I'm a medical student, and I often describe myself like this to others, some people's bad is like a cold, which looks menacing, but in fact, it is destructive. And my bad is like a cancer cell that goes deep into the bone marrow, I don't feel it at the beginning, and I will die directly at the advanced stage.

I often ask myself in my heart, what kind of person am I? Actually, to put it bluntly, I don't know myself, really. Maybe I knew myself before, but that was a long time ago. People say that no matter what story you want to tell, as long as you add a long, long time ago at the beginning, the whole story will become very flavorful, so you should say that.

A long, long time ago, from the beginning of my sensibility, I was a timid and scared boy, hesitant in trouble, and I just wanted to escape, and I could hide for a minute. I can't fight with a girl, no one looks down on me, including myself, I understand the truth, but when something happens, I use two words to describe it - cowardice. In fact, this is not self-deprecation, but it is true.

That year, I had just been liberated from the dire life of the second year of junior high school, and I was bullied all day long, I couldn't fight back, I didn't scold back, and even when others bullied me, I had to laugh at others. I looked down on myself, and many people, including many girls, looked at me with nothing but contempt in their eyes.

Later, when I met him, I started thinking that I would be thankful that I could hug my thighs at school and no one bullied me. I was inseparable from him all day long, eating, going to the toilet, and even when he was playing basketball, he played, I wouldn't, I just sat on the side and watched, even if I couldn't understand and was bored, I would pretend to be very serious.

At that time, we were in the third class of junior high school, on the top floor of the school building. I just remember, there are four classes on the whole floor, and there are a lot of people who don't study, and they are good at fighting and making trouble, and they will circle around the balcony after class, all kinds of bragging. I feel like being able to stand with them is an elevation for who I am, and I enjoy that feeling, but I don't feel happy from the bottom of my heart, because that enjoyment comes from a need, not a possession.

That day, Liu Dong and I stood on the edge of the balcony and watched the girls downstairs.

Suddenly, someone kicked me from the side, and although it wasn't heavy, it startled me. As soon as I looked up, I was the one who had bullied me the most before, and out of instinct and habit, I didn't dare to move or speak.

He walked in front of me very arrogantly, with his nostrils facing the sky, and he couldn't help it: he didn't call me brother when he saw me, didn't he want to be beaten?

I didn't feel any anger in my heart, and I laughed: Didn't I see this, I didn't see it, blame me, blame me.

Liu Dong's eyes changed obviously, but he didn't speak, just looked at it.

The man was doing his work on me, and his mouth was full of swearing.

Suddenly, Liu Dong turned around and asked me: You used to come here like this?

I kept my head down and didn't speak, very embarrassed.

Liu Dong continued: I don't care what you did before, it's all in the past, but not now, follow me, I can't let me be embarrassed with you.

After saying that, he sneered and hugged my buddy: Come, brother, tell me something.

Then he shouted directly in the corridor: Hey, a brother has been bullied.

Immediately, a group of people gathered around and asked what was wrong.

Liu Dong: My brother was bullied in front of me, and I can't hang it on my face, what should I do?

Three or five people immediately dragged the man to the balcony at the back of the classroom and blocked him in the corner. I could clearly see his legs shaking, and it turned out that he would be scared too.

Liu Dong said to the crowd behind him: Don't move anyone today, let my brother handle it himself.

Then he looked back at the man and said, "I have to thank you today, and if my brother changes his personality in the future, I will remember you well."

Then he said to me, "It's up to you."

I was torn and embarrassed to stand there, after all, there was a group of people waiting for me to perform. After hesitating for a long time, then my mental activity should be like this: To fight or not to fight? If I don't fight, I will lose face today, and if I do, what if he comes back to take revenge? However, it is also a person, why do I have to let him step on the soles of my feet, why do I have to be afraid of him, why is he not afraid of me. As soon as I thought of this, the whole person was not good in an instant, and the resentment accumulated in the past was like a spring that had been suppressed enough, and it collapsed in an instant. I slapped it, and I remembered that my hands were numb, and there was blood oozing from the corners of his mouth, but there were so many people around, he didn't dare to move. The more I thought about it, the more angry I became, and my hands became heavier and heavier, and I began to kick with my feet, hit my head, and bite with my teeth. The people around were stunned, this horse was a fight, and the whole thing was a game. I called a grievance in my heart, tears flowed out, and I shouted while fighting: Let you bully me, let you bully me, you are paralyzed, if you bully me again in the future, Lao Tzu will play with you.

