On the third night after the graduation exhibition, I was lying on the bed reading a book, and the class leader came back from the internship place, and I was in the upper bunk, and he stepped on the bed board that had been vacated in the lower bunk, leaned next to me, and turned his notebook to a page, which had a big phone number written on it, followed by a person's name: Hai Linlin.

I was stunned for a moment, and then a sense of excitement came over me. Soon I felt uncontrollable surprise and shyness. Before that, I thought that I was the only one in the whole world who knew about this, and even the person concerned, Hai Linlin, would not find anything. This feeling puts me in a safe and secure situation, and I am at least not disturbed by the outside world while I endure the psychological torment. Affection for the opposite sex was a very beautiful thing, but at that time I still felt that this feeling was difficult to show at first, and I had an outburst of emotions that I knew what I was about to face, and the outcome of such a thing was difficult to predict. This feeling always makes me feel timid and suspicious at first, and this timidity and doubt will make me involuntarily stick to the most solid secret in my heart, and I feel that this kind of perseverance is protecting myself - protecting my self-confidence and self-esteem.

I want to pretend to be inexplicable and ask "what is this" and then not admit anything. to hide my shyness and fear. But the squad leader looked at me with a playful look, and I knew I couldn't hide anything. I didn't have any affection for what I did to him, at least at first, like someone was saying something to your face. I think that if I really plan to find out Hai Linlin's phone number, I will definitely find it, and the reason why I don't do it is to prevent others from knowing.

"I know what you're thinking, it was like that at first. The squad leader seemed to see through my thoughts: "I need to push you before you can move forward." ”

I saved my phone number in my phone and asked him how he knew Hai Linlin's phone number, and I asked this because I was afraid that he would tell someone else my secret when he looked up this phone number. He said he looked directly at the address book of their class.

I feel grateful. What's more, I know that Hai Linlin is still in school, at least there is a chance to meet her.

"You're going to try to be tougher. He went on to say: Love is the world of the strong, and you are so soft and weak that a girl will lose her affection for you. ”

"Is that part of the remuneration for selling paintings?" I asked him.

"If it's just this, then I, a capitalist, am too black-hearted. As he spoke, he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me, and I saw that it was written with a lot of information. Hai Linlin's birthday, dormitory, hometown, phone number......

He said to me, "This girl has a very high heart. Her mother is a music teacher and her father is in the government. One of her uncles is very powerful, in business, very rich. ”

I asked him, "How do you know this?"

"I asked when I was chatting with the third shift leader. He said, "Don't worry, my chat is very skillful and not exposed." ”

I believe he does have the talent to ask what he needs to know without others being aware of it. I also believe that he will keep a secret for me, and it is a very valuable character and ability to keep a tight mouth, and very few people in the world can keep their mouth shut, which is also an important condition for judging a person's perseverance and whether he can achieve something. People who can do not say a word that should not be said often have extremely firm perseverance and superb emotional intelligence. I'm convinced he has that ability.

Within a week after the end of the graduation exhibition, there were only four people left in our dormitory, and almost half of the entire graduating grade was gone. Most of the rest have their own things, such as reviewing for graduate school entrance examinations, learning driver's licenses, learning software, etc., and of course, there are also people like me who don't have anything to do. It's not right to say that I'm hanging on my son, my mind is on Hai Linlin. Although I knew her number, I never texted or called her. I knew her dorm, and I could see the door to their dorm building when I stood in front of the window in our hallway. Every morning I would sit in front of the window in the hallway with a book in my hand, and watch the door of their dormitory while reading, and I saw that she would go to the dining room for breakfast around eight o'clock every day.

On several occasions, I deliberately waited for her a few minutes early on her way to the restaurant. Every September, the scent of osmanthus wafts out on that road, sometimes the smell is very strong, and when you want to take a sip, you can't smell anything, and after a while, there will be a fragrance wafting over. I've "met" her a few times in this way, and every time I see her, I feel very weak, afraid that she will see that I mean it. A few times it was farther away from her. There were also a few times when I walked by her face-to-face, and I pretended to be very idle to greet her, and she politely replied to me. Once, after saying hello, I wanted to ask her what she was doing at school, but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I think the less I talk to her, the more it seems that I don't have any other feelings for her, but not saying a word makes it too obvious.

I never thought about the point of me doing this, whether it was a waste of time. I looked at her a few more times when she was still in school, and what would happen to me when she left school. Perhaps I should tell her my affection, and let her promise me or reject me—there must be a result. I think if the school could give us an infinite amount of time, I would do these things over and over again for an infinite time, like a perpetual motion machine. I was enjoying the mixed sensation of a cone of pain and sweet longing, like a drug addict coveting only a corner of empty pleasure in front of me, and as to where this suicidal pleasure would take me, I never thought or thought that I needed to think about the consequences of doing so.

One afternoon, I saw her roommate limping toward campus with a white velvet hat at the school gate. I followed them from a distance, lest she see me and embarrass me—should I say a greeting to her? What should I do after greetings, if I help her to support her, with our relationship, it seems too enthusiastic, and if I just ask a few words and walk away, it seems unreasonable. More often than not, I felt unnatural when I faced him, and we only greeted each other twice when I helped her take the painting off the wall. In general, such a thing would never lead to a friendship between two people - and neither would remember the other even after the fact. Even if you remember, it is very hesitant to say hello after meeting. Greeting is unnecessary, and not greeting is rude. Therefore, two people who meet each other or help each other casually often seem unnatural in their subsequent encounters.

Although my feelings for Hai Linlin are completely different from this situation, my attitude towards her is completely beyond the boundaries of Pingshui and friendship in general, and the more obvious this feeling, the more careful I am about the way she speaks and behaves. But she was very kind to me—I believe she only thought I was a warm-hearted person—though she didn't usually seem very enthusiastic when she met her.

For the past few days, I have been very concerned about the injury on her foot, but I can't call to ask. At that time every morning, I would see if she would come out of the dorm building and go to the cafeteria for breakfast. It wasn't until a week later that I saw her coming out of her dorm building at about 8 a.m. to go to the cafeteria for breakfast, and her foot injury was all healed. I also began to have the old "encounters" with her.