The heart is sorrowful, the pen is hard to go to the text, the right path is vicissitudes, and the version is lucky. In the twenty-five ups and downs of Hao Se's life, there have been countless misunderstandings about "beauty" because of his "heroic" "peak appearance".

For example, in kindergarten -

Pink little Lori: "Hause, I'm going to be your bride." ”

Hao Se: "No, no, my mother said, Hao Se is a baby girl, and she can't marry a bride." ”

Little Lori: "You're not a girl, you're taller than other boys, you're a boy!"

Hao Se: "I'm really a baby girl! I don't believe it, I'll take off my pants and show you!"

"Wow, Hauser is a hooligan!" Little Lori ran away in tears.

The kindergarten aunt who ran over was furious: "Hao Se, you punish me to stop!"

Hao Se, who was carrying his pants, said that he was very upset.

Another example, in elementary school --

The shy girl: "Squad leader Hao Se, can I be your girlfriend?"

Helpless Hao Se: "I'm a female ......"

The teary-eyed girl: "Squad leader Hao Se, don't you like me?"

Very helpless Hao Se: "I'm really a female ......"

The girl who broke the boat: "Even if you are a woman, I don't mind!"

Hao Se, who wanted to cry without tears: "I mind!"

Then, in junior high school:

Flower Season Girl A: "Don't you think Hao Se's eyes are scary?"

Flower Season Girl B: "It seems to be a little." ”

Flower Girl C: "I used to think she was a little handsome, but as soon as this semester started, I suddenly felt that her eyes were ......"

Flower Season Girl Ding: "Ah!

The sleepy-eyed Hao Se looked up: "Huh?"

"Yikes!"

"Hao Se glared at me!"

"Run!"

The girl A, B, C and Ding fled in the wilderness.

Hao Se looked confused: "What's the situation? I just didn't wake up!"

High School –

Bad Boys: "Hey, front boy, hand over your pocket money!"

"What?" Haute turned his head.

The delinquent youth group knelt down at the same time: "Big brother, big brother!

Hao Se with a black line: "I'm not a big brother!"

Delinquent Youth League: "This big brother, don't laugh! With your style and eyes, you must be a famous big brother on the road!"

Hao Se, who burst out with green tendons on the top of his head: "My eyes are natural!"

"Big brother, your family is actually the foundation of your ancestors! Big brother, is there still a shortage of people in your gang? Why don't you take a few younger brothers!"

Hao Se: Your sister!

College years –

Male classmate A: "Hao Se! Hao Se! Those freshman boys are picking thorns again, you hurry up and go to the town with us!"

Hao Se, who looked up from the pile of books: "The exam is coming up next week, and I still have to review—"

Male classmate B: "It won't take long, Hao Se, as long as you stand there and glance at it casually, those little cubs will definitely kneel!"

Hauser: "Hey, I'm a girl!"

Male classmate C: "If you don't say it, who can tell that you are a girl?"

The male classmate Ding was teary-eyed: "Brother Hao, it's up to you!"

Hao Se, who was furious: "Give it to Lao Tzu and I'll get out!"

The male classmate A, B, C and D dispersed in a hurry: "It's terrible!"

College Graduation Season –

Hao Se, who was putting on makeup for the first time, looked shy: "Senior, senior, thank you for coming today, this, this rose for you!"

The senior looked horrified: "Hao Se, did you get beaten in the face? What is this flower for?!"

Hao Se blushed: "Learn, senior, in fact, I, I have always liked and liked you......"

The senior Dong took a few steps back: "That, that Hao Se, I like and like women." ”

Hao Se was puzzled: "I'm a woman!"

The senior jumped up: "What?!No! That, it's, actually, what I like is a man, it's a man!"

Stunned Hause: "......"

The frightened senior said: "Hao Se, don't be angry, don't be angry! I, I'm still in a hurry, go first!"

Hao Se, who looked at the back of the senior who fled in the wilderness: "......"

Melodious singing voices can be heard in the distance: "Hearts are broken into pieces ......"

A large group of male classmates rushed up, and wine bottles and barbecued meat flew all over the sky around Hao Se.

"Hao Se!

"In the future, our brothers will be on different sides of the world, and we won't see each other anymore!"

"Come on, Hause, have an all-night drink with your brothers!"

