In order to get rid of this feeling, I went to the Black Dance Hall to find a dancer who resembled Hai Linlin, and we hadn't been in touch for more than four months and hadn't seen each other. I didn't find her when I went the first time, and when I called, I found that it was empty. When I went there for the third time, I saw her standing in the row of dancers waiting for business. When the light was about to go dark, I took her hand and walked onto the dance floor. Under the cover of darkness, I hugged her tightly and my hands roamed over her body. At first, she kept refusing my actions, but when she found out that it was me, she stopped resisting, but I let me do whatever I wanted. I completely transferred my thoughts and dissatisfaction with Hai Linlin to her, dancing with her song after song, and constantly harassing her. She still protected her last bottom line, resolutely resisting my deeper movements.

"You're like a madman. She said, "I haven't seen you for a few months, and you've completely changed." ”

I kept pestering her to ask her to go out with me for the night, but she refused decisively and simply, and repeatedly said that I had become the kind of person she looked down on most in the world. I don't care what she thinks, I just want her to be the Helen for one night in my life. I couldn't tell what I really thought, but I could only tell her that I did it because I couldn't stand it, I couldn't restrain her temptation to me for so long, and I had feelings for her. I even told her in good conscience that I liked her very much, and that was the first time I had ever said to someone that I liked the other person, including several women I had a skin to skin relationship with, and I didn't say it. I think I like you is the most childish thing in the world, if you like it needs to be said to be reflected, it means that it is not the essence of liking, but women often like to listen to this. But my mind was so simple that I could only hold Hai Linlin and possess her, even in a void way. I couldn't resist my impulse, so I left the ballroom and pulled her into a small alley, where it was dark and I could only see a little light seeping through the alleyway. I attacked her in a frenzy, hoping that she would succumb to my brute force.

She pulled out her hand and slapped me twice so hard that I was much more sober, and her eyes flashed with tears in the dim light to make me completely sober, as if I had been doused with cold water. Her tears ran down her cheeks, and I left her body, ashamed of my actions, I never thought I would become such a person. And she said the same thing.

"Why did you become like this. She said, "What do you think of me?"

The intense remorse and shame made me feel ashamed, and the sound of her whimpering made me feel like I had been whipped hard by the whip of justice, and I knew that I had done something wrong, I didn't dare to look her eyes again, and lowered my head deeply, and then squatted on the ground and buried my head in the palm of my hand. By the time I got up, she was gone. It took me a long time to come out of the feelings of remorse and shame from this incident, and I felt that I no longer had the face to go to a dancer who resembled Helenlin. This made me feel more complicated about her whenever I met her on the company campus, as if I needed her comfort, as if I needed her criticism, or asked me to tell her about the shameful things I had done to be sorry for her and sorry for myself, and then she came to a conclusion about me as a judge - ordered me to be sentenced to death - and put me in the shameless crowd.

In April, when I was 30 years old, I received an email in my mailbox, and when I saw it, I realized that I had received such an email every year from April to June since the second year of my graduation, but I didn't pay attention to it. The email was sent to the class president of the university, and it was he who helped me find out all the information about Hai Linlin when he graduated, and when he left the school, I sent him to the station. The email is an invitation to the alumni reunion. In fact, since I graduated, the alumni reunion has been held, and the way of holding it is particularly special, the city is different every year, and this year I chose the city where the school is located. Eventually, the email spread widely, and the size of the alumni association expanded to all the students in several studios at our level.

In the six years since I graduated, I have never been back to school, even when I wanted to find the real Hai Linlin feeling from someone who resembled Hai Linlin. For the class reunion, I also saw someone mention it in the chat tool, but they all looked at it casually and didn't pay much attention to it. When the reunion was held in the city where I was in school, I felt the need to attend, because after the first two reunions, the class president would always send me a separate email asking why I didn't attend. It's just that I rarely pay attention to the mailbox and don't reply to him. In the first year after graduation, most of the class social groups were chatting enthusiastically, and in the second year, they began to calm down, until finally no one spoke in them. And I never said a word in it, and I didn't have any contact with anyone, all because I didn't want to think back to the unique time when I graduated.

