Chapter 1 The Mermaid's Tail
When I met Wang Yifan, I was ten years old, and I began to struggle with whether I should celebrate Children's Day.
I remember that year, the wisteria roses on my grandmother's fence bloomed very well, and the clusters of flowers seemed to render the sunlight into a dreamy lilac. I held the old book in my hand, and curled up on the old rattan chair under the wisteria and watched, the sun shining on my body, very pleasant.
I often think that if I were the hero of a fairy tale, I would have witch magic, and I would use magic to fix my legs, and then I would turn all the bad boys who used to throw me with stones into roadside trees, and I would no longer be able to bully people. What I like most about Sleeping Beauty is the story of Sleeping Beauty, meeting the right person at the right time, and then ending with a comedy.
The prince walked through the rose fence to find the princess, and then, Wang Yifan walked through the wisteria fence and found me.
When I looked up at Wang Yifan standing in front of me, the sun formed a halo behind him, dazzling like an angel.
He said, "My cat has run into your yard, and I'm looking for it." ”
I kept looking at him, knowing in my heart what I should say, but I couldn't remember a word.
"Found it!" someone shouted outside the fence.
That girl is Lin Yan, the longest chapter in Wang Yifan's youthful years.
"What are you reading?" Wang Yifan beckoned to the person outside the fence and motioned for her to come in, thinking to myself, in less than three minutes, I would be a fresh joke for the two of them on this boring afternoon.
"This is Grandma Zhang's granddaughter, and I heard from my grandmother that she has inconvenient legs and feet and rarely comes here. "Lin Yan's introduction to me is concise and to the point.
"I asked what book are you reading?" Wang Yifan came to me and squatted down, and I saw his appearance clearly, with double eyelids, long eyelashes, and the corners of his mouth always slightly raised, as if he was about to laugh at any time.
Unlike me, matchsticks can't hold up the corners of my mouth that are slightly raised.
Wang Yifan's curiosity about books is greater than his curiosity about my legs, and he even took the book in my hand by himself, and then he generously read out the name of the book: "Daughter of the Sea." ”
Like me, the mermaid has no legs, but she can still drink the witch's potion and grow two healthy legs, luckier than me, I heard my mother mention that my legs can't be cured at all, what it feels like to run when a human runs, what it feels like to run to the person you love, whether there will be wind singing in your ears, whether the rhythm of the heartbeat is the same as the pace, I am like a mermaid, I have no way of knowing.
Either turn into a bubble or kill your beloved prince, the legless mermaid taught me a truth, no prince will fall in love with an alien.
The legsless mermaid eventually turned into foam and disappeared.
I don't like this world, I don't like this world that has sealed my fate.
My grandmother came back from her beloved orchard, and when she saw Wang Yifan and them, she suddenly became nervous, afraid that I would be bullied.
Wang Yifan called my grandmother with a smile and asked her, "Doesn't she know how to speak, and what is her name?"
I was immediately annoyed when I heard it: "My surname is Lu, Lu Xiaochao." ”
This was our first meeting, and my liking for Wang Yifan began at that time, because the first thing he was curious about was my book, my name, not the tail that the mermaid wanted to hide.
Eleven-year-old Wang Yifan is a dreamer, he took me to the slopes of the back mountain of my grandmother's house to see the whole village, and then decided to build a farm here when he grows up, give every animal and every plant a loud name, and he also said that he would build a bell tower on the mountain behind us, and then every day the smoke curls and the morning bell is drummed.
Listening to him is much more interesting than reading fairy tale books, and ten-year-old Lu Xiaochao is a blind admirer of Wang Yifan.
If life is only as it first sees, I have always disagreed with this sentence.
It takes a long time for people to get along with each other in order to give birth to trust and affection, and this long process seems to me to be immeasurable, and it must be an incomparably long process.
Anyone can hurt me, and my trust is just a temporary emotion when I think I can bear the hurt that person has caused me. For example, I became Wang Yifan's girlfriend;
For example, thirteen-year-old Lu Xiaochao, for Wang Yifan's words, let go of his self-esteem, this matter.
It was when I was thirteen years old that I understood that being hurt only happened with your own permission.
