Your courage may not be real, but your fears are not half false.

- Preamble

The inhabitants of London don't seem to be so afraid of the cold of winter, so even the goddess of the west wind has no interest in staying here. Soon, the snow melted, and the wind smelled of spring.

The smell of spring Xuan Junyang is not clear, but he knows the taste of the hospital very well, because the stimulation of disinfectant water will make people feel fear for no reason. Most people fear doctors, presumably because the profession is naturally associated with death.

"In short, the current situation is not optimistic. The doctor's expression with purple circles was extremely serious, and if he was a mentally fragile patient, he would probably have been frightened by that appearance before he knew his condition.

Xuan Junyang didn't listen to a word of the previous lengthy statement. Because it didn't mean anything to him, he just had to know if he could still live.

"Is there any salvation?" he asked, looking at the ground, to the doctor.

There was no response, as he couldn't see the doctor shaking his head when he was staring directly at the floor tiles.

Walking out of the hospital, Xuan Junyang felt a little dizzy. He didn't know if it was because the sunlight was too harsh or because something in his head was pressing on his nerves.

"What a fucking ......" staring at the people on the street in confusion, Xuan Junyang naturally scolded, "There is still an appointment at night." ”

At first, it was just a nosebleed—a symptom of the night he and Jane Gray "exchanged heart" to him—but he began to get dizzy and headaches, and when he began to have trouble with the illness that often interrupted his thoughts, he had to go to the hospital. It's just that he didn't expect things to come so suddenly, so that in less than three months, the things in his head have grown into a foreign body that doctors can't help.

He didn't expect that he had left his homeland and turbulent hometown, but he still couldn't escape the thousands of miles of death - if this doctor was not a "Mongolian doctor", his life would eventually end in the early morning or evening of two years.

Walking on the way home, Xuan Junyang could clearly hear the people around him praising this rare good weather. But he didn't have the slightest joy. He hated being set in a life of limitations: what time he got up, what time he went to bed, what he did today, what he did tomorrow, he hated it. Naturally, he also hated that his lifespan was judged early, and it was so early.

Xuan Junyang secretly thought in his heart that he ushered in such an ending, probably because he was born by his mother. Perhaps none of the woman's children will have a good death.

I don't know what it's like to die. Maybe it's going to suffocate, maybe it's going to be deaf and dumb. What will happen to this thought of oneself, will it go to another place, or will it become nothing, and even its own existence itself will dissipate cleanly?

It is simply unimaginable.

Xuan Junyang couldn't imagine where he would go after he died, he could only imagine that his consciousness would dissipate with his body, maybe granular, maybe flocculent, but it would disappear after all.

Feeling the imaginary feeling of his own death, Xuan Junyang's body began to chill.

It was a terrible thing, because no matter how much you speculate, how much you imagine, how much you observe, you can't come to a conclusion, because no one who is qualified to feel death can wake up again.

A strong vomiting sensation came up from the stomach.

"Vomit!" Holding on to the wall at hand, Xuan Junyang couldn't suppress the rejection of his body born of fear. His stomach twitched violently, his body naturally leaned over, and his breakfast rushed out of his stomach.

It's painful. Before he died, he was already tormented by this fear.

"Sir, are you alright?" Seeing Xuan Junyang's reaction without warning, even strangers passing by couldn't help but ask.

With a wave of his hand, Xuan Junyang wiped away his tears. He was still speechless, and there was a sour and spicy taste in his mouth, as well as vomit remaining in his mouth, which made it difficult for him to open his mouth for a while.

He didn't care about the words and concerns of the passer-by at all. All he had in his head now was his own shouts.

I don't want to die. I don't want to die!

......

Finally, the exhausted Xuan Junyang slowly walked up the stairs.

"What's wrong with you?" From the moment he stepped up the stairs, Bai Gu heard something strange from the footsteps. Now seeing the appearance of Xuan Junyang who turned into his field of vision, Bai Gu was even more convinced that something unusual had happened.

"It's fine. Xuan Junyang raised his eyes and looked at Bai Gu, he was still the same as usual, although he looked very weak and tired, he was still living well. Maybe it's because Jane Grey, who sits next to him, gives him more about the joy of life.

"Have you been dumped?" Jane looked at Xuan Junyang's face with an expression of disbelief. Xuan Junyang, who is full of confidence and even a little invincible, has such a haggard time.

Xuan Junyang pursed his lips: "I have never been the only one who has abandoned others, and no one else has abandoned me." ”

"But you don't look good. ”

"If you stay up all night doing research, you're only going to look worse than I am. ”

As he spoke, he left the door of Bai Gu's room without looking back, trying to behave as usual, and his words were direct and difficult to answer.

Shaking his head, Jane had nothing to say. She feels that she is still the same Xuan Junyang, but she is not in a good state today.

