The only people who told me about it in person were my roommates who were in the same department as Hai Linlin and in the same dormitory as me. One evening, not in the dormitory, but in the lobby of the office building, he asked me if the rumors of the company were true or false. I asked him what the rumors were.

"You know it yourself. He said.

"Rumors that I'm a virgin?" I said.

It is not wise to answer yes or no. I'm sure he didn't ask this to pass on my answer, but out of a normal curiosity among his roommates, but I still didn't want to tell him the truth.

"I'll tell you when I'm married. I said.

I thought he was six years older than me, his first marriage failed, and his second marriage was full of conflicts, and he didn't see his lover for half a year. My answer really made him retreat and stop talking. And I also learned about Hai Linlin's emotional experience from him.

There was a poor boy who chased Hai Linlin for a while - the roommate was called a poor boy. That poor boy graduated from a well-known university, came from a poor background, and applied for the company's hardest and most tiring workshop. He worked in the company with the same courage and hard work as when he was in school, and pursued Hai Linlin, but Hai Linlin clearly told him for the first time that she had no feelings for him, and that there were so many beautiful things in the world, and that time should not be wasted for her alone. The resolute refusal makes him even more desperate, and tells Hai Linlin that he will definitely let her feel his kindness and his love. The first time he gave a bouquet of roses to Hai Linlin in the company park, Hai Linlin did not refuse, and the second time he asked her to give her ninety-nine roses with a hundred times more enthusiasm than the first time, and Hai Linlin also refused to accept it with a hundred times more decisive words than the first time.

"It's so stupidly cute. When I heard my roommate say this, I said, "That's not how love works, you have to go to the road first." ”

This is the story of the outcome that can be guessed from the beginning, and the people in the company who know about it see it more clearly than the poor boy who is in a deep puzzle, but he is like a poor man who has been cursed by the gods of antiquity, and he persists on the thorny road with the piety of a penitent. He buys breakfast every day and sends it downstairs to Hai Linlin's dormitory - making people wonder if he doesn't know if he doesn't know that he has graduated, and is no longer a college student who doesn't know anything. This went on for sixty-five days, and several times he was sick and walked tremblingly, but the next day he still stood downstairs in the rain. After the first few weeks, in order to avoid him, Helinlin had to advance the time from the dormitory to the office building, five minutes earlier on the first day, but he arrived seven minutes earlier on the second day, she had to advance the time to ten minutes, and he also advanced the time to fifteen minutes, and on the sixtieth day, she advanced the time to an hour and a half, and before dawn, she thought she should be able to avoid him, because the restaurant was not open at that time. But with his persistence that even a stone can be moved, he still came up with a good way, and got up at half past four every morning to go to his friend's place to make breakfast. In the end, Hai Linlin had to compromise with reality and accept his breakfast, but gave him breakfast money, and said that it was okay, and he didn't have to go to breakfast in the future, just order takeout. She thought that this would be the end of the matter, but what she did not make him feel that defeat was assured, but instead seemed to have won a pre-sentinel battle, which was also a sign of total victory. When he still wanted to make up his mind about lunch and dinner, Hai Linlin told him directly: "I eat lunch and dinner in the restaurant. He waited at the door of the office building every day after work, in order to sit at the same table with Hai Linlin, the first two times Hai Linlin, who didn't know the truth of the matter, was succeeded by him, and the third time she brought the meal back to the dormitory to eat, and finally had to ask her roommate to help her bring it. And he also found a new breakthrough and asked Hai Linlin's roommate to help him bring things to her, which led to problems in the relationship between Hai Linlin and her roommate, and afterwards Hai Linlin has been apologizing to her roommate with the same persistence as he pursued her, but it is still difficult to recover the broken friendship that she was angry with when her roommate brought back his gift. When she saw him next, she took the initiative to go up and talk to him.

"Please, don't do that. She cried and said, "I just want to live a normal life." ”

At first, he stopped for a few days, but eventually regained and became more enthusiastic than ever. Finally, in a cold winter where even sunlight can freeze solid, Hai Linlin submitted her resignation report to the company, and the reason for her resignation was that she felt too tired and needed to rest. The supervisor asked her if it was because of the poor boy.

