An empty square table in the hall faced the equally quiet courtyard, and Gu Mengying, who had always been plainly dressed, also took advantage of the lively atmosphere of the New Year to change into an orange-red cardigan skirt, like a string of jade beads like blue waves moored on the collarbone of Snow Harbor, and the spirit snake bun made her graceful young woman style slightly with a little girlish charm, and the gold hairpin inlaid with blue gems lay across the bun, adding to the luxurious style. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info

She sat lonely against the empty courtyard, her ears filled with the frenzied cannon sounds around her, and whenever she saw the swaying skirts of the maids crossing the threshold, she would always stand up expectantly and ask, only to sit down again and again disappointed.

Outside the door is the lights of thousands of families for family reunion, but inside the door is a desolate and sad lonely boudoir. Just as she was about to hide her face and weep bitterly, a man recklessly came in from the courtyard, carrying on his back the medicine box used by the humble doctor of the wandering square, with his arms raised high, carrying a dead blue fish in one hand and a white goose with a tail covered with feces in the other.

Gu Mengying was originally angry and sad in her heart, but seeing Lin Risheng appear in front of her so funny, she was angry and funny. She was trying to get up to greet him, but she was annoyed that he would return on the night of Chinese New Year's Eve, causing her to wait, so she gambled and sat still.

Bilin Risheng was unaware of her emotions, ran to her with joy, shook the fish and goose in his hand in front of her, and said with a smile: "Dream Shadow, come and help, put up the pot in the kitchen, today I will make you roast goose paws, steamed fish, and give you a taste." ”

Gu Mengying was afraid that the filth on the white goose would splash on herself, so she hurriedly moved to the side, she covered her nose, frowned slightly, and saw his innocent smile on his lips when the reproachful words came to her mouth, like the flower of spring dawn, and she couldn't bear it, so she turned to ask: "Xianggong, why are you so happy today?" ”

Lin Risheng laughed a few times, and handed the white goose and grass carp to the maid beside him, but the maid did not catch the white goose, and the white goose fell to the ground and made an ugly cry.

Gu Mengying frowned in annoyance, but he laughed louder: "I'm really happy today." Do you remember that when I mentioned to you the critically ill patient who had lung disease, he actually cured me. It can be seen that my judgment is right, the original prescription is not wrong, but the medication is too conservative, and a little improvement becomes a good prescription. You see, this is his wife in order to thank the snow to send it, a grass carp, a goose, I didn't want to accept it, but the people have a heart, after all, the poor family can't eat meat a few times a year, this fish and goose are still raised in exchange for money, I can't bear to secretly stuff some silver taels into their medicine bag. Even if I bought it, I can eat it with peace of mind. ”

He rubbed his hands happily, looking like he was going to do a big job: "By the way, why are the three strings of sausages I got back last time missing?" He turned his head to look at the courtyard and asked suddenly.

Gu Mengying hesitated and said: "Did you say that the sausage hanging in the yard was dried, I looked at it and it smelled strange, so I let the people throw it away, that thing is not a rare thing, if you want to eat as much as you want, it is not worth it." ”

"You threw it away?" Lin Risheng stood up and asked in shock.

Gu Mengying pointed to the dirty white goose lying on the ground with its neck raised and screaming, and said with disgust: "This is a dead fish, it can't be eaten." It's not fresh, it's not refreshing, it's second, I've been afraid of death for a long time. And this goose is dirty, don't eat it, the meals in the kitchen are ready, the roasted carp, chickens and ducks are all home-fed, freshly slaughtered, big and fat, much better than this, I don't think these are needed. ”

Every time she said a word, Lin Risheng's face darkened, and the originally bright golden embroidery thread on her clothes became this person's eye at this time. His cheerful mood suddenly dissipated and turned into a melancholy sigh: "Then you also threw away a few old clothes that I had sewn and repaired in my cabinet?" ”

Gu Mengying still gushed in the posture of a good wife: "Yes." Those clothes are really too shabby, I think you will never wear them again, it is useless to keep them, I asked the embroidery girl to make a few new clothes, all folded in the cabinet, all of them are high-quality fabrics, and the needle and thread are also made by me watching. ”

Lin Risheng sat down, touched his knees, shook his head and said sadly: "Do you know how many lives I have saved by wearing these clothes. Do you know that some of these shabby clothes were given to me by poor people who could not afford to pay for medical treatment, and some were sewn by the relatives of patients for me in gratitude. And ......"

