In late autumn and winter, it is exceptionally cold.

The surface of the lake is not frozen, and it is already feeling cold in winter. The fog was white and covered the entire underwater building, like a dreamy fairyland wrapped in the middle of the mountainside, which was not real at all.

After receiving the letter, I hurried to Honghui's small courtyard, and it had been half a day, and the sky was dark with a trace of icy moisture, as if I wanted snow.

Pushed the courtyard door, unusually quiet. Signaling Mei Wei Xie Yu watched people carry large and small clothes boxes and food boxes, took a breath and walked to the main hall, suffocating in his heart, and couldn't help coughing.

Kangxi sat in the first place, in the carved wooden chair where Yinzhen often sits, caressing the edge of the teacup lid and squinting at me. The candlelight flickered and flickered on the golden dragon on his chest, the hot tea floated like mist, and the scales behind it flickered with dazzling light, and his eyes were golden and red and raised his claws to fly.

Fu Shen asked An Wei to be called, bowed his head and squatted on the ground, and heard a low cough directly in front of his head and asked: "This is the news, specially rushed to see me?"

"Back to the emperor's words, it was Bang'er who was happy to see you coming, and sent a letter to his daughter-in-law to say a few happy words. Coincidentally, the weather has become cooler in recent days, and he has already prepared food and clothing to send over, and he wants to have not entered the palace for a few days, so before going out on an errand, Yinzhen specially instructed his daughter-in-law to enter the palace more to ask for peace to Huang Ama and Eniang......

"Well, the fourth child has more heart than you. ”

I couldn't hear the joy and anger in a low hum, I hurriedly took the words and looked at the gray floor tiles in front of me, nodded and knelt on the ground, and answered the wrong voice.

Kangxi snorted and laughed, and the teacup sizzled by the rubbing of the lid, "Your son's home, what are you kneeling on, get up." ”

The four-month-old child was held in his arms, and a little boy was on his lap, Honghui and Hongwan stood on both sides and bowed their heads silently. At this time, Kangxi still looked like an emperor, and his frame was full of majesty, but the tails of his eyes with deep traces added a few softness just when he smiled.

He finally met Honghui's daughter-in-law and hugged this great-grandson who was personally named, and he had no regrets? I don't know how many unfinished regrets he still has in his heart, but fortunately, Honghui didn't let him miss it.

The door was covered with a layer of snow, and the courtyard was brightened by small snowflakes falling under the dark night sky. The sixty-first year of Kangxi finally ushered in winter, and that day is almost here......

Kangxi sighed at the time when he left, looking at Honghui's eyes turning to the horizon deeply, Xu is he also remembered the city, the quiet courtyard where children sit, and the sunny morning. I always remember that day, like a painting imprinted in my mind, even the color has not faded a little, think about it, he is too. People love memories when they are old, Kangxi is like this, and so am I.

At that time, Honghui was childish and innocent, and when he saw Kangxi, he would simply smile and express his feelings of longing directly, and now, he has grown up and has his own family and life. They are just like us back then, many things are hidden in the bottom of our hearts, and so are our feelings, which are subtle and deep, and we need to experience them with our hearts. That kind of sting, about growth, about insight, is so deep that it is deep.

At the end of his birthday, Yinzhen rushed home, and did not mention much about the investigation of the granary, only said that it was done, and asked a few words about Honghui, thinking that he had received the news, I briefly replied a few words, and he nodded and did not ask more. Our life is still as usual, but birthdays are getting simpler and simpler, a bowl of noodles and a cup of wine, and the warmth of a hug is a year.

On the seventh day of the first month of November, Yinzhen did not return all night, so Gao Wuyong sent the news to the garden and rushed back.

Kangxi is sick!

I know that this time the illness is afraid that it will come quickly, and if I can't go back, I will be sick again and again.

I couldn't sleep all night, sitting in front of the window and looking at the frozen white of the lake, and my muscles and bones were cold. Those flowers and willow green can no longer be seen, just snow, endless snow.

In this era, in addition to Yinzhen and our children, in addition to Yinxiang and filial piety, I also left something else, those feelings are real zài, called family affection.

Kangxi once punished me, drove me away, made me miserable, let me hurt me, and tired me, but he never hurt me and never wanted my life, he regarded me as the substitute for the Nala clan who stood by the table and couldn't cry, or the fourth child of his family? These are no longer important. When it was time to lose, he was just Kangxi, just my father-in-law who had been called for thirty years, the emperor and his father. He loves him, spoils him, punishes him, and treats every child and grandchild around him in a variety of different ways, just as they do to him, they have resentment and hatred, and they can't change their love and respect, and so do I.

