In the beginning, I remembered each of them in a state of curiosity that even I felt myself, with whom and when and where, and even what special habits she had, and sometimes if it was in her house or her rented house, I could even remember how many pairs of shoes were on her shelf, what color they were, and I was not much more accurate in terms of portrait memory. This ability was completely lost after a colleague deliberately matched me and Hai Linlin into a couple.

It was a normal routine handover, and for the thirteenth time since I moved to the building, I sat behind her block, and we worked together more tacitly, from the first two hours to the end to twenty minutes. At first, I was reluctant to think she was reluctant to exchange ideas with me too much, and I always wished we had as little time together as possible. In the end, because of the long contact, this feeling has begun to fade, especially every time the smell of her hair makes me nostalgic, step by step pulling me back to the dead end of the past, I am trapped in it, with the fear of the enclosed space but stronger and stronger. Until one time, in order to smell her hair for a while, I didn't leave directly for the first time after the handover was completed, pretending to remember a mistake and needed to correct it again, and then stayed with her for another twenty minutes. While we were talking, their director interjected.

"From the back, you two are a good match. She said, "It's not too young." ”

Her words were like sharp scissors, making me feel like pins and needles, and I was shocked like I was falling apart, the only reason was that Hai Linlin was next to me, I felt that these words would remind her of things she didn't want to remember, accompanied by the unforgivability of misunderstandings, which would only make her more disgusted, and I would make her hate just sitting next to her. I rumbled in my throat to ease the mood in the office, but I didn't think it was appropriate to say anything, and I didn't dare look at Helen's face, just fidgeting and savoring the smell of her hair, trying to let that smell take me out of that environment. This was not an accident, but my roommate and their director had planned it before, and they thought it would be a good marriage, the man was a year older than the woman, graduated from the same school, and both belonged to the older youth;

"Remember, whether the two are compatible or not, the most important thing is temperament. Their director said.

She is a middle-aged woman in her 40s, with a harmonious family life, and she always shows a deep understanding of the philosophy of life in everyone and everything, which once made me think that she should become a teacher. She used the time at the end of a meeting to find me and ask me about my understanding of marriage and love, and finally only to bring the conversation to me and Hai Linlin in order to make a marriage that she thought was good. I have always thought that women, especially those who are over middle age, tend to pay more attention to other people's feelings and love than they feel, and they are naturally interested in this aspect, and they always want to be able to bring about one marriage after another. She has a lot of life experience and knows that some things need to be said with advanced skill, so she can always vaguely embody her purpose in her words, and in the end, she will not cause embarrassment for both of them when there is no result or bad result. In the process of chatting with her, I only had one feeling, that is, since I reunited with Hai Linlin, her kind of performance that has long forgotten the past and has not made any waves make me fall into doubts about life and life. Like her, I said ambiguously in the clouds, and my words conveyed that I understood her meaning and was grateful for her help, but many things were always difficult to achieve.

At least for myself, I don't want them to mention it in front of Hai Linlin. I'm thirty-one years old, she's about to turn thirty, it's been eight years since we left school, and it's been almost three years since we've been together again, and we've gotten used to the process of reacquaintance, and it's been a long time for things to seem back to normal. And when she learns that someone wants us back to the predicament of our youth, it will hurt her a lot, and the hatred she showed for me in that letter eight years ago will be exacerbated by the brewing of time. During those times, I had to be careful and attentive, and occasionally when I met her, I tried to determine whether she knew about it and was affected by it, through careful observation without being aware of her. And during that time, I was also thinking about a question, after such a long time, how I felt about her—whether it had changed, and in what direction. It took me a long time to figure out if I liked or feared her. And I had to reconsider what direction my feelings about her were changing after a long wash. To be sure, at least for a while her image faded and sometimes even blurred in my life, but it didn't last long. When something or something related to the past appears, such as the autumn rain that falls on time every year, the scent of osmanthus flowers wafting all over the city in September, the sound of cars passing by the street at night from far to near and from near to far, seeing a paintbrush of the same brand she used to use, the girl who puts her hair in a bun like her, and the lover who cries on the street at night because of love...... She will be clear again, like a reflection of the past seen on the clear surface of a lake. That's when I start missing her all over again, and start liking her all over again, with the memories of the rainstorm that came with the hurricane "Linlin", and let myself feel the pain and sweet longing of the cone again. With the appearance of the dancer who resembled her, I felt that I needed that feeling even more, with a sense of stinging pleasure, and even thanking fate for keeping my memory alive and having the privilege of meeting a woman who resembled her, and getting life inspiration from her. I gradually felt that this complex feeling for her in my heart was indeed out of love at the beginning, without the slightest impurity, like all people in the world who have been struck by love, one foot has stepped on the edge of the cliff, knowing that one step forward will be doomed, but still obsessed. Until the end, from the moment I set foot in the city by the sea, this feeling is no longer a simple liking without any impurities, but a regretful transformation towards an unfulfilled life goal, just like a half-painted painting and no longer know how to write, anything can happen, no matter what result is modified, it will seem that the spirituality and initial expectation of the beginning of the pen moment will be missing.

We've all reached an age where people are surprised why we're not married, and it's even more unbelievable that she's a woman, a woman who would be a good woman in many people's eyes, is still single in her thirties. I also learned other information from other colleagues, and the people around her introduced her to many people, and she always knew them with a sincere heart, but most of them ended in a hurry without starting, like a blank drawing board. I've speculated about all sorts of possibilities, all I know is that she's had two relationships, the poor boy, and the guy who everyone thinks is a good match for her, but that's not enough to justify that she's never married.

Since then, when I met her in the company park, I began to feel that she exuded a temperament full of challenges to the world, and seemed lonely and alone. And this reminds me of me when I graduated, I was so similar to her at this time, and I gradually came to believe that the acquaintance between us at graduation was purely accidental, but the end attraction to each other was not accidental, but a similarity hidden deep in the hearts of the two that even I could hardly find. During that time, the daily running made my lower abdomen lower and my body tend to normalize, except for the wrinkles that appeared at the end of my eyes that made me more mature, I made up for all the traces that time had left on my body. But the changes that time has caused in my heart are irreversible, and I believe that she, like me, is helpless about the direction of each other's feelings, and the only hope is that after the two parties meet, they can meet like normal people out of reasonable etiquette - instead of looking at each other and smiling under the pressure of having to do it.