Rushing to the beginning of the new year, there are some things I want to say.

Today, the fourth day of the Lunar New Year in 2018, I leaned on the bed, lit a cigarette, endured my numb scalp, and began to code words.

The day before Chinese New Year's Eve, February 14 of the solar calendar, was the day of the whole year when I came to Inner Mongolia. Time flies, especially in this year in Inner Mongolia. On Chinese New Year's Eve, you watched the Spring Festival Gala, I stared at the indicators; you ate dumplings, I nibbled on crispy noodles; you set off firecrackers, I screwed the valves; you talked and laughed with family and friends, and I was contacting the tower to change alkali.

Actually, I really envy the people who can go home for the New Year every year, and they are really happy. It's just that I don't know when the distance between us began to get farther and farther away, and I couldn't say a word for 10,000 years. Your name is in my friends list, covered with a thick layer of dust, until one day, the thick one can no longer see who is under the dust, and I don't bother to dust off the dust above. Because, really, I can't find a reason to convince myself.

A long time ago, some people said that I was hypocritical. I agree very much, because, in hypocrisy, there is affection. It's like I suddenly remembered a phrase that my teacher used to say to me when I was in school, but at that time I thought it was nonsense. As I got older, I realized that the teacher, did not lie to me.

She said: I said you, scolded you, and beat you today because I didn't give up on you.

At that time, we were all rebellious. As the lyrics say, I want my freedom. Until one day, the teacher didn't care about me anymore, didn't care about sleeping in class, didn't hand in homework, didn't care about skipping class and went online. I realized that I was really given up by her. It's just that I'm very stubborn, still stubborn, so stubborn that I refuse to admit it, and I don't admit it even if I am killed.

I talk a lot, I admit it, I like to be nosy, I admit it, I lose my trust in others, I admit it, I admit my bad habits, I don't know when I started to put labels all over my body, swearing, ugly derogatory terms. At that time, I gave up on myself, I thought about the ball, at that time, no one knew how much pressure I had on my shoulders, and it was like walking on a cold winter night, reaching out without seeing my fingers, step by step, trembling, walking on thin ice. I didn't know where the direction was, and I thought to myself, one step at a time. That feeling, forget it, don't talk about it.

That day, I went to the calligraphy and painting shop to frame a painting, and when I was ready to pick it up, the proprietress saw my hand and said, "You put your hand out and let me take a look?"

I stretched out in confusion, thinking she was going to show me palmistry.

She said, "Your hands are so beautiful, better than a girl's hands, long and white, suitable for playing the piano."

I really want to say that this is because I often read more books, read more newspapers, eat less snacks, and sleep more. Just kidding.

As I said, not everyone will trust you for no reason. It's not like anyone is so willing to help you. But why? Why is it so coincidental every time, every time I look up, when I want to see you, you are not there. I told myself in my heart that maybe you might be busy. However, as time went on, this feeling became weaker and weaker, again and again, and again and again. I can no longer find a reason to convince myself to believe you. So, while I accept the reality, you are also at ease.

That year, I used my mobile phone for the first time, and I bought a straight mobile phone for more than 300 yuan, I could log in to the QQ number, I could steal food on Tencent, I could listen to songs, I could read e-books, and then I could make calls and send text messages. I'm very happy, chatting with my friends every day, and I have a little expression that doesn't move. However, I still enjoyed it, and at one point, I even learned to send messages with my eyes closed, type and chat.

Now, all kinds of social software, hundreds or even thousands of friends, but there is not even a single one who asks you all year round. Occasionally, one rings up, either for you to like or for you to vote. In the circle of friends, all kinds of food, travel, parties, husbands, babies, cars, tickets, and girls. I realized that I had left your world, and I had never seen the disgusting food you ate, the luxury car you drove, the banknotes you used to collect with a dustpan, I had never seen you holding a beautiful girl like a fairy, and I had never seen you in and out of various high-end clubs.

At this time, I realized that you are no longer the original you, just as I am not the original me. After this year, I realized what it means to be like a world away. It's just, I'm sorry, you and I are people of two worlds. You don't need me in your life anymore, and I won't set foot in it anymore. Say anything, and everyone is fine.

Many people are destined to be just passers-by in your life, but they often become frequent visitors in your memory, but passers-by are just passers-by after all.

Gradually, there was no communication between us, only occasionally I could see your like, but you and I both understood that it was not a like, just, a hand.

I don't know if you're doing well, because you've never told me, and you don't know if I'm doing well, because I've never told you. You and I are on different paths, but they are the same, and we are displaced. The master said that the suffering you are experiencing today is not necessarily suffering, and the happiness you feel today is not necessarily happiness.

Everything you have today is yours, that's right, I said these words, it seems that I can't eat grapes and say that grapes are sour. It's just, does it matter? I don't envy, I don't envy, I don't hate. You're amazing, that's your ability, your ability, no one can say anything about you.

I still read my books, write my words, play my games, talk about my God, you're gone, someone is coming again, it's not a big deal. I live better without you, and I don't feel so uncomfortable without you. Isn't it?

Speaking of which, I would like to say a few words, I am grateful, heartily thankful, those who have helped me in my most difficult and difficult time, thank you for having you in my life, all the kindness, I remember in my heart. If you don't say it, you don't forget it.

I miss when I was a child, when my grandparents took our three siblings, I remember that there were three big trees in the yard, two paulownia trees, and one locust tree. My favorite day is in the late spring and early summer, in the rain-soaked yard, in the afternoon, the sunset is sprinkled from the top of the earthen wall, so warm and not hot, I move a chair, sit on the steps, look at the birds in the trees, look at the fallen leaves, watch the sunset, occasionally hear the sound of adults calling children home, so kind, so wonderful. It's just that there is no more chance, you and I are busy, busy with life, busy with status. There wasn't even time to sit still for a while.

A few days ago, the old lady called again and began to urge marriage, saying that among all the relatives, you are the only one who is not married, and the rest of the men and women, younger than you, are all married, and when do you want to delay. It turned out that I was twenty-five. Suddenly, there was a little, how to say, a feeling of helplessness.

At that time, we had dreams, about literature, about love, about traveling through the world. Nowadays, we drink late at night, and the quilts touch together, and it is the sound of broken dreams.

I stood on tiptoe and looked at the past that I could never go back to, and burst into tears, those things that I once thought were forever are not forever. We've all learned to intrigue and learn a lot of foreign languages, including the hardest ones. We can talk to the person we hate for a day, but we don't have a minute to say a nice word to our lover and friend. We wander in the sea of people, see all kinds of things in the world, from the beginning of the sneer to the last habit into nature, when one day, when we look in the mirror, only to find that the person in the mirror is the person in the mirror, you are you, each irrelevant.

I think one day, I will lay out a straw mat, set a wooden table, put a pot of wine, and burn a stick of incense. You are sitting opposite me, we don't run around for life, we sit and talk about the Tao with peace of mind, talking about the past and the present, and the Tao will be in the future. The glass touched lightly, drank the wine, and smiled sincerely. I walked into the yard and watched the sycamore flowers and listen to the birdsong. Quietly watch the idle garden fall.

Finally, I wish you all a happy and auspicious New Year, as for the evening, don't eat chicken, and spend more time with family and friends.

Good night and happy everyone!