That night I received an email from a blind date girl, more than half a year, the content of her email from the beginning just politely about her own things gradually changed to something that is related to both of us, each email is still very long, I have been accustomed to getting tired of her every email, but the first politeness, as well as the relationship between the introducer is my mother's classmate, so I have to pretend to read her email. I've always wanted to tell her clearly that the blind date is on my side, that is, we can't get together, but she never mentions the blind date in the email, which makes me unable to talk about it at all, and if I tell her my attitude directly, it seems incomprehensible when she doesn't say anything. Until one time, she asked me in an email why I hadn't married at that age, if it was because of a certain woman, and she said that a delicate, sentimental person like me could easily make mistakes in life because he was too persistent. What scared me was that I had heard it from someone not only once, but for the first time I replied to her in a reproachful tone: "Don't worry too much, everyone's experience is different, you never know what the psychological state of someone who has a different experience than yours, there is no right or wrong in this." She replied to an argumentative email early the next morning, and what she said like a psychiatric tutor made me feel like I was reading a psychology textbook. It was the shortest email she'd ever written, just over 3,000 words, but the one I read with the most rellish. It changed my perception and feelings about her a lot, but I still just thought of her as an ordinary woman. For more than half a year, we didn't meet once, we didn't have a phone call, almost all of them were communicated by email and letters, and the only time she sent me a text message asking me if it was inconvenient for us to answer the phone. I replied to her that I am not good at chatting on the phone, and it will always lead to an impasse in the conversation, which I am telling the truth, not prevarication.

Her email was still very long that night, talking about her views on the relationship between men and women, and many of the ideas in it resonated with me, and I still had a part of my thoughts left over from the moment when I talked to Hai Linlin in front of the piano and did not fully return, and the desire to talk about it with the piano and painting rose again, and I naturally regarded her as a person to talk to. For the first time, I wrote a serious email to her at night, and I wrote it all night, all from myself, asking her opinion, I didn't want to get a reasonable answer from her, I just wanted to relieve my stress, since I saw Hai Linlin's figure disappear around the corner, to return to the single dormitory, my heart has been backlogged with a lot of words that need to be spit out, but everything is clueless, and I don't know what to talk about. I wrote my own emotional experiences in the third person like a novel, without the slightest hint of oil, but without mentioning my romantic affairs. I hope she can guess that what I'm talking about is me, and I hope she doesn't guess, and after thinking about it, I think what I hope most is that she seems to believe it or not.

On the evening of the third day, she replied by email, saying straight to the point that she knew that the main character of the story I was telling was actually me, and that she was glad that I was so honest with her, and that she was touched by it. She said that the self-blame and regret I showed between the lines are not necessary, love is an accidental event, involving too many factors, the success of love does not represent a person's good or bad, the success of love is far greater than the inevitability. She also said that when she first met me, she found that I embodied some feminine temperament, which was the most direct cause of stillbirth in my relationship, which was both my strength and my disadvantage, and I did not need to persist or overcome it. Everyone will try to make a decision to change themselves when they are not satisfied with their life, this is completely unnecessary, there are many ways to live, and change will only lead to new pain and unwillingness. Her words are exactly the same as what Mr. Ou said when he bought my painting when he graduated.

At that time, it had been seven or eight months since I handed over the paintings to Mr. Ou to help me exhibit at the exhibition, and I never took the initiative to contact Mr. Ou about the progress of the matter, as if I had forgotten about it. He sent me three emails telling me that the painting had been exhibited in four exhibitions in six months, and that it had received very positive reviews, along with photos of the exhibition. On a cold winter morning, Mr. Ou called me to tell me that my painting had won the art prize he had talked about, and that it had been a year since I had sent it to her. I never thought of winning that award, and I hoped that Mr. Ou would let my paintings participate in more exhibitions, just because I wanted to satisfy my desire to talk through my paintings. But the weight of that award was so important that many people regarded it as the highest honor, so I was happy, though not intentionally, and felt that I was favored by God.