In the early morning of the eighth day of the first lunar month, Yinzhen came back covered in snow, and his eyes were so black that he seemed to be about to sink in. I helped him sit on the edge of the bed and took off my boots, only to wipe my face with a warm wipe, and my hand was gripped, so cold that it hurt to the bone.

"Change your clothes, I'll ask Gao Wuyong to send you to Changchun Garden. ”

"Me?"

"Yes, Huang Ama wants you to go and see the driver. ”

Grabbed the towel cloth and nodded, and heard him say again, "At this time, Huang Ama is not announced, we can't get in, you be careful yourself." Do you remember the palace maid last time? If there is something to do, look for her, and bring me something to tell her. ”

"Good. He stood up in response, and within two steps he spun around and took him into his arms. The chest is still cold, and the delicate silk embroidery rubbing the cheeks is like a needle and a knife, one cut at a time, the melting snow is not warm at all, and the heartbeat cannot be felt, but it is real.

I patted him on the back and said it's okay, I don't know if it means Kangxi or me, the deeper my heart is, the more relaxed it is, and all the qiē will no longer be as impenetrable as a fog, and it will finally be clear.

~~~

Kangxi was lying on the bed, under a bright yellow tent, his face was pale and faintly blue, his eyes were closed, and his thin cheeks were a little puffy.

I knelt in the middle of the room in my heart, whispered goodbye, and heard Li Dequan's soft voice. Even if they are in the same room, they still have to pass through, and I don't know if he hears it.

I've seen people with this kind of countenance, dying people...... Back then, I forgot a lot, and I can't remember much if I can't remember it, but this scene is as clear as yesterday. Sickbed, loved ones, life and death. At that time, I was still young, and I was frightened, even if I was as close as my mother, I would still be afraid of such a lifeless face, but now when I think about it, I feel pain, and my heart is like a knife.

Back to light?

Kangxi sat up slightly on the cushion and waved his hand to ask Li Dequan to exit the door.

Move your knees to the front of the bed and your feet will collapse. His hand hung down on the side of the bed, and the green tendons floated on the wrinkled back of his hand, no longer the loving grandfather Honghui had seen. Stretched the corner to cover the arm, looked down at the delicate rosewood carved pattern on the foot collapse, auspicious clouds, scattered with the wind, clouds rolled up, the emperor can pedal on it.

"Is the fourth child good to you?"

I don't know what I mean, so I nodded yes.

"Am I good to you?"

"Good. ”

"Then you tell sù me, is the time limit reached? ”

Raised his head in horror, busy and low, "The minister-in-law doesn't dare, and I don't know." ”

"Do you know who I will give this throne to?"

Raised his eyes in surprise, he looked at me with wide eyes, the candlelight flashed, wise, just like back then.

"The courtiers and daughters-in-law don't dare to speculate, all the brothers are talented, and the emperor must have a certain number in his heart. ”

"Who do you wish for?"

Men are more stubborn than women, and even more so are powerful men, and even more so are patients.

"Back to the emperor's words, people are selfish, everyone wants their own well, and the same is true for their daughters-in-law. It's just that the throne is not a child's play, nor is it a trivial matter for a family, it is not the will of a woman, and it is ...... It's too hard to be an emperor, and it's even more so to be a Ming monarch, and the daughter-in-law doesn't look forward to it. ”

"Hard, sixty-one years...... I ascended the throne at the age of eight, and who has ever said a word of hard work to me. Kangxi sighed, faintly long, and the golden brocade was moved by his hand, "Get up." ”

I looked up at him, my legs and feet were sore, and I endured it and replied softly: "Xie Huang Ama, the daughter-in-law is still kneeling and talking, and the daughter-in-law is not tired." ”

Kangxi pulled a weak smile on his lips, and sank into the cushion again, I reached out and knelt back on the thick cushion, and heard him ask very lightly, "How many months is your side Fujin pregnant?"

He sat on his calf a little, and thought to himself, "It's been almost four months." ”

"You're nice to them, too. ”

"It's fine. They are the women of the fourth master, and the heirs are also the fourth master's. ”

"It's mine, it's the world. ”

I bowed my head in response, remembering his sentence that the royal family has many sons and is rich.

"Which country will be handed over, I'm afraid it will be fought for so many years...... I know it all. ”

