing to become water to be kneaded by you, but you had to leave me, make me again, must be stone and steel. I hate you for leaving me.

It's strange to say, in the previous 20 years, I didn't meet you, we had nothing to do, we lived a good life freely, and your life for more than 30 years did not belong to me, but since we were together, I began to strongly want to possess, this possession, should not exist. I want to take possession of you, and I'm starting to hate myself again.

Is this love? Why is love so mixed with hatred and possession? Love shouldn't be like this, but I just can't control it, and even envy the things that I think in my head about whether you love me or not.

And I don't want to hate anybody, I don't want to hate you, I don't want to be jealous of anyone, not even those who love you, I want to love you, but this love is always accompanied by hatred that is not controlled by my mind, I am manipulated by jealousy, hatred and jealousy make me feel guilty, I never want to be like this, I don't want to be dirty in the red dust. I can no longer be a slave to hatred and jealousy. (I wanted to stop it, but it wasn't something I could do.) Those weepings with you are when the fire of my jealousy hits my heart. I'm really sorry for making you sad too.

I just want to love you, because I believe that loyalty is pure, and I want to protect this purity. I thought about it for a long time, in my opinion, people are bound to change over time, for me, if I change, then the way I look at you will also change accordingly, and I don't want to change the you in my mind, I want to be so beautiful that you will last forever, I don't want to change.

If you are going to say that I am too childish like this, then I have a choice, which is to let everything end here, and everything is sealed as a memory. Let the memory be sealed in time and space, not in my mind, I want to pull down a thick, transparent soundproof glass gate in time and space, I want to leave everything in the past world on one side of the wall, I only take a step forward, towards the other side of the wall, there is nothing, the blue sky is like a wash, there is nothing, it is a place where there is no memory and nothing else, from then on I only see the flow of air and wind, in my shallow opinion, Buddhism is like this.

I thought about it for a while, and the only way to destroy my own jealousy, and to preserve this purity in the world, was to let go and take a step forward. I am ready, I let go of all this, and I will be clear again, and I will hide all tenderness and hatred behind the shaved hair, and I will no longer apply powder, and I will not show joy or sorrow, and I will not be obscured by the red dust.

Farewell, cloth with my love. From now on, we will all be new people, people who have nothing to do with each other.

Don't read, don't seek.

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All kinds of dust are things that are in front of you.