Hao Se, who slapped away the wine bottle, burst into tears: "Lao Tzu is really a woman!"

Then, time flew by and came to the Ming Dynasty hundreds of years ago-

Comrade Hao Se, who is responsible for appearance, once again caused a life-threatening misunderstanding because of his "outstanding" appearance.

"Cave, cave room?"

Hao Se stared at the bandit woman in front of him, who looked at the side of the ridge as strong, and the little tongue in his throat was trembling.

"Cave room! Cave room tonight!Hahahahaha-" Mao Jindao smiled thickly, and the whole room shook.

What a joke!

Lao Tzu was born without this function!

Hao Se's two dead fish eyes rolled upward, and he almost fainted.

But in the eyes of others, everyone saw two fierce lights shining out of the eyes of the tall and thin young man in front of them, gloomy and terrifying.

Mao Jindao's face suddenly sank: "You don't want to?"

As soon as these words came out, all the bandits immediately shuddered, and the next moment, whether it was Meng Sanye's gang or Yang Erye's team, they all began to speak in unison about the great cause of media:

"Brother Hao, it's your blessing that the big boss has taken a fancy to you!"

"Brother Hao, you are the big boss!"

"This brother, you can't ask for this kind of marriage!"

"Brother Hao!"

"This brother ......"

"Shut it all up!" Mao Jindao snorted, and shook his hand and waved a palm.

"Click!" the palm wind immediately split a crack in the pillar.

All the bandits trembled at the same time, and were immediately silenced.

Hao Se's body trembled, and he came back to his senses in an instant.

"Say, don't you look down on me!"

The golden knife pressed forward step by step, Hao Se retreated step by step, and in a few steps, the golden knife forced Hao Se into a corner.

The big oily face in front of him was so gloomy that it could almost drip ink, as if Hao Se could say a "no" word, and he could immediately squeeze Hao Se into a meat puree.

Help me!

This is the rhythm of the overlord's hard bow!

Hao Se was squeezed and his face was blue, and the dead fish's eyes burst out one after another.

But a group of bandits around him were all frightened, looking cowering, and Meng Sanshi, the only one who wanted to come forward to help, was dragged back by Huang Dazhuang and Huang Erzhuang.

The world is hot and cold!

People really have to rely on themselves!

But...... How can I help myself?

Is it like the scholar just now, to hit the wall to protect himself......

But the problem is that Lao Tzu is not the kind of scholar who sings three chants with twists and turns, even if he bites his tongue and commits suicide now, I am afraid that he will not be able to exchange for the mercy and pity of this golden knife......

Wait a minute!

Who said Lao Tzu wasn't a scholar?

Lao Tzu is a high-end cultural person who has broken 10,000 books in the exam and guessed questions like a god, and he is a fighter among scholars!

Thinking of this, Hao Se suddenly shook his spirit, his fists suddenly clenched, and his three white eyes suddenly stared at him, and in an instant, the gangster rushed out and shouted: "Bah!"

The golden knife that approached Hao Se changed his face in an instant, and he took a step back.

The surrounding bandits were even more shocked, and they all picked up their weapons and waited for them.

But seeing Hao Se's eyebrows raised, he condensed his voice: "I wish to have one heart and no white head!"

There was a moment of silence in the hall.

"What did you say?" said Maojindao's face lit up.

Hao Se hurriedly changed his tone and slowed down his voice a little: "I wish to have one heart, and the white head will not be separated......"

"I wish to have one heart...... White heads are inseparable...... Okay, that's a good thing to say......" Mao Jindao looked in a trance, took a few steps back, and muttered aftertaste.

Thank God!

Hauser squatted down the wall to the ground.

"Have you read a book?" Mao Jindao suddenly snorted and squatted down, looking at Hao Se with an excited expression and asked.

"Count, count...... Huh!"

Hao Se, who had survived the catastrophe, looked up at the affectionate little eyes of the golden knife opposite, and his whole head suddenly buzzed-

In a hurry, I made such a low-level fatal mistake!

This golden knife likes scholars, and Lao Tzu actually went up to tell people that Lao Tzu is a cultural person who has read books......

Ancestors plank!

Isn't this jumping into the fire pit by yourself?

What to do, what to do?!

So far, it seems that only by showing Lao Tzu's true gender can he escape......

No way, no way!

