And I see Hai Linlin more and more times in the company, sometimes in the park, sometimes in the training ground, sometimes in the restaurant. She has always had a habit of walking without squinting, and therefore, I have always believed that she did not notice that I saw her. I also thought that if I could see when she didn't see me, she must have found out when I didn't see her. Once, their department needed to count the information of all the employees in the park who joined the park this year, and my name, graduate school, and home address were all completely exposed, and all the information needed to go through her hands. Only then can I be sure that she knows that I am in the same company as her. It also gave me a sense of excitement and anticipation, and I wondered how she would react and feel when she saw my message. Will the past touch the deepest strings in her heart, and make her, like me, fall into the quagmire of memory and can't extricate herself? I also thought that she might just take it as a normal thing, and my name wouldn't touch her in any way. But I believe that the sternly worded letter she sandwiched between the book at the time of her graduation reveals how much she valued the matter at the time of her graduation, whether it was good or bad, and it was hard to forget.

Actually, I should have known that she knew that we worked in the same company. I have long hair, a beard, and look like a maverick in the whole company campus, like an alternative. Walking on the road of the park, it will always attract a high degree of attention. Many of my colleagues who met me for the first time would give me a few more looks. And I don't know whether it's a compliment or a fake compliment, saying that I am full of world-famous artistry. More than once I've heard other employees talk about me like they've never seen before. Once, I was sharpening a steel plate with a file behind a billboard when I heard three female colleagues passing by discussing me. A woman said, "Do you know the man with long hair in workshop 5?" The other two responded that they were impressed, one said that I looked like a homeless man and that I was annoying, while the other said that I thought I was adorable and artistic. I saw the backs of the three of them, and I was sure that I had seen one of them walking very close to Hai Linlin, and they must have discussed me in front of Hai Linlin.

She works in an office building, and I mostly stay in the workshop and outdoors, and she rarely comes here, and I rarely go to hers. The dining room is also in the area in between, and it's where I see her the most. It was really dinner time after work to see each other with her, we were eating at the same window, we all went to the restaurant after working overtime, there were only five people in the whole restaurant, and it was quiet to hear the sound of ping-pong collision when washing dishes in each window. When we walked to the window at the same time, we realized that it was each other, and we looked at each other, and she didn't change at all, and the hair on her forehead was as high as when she graduated. I didn't know whether to greet her or not, she was just stunned for a moment, but quickly returned to normal, smiled at me, and turned to let the window master cook. With only four dishes left, and only one serving each, we had no choice. None of us spoke first, I waited for her to speak first, and I think she should have waited for me to speak first. She didn't speak until the staff at the window reaffirmed that only one dish per dish could be beaten.

"I only need these two. She pointed to fish-flavored shredded pork and an eggplant.

Obviously, she left me a portion of fried shredded potatoes and fried meat with chili, and it was also clear that she didn't mean to say a word to me, and the reason why she left two portions was purely out of a normal polite behavior. And I'm also very interesting, I know that I can't force people to be difficult, I just need to say thank you, in front of others, she has to say "you're welcome" to me. Besides, she deliberately left two dishes not necessarily for me, maybe she didn't like potatoes and peppers at all. She walked far away with her tray and sat near the west with her back to me, and I walked with the tray to the east with her back too, and I didn't want her to get up and see me looking at her back. I deliberately ate very slowly, and I had to leave after she had left the restaurant, mainly to avoid the embarrassment of standing up and walking out of the restaurant door at the same time. I ate for twenty minutes, and then waited for another twenty minutes, and I am sure she must have left long ago. But when I turned around, I saw her sitting there with her hair draped over her back. I quickly left the cafeteria, and on the way back to the staff dormitory, I turned back and went up to the building next to the cafeteria, looking at the door of the cafeteria from the ventilation window of the corridor on the third floor. It was a long time before she came out of the doorway, which was very similar to the scene I peeked at her for breakfast when I graduated, and I thought she must have stepped out so late for the same reason as me, so she must have behaved differently than usual. But everything seemed so natural, as if nothing had happened, that I felt like I was secretly humiliating myself, watching her disappear around the bend in the dim light of the park's streetlights.