Back in the house, Xuan Junyang collapsed weakly on the sofa. Jane Grey's noise came from next door, and it must have been Bai Gu making a joke about her with a calm face. Bai Gu, although he is not interested in unimportant people at all, he can always show extraordinary patience and love for those he cares about.

"It's noisy. While speaking, Xuan Junyang saw the layers of materials on the desk and the bookcase, and felt extremely depressed for a while. My life is just beginning to get better and brighter.

So is Bai Gu, and so is Jane. They are. Obviously everything is going to start to get better, but I can only stop here. This feeling of being left behind will always make people feel lonely.

So the calm that had just accepted the fact of death began to brew more unwillingness at this moment.

At this moment, even the ugly sculpture looked as if it was staring at Xuan Junyang with a pair of big godless eyes - although it had been a winter, Xuan Junyang still could not find the slightest detail to prove the age and cultural system it represented. Is it really the product of an empty and distant past, as the Gray translation of The Unknown God suggests?

But at this moment, Xuan Junyang had no time to think about it, he just wanted to sleep for a while to relieve his exhaustion. Of course, he also hopes that he will never wake up as soon as he sleeps, after all, the feeling of sleep is familiar to him, not so frightening to him, and it is also a kind of happiness if he can die in his sleep.

......

When Xuan Junyang woke up again, it was already sunset. The afternoon's sleep made him feel a little better, and his body was not as heavy as before.

And Bai Gu walked into the house at the right moment and asked him to eat.

Turning his head to look out the window, Xuan Junyang counted the time. It should be too late to get to the appointment, but considering his state today, he decided to stay at home. I'll go and explain it to the inconsequential woman in a few days.

Dinner, as always, was contracted by Bai Gu, and it was a very traditional Chinese dish.

"So," Xuan Junyang leaned back in his chair and asked Bai Gu and Jane, who were sitting opposite him, "When are you going to get married?"

Glancing at Jane, Bai Gu smiled.

"Wait until next year. Saying that, Bai Gu stopped his chopsticks, it was not easy to find a pair of chopsticks in the UK, but fortunately, he was prepared when he fled from the Bai family.

"Why next year?" Xuan Junyang frowned and asked, "Isn't 1927 a suitable year for marriage?"

"Because we're going on an expedition this year," Jane Grey interjected, "since we can find the statue, it means that the direction of research is not wrong, and we can continue to look for clues to the statue." If you get married this year, it will delay the progress of the research. ”

"Tsk, you didn't fall once enough, do you want to do it a second time?" Xuan Junyang said angrily to Jane Gray.

"Oops, last time I was careless!"

"That's right, Junyang. Reaching out and touching Jane Gray's shoulder, Bai Gu motioned for her to be quiet, he had something to ask, "That statue, have you researched anything?"

Xuan Junyang shook his head: "That thing really stumped me." I'm at a loss for that thing right now. ”

"What do you think it will be?" Bai Gu continued to ask.

"It's just a sculpture, what else could it be?"

"Hmm......" Bai Gu nodded, he knew that Xuan Junyang had never believed in ghosts and gods, but he still spoke, "It's just that I doubt it, maybe it's really a token of God?"

Xuan Junyang was stunned for a moment, he seemed to have something in mind.

But then, he shook his head again and stood up straight: "Impossible, impossible. ”

As he spoke, he walked over to the coffee table.

Looking at his swaying back, Bai Gu frowned. He concluded that he had not guessed wrong, something unspeakable must have happened to Xuan Junyang, but it was enough to break his mind.

It's just that he doesn't know how to know and comfort him. Only Xuan Junyang has always comforted the weak Bai Gu, but there is no Bai Gu to help comfort Xuan Junyang - because Xuan Junyang doesn't need it.

"Bai Gu," suddenly, Jane Grey mysteriously approached Bai Gu, "Do you want to go to my house to have a look?"

As soon as Jane Grey said this, Bai Gu realized that he had never been to Gray's house next door in the past few years since he came to London.

"Is it appropriate?" Bai Gu smiled embarrassedly, although Jane Gray was the only one who lived in her house, but after all, it was someone else's house, and it was rude to trespass.

"I have a lot of strange things in my house," she said, and Jane turned her head to look at Xuan Junyang, "You can come along." ”

"Don't go," Xuan Junyang refused Jane without thinking, "Bai Gu should go, after all, you are her fiancé, and that small building may be the place where the two of you will retire in the future." ”

Seeing that Xuan Junyang was so indifferent, Bai Gu had no choice but to quip: "Then you have to worry about Xuan Junyang, you have to guard the house." ”

With a wave of his hand, Xuan Junyang motioned for Bai Gu to hurry up and take Jane Gray out, he wanted a rare quiet moment.

Moreover, he wanted to take advantage of the time when Bai Gu and Jane Gray were away to dispel the already formed mood in his heart in time.

Maybe it's really a token of God?