On the campus of the junior high school, there is a news spread everywhere that Lu Xiaochao and Wang Yifan have slept together.
Not only that, but there are photos to prove it.
Wang Yifan and I stood in the office of the dean of education, and then some people came in one after another, including the head teacher, the principal, and the mother of the two of us.
The background of several photos is very clear, the small signboard of the unlicensed hotel, the house number of the hotel, and the characters are also very clear, Wang Yifan and I are all nervous.
This is irrefutable evidence, and we cannot afford to quibble.
Before entering the office, Yifan whispered something in my ear, the voice was very soft, but it shook all my senses.
"Don't say anything, don't explain," he said. ”
At that moment, I suddenly felt that I was the stupid and poor mermaid, who ran to the world to live a quiet life at the bottom of the sea, and ended up in annihilation.
As I stood in my office, all I could think about was whether to stick the dagger into the prince's heart.
Then we were asked if the things in the photos were real and if we were together all night.
I could have told the truth, I could have inserted the dagger into Wang Yifan's heart and lived alone, but I didn't, and finally ended up as a mermaid.
That's why I said that being hurt only happens when I allow it.
If I don't care if he doesn't protect me, if I don't care if he will be sad, then I won't be hurt, and I won't live the rest of my junior high school life.
Yifan was the only candidate for the school to escort a key middle school, and his achievements were legends that had never been surpassed at that time. So the photo matter was also suppressed at his insistence, and we didn't admit anything, we didn't explain anything, and we didn't do it.
In those young years, if a beautiful girl had indecent rumors with a boy, most of the voices might be regretful, regretful for her youth and ignorance. However, a girl like me, physically disabled and mediocre-looking, has been used badly since the news of the photo, words like brazen and shallow, and pranks like dead rats can only be regarded as courtesy.
That day, I was stopped by a couple of boys from my school on my way home, and years later I still remember how frivolous and contemptuous the smiles on the faces of those men looked at me.
"I know you, the one who got along with Wang Yifan. "Someone said.
"You can make friends with Wang Yifan, and you can also be with us. "Someone else said.
I've read a lot of storybooks, and some of them have a heroine who is surrounded by bad guys, and there is always a person like a prince blingbling. But this is reality, and I'm not the heroine.
"I'm a cripple, if you were Wang Yifan, would you be with me?" I remember laughing when I said this, I just don't remember, I was laughing at them, or laughing at myself.
I was pushed by them and walked a long way, and I met a few strange passers-by on the way, but I didn't even call for help, I don't know how to talk to a stranger, please help me.
I remember that I had leg problems since I was a child, so I tried to do everything I could, and then I just did what I could. For all the people around me, I am a burden to them, and all I can do is to quietly give up some of my power and pursuits, and then make it a little easier for the people around me.
I was really scared by myself, and I couldn't do it when I opened my mouth to call for help.
My mind was always calculating whether I could do it myself, whether I could take the consequences myself, and then I didn't know that my world was broken like this.
My mind was still spinning, how was I going to fight these guys to the death, but the changes in this world were not completely predictable to me, I was taken by them to the door of the small hotel, and then, group photo.
The next day, the photo spread around the school, which I expected.
Soon Wang Yifan also knew, I only found out when everyone ran to the playground to watch, Wang Yifan and a few of them fought.
In that fight, Wang Yifan won quite miserably with one enemy and three, and I couldn't remember Wang Yifan's double eyelids and the resolute outline of his chin for half a month. It was that fight, Wang Yifan's qualification to escort was cancelled.
Everyone is saying that Wang Yifan risked his life for me and ruined his future.
Only I know the truth, what he wants to protect is not me, what he desperately wants to protect is my secret.
Wang Yifan once asked me if I loved him.
When he asked me this, I was still his girlfriend, and we had never been skin-to-skin, including holding hands.
When Wang Yifan told me to let me be his girlfriend, Lin Yan was also in love, but I didn't know the order of these two things. It doesn't matter, I'm happy that I like him and I think he likes me. There is nothing more happy in this world than being in love.
I remember that he was standing outside the fence of Wisteria and said to me with just one sentence: Let's be together.
