"I gathered everyone here today because I have good news to share with you, Ji Ran from the first and second classes of our school won the first place in the junior group in the international piano competition, and everyone applauded." Standing on the stage holding the trophy and smiling stiffly, I was thirteen years old.

"Ji Ran, I heard that you won the gold medal in the Olympiad, your high school life must be very easy, you don't have to study to send it directly, it's good." My friends who were traveling with me looked at me with envy, and I was sixteen years old when there was a ravine across the road where the cart was being pushed.

"Ji Ran, my wife is so beautiful and capable, treat her well in the future, and your future life will definitely be very happy." I raised my glass to toast without saying a word, just bowing slightly, to him, to her, to them. I was twenty-seven years old.

Obviously, from childhood to adulthood, every step I took was the most standardized path, I was excellent and praised, but why in the end, I was the most unhappy?

Oh, it's because I'm lonely.

Mom said, Ji Ran, you have to do better than others, so that others will not despise you because you don't have a father. But in fact, everyone cares about themselves, and they don't have so much leisure to discuss other people's family affairs.

Mom said, I desperately sent you to learn violin and take the Olympiad class to cultivate your interest, and if you don't win the prize, it will be useless. But in fact, there are many people who have not abandoned their interests and have successfully gone on to higher education.

Mom said, Ji Ran, how could my mother hurt you, my mother loves you so much, I did it for your good. But in fact, my mother's overly suppressed love did become poison for me.

I think I live a decent and honest life, but I am the loneliest, my requirements for happiness are getting lower and lower, and I even think, in fact, most people in the world are about the same, maybe people are born lonely, and when they are most negative, they will also think about giving up and struggling, and this may be the case in my life.

But God wants to give me a ray of light, a trace of warmth, so that I know that the deepest emptiness in my heart can be filled.

"Little girl, you've been back and forth three times on this road, and you don't want to go home?"

"You've been following me? Don't come here, I'll find the police uncle if you come over again. I was just subconsciously worried, but I didn't want her to be very defensive, so I ran away without answering my words.

Later, we would meet on the same road every day, she always held a chess game in her hand, and her head drooped slightly when she walked, as if she was thinking about something, and that appearance was very similar to me.

At that time, I discovered that the two of us had similar temperaments, sensitive, precocious, and thoughtful.

"Why do you want to learn piano?" She asked me with her head up, the hair on her forehead being a little messy from the wind.

I raised my hand to fix her hair and met her eyes, "Maybe it's because I want to conform to what other people expect, everyone wants me to do that, so I did it, and the feeling of being complimented is addictive." That was the first time I revealed my true thoughts, she tilted her head and thought about it, she didn't quite understand, looking at her ignorant look, I smiled unconsciously, laughed from the bottom of my heart.

Later, the little girl was already slim and grew into a charming Shiyuan, and our relationship developed naturally and smoothly. However, every time I am with Shi Yuanzi, I am always anxious, my happiness seems to be stolen from the cracks of time, and I don't know when it will be taken away suddenly.

God is red-eyed after all, he regrets giving me a talent that is beyond the reach of ordinary people, and giving happiness to all living beings, maybe he thinks it is too unfair to others, so he decided to take my happiness back.

Shi Xin and Shi Yuan's personalities are completely different, one is introverted and calm, the other is extroverted and lively; Shi Yuan rarely mentioned her as a sister in front of me, so I only occasionally went to see Shi Yuan and took a picture with her. But when she appeared in my sight three times and twice in an unexpected situation, I knew that she had a heart for me.

"Ji Ran, I'm more beautiful than Shi Yuan, more capable than Shi Yuan, and your mother likes me more, why don't you try it with me?" She found me on the night of the training camp in Shiyuan. ”

I laughed dumbly and quickly pushed her away. "I have a girlfriend, her name is Shi Yuan, and she will only be Shi Yuan."

Shi Xin didn't get angry when he heard this, but just smiled, "Really? If I say that Shiyuan will give you to me, do you believe it? I know her too well, a child like Shi Yuan, who has no parents since childhood, doesn't love people at all, she only loves herself. ”

I didn't know how Shi Xin, who was only eighteen years old at the time, could say such a thing with such hate-soaked eyes, I just remember that my answer was sonorous, "I don't believe it." ”

But I really completely underestimated the determination and stubbornness that this little girl had, she could even think of cutting her wrists to commit suicide, I studied medicine, when I saw her wounds, I knew that she was really ruthless, when she fell into my arms, her face was pale, but she still smiled, "Don't worry, this is only the first time, there will be two, three, four more in the future......"

