Without eating or drinking, Haichuan returned to his room listlessly and locked himself inside.

He never thought that such a thing would happen, and he hurt his friends around him, and this kind of injury is fatal, and it can never be repaired and can never be forgiven. He slapped himself hard and picked up a paintbrush to scribble on the canvas.

It was so quiet that there was no sound at all, and the excessive silence made people feel terrifying. Beidou knocked on the door and asked, "Haichuan, are you okay, don't blame yourself anymore, you should think about what you want to do next, I hope you can accept it and face it calmly, come on!" Beidou just wanted to joke with him, the matter was not that serious.

In this way, you can also try Haichuan's sincerity, whether Haichuan likes Qingli or not, he should have a bottom in his heart. Lu Haichuan painted vigorously, and replied lightly: "I'm fine! Brother Xie Beidou cares!" He put all his mind into painting, because otherwise, he would keep thinking about that incident and feel guilty all the time.

The brush flickered left and right with the wave of his hand, Lu Haichuan wanted to calm down, but the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't. Suddenly, his tears poured down of their own, so silent, with a rare sadness in his expression. The right hand was stored in the air, and a large drop of ink rolled downward, rolling down on the snow-white rice paper, and it dissolved, like a ball of black blood spreading to the surrounding area.

"Lu Haichuan, Lu Haichuan, look at the good things you have done, no wonder Qingli has always wanted to treat you as a shameless person, and now that you have really fulfilled his words, what qualifications do you have to touch her?" Haichuan was very sad, he really didn't want such a thing to happen, but he had already done it, it was impossible to go back to the past, some things were so helpless.

He wept quietly, and thought quietly, and thought a lot. In the end, he made a solemn decision for himself, and when Qingli came back, he made it clear to her, let her be his girlfriend first, and then get married when both of them reached the legal age of marriage;

Maybe this is the best, I am no longer a child, and I have to take responsibility for those things I have done. Especially in this kind of matter that is related to the reputation of another person's life, it is even more perfunctory. He had already thought about it, so he did it, in fact, he still liked Qingli very much, but for some reason he didn't behave very directly.

Thinking about how to deal with it, Haichuan's heart settled down a little, and there was no other way to do it. I just don't know what other people will think, whether they will imagine themselves as lustful, emotional, and crazy, the kind that pretends to do bad things through alcohol. Haichuan didn't have this kind of rotten idea in his heart at all, so he was afraid that others would misunderstand him, and he was afraid of losing his friends from now on.

Although the plan has been decided, Haichuan is still full of doubts. He picked up the brush again, and suddenly saw that the large drop of ink dripping from the rice paper had dried. Haichuan rendered it around along the ink droplets, making it a complete picture, and his strength lies in the fact that he can use his ingenuity to weaken and transform the failure to the greatest extent, turning it into a new element or even a bright spot in the picture.

In this way, a painting "Hundred Flowers Fight" was brilliantly completed, although the main color is ink, but the strength and contour between the colors, the depth and the shallowness are extremely delicate. He likes to paint, and ink, drawing, and oil painting are his strengths, but now he is not as enthusiastic about these as before, and sometimes he even feels that learning is useless, so he gradually stops doing it.

But a hobby is a hobby after all, Haichuan has never abandoned it, whenever he is happy or sad, when he comes home, he will use a paintbrush to convey the feelings in his heart. In terms of music, Haichuan also knows some, but he is not proficient, he was taught by the old man who taught Beidou, and later when he was self-supporting with Beidou, he has been singing in the bar, and Beidou is playing music.

He put aside "Hundred Flowers Fighting***", and slept on the desk, I don't know if he wanted to escape such a cruel reality, or for some other reason, in short, Haichuan felt weak all over his body from the time he came together, and he didn't want to do anything. What he is afraid of is not his violation of Qingli, but that he is afraid that he will become a heinous person in the eyes of others, and no one will pay attention to him from now on, and he will be isolated from the world.

The feeling of being isolated was terrifying, and Haichuan knew that very well, because he had tasted it many times before. In any case, I can't let anyone down anymore, and I hope that Qingli can be with me, so that others won't talk nonsense everywhere, and I won't become so infamous. Yes, Qingli is a good girl, and Haichuan even feels that he is not worthy of her at all.

After sleeping for a while, Haichuan woke up again, and the day was spent in a trance. He picked up the painting again, looked at it, and felt as if it were a small evening primrose on the painting, which could only open in the dark night, silently enjoying solitude and desolation. It seems that this world is forever so far away from oneself and out of reach, and there is a heartbreak and criticism that no one can understand.

When the flowers are in full bloom, the evening primrose quietly becomes the green leaf that sets off them, and it is not at all conspicuous. It only blooms at night, does not see the sun, and never knows how bright and warm the daylight really is. Just like myself from birth to now, I am always so humble, and I have no value at all in the eyes of others, and I suddenly feel that all this is meaningless.

Sometimes, even the evening primrose is luckier than you, because it can at least bloom at night and bloom for a lifetime. As for himself, he will always be just a speck of dust, so insignificant, Haichuan hates himself, and he hates the world, who gave birth to himself but abandoned himself, it is better to not exist from the beginning.

Then there will be no pain, no sadness. Haichuan is a very contradictory person, he wants to make himself strong, become cheerful and generous, and no longer dwell on the past, which he does when he is conscious. But once he enters the state of illusion or slump, he will think of many other things, so he has been distressed, and he has never been able to find his true self.

Knock knock knock...... There was a knock on the door outside, and Lu Haichuan, who had just woken up from a dream, hurriedly rolled up the painting and stuffed it into a kaleidoscope, and walked over to open the door.