One day, I had painful urination, and I didn't pay attention to it at first, thinking it was just a simple irritation that happened to me all the time - my hair was already long enough to go back and I thought that everything would be fine if I cut my hair. But at night, the pain is more intense, and the body is frightening and secretes white mucus. I was so frightened that I almost collapsed in the toilet, I was so frightened that I didn't sleep all night, and I endured the pinprick pain at the front of my body; What made me even more unbearable was the trauma to my heart, as well as my worries about my illness and my future. I thought carefully about the women I had been in contact with in those days, and in the end, I definitely thought that it was the woman I met at the flower, bird, insect and fish market. The market sells all kinds of flowers and small animals, the streets are dirty, the buildings are old, but it is crowded. I was there that day to watch a unique cricket competition, and she was there to sell crickets, twenty yuan a piece, and she picked whatever she wanted. I bought one from her and joined the Cricket Challenge, but I didn't expect to win 20 games in a row and win more than 400 yuan. To thank her I invited her to dinner and gave her back the brave cricket. She was thirty-seven years old, her figure was plump, and the moment she got up, the sexy arc of her thighs and skin strands made me feel unbearably anxious, and I had to make her stop, grab her skin stock a few times when no one was looking, and test her in the way I do best, knowing that she was also ready to meet my challenge.

"But." She said: "You have to give money, half of the ones you won today." ”

That was the first time I've spent money on something like this, and I've always felt that if this kind of thing is spent on it, it's like chewing wax. But at that time, I could not restrain myself, and we had a rush in a dilapidated bed in a hotel where we had to go to the toilet even to go to the corridor, and nothing was prepared. At that time, I never thought that I would get sick because of this kind of thing, and I felt that those things were far away from me and would only happen to other people.

I felt extremely ashamed, not because of the diseases themselves, but because of the process of contracting them. I used to be so clean and self-conscious, proud of my self-discipline and responsibility, confident that I was always above the world, and often watched as a silent wise man as a busy crowd driven by instinct. At that time, I felt that I was the lowest man in the world, and that everyone should spit on me. I began to cry for myself, and I also thought of Hai Linlin, who probably couldn't have imagined that the person who usually had a good demeanor in the company, the person who once painted her with a deep feeling for beauty, made her have to put a letter in a book, in an unknown corner, was so morally depraved, shameless, and equally ugly in mind and body. I felt that it was a blasphemy to think of her in my heart, that she should not appear in the heart of such a man, and I restrained myself from thinking about her, but as I had when I first met her, she always appeared, and I was torn by these two forces and dying, trying to find the last ray of resurrection.

Although no one knew that I was sick, on the way to the hospital, I always felt that everyone in the world knew about it, even the doctors who treated me and the nurses who took samples from me, I felt that there was a hidden disdain for me under their kind and gentle appearances. For the first time in front of a woman, I didn't take off my pants for the sake of my love, and I exposes a lot of milky white in front of her, and the shame and fear make me stand in front of the police like a thief who has been caught stealing. She inserted a white tube into the well, and the tingling sensation that hurt into the bone marrow made me shiver. The doctor asked me about my previous experiences in this area in order to diagnose my condition, and I told the truth, and that was the first time I had told anyone about my affair, and before that, no one knew about it except those parties and me. He said I needed to do a more thorough check-up.

"I'll check out the Mayai pentathlon for you." "They tend to be accompanied by common illness," he said. ”

The process of waiting for the results was long and tedious, and I endured the pain and the delusion that the whole world knew that I was sick. I wish the results came out sooner rather than ever, and I'd rather sit there until I die. The results of the simple examination are not serious, I just have not a serious problem with Cyanurin disease, which can be cured by injections and medicines. I always remember the feeling of relief I felt when I found out what was really going on.

That illness made me restrain me a lot, and even made me believe that the reason why human beings have the concept of chastity and loyalty is all the will of God, and that the sickness is the weapon of this principle to supervise and protect. But as time passed, all the feelings of the past gradually faded, and I gradually forgot the punishment I had been punished for showing mercy everywhere, and when that longing invaded again, I also returned to the past, with an unrepentant attachment, like boarding a ship that could never go down, so that more Neodymium people appeared in my life.

On a rainy afternoon, as soon as I walked out of the hotel with a guzheng teacher from a conservatory, I saw Hai Linlin with a middle-aged woman, and I could tell by her appearance that she was her mother or aunt – and finally her mother. At that moment, the Guzheng teacher was holding my arm, and I was so frightened that I almost fell, so I quickly turned around and re-entered the hotel to try to avoid them. But they also stayed in this hotel, and when they entered the door, they sat back to back with me in the lounge area of the hall, and I was sweating profusely on my forehead, and the guzheng teacher asked me why I was so excited, and I had to make up lies to lie to her. I didn't leave the rest area in a hurry until they went to the guest room, and quickened my pace on the road, deliberately leaving the guzheng teacher behind, like a couple after a quarrel, just to avoid Hai Linlin inadvertently seeing me walking with a Neodymium man from a window, after all, the people in the company thought I was still a guarded person. Teacher Guzheng was angry because of this, I don't know when I walked away by myself, I couldn't see her when I turned around, she blocked my phone and social software, and I never saw her again. And this also makes me very glad that in such a dangerous situation, Hai Linlin didn't even find me; The second is that I don't have to rack my brains and think of various ways to break up with Guzheng teacher. Before I decide to start a story with any of them, I anticipate the form, think of a way out, and keep everything under control. But some things were too complicated, and the subtle changes in the progress were always unexpected, and I had to change my mind and find a new way to make the story have a smooth ending. Therefore, many times, what gives me a headache is not how to meet or talk to those neodymium people, but how to say goodbye to them without any conflict after the incident, and not let them be hurt in any way, so that they unconsciously know that love will not last long, the world is unpredictable, and the eternal love is just a passing firework, fleeting, so that with gratitude and admiration for the principles of life, I walked into the darkness and took the initiative to make the decision not to contact me again.