He paused, a sourness spread in his mouth, and the patches on the clothes sewn with embroidery were all surprises made for him by Chen Siyu with exquisite embroidery skills, but now these words can no longer be spoken, and he can only borrow the feelings of doctors and patients to express his thoughts: "The strong friendship of bread here is comparable to a few new clothes made by outsiders?"

In the six months since he married him, he has never had a grudge against her. Gu Mengying was stunned for a while before she snorted, "I'm sorry, I didn't know those clothes were so important." But ......"

She hesitated for a moment, but still risked angering him, and did her duty as a wife should have persuaded: "Xianggong, although I don't understand the way of you men as officials, I don't understand the way of a woman. It's just that since Xianggong has entered the Hanlin Academy, he should also put serving the king and loving the people in his heart, read more about governing the country, and the principle of saving the people is the right thing. Huang Qi's art and being a skill is not impossible, but you must not indulge in this and miss the major events of governing the country, men should aim to help the world, support the monarch, and be diligent in government and love the people. ”

Talking about this, Lin Risheng was even more sad, since he was in high school, married Gu Mengying, with the escort of the Gu and Lin families, his career was really high, smooth sailing, originally with his rank according to the rules to be released, but he borrowed the Gu family, not only stayed in Chang'an but also entered the Hanlin Academy, the prime minister has always been more from the Hanlin Academy, when the power of the government and the opposition "Chu Yilian" was born in the Hanlin Academy, this is a great honor. Outsiders are envious, but they don't know that he is sitting on pins and needles every day, and he has suffering. The children of the Han clan, who are really talented and learned, sneered at him and ridiculed him a lot; The nobles of Chang'an have more squirrel, and he also disdains to be in company. And he has been diagnosing patients all year round, always getting to the bottom of the disease, always seeking truth from facts about patients, life is great, and there can be no falsehood, so he has developed his solid eyes and straight heart, and he will not do those empty official articles.

Officialdom makes him even more miserable, he never doubts what others say, and he believes everything whether it is true or false. They often suffer losses without knowing it, and they don't understand when they offend people. Others in the wine field will fake to drink, but he does not refuse, others toast a glass and he returns two glasses, often drink vomiting, and is ridiculed for poor drinking.

When others open their mouths to ask for him, he never knows how to refuse. He often helped his peers transcribe articles until late at night, and his peers leisurely finished their work, and secretly made fun of them when they were praised. He delayed his work in order to help others, and he was often blamed and distressed.

His daily life was not happy, as painful as a punishment. Because he has no interest, he is listless at work, chaotic, and extremely dull. And the most painful thing for him is that when he is idle, he holds tea, sits by the window and watches the sun hang high to the sunset, just when others sigh comfortably: it is rare to have a day of leisure, but he is dull in his heart, regretting that this good time is so wasted, and the passing time does not add a meaning to his life except for adding a trace of sadness to his sideburns and eyebrows.

Nothing is a proper job, and the endless official clichés that are made up every day, and the endless series of stories, for which you are busy all your life, isn't it also nothing? At that time, his father's fantasy of a beautiful and lofty future was nothing more than an endless cup of tea and a cold bench in his hand.

Lin Risheng was resentful, laughed loudly, and laughed sadly, which made Gu Mengying's heart skip a beat, and he was a little scared. He asked aloud with blazing eyes: "Do you think that if you memorize the way of these saints and the principles of governing the country to death, you will be able to succeed in the officialdom like a fish in water and rise to the top?" ”

Gu Mengying was shaken by his roar. He shouted, "Wrong! Miss by a mile! If you want to make achievements in officialdom, it is useless to memorize the teachings of these saints! It's just that the official places are not pursuing these high-sounding truths, but some so-called rules that can only be understood but not spoken. This is to be able to lie, second, to be able to observe words and feelings, and third, to learn to slip around and shoot horses. This is the talisman of official prosperity, and the way of those saints is only used to coax ignorant women and children into false truths, and no monarch will really use it to govern the country. You don't understand! ”

