We woke up early the next day, and Roy tidied himself up and picked out a dress for me, and she had a lot of clothes, most of them from sponsors, and she didn't wear them.

She dressed me up very well-behaved, and looking in the mirror made me feel that my persona should be like this.

Actually, I was quite nervous, so nervous that I almost bit the milk carton into my mouth, but Roy was very calm, and I was very glad to have her by my side, she was always able to prepare everything by my side when I was panicking.

It's like when I was a sophomore in my sophomore year, I participated in a performance in the courtyard where I was killed by a senior, in fact, I didn't have many scenes, I could be regarded as an extra, just 8 lines, but that day many people in the audience, the whole college was present, including the high math teacher who almost let me fail the course, and played our professional English teacher on stage with his feet crossed.

Such a relaxed atmosphere is actually about relaxing, but I was so nervous that I went to the toilet three times in ten minutes.

She stayed with me backstage, ashamed of my performance, and laughed at me while teaching me experience.

I'm not suitable for the stage, I'm suitable for doing everything silently behind the scenes, and what I like to do most is to serve Roy, hard work without complaints.

Before going on stage, she educated me a few more times, and helped me look at my makeup and clothes. The performance that day was a success, and of course I knew it wasn't my credit, but I was out for less than two minutes with eight lines.

When I got off the stage, I saw her waiting for me at the exit, helped me take off the colorful things on my head, and asked me if I had peed my pants.

I said pee.

She patted my head and smiled at me, telling me that the stage was like this, and that I would experience more, and that I would not be nervous when I saw the black and oppressive audience below.

I learned my lesson, but I still think it's okay to experience more.

Hey, thinking about it doesn't ease my nervousness.

Roy drove very steadily, but I was unsteady, and my palms were sweating a lot, which rhymed well.

She parked the car at the entrance of the community, and I thought she wanted to buy something to write, but I didn't expect her to park the car and say to me, "Get out of the car." ”

I wondered, "There's still some way to go, why don't you drive in on such a hot day?" ”

She replied to me and walked in and neatly unbuckled the seat belt and got out of the car, I had to follow silently to get out of the car, we went in through the gate side by side, and when we got downstairs, she patted me on the shoulder and said, "You go up, I'll wait here." ”

This behavior is even more puzzling to me.

When she said she wanted to go home with me this morning, I was a little confused, after all, I was going to go back and face it myself, in case my parents beat me, it would not be good in front of her, it seemed that I was particularly faceless, which was quite light, in case my parents couldn't think of beating Roy.

I don't really know what to do.

But Roy insisted on coming with me, just come over, what does it mean to stand downstairs?

I looked at the scorching sun, looked at her black shadow and said, "You go up with me, it's too hot, what should I do if I get heat stroke." ”

She said, "No, just wait here, wait for your parents to let me go up." ”

I was stunned for a moment, and I thought of something and asked, "Bitter meat plan?" ”

She nodded.

Yes! I wronged her so much.

I pointed to the door downstairs and said, "Why don't you go in and wait?" ”

She said no.

So we pushed and shouted downstairs, she rejected all my plans to escape the heat, insisted on standing downstairs at that point and waiting, even refused to wear a cap, only brought a mask, and said that the geographical location was good, and I looked down from the balcony of my house, and I saw her at a glance.

After being sent away by her, I immediately went upstairs, and such a fuss also succeeded in freeing my nervous heart.

If you say that the previous mood was that you did something wrong and were caught by your parents, the current mood is that I want to go to the toilet, you hurry up.

But I still have to be calm, when my mother opened the door for me, we both looked at each other for a short time, and I was very panicked, until I called out to my mother, she came back to her senses, and then her eyes glanced behind me, and I immediately seized the opportunity to say, "Roy is waiting downstairs and didn't come up." ”

Then my dad suddenly appeared, and I glanced at him, and I couldn't tell from his expression whether my mom had told him about it.

Dad said, "She's waiting down there?" Why didn't it come up on such a hot day. ”

I didn't answer, but I was relieved to see him walking to the balcony.

I remember a high school history teacher told a story about an undercover agent, and he said that the undercover agent did not complete the task until he died, which is equivalent to uselessness.

This story tells me that I have to let them see Roy down in order for such a sacrifice to be meaningful.

Before my father came back from the balcony, my mother called me in with a straight face, and said that she would let me go to the study and talk to me.

Before entering the study, I saw my dad open the window and look down, I don't know if she saw Roy, I don't know if she recognized the person as Roy.

After waiting in the study for a while, my mother walked in expressionlessly, and said that it was not only the disease that could be infected, but also the mood that would be contagious, so my mother's depressed mood was successfully transmitted to me, and the whole study was suddenly immersed in a dull atmosphere.

She got straight to the point: "Is everything you told me yesterday true?" ”

I sighed, looked up and suddenly saw a few of her white hairs, it turned out that she was so old, but after thinking about it, I still don't want to tell her about it, according to past experience, if I say she is old, she will tear her mouth apart.

