This year, Saiwai went very early, just entered April, Kangxi took a large group of sons who had already hugged their grandsons and set off, and Yinzhen was also among them, without his wife and children.

The mighty brigade had only been there for a month and returned to the capital at the end of May.

There is indeed something at home, but my letter has just been handed out for a day, and it has nothing to do with coming back to Yinzhen, but after listening carefully, it turned out that Kangxi was unwell. He didn't say what was wrong, and I didn't ask in detail, but I knew in my heart that if I was slightly ill, I would not rush back to Beijing.

Honghui's marriage ...... It's going to be delayed a little longer. Even if it's a good thing, it's a lot of grinding.

Nian's son died on May 25, and the high fever that lasted for several days was finally unbearable. Imperial Doctor Su shook his head again and again and stopped the medicine, and Fuyi's eyes that were closed all day long could not be opened for less than half a day.

When I went to see it, Nian's was lying on the bed with his breathless child in his arms, and the mother and son both had their eyes closed as if they were asleep.

The face that was so white and almost transparent that it still leaned against the pillow as if it had never moved, and I couldn't see those beautiful smiling eyes, only the bulging lower abdomen was covered under a water-pink skirt and gown, reminding me of the passage of time. She just lay quietly on her side and patted her son gently, muttering Fuyi in her mouth, like a dream.

After walking a few steps and stopping at the bedside, he looked at the little face that looked like Yinzhen but was as delicate as his mother, as white as winter snow, and the red on his cheeks had not faded like a plum falling in the snow, and there was no life.

She moved and opened her eyes to look at me, her bloodshot eyes were so dry that they glowed faintly blue, and she looked at it for a long time before she called Fu Jin and buried her face in Fu Yi's face.

"Fuyi went, why didn't you take them all together? I didn't give it to me when I begged, and I couldn't push it away when I didn't want it...... It's all wrong. Her face was white and miserable against Fu Yi and rubbed gently, her godless eyes seemed to be looking at me and seemed to have penetrated my body and I didn't know where to go, her voice was trembling and hoarse as if she was crying but she couldn't see tears, "I shouldn't have asked for it a long time ago, didn't I? Everyone understands things to be stubborn, and they know it as early as the day they entered the mansion...... That's why you all hate me, and you look at me and laugh. ”

Shaking his head and leaving, he lightly covered the door to cover the scorching sun outside, his back was wet and cold to the bone, and he clenched his fists and couldn't stop shaking.

No one in the house was crying, and there was not the slightest sound shrouded in a bloody sunset.

I stood in the courtyard, the moon was slightly dewed, and the stars were gradually moving.

Last year, I also had a small new life, I worked hard in the far northwest to conceive for nine months, avoiding Yinzhen and Nian Qianyao, hiding from this world, just hoping to give birth safely and fulfill a wish...... When I went around and returned here, I found that I was hiding only my own heart, and I had stayed here for a long time and never left. This year, he has been away from me for more than a year, and no one has told me whether he is a son or a daughter, and he has not even had the opportunity to see him.

Now...... Her son, who had been raised for a year, also went.

There are no tears and no hate in heaven.

Go back, forgetting that you have enjoyed the blessings that you cannot enjoy in this world, the sufferings that you cannot bear, and the loves, resentments, hatreds, and ignorances have been forgotten.

How easy it is to leave us, but how difficult it is to live. Don't come to this royal family in the next life, just find a simple life with no worries about food and clothing, forget all about this life, the glory and wealth that may be there, the freedom and happiness that may be lost, don't be afraid that we will remember and forget, and don't care about my obsession and sadness.

Children are debts, debts that cannot be avoided, life is debts, death is debts. If you owe it in your previous life, you will pay it back in this life.

My son, never forget, never forget...... Yinzhen!

I searched all over the house, and it was dark everywhere, and I couldn't see the little figure, and I didn't hear a laugh. The girl said that Mama had taken her out to play and hadn't come back yet, so the little girls lit the lights and looked for them everywhere. Mo Han helped me and smiled hard and said to sit down first and wait, but I couldn't stay still for a moment, and persuaded her not to hurry back to her yard, and sat weakly in front of the courtyard gate.

Nian'er, Nian'er...... Yinzhen, you never say it, you also miss that child. Have you seen him, our other son, or is he a daughter as you wish? I think you are more afraid of seeing you, and when you see it, you can't forget it, and it hurts more than not seeing him. The pain of cutting the skin will always fade and forget one day, but how can the wound on the heart fade, even if it is scabbed and scarred, it is still there.