The next time I saw Mr. Ou was at the award ceremony of that art award, and at that moment, it had been nine years since we last met. He was completely changed, and I would have almost completely recognized him if he hadn't called my name. I humbly called him Mr. Ou as I did in school, and then shook his hand, and he patted me on the shoulder, and there was no hierarchy between us and teacher.

"It's been almost ten years. He said.

He took me to meet many of the great masters in the world of painting, and I admired them when I first started to learn to paint. But by the time I graduated from college, that worship was long gone, especially when I started to get tired of drawing and decided not to paint for a living for the rest of my life, even forgetting that I had ever admired them. But I still show the humility that the younger generations should have, and the respect for those who have achieved and contributed in an industry from the bottom of my heart. Every time I see someone shake their hand, I bow and say a few words of compliment. Before I decided to attend the ceremony, I checked the information of the masters I might meet and their works, so that when I met them, I could behave with ease and not cause misunderstandings. I said a lot of high-sounding words in my acceptance speech, which was published in a flagship magazine in the art world on the third day after the ceremony.

I went back to school with Mr. Ou, and he took me to the classroom where he collected his paintings, and we looked at the paintings in his collection. A few years after I graduated, he collected two more students' works, and both of them were very good. The two paintings of mine, the graduation work from my graduation school, and the portrait of Hai Linlin, he kept intact as they were when he took them from me. I looked at the two paintings in a daze, forgetting that Mr. Ou was next to me, and forgetting all the things around me. Those two portraits have a strange power, exuding an energy that seems to make people get everything back, and I am tempted by them to keep walking back against the axis of time, and I have repeatedly told myself in my heart not to be fooled by them, but I still can't get rid of that power, as if I can't let go. The look in the eyes that I will never forget, and the autumn wilderness scenery in my graduation project, with a few trees, a river, withered grass, and a golden sunset......

"I've never looked at the wrong person. Teacher Ou said, "You now understand why I bought your paintings in the first place." ”

I told him that I hadn't painted for several years, and that the painting that won the award was actually inspired by chance, and that I felt a lot of luck in winning the award. Teacher Ou told me not to misunderstand, art is very important to talent and hard work, after hard practice most people can reach a certain level, but to exceed this level, it depends on the luck I said. And this luck is by no means accidental, some people are born or have been tempered and cultivated by life The character is destined to encounter this kind of accident, and some people will never encounter it.

"No matter what the art form. Teacher Ou said: "In the end, it is actually the embodiment of the character of the person. ”

He hopes that I can keep going, and he also believes that I will achieve more. Just many years ago, Hai Linlin told me that her dream was to become a painter, to express the rich world with brushes and colors, to show her mind, but she didn't succeed. When I talked to her in front of the piano that night, I wanted to ask her why she didn't stick to it in the end, and I always believed that with her level and the character that Ms. Ou said, she would become a successful painter. But in the end, she was not asked. I think that if a person can give up his dreams and life goals that he has persisted in for many years, he must have encountered a very big change, and this kind of thing is often difficult to talk about because it is too important. And I never thought about painting for a living, I never thought about making a difference in painting, after experiencing the days of making a living by painting, I was completely tired of painting, I didn't want to paint because of the disillusionment of my ideals like Hai Linlin, but because I never had ideals.

"I'm not going down the path of drawing. I said, "I'm not going to have that good luck anymore." ”

Mr. Ou regretted my decision, but he finally said that everyone has their own way of life and cannot be forced. He concluded by saying that the words he gave me when I left his office when I graduated were "There are many people who choose to change themselves, their personalities or their way of thinking when they can't do anything." Actually, there is no need to change, every person has a different way of living, and every way of living will be good and bad, isn't it?" When I left the classroom where Mr. Ou collected his paintings, I went to the classroom where Hai Linlin and I used to paint together, the classroom door was locked, and I saw through the glass on the door that it was empty, as if no one had entered it since it was established.