"It's all my own reasons. She smiled without any impurities and told the supervisor: "It has nothing to do with anyone." ”

The poor boy found Hai Linlin, like she cried and told him that she just wanted to live a normal life, and told her: "If it's because of me, then it should be me who goes." ”

Helen was determined, telling him that she had resigned purely because of herself, and that he loved what he was. Her resignation was aborted by her uncle, who was a very important leader in the company. Her uncle told her that she shouldn't be like that, that things would end well, that he had known about it from the beginning, but that he was inconvenient to say anything, and that he didn't think he should meddle in the matter.

"Gotta give him a chance. Her uncle said, "Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem." ”

Neither of them resigned from the company, but the matter was properly resolved, he stopped pursuing her, and she was no longer harassed by him. Most people in the company know about that incident, but it's really because the poor boy is too public. And I was experiencing the blizzard of the century in a seaside city. He worked so hard that the middle and index fingers of his left hand were once snapped off by a machine, but were reinstated.

At a party with a colleague, I met this poor boy who had already moved to another company and was being treated better. He started his own business in his spare time and gained a lot. He has a bright mind, knows a lot of things, treats people sincerely, is sociable, has outstanding abilities, excels in school, and gets through all the university on scholarships, and has a dazzling number of honorary certificates. But he only knows nothing about love, and when he came out of Hai Linlin's scars, he seemed to be more and more obsessed with love, and later pursued other girls three times and failed.

"Your enthusiasm scares people away. I said.

I talked to him alone for most of the day, and I told him that I knew about his time in our company, but never told him that I had the same experience, but we were going through it in very different ways. I told him that love is a natural thing, and the first thing to do should be to dig a river channel so that the water has a place to flow so that it will not be blocked, and he was drowned by the flood of enthusiasm he created. He disagrees with me, believing that love is a void gelatinous object that can only be experienced by feeling, and needs to be released with passion, and that it would be a blasphemy to suppress love at the beginning because you want to have it. We had diametrically opposed views, from debates to quarrels and almost ended up fighting.

And when I was lying in the bed with Hai Linlin's best friend, I also learned about her other relationship experience from her best friend. It was a boy who got acquainted with him on a blind date, the boy had a good family background, looked handsome, and Hai Linlin was a good match, when they walked together, even the most picky people, they would feel like a good match, if such two people could not become a couple and finally enter the palace of marriage, it would be the biggest misfortune in the love world. The first time they met, the two had a good impression of each other, so they agreed to meet for the second time. The second time they climbed the walls of the city together, from the oldest gate, and I used to stand against Yingxiu on the pier below the gate. Every New Year's Day, the city New Year's ball will be held in the urn city of the city gate, each of the four corners of the urn city set up a spotlight, illuminating the colorful colors, the drone with the camera hovering over the urn city, recording the scene of aerial footage. Whenever dignitaries visit, the city government will hold a grand welcome ceremony at this gate, which is said to have been passed down more than 800 years ago, abandoned in the middle of the process, and reactivated in the new century, and the welcome mode is exactly the same as that of more than 800 years ago, reflecting the depth of the city's history. They walked around the city walls, a total of seventeen.4 kilometers. I used to walk a few laps along the city walls in between jobs. The bricks are engraved with the names of the people who burned them, and moss grows in some places, and the classical music played by the guzheng, guqin, and pipa is repeated every fifty paces, and the lookouts and shooters face out of the city, and the moat is undisturbed at the feet, sometimes with a stench, and the government renovates the moat every spring and autumn, and the smell of mud makes the whole city drowsy. They met once a week, he drove her up in the morning and took her back to the dormitory in the evening, and they wandered the streets and alleys of the city, going to the surrounding towns to taste folk snacks, with a tacit understanding that no one could disturb each other, and never put their feelings on the surface or in words. The first time the two met was in a Western restaurant, which cost more than 200 in total, and when he paid the bill, she took the initiative to propose the AA system. At first, he felt that this should not be the case, and that as a man he should bear the full cost of the first meeting, but she was unmoved and stuck to her principles to the end. Since then, they have adhered to this principle of consumption. Every time, whatever he gave her, she would soon return the gift with an equal value, and the only thing he didn't have to give back was flowers, and when he drove to pick her up in front of the office every weekend, he always stood by the janitor's room with a red rose in his hand, waiting for her to come out and deliver it to her. Once, the untreated rose thorn pierced her index finger, and he used his fingers to brush the flower branch to ensure her safety before sending flowers in the future. She would put the roses in a white bottle on the windowsill of her dorm room, and when they were completely wilted, she would cut off the branches and keep only the withered flowers in a clear glass bottle. One day, she looked at the red petals that were gradually drying inside the bottle, revealing the atmosphere of certain scenes in a horror movie, which made her feel a little scared.