"Brother, I have it too. There is never a shortage of brothers in the royal family, not to mention half-mothers, they are siblings of the same mother, and this affection is getting weaker and weaker. Perhaps, I didn't do well enough, but I was in the royal family, and I couldn't help myself. ”

"Who can guarantee that if one of them sits on this son, the lives of the other brothers will be at stake?"

"You and the old nine, the tenth, and the fourteenth are all good, not to mention the thirteenth, they are brothers, and they are all my heirs. ”

Kangxi said a lot intermittently, I always listened, he didn't seem to need me to respond just said, and only then did he pause. Seeing that I nodded and didn't reply, he shook his head and sighed.

"In the past 30 years, you have changed a lot, and you don't want to say what you think in your heart. I don't punish you, I just come to talk to you, in the palace, here, there are really not many people who can say a few heartfelt words to me, and there are not many people who dare to ask for my life for my brother...... No, no, you've seen it in my life. When the old fourteenth was in the main hall, in front of the civil and military officials kneeling for the eighth child, back and forth just begging, I wanted to kill him, and the brothers all knelt down and begged together. ”

"The ministers and daughters-in-law are reckless, and the princes will not. ”

Kangxi's hand stretched out the corner of the quilt and swung it, pointing to the cushion behind him. I leaned in to help him up, sat up straighter and asked for a glass of water, wet my lips and shook my head.

"Fourth, my temperament is a little colder, it's not like this, I'm afraid I was in a hurry when I was a child......" I held the teacup and fixed it on the side of the bed, stunned to see him look up at me busy and kneeling. Kangxi didn't know where to look, as if he was trapped in a memory, his eyes wandered for a long time before he retracted and stared at my face, "I, I left a mess, I'm afraid he will have a hard time in the future, if it's not good for you, don't hold a grudge against me." ”

The daughter-in-law was frightened, but the daughter-in-law did not dare. After saying this, the chaos in my heart really brightened. Kangxi's heart is here, Chrysostom Yuyan, all kinds of speculations in later generations, I never believe or even think about it and don't want to waste time, today I heard what he said, Yinzhen, your thirteen years of hard work is always worth it.

"His brothers......"

Biting his lip and raising his head to meet his gaze, "Huang Ama, the fourth master knows what the world is, you should know him for so many years, and the person who loves him in his heart will understand the way of brothers." The daughter-in-law also understands that the thirteenth brother is the brother-in-law of the minister, the ninth brother is the same, the tenth brother and the fourteenth brother are the same, and the other brothers are the same. ”

Kangxi closed his eyes and leaned there, he didn't move for a long time, I waited for a long time thinking that he was asleep, thinking about whether to call Li Dequan to come in and wait, and heard a whisper, "An emperor through the ages?"

Seeing that he slightly picked the corners of his lips and smiled familiarly, he tried to recall and turn back time. Nodding and smiling with him, "Yes, this was not said by the minister's daughter-in-law, everyone knows it, and the minister's daughter-in-law was just borrowing and selling it back then, but every word is true, and every word is sincere." ”

"Your heart is also quiet, it's not like back then, you lived in the garden of the house with the fourth child, and the small courtyard is not going now, I heard that there are other places. Keep them all, it's good. So many years old four for you...... He's worth it. ”

Whether it is worth it or not, it is all said by outsiders, more than ten times the experience of knowing that it is not equal to one in 10,000, joy and sorrow, self-knowledge of cold and warmth, dreams and wakes, and the country of fools. Love is never measured by worthiness or not, giving is natural, where will calculate the gains and losses.

The throne is more important than love for these men who have been infinitely close, and that obsession is even worse.

~~~

I was left by Kangxi in Changchun Garden, very close to the Old Summer Palace, but I was not allowed to go back. He stopped announcing me, and I didn't go looking for the little girl.

The words have been clearly spoken, no need to think about it, just live in peace.

The snow all day long has not stopped for a moment, and the sky and earth are white, covered with red bricks and gold tiles, and the dead branches are gone, and there is no end in sight, only a wisp of dark incense lingering. Cold plum and sandalwood are indistinguishable.

I don't know how many days, I don't look forward to it, I wait. Maybe one day, it will be the end of the qiē and a new beginning. At that time, I will be able to see him - Yinzhen.