The main reason for such a relaxed mental activity was to hide my panic, and I had already predicted that whatever she was going to say to me next, it would not be easy to deal with.

I don't want her to get hurt, but what I want is going to hurt her, it's a way to go, and if I could, I'd rather lose both.

She asked again, "Is it true?" ”

I still gave a sigh of gratitude.

She sighed, "Don't look absent-minded, I've asked your dad to call Roy up." ”

I stuck out my tongue and smiled at her.

She was serious: "I'm not kidding you. ”

She added, "Do you know what it's like to like it? Maybe you're just adoring her? ”

I shook my head and said no, but before I could continue to explain, the expression on her face was a little unpleasant.

I understand that at this time, I justify myself a little more, it is a torment for her, I know that she wants to find a breakthrough in my feelings, this breakthrough will make her feel that I am still saved, and then she can convince me that this is not true, it is just my delusion.

Not really.

Instead of the love-crazy words, I tightened the seams of my pants and said, "Mom, I'm serious." ”

Her breathing began to be a little heavy, and it took a long time before she said, "You're like this, Mom is really sad."

I bit my lip and listened.

In the following time, she asked me and Roy one by one when we started, and carefully asked why I felt that I liked girls, and I was actually embarrassed about her, not only because I talked about my love life with my elders, but also because I didn't want her to know these details.

She has a problem, she likes to accept things that are unacceptable in the way of abusing herself, and likes to think about the worst side of things, so that what the result will be in the prediction at that time, and she will not be too sad.

This conversation took me an infinite number of brain cells, and every answer and every wording was in my head for a long time, but I knew it wasn't going to work.

My mother cried, I cried too, she cried silently, I didn't dare to do anything, I didn't dare to hold her, I could only pestle, and the study was quiet.

When her emotions subsided a bit, she took a tissue and handed it to me, and suddenly asked me, "Is there really no way?" ”

If she asks like this again, the flesh of my fingers will be ripped off by me.

I said: "Mom, I know that you and Dad have always wanted me to be happy and happy, you used to say, when I grow up I will find a boyfriend, you don't ask for anything else, as long as he loves me and loves me, we support each other for a lifetime, you see your wish is so small, you just want me to be good, I'm fine with Roy now, she treats me very well." You also know her, her current status and identity are nothing, but she is still with me, and she said that we will always be together. ”

"Mom, I won't be happy without Roy, I only want her in my life, just her."

After I finished speaking, my mother's tears flowed again, and she choked: "But she's a woman." ”

"It's how women do, how women and women do."

She kept repeating it, maybe repeating it to me, maybe it was repeating it to convince herself, but no matter what, I was very sad.

I cried worse than she did, and she didn't give me the paper, and I didn't dare to take it.

We stayed in the house for more than half an hour, and during this time we did not speak, but cried, and the back of my hands were full of snot and tears, and my hair was a little messy, and my whole body was very sloppy.

What broke the ice was when my dad knocked on the door outside, and I thought that Roy was outside, and I didn't know what she and my dad were talking about.

After a few seconds, my mother suddenly stood up, tidied up her clothes, and then gave me a blank look, such an unexplained painting style startled me, and then heard her say, "Go wash it, it's dirty." ”

When I came out of the bathroom, the living room was peaceful, and I wanted to make eye contact with Roy on the couch, but Roy never looked at me.

I sat down next to her, I still remember what she told me yesterday, deliberately kept a little distance, not too intimate, my mother sat on the side of the sofa watching TV, the whole person looked very old, I sat down and she spoke.

She said, "Let's go." ”

Roy and I exchanged a second of eye contact, and after a second my dad suddenly forced □□ into our gaze, so the three of us exchanged a few glances, and then quietly walked to the door.

It was almost the end of being driven away as we expected, but fortunately my mom didn't have the violence she imagined, hitting me with a broom or a spatula, and it wasn't that bad anyway.

When my dad saw me leave, he only said one thing to me, saying that my mother needed time to digest the matter and told me to wait for him to call.

After closing the door, I was a little puzzled, why did my dad act like he didn't care about himself during the whole process, as if he had known about it for a long time, after I told Roy about this doubt, Roy smiled and told me that a few years ago, a student came out to him, and he was also acting extreme at that time, but then I figured it out, coming out is just a result of others, and he told you this result not to ask you to give any advice or counseling, so he knew that everything he was going to do was in vain, and it was better to accept it as soon as possible.

After hearing this, I was in a trance, I didn't expect my dad to be quite understanding, I haven't seen through this for so many years, it's really a bit unfilial.

I asked, "So what are you talking about outside?" ”

Roy replied, "He asked me if I would be responsible for you in my life." ”

Surprised, I hooked her hand and said, "So what did you say?" ”

Roy didn't answer my question, just opened the car door and stuffed me in, then closed the door with a look of disregard for me.

I......