I like you, not because you look good or not, but because you give me a feeling that others can't give me in a special time.

I don't want to be lonely, I don't want to be smart, I want to love, even if love destroys me

- Sanmao

I don't know why, Ah Xin just loves Sanmao's story.

The following is Ah Xin's collection of an article about the writer Sanmao in the Tianya Forum account, the name of the article is "The Return of the Soul", this article is very long, Ah Xin picked up two of the paragraphs, "This blogger, Ah Xin contacted you, but I didn't get a reply, I hope you forgive me"

It is impossible to know that we want to read and understand Sanmao, and it is impossible for Sanmao in our hearts to be read and understood.

Ah Xin only bought a few of her works, and was moved by Sanmao's experience and emotions in the book, with tears in his eyes, Sanmao's life has experienced too many emotional setbacks.

As she wrote in "Birds of Bliss": "I have been carrying such a burden lately, and I hope to embrace a life of flesh and blood in the next life." ”

"My writing life is my love life." Sanmao's work is not only a huge literary library, but also a poignant emotional experience.

"The gift of love is both instant and eternal", as a woman, Sanmao has fantasies and desires for love like other women.

When a teenage and ignorant Sanmao was attacked in the rainy season, she learned to wait for the emotional tide of "love can't be said, if you say it, it's wrong", how painful it is for her.

"It's a kind of burnout for no reason, how do you explain the heart at this time...... And waiting day after day only makes you sink down.

Although Chu Dou's feelings need to withstand the test of the rainy season, Sanmao is persistent. "Coletti in the forest, Coletti in the rain, where is your sun?" she was awake again, "I can't hold it this morning, I live in a fallacy of being too attached to things big and small, so I can't find solace and sunshine in it.

The woman is not in this mood for a day, it is a string of empty and cold trivial things piled up on a sand dune, and she can't withstand the rain for days, and the center is chaotic and rushing" "I don't want to be lonely, I don't want to be smart, I want to love, I want to love, even if love destroys me" ("Moon River") For Sanmao, birth and waiting are dissolved into one, but she did not let time flow in vain because of this, so that time can be separated from reality;

For Sanmao, she didn't sleep in bed and watch time flow by the bed, the countless journeys of the past ten years, endless wanderings, and emotional ups and downs did not make her spend the most precious youth of her life in vain.

To tell the truth, the writer Sanmao's life is both happy and sad.

From the two books "Hotel in the Desert" and "Crying Camel", it is not difficult for us to see how much impact Jose had on Sanmao's emotional world in the short six years of the Sahara Desert. Why did you choose these two books? Because Ah Xin only bought and read these two books.

It is said that it is sad because, in just six years, six years, Jose left Sanmao. Jose's departure hit Sanmao like a bolt from the blue, as can be seen from the following.

"I lay on the ground, crying and began to dig the soil, let me dig out the blood of the ten, dig you out, dig you up again, and hold us together to rot into white bones!"

From this sentence, we can see that Sanmao has a deep attachment to Jose.

In the next ten years, how Sanmao spent it, we are not the parties, we can't understand, we can see between the lines, that state. Life is better than death.

At 7 a.m. on January 4, 1991, twelve years after Jose's death, Sanmao chose to hang himself to end his life. But Ah Xin firmly believes that Sanmao misses Jose too much. Went to meet Jose.

The following six sentences are a summary of the love between Sanmao and Jose, feel it well!

Ah Xin knew that love could be so innocent and unforgettable.

1. I only wanted to get married after I met you

José: Echo, you wait for me for six years, I have four years to go to college, two years to serve in the military, and after six years, I'll marry you. My wish is to own a small apartment. I went out to make money, and Echo cooked for me at home, which was the happiest thing in my life.

Sanmao: We are both still young, and you are only in your third year of high school, why do you want to get married!

José: I only wanted to get married after I met you.

2. As long as it's you

Jose asked Sanmao: What kind of person do you want to marry?

Sanmao said: It's pleasing to the eye, and multimillionaires also marry. If it doesn't look good, billionaires also marry.

Jose said, "Then you still want to marry a rich man."

Sanmao glanced at Jose and said: There are exceptions.

"And what if you marry me?" asked Jose.

Sanmao sighed and said: If it were you, it would be enough as long as there was enough money for food.

"Did you eat too much?" asked Jose.

"No more, no less, you can eat less in the future. Sanmao said cautiously.

3. Shall we get married in the summer?

José: Let's get married.

Sanmao: My heart is broken.

José: If your heart is broken, you can glue it up.

José: I know you have a bad temperament, but you have a good heart, and we can get married.

José: I think very clearly, I want to keep you by my side, only to marry you, otherwise my heart will never be able to reduce this painful feeling, let's get married in the summer, okay?

Just this sentence, Sanmao read it ten times, then went for a walk, and when he came back, he decided to marry the bearded Jose.

4. We will die together when we die

Sanmao: If I die, you must promise me to marry a woman again.

Jose: You're nervous, don't talk to you!

Sanmao: The nerves also want to say, if you don't marry, I won't be at ease when I die.

Jose: If you die, I'll burn your house down and float on the boat until you die.

Sanmao: It's okay to set fire to the house, as long as you are willing to marry again.

José: Until you are very old and I am very old, and neither of you can walk or help you, put on clean clothes, lie down on the bed together, close your eyes and say, "All right!

5. I still have to make dumplings for you

Sanmao: A little more than a year ago, I was asked to write a manuscript by a journal, and the topic had already been specified: If you only had three months to live, what would you do?

When Jose heard about this, he asked me curiously--- "What are you going to do?"

At that time, I was kneading dough in the kitchen, I raised my white powdered hand, gently touched his hair, and said slowly: "Fool, I won't die, because I have to make dumplings for you!"

6. If there is an afterlife, will you marry me again?

Sanmao: If there is an afterlife, are you willing to marry me again?

JOSE: No, I don't. If there is an afterlife, I want to live a different life.

Sanmao beats Jose.

José: That's what you think, aren't you?

Sanmao looked at Jose: I really think so. Since we can't be together in the next life, cherish this life!

"Since we can't be together in the next life, cherish this life" What a simple confession!

The emotions of Sanmao and Jose moved Ah Xin, the two of them did not say anything touching to the world, the two of them are using actions to explain to the world what love is.

Love is, where the other party is, home is there, as long as there is a place for the other party, it is home.

Even if the family is surrounded by four walls, even if it is the Gobi beach, as long as there is each other, it is home.

Ah Xin wants to say that Sanmao and Jose are pure in love with each other, yes, pure.

Ah Xin's literary and artistic disease was influenced by the two of them, and Ah Xin enjoyed it.

Everyone says that literature and art are a kind of disease, called literature and art disease, and there will never be a cure, because literary and artistic diseases grow in the heart, unless the heart stops beating one day, then it is the day when the literary and artistic disease is cured.

Life is not enough, literature and art are not enough.

We are using our lives to explain what is literary and artistic.

Never forget until death, the spirit of literary youth.