I quit my house in the urban village and prepared to move into a single staff dormitory, where three people lived in one dormitory. I spent two days meeting with Yingxiu and Hai Linlin, a dancer who looked like Hai Linlin, and told them that I was going to find a job again and that I was going to make the decision to keep going. Yingxiu's work in a traditional pastry shop is like a fish in water, as if he was born to do this work, and he is handy in all tasks. This result is due to his rich experience and open-mindedness due to his long-term social experience, and partly due to his cynical attitude, the female colleagues around him are often amused by him, and they get a lot of help in their work, and they have achieved a leadership position in half a year. And completely changed the mentality, more motivated, as if there is only work in life. He was very pleased with my decision, saying that I finally understood what life was and was willing to do things for it, just as an elder admonished a junior.

"You will become a hero of life. He took a puff of his cigarette and said, "There is only one kind of hero in this world, and that is a life hero like you." ”

And the dancers who resemble Hai Linlin still go in and out of the black dance hall, as if they never want to find a serious business.

"Why is my current profession not serious?" she asked me rhetorically, "Is it a serious profession like a nurse, a teacher, or a financer?"

I was entangled in the dark dance floor with her when I heard my words break away from me and say something against me. And said that men are self-righteous and looking for pleasure, but they look down on them. When she walked out of the dance floor in the dark, I dragged her out with the hem of her coat and explained to her that I had no intention of doing so, so that she should not be misunderstood. We sat in the same two chairs where we first met, and I felt that my words did hurt her, and I apologized to her. After the lights came on, I revisited her. From meeting Hai Linlin two days ago to seeing this dancer who resembles her again, my scrutiny has become more close. They are indeed very similar, and if they were strangers, they might be treated as one person, but if they stood together, they could still be distinguished.

"Strange. She said, "Why do you always look at me with a look of déjà vu?" ”

I explained to her everything because we were too close to each other, and it was all fate. After she got angry, I asked her to the dance floor again. I don't think I should be like that to Hai Linlin, I have enough respect for her. The dancer whispered in my ear to ask me what was wrong, and I realized that I was just embracing a hallucination, and everything was back to normal.

"Don't think about it. She said, "There are no doors." ”

But she said that if I really wanted to, she could go ahead and arrange for me the woman from last time, and asked me how it felt about that event, and I told you the truth, it was all so incredible and unforgettable. The day after that incident, I saw Hai Linlin again, but at that time I didn't think of the inevitable connection between these two things, and there was really no inevitable connection between these two things. But I've always had an idea of why I kept the values that I had abandoned by society at the time – always being a virgin. At that time, I felt that a man's first time was actually more important than a woman's first time, and a man could hardly forget the first person who made her a man, and my first time should be dedicated to love. I even think that the cave house is the place where this sublimation of life should be completed, and all other times and places will make this thing flawed. I've never had sexual fantasies about Helenlin, but I subconsciously thought that my first time was with her. It wasn't until I heard the dancer who resembled her say to me, "You don't even experience sex, so you're not qualified to talk about sex and love", I deeply felt that I was already abandoned by society, abandoned by love, and needed to change myself from the deepest depths. Because of this thought, when I saw Hai Linlin the next day, I felt that God had played a joke on me, and I felt that I could no longer explain this matter by coincidence, all because of the impermanence of fate.

I've already tasted the taste of men and women, and when I dance with a dancer who resembles Hai Linlin, I always can't help but imagine her as Hai Linlin. This kind of thing is like a drug, the wonder and ignorance of the first time make me reminisce, but I seem to have forgotten all the details. It also changed my mind about Hai Linlin a lot, I began to imagine, I began to have fantasies about her, and I always felt a little shy when I thought about it. And this dancer is so imaginary with her, my desire for Hai Linlin is transferred to this dancer even stronger, and I urgently need to have a hearty cloud and rain with her to soothe my thirsty soul. But she repeatedly rejected me, and I had to hug her tightly, imagining her as Hai Linlin, feeling her body temperature and exhaled breath.

I came out of my fantasy and told her that I had found a new job, that I was going to move to a staff dormitory, and that I might not be dancing with her for a long time. She thanked me for being so attentive to her, and said that I didn't need to tell her that we were just meeting each other, and that no one would remember anyone after a long time. Her indifference and my refusal to have sex with her made me uncomfortable, not because of frustration, but because I couldn't really feel Helen.

All my stuff was packed in a suitcase, including Yingxiu's camera, which he never remembered he had ever bought. The company park is close to the suburbs, and there are only two buses passing by, but the bus line seems to never be congested, and it has been smooth, even if you don't have your own car, it is very convenient to go to the noisy city after work. In the first week, the master of the team took several people in our group to familiarize themselves with the working environment and work content. Our work is mainly in the workshop and outdoors, and when we work outdoors, we need to carry a set of equipment to walk four kilometers outdoors and inspect for five hours every day. Sometimes it's a two-hour drive from the company to the place of work, most of which is manual work, but it's not very tiring, and the frequent change of work location gives me a sense of freshness and no work pressure.

In the first half month, I always looked around when I walked in the company park, hoping to see that familiar figure, and in order to avoid the familiar figure seeing me, but it was a month after I met her. That day, I was wearing a sky blue overalls, and I had just come out of the workshop, and when I saw her passing by not far away, I judged that she was undoubtedly her just from her figure, hairstyle, and pace. I quickly hid behind the signboard in the park, and from her side I could only see my two legs, but I could see her through the gap in the sign. She walked lightly, dexterously like a cat, unhurried, exactly as she had been years ago. She held the folder in her arms, her eyes did not squint, as if the whole world had nothing to do with her, and the whole person revealed a confidence that was no different from a few years ago. I kept seeing her go to the easternmost corner, turn the corner, and never see her again. As I did when I saw her a few years ago, my heart was pounding, and it took a long time for me to settle down. After a long time, I learned that the park is very large, and the office building where she is located is far away from our workshop, so she rarely comes here.

But when I saw her for the second time in the restaurant a few days later, I felt strange and worried, there was only one restaurant in the whole park, and it was not very big, if I could see her this time, I should be able to see her in the restaurant for more than a month. I've been concerned about this for a long time, and every time I eat, I am terrified, telling myself that I must find her before she notices me, and then find a suitable and safe place to observe her, but to no avail. I hadn't seen her anywhere in the previous month, and I wondered if I had mistaken the person and misjudged, but I was convinced that I was right, and that I would never be wrong about her. When I saw her for the second time in the restaurant, I also thought that she probably had already spotted me and did the same strategy I had planned to spy on me.

I also wondered if she knew that she and I had become colleagues, and judging by where she worked and the color of her clothes, she was probably a clerical job in the office, so she was also likely to see the resume I had submitted to this company. I broke out in a cold sweat when I thought about it, that resume was too detailed about my experience, and those jobs were ordinary and mediocre jobs, which would let her know that I was as mediocre as ever after graduation. I even wonder if she is a credit to me for successfully applying with zero work experience.