Once the long-suppressed resentment broke out, it was as shocking as a flood, although Gu Mengying was frightened by him, she still argued strongly: "You say this, it's too unreasonable, my father taught us to read the words of the sages often and respect the way of Confucianism since we were children. ”

Lin Risheng shook his head and sighed: "What your father and brother did was not as glorious as they said, you should not be too naïve. ”

He was so outspoken, he finally annoyed Gu Mengying, she sat down and said coldly: "Our Gu family is not glorious, but your Lin family is glorious?" Since you are innocent, why do you still enter the door of the Gu family? ”

Even when she said so, Lin Risheng's self-esteem was deeply stabbed, and he flicked his sleeves and turned out of the door without hesitation. Gu Mengying held her breath and refused to stay, and when his figure had disappeared beyond the courtyard wall, she got up and chased to the door, holding on to the edge of the door, tears falling like rain.

The snow between the sky and the earth is vast, the sky is dark and there are no stars or moons, the lively sound of firecrackers has dissipated, and the pungent smell of fireworks is still left in the air, and the mist is mixed with smoke, making the road ahead even more muddy and bleak.

Lin Risheng left the house in a rage, wandering aimlessly on the street like a homeless ghost. The cold wind was blowing, he looked at the warm reunion candlelight floating from the houses on the street, and felt the chill penetrate his heart and lungs, he tightened his clothes, and quickened his pace with a goal.

He walked down a dark and secluded alley to a ruined courtyard at the end. He pushed the door, but it didn't move, and the sound of chains pulling echoed through the alley. Only then did he notice that the knocker was held firmly by a heavy chain, and no one could enter without a key.

He pulled the lock a few times in disappointment, sighed, and turned to leave, only to find that a large gap had been made in the north courtyard wall by a dead tree. The trunk of the tree is across the gap, becoming a natural wooden bridge, which just leads to the courtyard, although he has not systematically learned martial arts since he was a child like Lin Yueyuan, but he has been traveling all year round, he has also specially learned the basic self-defense skills, and it is not difficult to climb the courtyard wall and jump on the canopy. He rubbed his hands together, jumped a few times to test the height, and then used his hands and feet together, and leaped up to the wall, and he squatted on the trunk of the tree, and burst into a childlike smile, and got up tremblingly, and walked all the way from the trunk to the courtyard.

The desolate courtyard is full of dead branches and leaves, and the abandoned chicken coop and abandoned fish tank all show the joy of life here. Fortunately, the door in the courtyard was unlocked, and he opened it with a light push, and the dust stirred up in the house made him sneeze loudly, and he groped for the table and found the flint with great difficulty, and he lit a red candle on the candlestick with wax and tears, and a small and warm flame illuminated the darkness before him like a light of life.

No one had been in the house for a long time, and there were cobwebs hanging everywhere on the walls at the foot of the house, and he found a broom from the yard, and clearly dropped the cobwebs on the wall, and simply swept the dust in the house, and then picked up some dead branches from the yard, and set up a fire at the door, and he pulled the chair down behind the half-closed door panel, and sat near the fire by avoiding the cold wind in the courtyard, and after sitting for a while, his body was still cold, and he went into the house again to search, and found a quilt in the wardrobe of the bedroom, and found a set of stoneware tea sets on the table. He drew a pot of water from the well in the courtyard, hung it on a wooden shelf and boiled it, made a pot of hot water, wrapped it in a cloth and carried it in his arms as a stove, and sat down with a quilt wrapped around him, so that he did not feel cold and fell asleep in a daze.

In a trance, he dreamed again that the drop of water that fell from the sky turned into a pool of water and drowned him, he struggled in the water, and after a while, he gradually felt strained, and the numbness gradually spread to his whole body, he convulsed a few times, slowly sank, and the feeling of fear slowly turned into calm, and he knew that he was dying.

A glimmer of light under the water fell into his eyes, he was deeply surprised, as he sank deeper and deeper, the water became brighter and brighter, through the light, he saw a man and a woman sitting across the round table, there were several delicate dishes on the table, the vegetarian dishes looked very attractive, but if you looked closely, they were all wild vegetables, and the meat dishes looked very delicious, but if you looked closely, they were all animal offal, or palm-sized small fish, and salted fish and bacon that had been placed for a long time. The man looked apologetic, but the woman smiled sweetly and ate with relish.