As the saying goes, "After three years in the man's pile, the sow can also become a sable".

What's more, there are dozens of men here, and they are men of this level who face the Mao Jin Dao every day - compared with this Mao Jin Dao, Lao Tzu is a heavenly immortal!

If it is revealed that Lao Tzu is a woman, the consequences will definitely be unimaginable!

But if you don't say it—

Do you really want to have a room with this golden knife cave?!

Don't say that Lao Tzu doesn't have this function, even if he does, seeing the explosive appearance of the Mao Jin Knife, it is estimated that there is no play!

Hao Se suddenly broke out in a sweat.

Mao Jindao stared at Hao Se's expression change, and his face gradually darkened: "Sure enough, you scholars just look down on me." ”

"The little brother doesn't look down on the big boss," Hao Se hurriedly shouted, "but ...... Instead, I felt that ...... countless classic romance lines popped up with beads of sweat the size of Hao Sedou, and in the end, a tried and tested stand out, "The little brother is not worthy of being a big boss!"

Unexpectedly, as soon as these words came out, Mao Jindao's face darkened: "Sure enough, he looks down on me Mao Jindao!"

"Big boss, you misunderstood!" Hao Se lifted his shirt, knelt on one knee, clasped his hands into fists, and said sincerely, "Although the little brother is the first time to see the big boss, he is also deeply impressed by the heroism of the big boss, so the little brother gave this sentence 'I wish to be a person with one heart and no one else' to the big boss!"

"Hmm, what do you say?"

"The big boss, this marriage event is related to the happiness of the big boss's life, and it must not be a child's play!" Hao Se wiped the beads of sweat on his neck, "If a heroine like a big boss is a heroine among women, if it is given to a layman like the younger brother, wouldn't it be a flower inserted in cow dung?!"

"Poof!" someone burst out laughing.

"Who dares to laugh!" the third master roared angrily.

The room fell silent again.

"Do you really think I'm like a flower?"

"That's nature! And it's a rare flower in the world!" Hao Se stubbornly made persistent efforts, "A character like a big boss must be matched with a rich and wealthy man who is full of wealth and wealth as a husband!"

Mao Jindao's eyes lit up: "I can really find such a husband?!"

"Of course!" Hao Se nodded fiercely, "I believe in the little brother, you can do it!"

"Then where are you going to find it?" asked Mao Jindao with a look of anticipation.

"Uh......" Hauser was stunned.

"Yes, Brother Hao, where are you looking for such characters?"

The surrounding crowd of bandits looked at Hao Se with their eyes full of shining stars.

The ancestors are banban, where does Lao Tzu know!

What Lao Tzu blurted out just now is just the standard marketing line of the marriage and love network to flicker into the club, but there is a wood network and a rice and a Du Niang, and there is no marriage and love network, even if Lao Tzu is the former chief matchmaker of the marriage and love network, he can only take a break.

"Didn't you lie to me?" Mao Jindao's face sank again.

"No! absolutely not!" Hao Se waved his hand again and again, the dead fish's eyes turned wildly, and suddenly a flash of inspiration, "Big boss, didn't you just say that you were going to Juyimen to divide the rudder in two months?"

"So what?" said the Golden Knife.

"Juyi Gate-this-well-known-Gate Sect......" Hao Se said while observing everyone's faces, and after making sure that he was not wrong, he continued, "Naturally, there are many heroes, heroes and heroes are everywhere, presumably the big boss will definitely meet a sweetheart here!"

"I see!" Mao Jindao slapped his thigh, "You're right!

At this moment, the whole room was boiling, and the bandits high-fived and cheered:

"Great!"

"I said a long time ago, the big boss must marry the big hero!"

"Juyimen is the number one gang in the world, there must be a drama!"

"That's right! That's right!"

Mao Jindao stood up and looked at Meng Sanshi with joy on his face: "Third brother, you brother has received it well!"

Meng Sanshi smiled and hugged his fists: "It's all the blessings of the big family!"

Mao Jindao looked at Hao Se again, lifted Hao Se up from the ground, and patted Hao Se on the shoulder: "Hao Se, in the future, you will be our brother in the village, we will be blessed and enjoy hardships together!"

"Thank you, big boss!" Hao Se shook the beads of sweat on his hands and clenched his fists in thanks.