This feeling made me frustrated again, and I couldn't let go of it for a long time. I went to the Black Dance Hall on the weekend to find a girl who looked like Helenlin, hoping to regain my lost self-esteem. She looked negative for the past two days, much thinner than the last time I saw her, as if she had a heart that she would never be able to get rid of. It was the only night we didn't dance in the ballroom, and we sat in the back seats from start to finish, and the dancing girls who secretly did the leather and meat business in that place walked around, the smoke smoky to the eyes. I asked her why she was depressed, and she said she felt like she lacked love. I thought she was talking about the love of love, and she explained that it was all love, and it felt like even her parents didn't like her anymore. Her parents urged her to get married, and they were going to use the bride price they received to marry her younger brother. The man was also very satisfied with her at first, and asked to go to bed on the third meeting, but she refused. In this place, she also said the world-famous phrase: "None of the men are good". When they had known each other for half a month, she felt compelled to tell the man about her past, and the man knew the secret of her work in the dance hall and told her parents and relatives the secret. She was despised and ostracized by those around her, and even her parents claimed that they no longer recognized her as a daughter. But in the end, the parents retracted their fate, hoping that their daughter would change her ways.

"Fuck. She took a puff on her cigarette and said, "Why am I evil?"

After she said this, she also teased me, saying that I persuaded him to find a serious job last time, and I had the same face as everyone else, and I divided people into three, six, nine and so on from the bottom of my heart. I retorted to her that I had never thought of that way, and in my eyes there was no distinction between high and low in any profession except criminals, war maniacs, and terrorists, and I never felt that she was inferior or improper. I also told her that the reason why I said that day was only out of the values of society and the thoughts of the general public, and I would not look down on her. But she doesn't live in my world, she lives in society. She began to smoke and complain about social injustice, and finally began to curse, hoping that there would be a war that would kill everyone on the earth, and finally she cried and fell into my arms. During this period, several people came to her back and offered her invitations to dance, but she refused them one by one. That's when I realized that I wasn't the only one who was a regular visitor. The grievances she released made the grievances I felt in Hai Linlin's place more obvious, and I also wanted to hug her and cry together, but it was a very humiliating thing, I didn't do it, but pretended to persuade her not to cry with a philosopher who was well versed in the world and knew the philosophy of life. That's when she's at her most vulnerable, and her psychological defenses must be vulnerable, and I've thought about taking this opportunity to do what I've wanted to do to her, but I feel that it's too shameless to take advantage of others.

I sent her back to where she lived, but she was still full of grievances, saying that I had come prepared and that I had sent her back to do that. I knew it was useless to refute, just told her to rest early and that I was on my last ride back. When I went out, she asked me to go back again, saying that she hadn't finished venting yet, and that she was still very uncomfortable, and that if I left, she would be responsible for something unexpected because she was in a bad mood, and that she would write my name and phone number on the suicide note. I knew she was just talking casually, but she stayed, and she continued to cry and confide in me. She said that everyone in the world is good at disguise, and everything in the world is fake except for women who have children. When men are young and single, they play with people of their profession, wait until they are of marriageable age to find a woman who is dutiful, consume their sins in advance, and then pretend to be innocent in front of the world and say that life should be like this, and attribute their sinful instinctive desires to the environment, and they are shameless. And the same is true of those so-called decent women, who take advantage of their young beauty and qualifications, so they spread their love, taste all kinds of ups and downs of love, and then find a man who is responsible for marrying, so that they feel that they can live up to a woman's life. Only they, who are considered by these so-called decent people to do menial work, live with the most primitive human abilities, they know that lust and greed come with them, that it is only an instinct to resist the temptation of the opposite sex, and that sexuality, the most important content, is branded as sin, and that all people in the world spend their lives in self-deception. Because they see more deeply, they will not live like those so-called decent men and women like hide-and-seek, they will treat everything that should exist but cannot be said as daily trivialities, and they can even talk about it loudly, and they are never afraid. Therefore, they are more real in love and marriage, like a person, not an actor. And, she told me about instances that she thought would prove her conclusions.

"Do what we do. She said, "Whoever is married is very happy." ”

I was speechless by what she said, and I felt that she was strong and reasonable, but every sentence was true and difficult to refute. I don't think she's at all like she used to be, and although she used to be so smug and occasionally surprising, it's the first time I've seen her speak at length like a sociologist doing scholarship tonight, and in a similar situation. It's just that she kept her tears in her eyes, and the paper that wiped her tears was thrown on the table. She asked me if I was silent because I agreed or disagreed with her views.

"I'm also just a lost person. I said, "I don't even know where I'm going, so how dare I argue about your views." ”