"It doesn't feel real. She said to her best friend, "I don't think anything will come of it with him." ”

But she has always regarded this as a delusion, and she thinks that having a good impression of a person can be a delusion, and in the same way, it can be a delusion to have a lack of confidence in a person who has a good feeling. But what she didn't know was that this delusion arose because of a mental suggestion that even she didn't know about. She still gets in his car every weekend and goes to the muddy bare riverbed that runs north of the school to watch waterfowl and sprinkle fish food into the river, to listen to concerts by world-famous pianists, and to see new movies at the cinema. She thought that the long-term contact would make that illusion disappear, but the longer they spent together, the more obvious the illusion became, closer and closer to reality. It wasn't until she found out the truth that she was terrified and sent a message to her best friend overnight, telling her that she couldn't go on like that anymore and that she didn't think she would get anything out of her.

So, she sent him a euphemistic text message telling him that he didn't use it every weekend and expressing gratitude for his previous help and care. He didn't know what was going on, he felt that it was too sudden, and at first everything seemed to be going for the better. He wanted to ask about the situation in person. She asked someone to give him the transparent bottle with the withered roses. After that, she took three days off, and her language skills seemed to be sealed, and no one paid attention to them. The introducer told her that it should not be so, whether it was polite or moral, at least to make it clear to the person. And she told the introducer that she didn't want to see him, but that she didn't dare to meet him. She felt that it was that illusion that caused her to make a mistake, and found that this kind of fault was only for a moment, and she was not allowed to argue for herself in her heart, and she was already knocked down by her own awakening, and it was difficult to get up. Therefore, this delusion made her always feel deeply sorry and guilty for him, so that she did not dare to see him. She buried this apology and guilt in her heart for a long time before telling her best friend why it was like this in the first place. The first time the two met, she just thought that the other person was good, she always believed that the feeling of love would exist in various ways, and she and him were the most common one, at the beginning they didn't hate each other was a good step, and everything else just needed to be handed over to time. But in the end, the more she found that things were not as simple as she imagined, and she had always misunderstood the way of progression of feelings—it depended on too many external conditions, and the more important of them was the trivial aspects that stretched out from the source of purpose. And she didn't have a permanent plan at the beginning, just being pushed for a ride, thinking that she had boarded the sail of love that was about to set sail, and the stormy waves in the voyage would eventually make her more determined. In the end, she finally figured out the reason why she always struggled to find the feeling of love, although they were often together: she was not actively in need of love, but forced to need it, and she was pushed by others to slide on the inertia for a while, until she finally stopped.

"He seemed to lack a melancholy temperament that appealed to me. She said to her best friend.

They never saw each other again, and she gradually returned to normal, and the apologies that made her blame fade over time. With her usual personality and style, she finally swept away the past, and never was depressed about it again, but it was like a relief, the whole person was more relaxed, and that incident did not leave any impact on her heart. While she was recovering, I was worrying about my work, trying to find truth in the dancer who resembled Helenlin, thinking about her teachings on love and sexuality, and growing myself up in the room with the lights off.