I heard a squeak in my ears, and before I could react, I had leaned against the courtyard gate and leaned up, and my waist was squeezed by the threshold.

The laughter pierced the night sky and lit up the stars, covering his eyes and tears flowing down his fingers, and he could still hear the familiar and soft laughter, which instantly overflowed his heart.

It turned out that I couldn't find her, but she was here with me, squatting next to her face and smiling sweetly.

After Yinzhen came back, I was busy for two or three days, and I always saw people at sunset, and one afternoon I had some sleepiness and went to bed, and he appeared in the room. Bent over to look at me, tucked the corners of the quilt, stretched out his right leg and put it on the brocade quilt beside me, leaned against the head of the bed, holding a book in one hand and a slight stroke in my hair with the other.

I couldn't sleep, so I closed my eyes and tried for a while to sit him up. Fingers from hair to shoulders, gently rubbing arms around me closer.

"Noisy you?"

Shaking his head and getting down to business, "Honghui is almost ready, and since Huang Ama is not in good health, let him and Agarwood wait." ”

"Good. ”

My heart is more anxious than ever.

In the past 30 years, what should be remembered will be forgotten, and what should be forgotten will be recalled occasionally, as for those memories of the times, they have long faded with reality and time, and the only thing that I remember clearly is the sixty-first year of Kangxi.

It's already this year, I don't know when Kangxi's illness will come, I'm really afraid of dragging it around, I'm afraid that it will be delayed until next year or even further. I'm not afraid of changing the dynasty, I'm afraid that Kangxi's wish will not come true at that time, and I'm even more afraid that Yinzhen has changed his identity at that time.

Honghui is the eldest son of Prince Yong, even if as the grandson of the emperor, he can no longer take his wife into the royal jade, but the marriage can still be done casually. If you become a prince...... can't give him the best, Yinzhen is afraid that he will be even more disappointed. Holding the world in his hands, only the eldest son of this in-law can not give it, and he regrets it for the rest of his life.

On the pillow on his chest and lap rested his book, a corner of the scroll invisible, vaguely a scripture.

"I've been tired of not being at home lately, I'm back, you have a good rest, put everything in your hands first, don't worry about anything, I'll accompany you at home. ”

Nodding his head and rubbing against the placket of his clothes, he flicked the jade silk hanging from his waist, which was bright and golden.

If he wasn't busy going to see Fuyi, he couldn't wait. Nian's is still pregnant, and he is afraid that he will hurt his body, so he can't make trouble at this time. ”

He hasn't been there since he returned to Beijing, I know where he goes, and I can see him every day when he comes home.

Nian's was holding the child in the room, I couldn't rob it, I was afraid that only he could manage it, and I was afraid that I was waiting for him. Or maybe it's all and nothing, but she can't bear it. I will not hinder him, but persuade him.

There was another good sound in my ears, and nothing else.

In the early morning of the next day, before dawn, Fuyi was buried. Nian stood in front of her courtyard gate dressed in plain white, her face and hands were white, and there was no trace of blood. After six months of pregnancy, she lost a lot of weight and became more delicate, and her pale little face leaned against the big red courtyard door, always looking in the direction where the coffin was carried away.

June had arrived, and Dr. Su said that if she continued like this, she was afraid that she would have a miscarriage, so I sat on the stool next to her bed, and everyone withdrew. The room was silent.

"What do you want to do? You won't live anymore when the child dies? If you have another one, it's not nothing, won't you let him live? The taste of one corpse and two lives is not pleasant, I guess you don't like it and you can't stand it. ”

No one paid any attention to me.

I watched her lie there with her eyes closed as if she was holding Fuyi, took the teacup and blew the tender green tea heart floating on the water, which was like a flower sinking and floating.

"Almost every woman in this house has died with a child, which one is not hard to conceive, which one is not uncomfortable, and which one is like you who wants to die or live. Who are you supposed to marry, and if you want it, you will harden your temper and not eat or drink? Even ordinary people can't tolerate you like this, not to mention that this is not the home of ordinary people. There are many royal rules, you know it before you marry into the door, I believe you still remember...... You told me once that day, how did I tell you? Today it is still the same sentence, life, life well. ”

"Fu Jin...... Slaves...... If you know it's wrong, don't ...... again."

"No more?"