Shi Xin's words are true, she did it a second time.

The whole Shi family almost broke the threshold of our family, they tried to persuade me over and over again, and even started from my mother's side, oppressing me in many ways to compromise.

"Ji Ran, that's a human life after all."

A human life? She doesn't cherish it herself, but she still needs me to cherish it?

At that time, I didn't have any wavering thoughts, and when I was pitiful, wasn't I pitiful? Isn't Shi Yuan pitiful?

But the moment Yuan called me, I was inexplicably shaken, and I was afraid that what Shi Xin said would come true. "If I said that Shi Yuan would give you to me, would you believe it?" This sentence kept lingering in my mind, as if Shi Yuan would blurt out in the next second, "You can be with her." ”

Shi Yuan said, "What do you think? ”

I said, "Xiaoyuan, why don't we be apart for a while?" ”

These words were only tentative words, driven by the uneasiness that swelled up in my heart. I expected her to question me and question our relationship for many years, but Shi Yuan didn't.

She said, OK.

One word cuts off all that we've experienced in five years.

Later, when I came to the United States, at the beginning, I would also follow the direction deliberately guided by Shi Xin, maybe Shi Yuan is really cold by nature, and loves me as much as a thousandth of himself, so he will answer so resolutely when I speak, without the slightest nostalgia.

The news of Shi Yuan's marriage was also told to me by Shi Xin, when she was about to enter the operating room, I didn't even say a word of encouragement to her, but she still smiled very brightly. "Shi Yuan is married, the other party is a wealthy family, the kind of wealthy family that you and I can't catch up with all our lives, you look at how many means Shi Yuan has, just think she will turn back every day?"

Shi Xin always thought that she could stimulate me like this, but my heart didn't fluctuate, I just thought she was ridiculous. Even though I was jealous and disgusted with her, my heart still didn't show the slightest thing. The mother said, "Shi Xin, this child is really pitiful, you have the right to take care of her first." "I have no room to refuse what my mother said, as if I was born with this kind of thought, and if there are words, it is the highest hurt of a widowed woman.

Shi Xin, who was lying on the hospital bed, was a little stupid, and pulled the wide hospital gown to cover the scar on her wrist, "Anyway, you can only entangle with me until you are old in this life, it doesn't matter if you don't love me, anyway, Shi Yuan is not married, she has such a strong personality, she will not come back to you after divorce." ”

At that moment, I woke up after being in a daze for so long, and it was really me who took the lead in pushing Shiyuan away, and any temptation and expectation were empty words.

I knew that she was too similar to me, sensitive and uneasy, and refused to admit defeat in front of outsiders, knocking out her teeth and swallowing it in her stomach, and I took the lead in handing over a knife; So even if I reached at her with the blade, she wouldn't come in my direction, but would grit the blade with a smile on her face, and it would go deep into the flesh, and the blood would be dripping.

One wrong step, one wrong step, I missed her after all.

After returning to China for a reunion, I quickly received an invitation from Ying Ting to meet, no, coercion, to be exact.

"What are your plans for coming back this time?"

"I shouldn't be bothered about my personal affairs."

"Really? Then you want to know about the matter of your Ji family's hospital, can I ask about it? ”

"I'm stupid and don't know what Ying always wants to say. You are so sure that Shi Yuan will leave you because of my return, there should always be time to intimidate me here, and there should be time to capture your wife's heart. I saw a flash of panic in his eyes, but it dissipated instantly.

"Actually, I've always been curious, what a great goal you had to give up Shi Yuan to leave me this opportunity, but now Shi Yuan is mine, and she will be mine for the rest of her life."

"Shi Yuan, she doesn't belong to anyone."

"No, you're wrong, she belongs to me, and she won't die until she dies." There was some arrogance and confidence in the man's eyes, and at that time, I knew that I had lost.

I missed Shiyuan not because we didn't love each other, but because I had too little sweetness in my life, and when this sweetness really came to my side, I felt inferior, felt that I was unworthy, and didn't dare to reach out to grab it.

People who don't believe they can have happiness are not destined to be happy.