"It's rare to have a reader, and then—hmm...... Brother Hao is our military advisor in Yuexizhai!" Mao Jindao patted Hao Se on the shoulder again, "Come with me to Juyimen next month to choose a husband for me!"

What?!Strategist?!

Hao Se suddenly raised his head, his eyelids jumping.

"Congratulations to the military advisor!"

"Congratulations to Master Hao!"

Meng Sanshi's gang cheered.

And Yang Ermu's gang was staring at him with gloomy faces.

Hao Se's smile stiffened.

True! Thy chastity has been saved, but he has become a dog-headed military advisor in a bandit's den!

*

Modern Theatre 01:

Matchmaker Marriage Network Recruitment Site:

Examiner: We've never recruited male matchmakers.

Hauser: I'm a woman.

Examiner: Ah, sorry, I read it wrong! Then why did you come to our matchmaker matchmaking network to apply?

Hauser: You have a lot of girls here.

Examiner: Huh?

Hauser: I want to stay in a place where there are a lot of girls.

Examiner: What?

Hao Se: I said, I want to stay in a place where there are many girls!

Examiner: Admission!

Modern Theatre 02:

The first lesson of matchmaker marriage and love network:

Top matchmaker: The member is the peerless beauty, the member is the handsome guy in the city!

Matchmaker Network Newcomers: ......

Top matchmaker: This is the standard routine line for joining the club, and everyone has to memorize it!

Matchmaker newcomers: What?

Matchmaker's marketing lines standard version:

1. Marriage is a lifelong event! As the saying goes, men are afraid of entering the wrong line and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man.

2. You are the most beautiful and best person in the world, and those who gave up on you before have lost their treasure! They have lost their happiness!

2. If a person like you finds someone to marry casually, it is a flower inserted in cow dung!

3. You are the most perfect, you will definitely be able to find a husband who is taller, handsome and kind-hearted than Jin Jian with a car and a house!

4. Trust me!

Hauser: What the hell is this?

"Big boss, hurry up and open the box and take a look!"

"Yes, big boss, this box is heavier than the other, and it must contain a lot of good things. ”

"Yes, yes, open it and take a look!"

The bandits looked anxious and instigated the golden knife.

Yang Ermu and Meng Sanshi followed behind Mao Jindao, although they looked very calm on the surface, but it could be seen from Yang Ermu's flushed complexion and Meng Sanshi's shining eyes that they were also very excited.

The only guy in the entire hall who was out of condition was Hauser.

At this time, Hao Se was staring at the three boxes with bitter hatred, and a pair of dead fish eyes burst out, as if he wanted to dig a few holes in the box before he would stop.

Huang Dazhuang and Huang Erzhuang next to him were frightened, muttering on the side.

"Hey, look at Hao Junshi like this, isn't there a grudge against silver?" Huang Dazhuang looked puzzled.

"People say that scholars treat money like dung, but it's true. Huang Erzhuang was speechless.

However, the actual situation is that a modern citizen of the rule of law is thinking about a major issue related to life while recalling a classic program of a certain sa.

The last time I robbed the people, I barely knew about it, but this time I participated in the whole process!

Speaking of robbery, how many years will it take?

Lao Tzu remembered that it seemed that the conviction was based on the amount of robbery......

"Come, bring me my big knife!" Mao Jindao suddenly raised his voice, and Hao Se suddenly raised his head.

But seeing Meng Sanshi, he took out a broad-bladed long knife from behind the last Taishi chair in the hall and sent it to Mao Jindao.

Holding the knife horizontally, he took a deep breath and raised his arm to slash at the copper lock.

Hearing the sound of "Qiang", the copper lock cracked and fell to the ground, Yang Ermu immediately stepped forward, pulled up the lid of the box and lifted it upward-

Suddenly, the room was full of brilliance, and the hall was shocked.

In that box, there was a whole box of silver ingots!

After a moment of dead silence, the whole hall boiled.

The bandits cheered and high-fived, hugged and laughed, and a few even cried with joy.

I'll go, and this pile of silver will be spread evenly over everyone's heads, at least three years and less than ten years......

Hauser's dead fish's eyes burst out.

In the hall, Mao Jindao walked to the second box with a happy face, and swung his knife again to slash down.

As soon as the second box was opened, the entire Yue Si village was boiling.