Tears flowed down the corners of his eyes to the pillow, and he was wet with half a pink petal.

took a sip of tea and put the cup on the side of the bed, drew a handkerchief and wiped it, "The last time the Wu family's children were gone, and yours was gone, you two were so good that you fought harder than anyone else, how can you do it." I punished you two for kneeling, forget it when it's over, don't mention it. Now that I know it's wrong, don't hurt me anymore, I have to change. ”

"I ......"

"It's wrong again, what do you and the fourth master call yourself on weekdays, and what does he call you, that's between the two of you, as for me, it's a concubine when you go out of this door, and there is no word for me when you close this door. You are different from your second brother, you are the same inside and outside the door, and he understands this truth better than you. It's hard to be a master of this kind of thing. ”

In the quiet room, a large amount of daylight came through the closed window paper, and the red and yellow light in the air was mixed with some white, like dust. The faint aroma lingered between us, and he withdrew the veil and twisted it between his fingers, shaking it off and standing up.

The familiar sandalwood wafted through the air from the horn to me, like he was standing beside him.

Thin knuckles stretched flat from under the pillow to the edge of the bed, and a pair of red gemstone rings swayed with a slight sound, and I could see the faint depression in the shank.

Is it still needed?

When I re-wore this piece in my hand, I had engraved my name, and I don't know when I took it and didn't know when I tied it back, and I didn't ask or look at it, and I knew that he had the same words in it, as I carved it with my heart. The same position, the same word, I already have it.

What was once unique and unique in the world has become a fake.

Whoever has monopolized it, who has hated whom, who has forgotten and lost his heart.

Turn to face the door and stand firm.

"You are so alive and raised, three meals a day are indispensable, if you want to eat, you can ask the girl to find Steward Li at any time and say, you are indispensable. If you want to live, you have to live, if you don't want to live, you still have to live, if you have the ability, you can live and give birth to a healthy person, let him live, live longer than you, and live for me.

Don't think it's easy to die, you can't have the final say in this house, I said that if you don't die, you can't die, no one can. If you dare to die, the whole Nian family will be buried with you, believe it or not. If I can endure it for another year, I can endure it for two years, and I can endure it for three years......"

I looked at the sunlight outside the window and opened my eyes wide, exhaled and breathed in the impatience and stuffiness in this room, walked over to the window, dusted off my clothes and cuffs, and laughed.

"Is your brother dead? and no letters? remember to tell him, the Ulanara clan repaid his grievances with virtue, so that he could prepare to be an uncle with peace of mind. As for you, before his maternal uncle is dead, you and the child must live. Remember?"

He walked straight over and stepped out of the threshold, loosening his clenched fingers and throwing the handkerchief on the ground behind him.

When I arrived at the gate of the courtyard, I saw Yinzhen who was pushing the door and wanted to enter, wearing a stone blue court dress, with a golden silk pendant with a deep green and deep round jade hanging in front of him, swaying and rubbing the golden dragon on his chest, and the five shining golden dragon claws were faintly moving, but the person was fixed outside the door.

Raising his head and smiling, "Coming back?"

The person standing outside the door raised his hand in a low voice and stretched out, "Go back to dinner." ”

"Good. ”

I put my hand in his palm and stepped out of the threshold, my wet right hand hanging down from my leg, like a finger twisted in the air.

Fleeing to the point where there is no way back, it may be to come back, return to the original point and start again, and accept a qiē with more courage in order to resist all that has been evaded. I've changed too much, I've not become the same person I used to be, maybe I'm really suitable for living here, not being bullied...... but learned to deceive.

Xu has never changed, Xu is the essence is like this, but he has accumulated too much bitterness, resentment and even hatred, and one day people will see it.

I have almost forgotten who I used to be and how I lived in that fast-moving modern society. Working hard every day, in addition to work is work, is it also like today to face those people around you, the so-called colleagues or colleagues?

Perhaps, I forgot, but today I suddenly remembered.

Yinzhen, what kind of life and comfort do you give me? Returning to the time when I was young can really rely on you to worry about everything, and it is so easy and comfortable that I can no longer pick up the past and get farther and farther away.

It turns out that I am such a person.

If anyone does not offend me, I will not offend anyone, but if anyone offends me......

Yinzhen, have you ever seen me like this? If you were to see me, how would you face me, how would you see me?

Yinzhen, do you still love me, and even want to love me well?

I know you will. Because—I love you.