I hate occasions like palace banquets, but at this time I have to use such occasions to appear in Xuanyuan Yan's sight, I know that there will be people at the banquet to embarrass me, in their eyes I am undoubtedly embarrassed by the royal family of Jinhua, I am an outlier among them, not abiding by the palace rules, showing up all day long, not abiding by women's morals, two years ago they were still so intentional or unintentional to make things difficult for me, now I am nothing, I don't even want Xuanyuan Yan, I can't imagine what kind of face they will use to me, But so what, I still have to go, I just want them to know that I am different from them, and I also want Xuanyuan Yan to see my uniqueness.

On the day of my father's birthday, I was still dressed in fancy clothes and entered the palace early with my eldest brother after lunch, only with my eldest brother did I have this freedom to be myself, and now in front of the third brother, I can only be a man with my tail between my legs, otherwise he will either be angry with me, or I will be nagged to death by him, for the safety of our lives, most of the time I will compromise and surrender to him.

When I want to be free and unrestrained, I like to have my eldest brother by my side, because he can still indulge me, when I am depressed and have no hope for future happiness, I like to have my third brother by my side, because he can still comfort me, it seems that I am still just a paper tiger, no matter how strong I behave, but I am still used to the company of others. I have fully admitted that I am a person who is afraid of being lonely and very insecure, which may have something to do with my emotional experiences in my past life, or my bizarre birth in this life for no reason. I can't change it now, but I know how to be the happiest and most down-to-earth, that is, in the palace that I have regarded as a cage since I was a child, and by the side of my second brother who has been disgusted and alienated by me since I was a child, then I am the happiest, happiest and most down-to-earth.

My father and eldest brother talked about national events and waited for the beginning of the dinner, I had nothing to do, walked out of Xiangyun Palace, ready to go to the garden to go around, breathe, a festive and busy scene in the palace, the palace maids and eunuchs met on the road either hurriedly avoided me, or looked at me curiously, they cast such and such a look made me feel embarrassed, I don't know me, I look sideways for my strange dress, I know mine, I hesitate for my complex identity, although I have always been my own way, advocating to walk the road and do not care about the eyes of others, But when others really cast complex eyes of curiosity, pity, contempt, disgust, etc., I will also be apprehensive and more uncomfortable, I will no longer accept it as openly as I did when I was a child, because their various eyes are like a sharp sword, piercing the most vulnerable place in my heart, who am I, the third princess, Anping Niangniang, or just the ordinary people of Jinhua? What I care about is not that status, that power, what I care about is the relationship with Xuanyuan Yan, who am I? Is it his sister, is it his wife, is it his lover, or is it already unrelated, who am I? I want to cry without tears.

I felt like I was about to collapse, and perhaps the most insecure person could not bear the torment of this uncertain relationship, especially when I had no reason to put on that thorny armor and pretend to be strong and indifferent.

"Isn't this Anping Niangniang?" When I was sad, a fairly delicate face appeared in the flowers not far away, she smiled kindly, but her eyes flashed with contempt.

I also don't want to get entangled with her, who she is, I'm not interested.

"Bold, why do you ignore our mother so much." I turned my head to look at the source of the voice, and a domineering palace maid scolded me angrily.

"Qinghong must not be rude, this is the Anping Niangniang in the past." The man chuckled and scolded the maid beside him, looking like he was hiding a knife in his smile, which made me can't help but be angry.

I can already guess the identity of the other party, I have basically seen Xuanyuan Yan's other concubines, before I escaped from the Golden Flower Palace two years ago, they all went to the Yuyan Palace to show off to me, or ridiculed, and then those concubines who like to compete for the wind and be jealous and cause trouble were driven out of the palace by Xuanyuan Yan as early as after I left the palace, only one person is still here, and it is also the only concubine in the current huge harem, I thought she was different from those people, but now it seems that she was just lucky not to catch up with the craze of causing trouble.

"I don't know what else Niangniang commands?" I also turned around and asked respectfully with a smile on my face.

"My sister doesn't dare." The smile in her eyes was even greater.

"That doesn't disturb the interest of Gongsun Niangniang to enjoy the flowers." After saying that, I turned around and left, but the anger in my heart was even stronger, Xuanyuan Yan, I really can't wait for you quietly anymore.

There is no difference from the palace banquets in the past few years, everyone praises each other, congratulates each other, and smiles all over their faces, I feel disgusted when I see it, my father and Xuanyuan Yan are sitting high, and the temperament of the king is fully displayed between the manners, I suddenly feel that they are so far away from me, I quietly find a corner to stay, I like to hide in the corner like this and watch the various faces of these so-called princes and nobles, perhaps it is my suspicious character that caused me to be estranged from my relatives when I was young, Or perhaps it is this deceitful court environment that has created my distrust of human feelings.

Every time at this time, I will clearly feel that maybe I really don't fit here, so what about me and Xuanyuanyan?

In fact, my mind has been very confused recently, especially after the opening of the brothel in the neon dress and feather coat, what I see in that kind of Fengyue place is all the love of men and the helplessness of women in this time and space, how many men have a group of wives and concubines in their homes but still linger in this kind of fireworks place, and how many women are sold here by their parents and husbands as goods, under the prosperous and glamorous appearance of this industry, how many women are crying in their eyes and bleeding in their hearts, I now regret getting involved in this industry, Because it can only make me lose trust in the so-called **** and responsibility, I can help these poor women financially, so that they will have no worries about food and clothing in the future, so that they don't have to force their faces in the future, but most of them are unwilling to accept my kind arrangement, they would rather be glamorous and beautiful every day, and live like a walking corpse, because in their hearts they have accepted their fate, they would rather use this way to prove their existence, they no longer have the courage to accept the strange eyes of others, Away from the brothel, they had nowhere to stay on this plane.

This time and space may be like this, a woman's value can only be reflected in her family background, her man, what can she do herself? Or maybe I'm not brave enough, not brave enough to do what my heart desires. Just when I lost my mind, I looked up and saw Li Gongcheng walking towards me, I should have been happy, didn't I just wait for such an opportunity to meet Xuanyuan Yan? But I can't be happy at the moment, maybe I should have a good talk with Xuanyuan Yan, if he really has no intention of me, maybe I shouldn't stay here anymore, I should be able to do something simpler.