In this chest, there was a box full of pearls, and under the light, the unique moist brilliance of the jewel almost blinded everyone's eyes.

"Get rich, get rich!"

"Oh my God, I've never seen so many treasures when I've grown so big!"

"Hahaha!"

All the bandits went mad.

Ruined! The value of the jewels in this box is at least ten years old......

Hao Se sneered and squatted on the ground, scratching his head with both hands, and the dead fish's eyes rolled white.

"Big boss, hurry up, open the third box and take a look!"

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

"That's it, those six people just took care of this box, and the contents of this box must be the most valuable!"

The crowd was screaming.

The golden knife shone with an oily face, and with a swing of the knife, it split the copper lock of the last box and lifted the lid of the box.

A moment of tranquility.

Mao Jindao's eyes suddenly widened as he stared at the box□□ and suddenly, his face sank, he took two steps back, and shouted: "Bad luck!"

"What's going on?" Yang Ermu hurriedly stepped forward, fixed his eyes, and looked shocked, and shouted, "Bad luck! Hurry up, throw this box out!"

At this shout, everyone was shocked and rushed forward to watch.

Huang Erzhuang, Huang Erzhuang, also joined in the fun, and dragged Hao Se, who was squatting in place and estimating his crime, over.

When everyone came to the box to take a look, their faces changed, and finally Hao Se, who was dragged in, took a look, and almost fainted.

The ancestors are boarded, what the hell!

In the third box, not gold or silver, not treasure or pearl, but a tattered straw mat, nested in the shape of a "bow" in the box, the head of the grass sweep revealing a mess of black hair, and the tail of the grass sweep revealing a pair of thin, dirt-stained feet.

The skin on the feet was cracked and cracked, the toenails were turned up, and the skin was even more gray as dirt, and it looked like a corpse that had been dead for an unknown amount of time.

It's over, it's over, life or death penalty didn't run!

Hao Se looked bitter.

"Second, third, you quickly take a few people to move this box out and bury it!" Mao Jindao shouted behind him.

Unexpectedly, as soon as these words came out, Yang Ermu, who was closely behind Mao Jindao, immediately covered his head, and fell to the side with a weak look, and shouted: "Oh, big boss, just now I charged into battle and was cut off, I am dizzy at this time, I really can't move!"

As he spoke, he lay down and fainted.

The bean sprouts attendants around him immediately shouted.

"Second master, second master, are you okay!"

"Hurry up, second master, let's go over there and sit down first!"

As he spoke, he hugged Yang Ermu to the side, fanning the wind and pouring water, so it was not lively.

The Huang brothers here were immediately anxious when they saw it, and hurriedly gave a few brothers behind them a look, and these brothers immediately understood, and rushed forward to lift Meng Sanshi up.

"Third master, are you okay, third master! You were seriously injured just now!"

"Oh, look at the third master's face, it's as white as a ghost!"

"Third master, let's go and lie down over there!"

As he spoke, he couldn't help but cover Meng Sanshi's mouth, and lifted Meng Sanshi to the other side with seven hands and feet.

As a result, in the blink of an eye, the side of Mao Jindao was empty, and there was only one person left—Hao Se.

Nani: What's the situation?

Hao Se, who didn't react for a while, looked confused, and saw that the golden knife stepped forward and patted his shoulder with a look of relief, and said with a smile: "Sure enough, it's still Hao Junshi's righteousness!"

Huh?

"Master Hao, this box will be handed over to you. ”

Huh?

"Just bury it in the back mountain. ”

Huh?

"Remember to bury it deeper, lest it be arched out and torn by the boar, which would be too unlucky. ”

What a cheat!

Once again, Hauser felt the malice from the world.

*

The moon strings are still hanging in the dark clouds, and the shadows of the trees are swaying like ghosts.

On the mountain behind Yue Si Mountain, it is pitch black, the night birds are chirping, and the yin wind is rolling up like smoke and yellow dust.

A shovel was plunged into the ground and a shovel of loess flew away.

"These unrighteous guys are so unrighteous! When I used Lao Tzu, one by one Hao Junshi and Hao Brother, they were called sweeter than honey, but when it came to a critical moment, they all ran faster than rabbits!"

"Boom!" another shovel shoveled aside.