Then, someone grabbed my hand, and I turned around and saw Liu Dong.

He said, "Okay, fight again, it's a big deal."

looked at the man lying on the ground again and said: You remember, Xu Shuang is my brother, you don't know me, but there will be another time, I promise to demolish you. If you're not convinced, just come to me and get out.

The man got up, patted the dirt, and limped away.

Then Liu Dong turned around and looked at me with disdain: Damn, where did you learn it, and you still use bites, I'm scared to see it.

Since then, my whole person has changed, from defending my dignity to helping others fight together, from using fists at the beginning to copying guys later, using stool legs, using bricks, and even using knives. The person I hit never came to me again, and occasionally bumped into me on the road and walked around me. As Liu Dong told me, violence is not the best way to solve problems, but violence is sometimes the most direct and effective way. If you think about it, there's nothing wrong with it.

He said, "Do you think I'm teaching you to fight?" I'm telling you with my actions what dignity is and what it means to live like a man, you know?

I nodded excitedly, he was right, since I changed, there are more people around me, and they are getting closer, everyone chats and fights together, chats about girls, and chats about meat jokes. I'm happy, I'm relaxed, it's the difference from needing to having, essentially. There are still people who come to me to worship him, I really want to reply, damn, do you think Lao Tzu is stupid? But not only can't you say it, but you have to find a reason to refuse politely, and you have to pretend to be a pity. Liu Dong called this: the rivers and lakes and the sophistication of people.

At that time, the two of us had breakfast together at school, and every morning he gave me five yuan, three pieces of meat buns per person, one cake per person, and one bag of soy milk per person. Then we sat on the back balcony and looked for the ugliest, fattest and blackest person in the whole school in the crowd - Buckle (the nickname given by the people). Then I looked at her trouser pocket stuffed with a meat bun in each of her pants pockets, and two more in her hands, her unkempt hair and freckles on the plate of her big face, and she probably hadn't washed her face yet. Looking up and looking around, no one looked at her, and then took a bite to make a meat bun, every now and then I would squat down with Liu Dong and laugh until I trembled. The reason is that I am afraid that if I stand up and be seen by her, I will not be able to watch the show.

It was the happiest time of my life, but alas, it was almost over, and I didn't know it yet. On the day of the winter vacation, he went to fight, and then he was expelled from school because of the heavy hand and the big trouble. I never thought he would leave so easily, and he didn't even say goodbye. We haven't seen each other for a long time since then, including the start of the second semester, and although there are still those people on the side, I always feel like something is missing, and it doesn't feel like it used to be anymore.

It wasn't until a year later that I did everything possible to get his contact information and get his home address, and I saw him again. The first time I saw him, the feeling in my heart came back, how to describe it? It was the eldest in the sky, the second in the earth, and the third in me. That's not arrogance, it's a kind of self-confidence, self-confidence from the inside out, self-confidence that looks at everything. I said, yes, that's how it feels. Stand next to him, what if the sky falls? No matter how difficult things are, they can be handled with a smile.

I told him: I have become dependent on you.

He looked at me with disgust: Get out, Lao Tzu is not interested in men.

Then we both leaned back and fell together laughing in the sun.

We have known each other for almost nine years, what is the concept? It turns out that he has accompanied me for a youth, from a child who doesn't know anything to a man who dares to act and face all setbacks with a smile and confidence. I confess that he taught me all these things and he brought them out of me. He is an indispensable person in my life, he always shows up when I am at my lowest, when it is most difficult, and then stands behind me to finish all the difficulties that stand in my way. He seems to be a backbone made of iron, so that I have something to stand and speak, and he is like my enlightenment gentleman, teaching me how to be a person and how to plan. But he is more like a brother, taking care of him and educating him with all his heart, and all of this should come from that, brother. Yes, it's him, the spicy blue man in my life!