So, even if he didn't ask at that time, he asked me if I loved him after the photos and the fights, and when those things happened, he didn't choose to protect my reputation, but after that, he asked me if I loved him.
That year, when we were in the third year of junior high school, we were busy doing questions, preparing for exams, and going on to higher education, but he asked me if I loved him.
The foreshadowing is so long, I don't want to run away from anything, I just think that what he wants to hear may not be the answer in my heart.
I remember answering him with a smile on my face: "What I like is the vanity of you when you stand next to me, I don't love you." ”
That day, Wang Yifan stared at me motionless for a long time, so long that I felt that it became difficult to breathe opposite each other, and then he spoke: "But I love her." ”
She, I know who it is.
Some people say that what kind of person you are, what kind of person you will meet, such as friends and lovers.
I met Wang Yifan, and Wang Yifan met Lin Yan, but Lin Yan and I, even after many years, couldn't find our own shadows in each other.
She and I, no matter how close we are, are two completely different people, and it is Wang Yifan who maintains the relationship between me and her.
Wang Yifan said that she is Lin Yan.
Self-esteem is such a thing, if you step on your feet once in front of a person, then no matter how hard you try, you can't pick it up.
He said he loved her, and nothing I said could restore my expensive and cheap self-esteem.
Because Wang Yifan understands me, I will choose to keep it a secret and put myself in such a situation because of him, he knows, and I don't care about the rest.
It didn't matter how arrogant I was today, he knew what he should know, and he just chose to let me know what he wanted to know.
Love will completely change a person, and I only believed it when I saw Wang Yifan and Lin Yan hugging each other.
It was the day of the graduation of the third year of junior high school, and everyone shouted for liberation, and they hugged each other and said goodbye with tears, agreeing to get together again in many years. And I don't have anyone to say goodbye to, these two friends around me, Wang Yifan Lin Yan, both chose the high school I applied for, and it was only two or three months before we got together.
"Time flies, and in the blink of an eye, we graduated. Lin Yan sighed.
"Yes, time is really omnipotent, it has changed. I smiled lightly, more self-deprecating.
"Xiao Chao, are you and Yifan really over?" Lin Yan said this in a loud voice, just enough for the three of us to hear.
I glanced at Wang Yifan, and then nodded.
"From today onwards, I'm going to start thinking about your pursuits. Lin Yan's smile looked a little childish, and then, the two of them hugged each other in front of me, and Wang Yifan's eyes also changed, becoming more profound and mysterious.
The high school I enrolled in was a few hours' drive from home, and the school had a policy that I had to live in a boarding house and a student apartment.
My life in my freshman year of high school was cycled through the quarrel and reconciliation between Wang Yifan and Lin Yan, they never officially announced their relationship, Lin Yan seems to have been testing Wang Yifan, and there has always been no shortage of suitors around him, of course, this is my guess.
My bad habit of writing a letter to Wang Yifan on time every Monday morning was formed in the first semester of high school, when we had evolved to the point where we could sit across from each other and not speak for two or three hours.
He may not have anything to say, but I do.
I want to talk about my thoughts, my worries, and I want to share my thoughts.
In the letter, there are many trivial things, the color of the sky, the sound of wind chimes, the fountain in the artificial lake, the moss on the rockery, but everything I see, I want to share with him, just like he shared his dream with me when he was young.
My sixth letter to Wang Yifan was not on time, when I rushed to deliver the letter, I saw Lin Yan appear at the window of the security room to get the letter, I thought she was looking for her letter, but she looked into the security room and asked the security guard who was not very dutiful: "Excuse me, has Wang Yifan's letter from Class 3 been taken away?"
"No one has come to pick up the letter yet. The security guard replied.
Then, Lin Yan actually smiled.
My myopia was not strict, and although I was at a distance, I could clearly see her smiling.
It was at that time that I understood why Wang Yifan never mentioned to me the letter I wrote to him, and never replied to me a word, and my letter never reached Wang Yifan's hands.
Maybe it's paranoia, or it's obsession, I wrote to Wang Yifan as always.
Then, after the second year of high school, Wang Yifan and I separated, and I met him, the man who walked through the rose fence without fear, Zhang Xingchen.
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