"Lao Tzu, I am also a highly educated person who knows astronomy and geography, and I actually let Lao Tzu bury the corpse?

"Boom!" the shovel thrust into the pit and stopped.

The figure who bent over to dig the soil suddenly straightened up, rolled up his sleeves with both hands, and shouted: "The ancestors are banban! Lao Tzu is gone! This box has nothing to do with Lao Tzu's half a dime, why let Lao Tzu bury it?!"

As he spoke, he kicked over the shovel, turned his head and walked away.

But after taking two steps, he stopped again.

"Isn't it unkind to just throw the box here? As the saying goes, when a person dies, the lamp goes out to the earth—uh......"

took another step: "Then you can't dig a pit in the middle of the night, if there is a corpse haunted or something, I can't stop it!"

Take the third step: "It's a big deal, I'll come back tomorrow morning when it's dawn—"

"Boom!"

A muffled sound suddenly sounded behind him.

Hao Se's body stiffened, maintaining a posture of raising his legs high, and turned around frame by frame.

"Boom!" again.

I'll you, don't I?

Hao Se's dead fish eyes burst out, and his gaze went straight to the source of the sound—

Well, it looks like the wooden box with the corpse in it......

Haunted, haunted?!

Corpse fraud?

Or the Zombie King?!

Could it be that this is a fantasy drama?!

A gust of wind swept across Hao Se's pale face.

And then...... And then there is no more......

The silence at the top of the mountain was dead again, and even the call of the night birds was gone.

"Boom!" Hausel swallowed and slowly fell to his feet.

"Knock!" the box suddenly rang twice.

"Mom!" Hao Se screamed, crawled back with his hands and feet, grabbed the shovel and began to dig desperately: "Big brother, big brother! I was wrong! I'll dig a pit for my big brother, dig a big pit, dig a proper big pit! Make sure you sleep comfortably until dawn, big brother—ahh

"Knock knock!" the box rang again, this time, and even the whole box shook a little.

Hao Se's dead fish eyes exploded, beads of sweat came out like jumping beans, and the shovels under his hands simply danced like hot wheels, and the loess flew all over the sky.

"Big brother, big brother, don't worry! Little brother, I'm digging! Big brother, don't worry, little brother, I'm a graduate of Lan Xiang, and the digging kung fu is absolutely amazing, this pit is definitely wide and narrow, and the comfort is first-class, and the king of Hades will twist three times when he sees it!"

"Click!" the box made a crunch, and the dead silence returned.

Hauser froze in place in a digging position, beads of sweat sliding down his neck and down his back.

The swishing mountain wind whistled by, blowing the hairs on Hao Se's back to stand on end.

"Big brother?" Haute cried out in a trembling voice.

The box is unresponsive.

Hao Se swallowed his saliva and glanced at the big hole he had dug, which was more than one person deep.

"Big brother, are you satisfied?"

The box remained silent.

"Whew-" Hao Se took a long breath, wiped the beads of sweat on his neck, put the shovel aside, stepped forward and circled the box, and asked in a low voice: "Big brother, if you don't make a sound, little brother will be satisfied!"

The box did not respond.

"Amitabha! Thank God!"

Hao Se folded his hands and bowed to the sky with tears in his eyes, tightened his trouser belt, dragged the box, and dragged it into the pit.

"Big brother, don't worry, little brother, I will set up a monument for you tomorrow, three incense sticks every day, to ensure that you eat and sleep well here, big brother, you can rest in peace, but don't-eh?!"

The box dragged on the ground suddenly jammed.

"Hey, big brother, don't bring this!"

Hao Se hurriedly lay on the ground to check, and found that it was a stone that was strangely stuck at the bottom of the box.

"What the hell!" Hao Se had a black line, so he had to drag it in another direction, but the stone was stuck very strangely, and he couldn't turn it for a long time.

"The ancestors are banban, I still don't believe it!" Hao Se straightened up, spit two mouthfuls of foam on his hands, put his hands into the bottom of the box, and lifted it fiercely-

"Mother, why is this box so heavy-" Hao Se exclaimed, his arm weakened, the whole box suddenly lost its balance, flipped to the side, the lid of the box clicked open, and the roll of straw fell out with a thud, and rolled down the hillside.

"I'm going to it!" Hao Se shouted with his hands in his face, and ran after him.