On the evening of the first Friday in June, we met at a hotel near the school for dinner, and there were only two of us in our dormitory, five in our studio, and only twelve in the other studios, and ten of them working in the city. As the initiator, the squad leader showed superb planning and organization skills, and thought perfectly and thoughtfully about every detail, and the dinner went very smoothly. It's just that the class leader was a little disappointed with the number of people present, and he took the leadership style he had when he was in school to make a speech before the meal, saying that the number of people at the graduation party is getting smaller and smaller every year, especially this year he specially chose the location in the school - or the students from all the studios of the same level participated together, and the number of students was still smaller than last year. He felt that this was a bad phenomenon, and he hoped that all his classmates could continue to keep in touch and be good friends for life. At the same time, he is also very familiar with the students in other studios, and he said that most of the students in several studios know each other, and the relationship is intertwined, and they should support each other. There was a clear official flavor to his speech, but it was all true, and I was quite impressed, and when he finished speaking, I applauded with great energy.

And he has changed a lot, his body is blessed, his belly is high and erect, and he no longer looks as lean as before. When we met in the hotel lobby, I didn't recognize him at all, and I didn't know it was him until he called my name. He even changed the way he said hello, not shaking hands or hooking shoulders, but giving me a deep hug, his fat belly against mine.

"It's been seven years. He hugged me and said, "Brother." ”

Then he said that I hadn't changed at all, that I didn't even have wrinkles on my face, and pointed to my stomach and teased that I had become the body he used to hate. But he didn't care, saying that life should improve, people have to change, and it doesn't matter if the body shape changes, but it must change with the direction of life. I arrived at the hotel that morning just to have a good chat with him. He lived up to his ambition when he went to school – to make money, and he was quite successful. After graduating, he was introduced by a friend to work as a salesman in a decoration company, he was naturally outgoing, good at figuring out the psychology of others, and spoke likablely. There was no salary in the first month of the internship, but they only received more than 10,000 yuan for their achievements, which is considered a high income in their hometown city, which is impressive. He felt that after he had a deeper understanding of the decoration industry, he planned to put all his thoughts on it.

"It's not because I like the renovation industry. He said, "I hate this industry, but it makes money." ”

He has no distractions, single-mindedly judging, studying industry skills, market conditions, and is more eloquent, in order to get the list, he can insist on doing anything he can do. Once, in order to win a large order, which was enough to pay the entire company for a year's salary, he spent the night studying football - the potential customer was a football fan, and learned from his friends that he was a die-hard fan of a big European football club, and he spent a week learning about that club, from history, players, honors, and other aspects, even the most unpopular information. When he met the client for the second time, he talked eloquently, using various conversation skills to show that he was so attached to the big club, and he was able to cleverly hide the past where he didn't know. And in the course of the conversation, he scolded the club's competitors for how scoundrels and ungentlemanly they were. The customer and he have the feeling of seeing each other late, and the process of completing the order is smooth sailing.

He already has his own company and can be called a rich man. He was the same age as me, and at the age of 30 he was so successful that everyone around him, including me, admired how wise he had been to quit painting altogether. He drank alcohol almost three times a week, once his heart almost stopped beating because of excessive drinking, which frightened the people at the table, and several times he was hospitalized because of drinking. But he still insisted, as if only then his life would be worthwhile.

"It's all forced by life. He said, "Who made me love money so much?" ”

We talked from 10 a.m. to 16 p.m., and we didn't even eat lunch until other students arrived one after another. During this period, I was always afraid that he would ask me about Hai Linlin, after all, he had found out her information for me, and if he asked me, I really didn't know how to answer. I don't know if he guessed the course and the outcome of the event to avoid embarrassing me, or if he didn't remember anything about it at all, as if it hadn't happened at all in his life. For Helen - he didn't say a word.

Twelve people crowded a table for dinner, and Hai Linlin sat in the direction of me at three o'clock, talking and laughing with a girl, talking and laughing, talking about everything, not paying attention to me at all, but nodding slightly to me when she first saw me when she first came to the hotel restaurant. I also remember that girl, she was the classmate who was in the dormitory with Hai Linlin at the end of graduation. When I saw Hai Linlin limping away at the school gate that day, she was the one who helped Hai Linlin. It was as if she had brought a secret gem from a distant place that people had never seen before, and the stories and words she told made Helen purse her lips and snicker from time to time. She is more mature than when she was in school, the child is three years old, and she exudes the charm of maturity. There was another girl who was in our studio, and I had only spoken to her for three and a half years, when she blocked my way at the door of the studio, and I asked her to give way. After she got out of the way, she seemed to realize that she had made a big mistake, and apologized to me vigorously, saying that she shouldn't be stuck there, which made it difficult for me to adapt, so I could only keep telling her that it didn't matter, and I was also at fault. She will participate in the student reunion every year after graduation, and often leaves tears because she reminisces about the past with her classmates, and she is sensitive and pitiful.