There was a feeling of envy in his heart. Suddenly, several farmers came in with a wounded man, the wounded man had been cut on his right leg by a sickle during the harvest, and the blood was flowing everywhere, which was very horrifying, and the man immediately put down his chopsticks and went to treat and stop the bleeding, and the woman did not have a trace of fear or complaint, but hurriedly acted as the man's assistant, scrubbing the wounds for the wounded.

The two were sweating profusely, and finally stopped the bleeding of the wounded. The wound was bandaged, and the wounded person was carried down to recuperate. The man looked at the woman's rose-like cheeks and said gratefully, "Thank you for your hard work." ”

The woman looked up at him, her two bright eyes were like stars in the sky, and she smiled: "No, I'm very happy to be able to save people with you." ”

Hearing this, he felt a pang in his heart, and finally understood that he was in the imperial capital, with a bright future, and his wife by his side, but he was in pain every day, because the loneliness and loneliness that no one understood gnawed at his soul day and night, and no one could share his joy and understand his sorrow. Even though he has now started a family, he is still sad and sad, because his current life path is not what he imagined and wanted, and he is reluctant every day, and he is compromising every day.

He was always a man.

How happy that man was, and how desolate he was in comparison.

When he wanted to continue to immerse himself in the warm acquaintance between the two, his vision and consciousness continued to blur, until his shoulders sank and he opened his eyes again.

"Lin Risheng? How did you end up here? The woman's astonished voice rang in his ears, and he woke up suddenly, and everything in the dream was completely forgotten, but the sadness after waking up from the dream lingered.

He rubbed his eyes and saw clearly that the person standing in front of him was Chu Yunxi, who had not been seen for a long time. He grinned dryly, laughed ugly, and said, "Yunxi? It's a coincidence, it's probably because God looks at me pitifully, so let you pass by and see me. ”

The fire that had been burning overnight had long since turned to ashes, Chu Yunxi stepped over from above, helped Lin Risheng, who was already asleep, and stood up and said, "I originally planned to go to the tomb of Qingxu to pay some tribute, because today is the first day of the new year, I am afraid that they will be unlucky, so I will hide from them and come out by themselves." Passing by, I wanted to clean the house where she used to live. It's just that you're not at home for the New Year, why did you come here? You slept here last night? Didn't the government send someone to look for you, does Dream Shadow know? ”

Lin Risheng put the teapot in his arms on the table, stretched his limbs, and said dejectedly: "I quarreled with her, and I had nowhere to go when it was cold, so I remembered that I had helped you move things from this deserted yard before, so I came here to hide from the cold."

Chu Yunxi lowered his eyes and stopped talking, and finally said: "In the end, it is your housework, I don't want to ask more." ”

Lin Risheng listened blankly to the sound of firecrackers and laughter outside, and muttered: "Actually, it's not a housework. ”

Chu Yunxi looked at his lonely and depressed back, and sighed: "Since you came to Beijing, we haven't met many times, but every time I see you, I become more and more worried. ”

Lin Risheng looked back at her tired expression and smiled lightly: "You too." ”

Chu Yunxi dipped his fingers in the ashes on the table, and secretly sighed in his heart that things are changing, and things are wrong. She hesitated for a moment, but couldn't help asking, "You don't seem to be having a good time, is it a matter in the court, or is it ...... Dream Shadow? ”

Seeing that he had changed color, she hurriedly added: "Although I am not familiar with Mengying, I heard Yueyuan mention that she is an extremely virtuous girl, and her temperament and personality are very different from his brother's. ”

Lin Risheng turned his back, paused for a long time and said, "She's fine, very good." But we are like two misaligned tenons, always misaligned. ”

Chu Yunxi smiled clearly: "She doesn't understand you." Then he looked at the bright white snow piled up in the yard, and thought heavily, "It has snowed heavily for seven days in Chang'an City, and the victims outside the city have suffered again." I heard that you recently ran outside the city when you were free, and you must have saved a lot of people, which is really a blessing and virtue. ”

Lin Risheng turned his head to look at her, and all his emotions finally turned into a sigh: "Actually, it is you who understand me best." ”

He cut his hands back, looked up at the vast sky worriedly, and said helplessly: "After all, it's a drop in the bucket." I also wrote to the Holy Father about this in the hope of better resettlement for the victims, but there was no news of it. Later, my colleagues mentioned that the number of victims of the disaster was not large, the temples and nunnery outside the city had been set up and resettled, and secondly, there was a shortage of silver in the households, and there was a disaster in the north, and the grain harvest was not harvested. Even if the court is in trouble, the emaciated camel is bigger than the horse. You look at the big feasts and small banquets in the palace one after another, the banquet cattle, sheep, pigs and chickens, abalone ginseng wings and belly, where a little tighter left 10,000 taels of silver is enough for the victims to return to their hometowns in the spring of next year. If it weren't for Brother Jiaheng and several guards in the city seconded some soldiers to build walls and houses for the victims outside the city, I am afraid that more people would have frozen to death in this heavy snowfall. ”

A cool breeze drilled into his throat, he couldn't help coughing again and again, Chu Yunxi reached out and patted his back, and as soon as his hand touched it, he found that the bones on his back were bulging out, thinking that it had been reduced a lot.

His face was full of sadness, and he sighed: "Yunxi, you have also stayed in the Hanlin Academy, and you also know how difficult it is to tell the truth in the imperial court, and it is even more difficult to do a practical thing. The real things that are related to the fortunes of the country and the people's livelihood are not done at all, or they are simply incompetent and immoral people who are in charge. Just talk about how much the rare tribute medicine in the imperial pharmacy wastes every year, and how much profit those stewards make from it. How much does the hospital raise in vain, and it is not the turn of the doctors who can treat the nobles in the palace on weekdays, if these manpower and material resources are invested in the people, how many people will benefit. ”

Chu Yunxi couldn't bear to see his exhausted appearance, and after hesitating for a long time, he told him: "Lin Risheng, you don't have to worry too much. The victims soon had something to eat. You probably don't know about the disaster relief at Mingbi Villa. ”

Lin Risheng's eyes widened in surprise.

She invited him to sit down and spoke from the beginning: "After Siyu went back, he often corresponded with me. When she learned that winter was early on our side, she concluded that there might be a shortage of food, and that this year's drought in the south had caused the grain ships to leave late. As a result, the river froze, food supplies were not available, and the north was hit by snowstorms. The surplus grain hoarded here must not be enough, so we let the silk village secretly hoard grain at a low price early, ready to sell it to those rich wealthy families and make their fortunes, but when she heard that a large number of residents of the farms near the city had been affected, she had decided to donate the grain to the victims for free. ”

Lin Risheng was pleasantly surprised, but in the face of Chen Siyu, he felt quite guilty, but he was embarrassed to express his gratitude directly, so he had to say in the name of Chu Yunxi: "Then you have to thank her well." ”

Chu Yunxi smiled meaningfully: "Of course I thanked her, but she asked me to thank you." ”

Lin Risheng's face turned red, and he hurriedly waved his hand and stammered to explain: "Don't get me wrong, this is the first time I've heard about her since I was separated from her last time. ”

She sneered, "I didn't mean that. Siyu is saying that you have changed her. She used to care about others as well, but only with those closest to her. At that time, she felt that being in the mall was the source of her value and happiness, and that arranging her life in an orderly manner and being exquisite and interesting was her greatest interest. But after getting to know you, she feels that her heart has become bigger and wider, and she knows how to tolerate and care. The ordinary and simple life, the peaceful and peaceful countryside can also give her infinite fun, know how to love and cherish, and understand that people live for themselves and for others. To perfect others is to perfect oneself. ”

He seemed very moved, and pondered silently.

Chu Yunxi thought for a while, and said softly: "Siyu also understands you, right?" ”

Lin Risheng pursed his bitter lips and sighed bitterly: "Maybe she doesn't understand either, but she has been trying hard to understand me, and she has tried to understand everything about me." And I was too stupid to know anything about her heart. What she knew, I didn't understand. ”

A deep sense of regret crept between the two. Chu Yunxi chewed on his last sentence in a daze, feeling a tremor.