When Wu Tianyang and Chen Jingde left, I was very sad, but I knew that I would not be knocked down, and no matter how painful it was, I would get through it, because I was still young and I had a future. But when Chen Yixiao left, I felt that my spiritual pillar had collapsed, everything in the past had become a pile of ruins, and my life had become a meaningless nothingness.

I took advantage of this illness to ask Gao Jianguo and Zheng Duo for leave, Zheng Duo understood my mood and said: "You have a good rest, the child is about to take the college entrance examination, you have been in too bad spirits recently, I will go to see you with Qiao Qidong in two days."

"No need, you guys are busy, I'll still concentrate on taking care of the children's college entrance examination," I said. I don't want them to come, we haven't gotten together since Chen Yixiao's sacrifice, and I don't want to talk about this topic with them now, but if we get together, we can't get around it.

I stayed at home without leaving home, but I didn't want to do anything, when the two children were at home, I beat my spirit to accompany them, as soon as they went out, I lay on the bed and slept in a daze, Cheng Shaojie never saw me so depressed, asked me if I was sick, I said no illness just felt tired.

I did feel tired, as if my life had come to an end. Two children who are going to take the college entrance examination are my only spiritual sustenance.

Cheng Shaojie handed over his and his parents' land to his eldest sister's family this year, and the brick factory was also returned to Dong Youguang. Now he only occasionally visits their company to help them repair cars, and Cheng Shaojie likes machinery. During spring plowing and spring sowing, he drove a large agricultural machine to work for others. Now that he has less work in the fields, he spends most of his time at home taking care of me and my two children, and he occasionally returns to Linshui Village to plant vegetable gardens, put grapes on the shelves, and prune the fruit trees in the yard. Seeing that I was listless all day long, I took advantage of the children's half-day rest time to pull us back to Linshui Village, saying that the vegetables in the yard had grown, and there was too much grass to weed.

Back in Linshui Village, he asked me to sit under the grape trellis and rest, and he weeded in the vegetable patch. I lay in the rocking chair under the grape trellis, I saw that there was a small amount of sunlight leaking out of the crevices of the grape leaves, falling on the ground speckled, the surrounding silence and tranquility, occasionally I could hear the cries of cattle and sheep, Cheng Shaojie worked hard in the field to hoe the ground, he hung his coat on the grape trellis, only wore a white vest and a straw hat, he worked very carefully and was willing to do his best, not only hoeing the grass off and turning the ground loose, but also squatting down from time to time to pull out the grass at the root of the vegetable seedlings. He is indeed a very hard-working man, everything in the house is well organized, and the good habits he developed when he was a soldier have not been lost.

My mother-in-law came out with a basin of water, sprinkled it carefully in the yard, and a cool moisture came to my face, and after sprinkling the water, my mother-in-law sat next to me and said, "Are you very sick this time?" Why are people so weak that they don't have any energy at all, so let's go to the hospital and check them out."

I smiled faintly and said, "It's okay, just rest and rest".

Then I smiled and said to her: "Cheng Shaojie is really well trained in the army, he is diligent and tidy, and many male policemen are more disciplined than our unit."

Mother-in-law smiled: "He has loved to be clean and tidy since he was a child, and when he grows up, he washes and folds his clothes and pants by himself, and he is a fastidious person." His two sisters are much older than him, at that time the family population was large, labor was less, his two sisters went to the field early to help me and his father work, his sister grew up with him, food and clothing do not have to worry about us, go to school and lead back from school never let us take care of it, he has not grown up and two sisters got married, he helped me do housework to take care of Yanling, but when it was sixteen or seventeen, it was too naughty, the teacher couldn't control us, and he didn't graduate from high school and was not admitted to college, We were afraid that he would learn badly from the gangsters in society, so we sent him to be a soldier."

No wonder Cheng Yanling has always been awkward to me, she was brought up by Cheng Shaojie since she was a child, and her feelings for this brother must be very deep, Cheng Shaojie is so attentive to me, she must feel uncomfortable when she looks at it. I smiled and said, "It seems that he has the good quality of being naturally hardworking, but unfortunately he didn't go to school well."

Mother-in-law smiled: "In fact, Shaojie's grades were not bad when he went to school, he was very smart and loved to learn, and the teachers were very optimistic about him, but who would have thought that when he was fifteen or sixteen years old, he was obsessed with martial arts novels, and he had to learn some peerless martial arts, and he secretly went to Henan Shaolin Temple with a few boys in the village, and several of our families went to Henan to find them back for a month.

I laughed and said, "If he really becomes a monk in Shaolin Temple, there will be no Cheng Jiahui."

My mother-in-law looked at me and said with an unnatural face: "Cheng Jiahui's mother is a very capable and virtuous woman, but unfortunately she doesn't have much culture. When Shaojie and his second sister brought her to our house, my father and I fell in love with it at a glance, in the countryside, women must be capable and virtuous to run a family, and at first the two of them lived okay, but later Shaojie often worked outside, and the more money he earned, and the more women he saw, he became more and more dissatisfied with Jiahui's mother. Later, he was entangled by Lu Lina's vixen, and only then did he divorce Jiahui's mother, only pity our Jiahui, Lu Lina's woman is so lazy that she can't stay at home, and she lets Shaojie lead her to the county seat to play at every turn, and she doesn't come back for a few days, our Jiahui is like an orphan and no one cares about it, not to mention that Jiahui has always had a bad life, you can't blame Jiahui for hating Shaojie so much and hating that woman."

I listened to my mother-in-law's chatter, and thought to myself, if it weren't for your family who turned their backs on Huang Liqin, Huang Liqin would not have been so sad and desperate, and she would not have been so decisive, she would marry so quickly, and she did not leave herself a way out, so that she would not divorce if she was living so miserably now. Is the fault just on Cheng Shaojie and Lu Lina? Cheng Jiahui resented not only Cheng Shaojie alone, but also remembered how they treated Huang Liqin's Cheng Jiahui in the first place. You feel indebted to Cheng Jiahui now, what about Huang Liqin? I don't know how that woman is suffering now.

But time has passed, so what's the use of saying that now? Mother-in-law looked at Cheng Shaojie who was working in the field with a lonely face, sighed, I followed her eyes and looked at Cheng Shaojie, his strong arms moved in the sunlight and reflected the light, so that this quiet courtyard has an indescribable vitality, Lu Lina did not take Cheng Shaojie away, but I took Cheng Shaojie and Cheng Jiahui away two men, just for Cheng Jiahui's future and for his heart, my mother-in-law can't complain about me, the loneliness in her heart can be imagined.

I looked at the thin sunlight among the dense grape leaves above my head and said: "After Cheng Jiahui and Li Haoyu are admitted to university, I will let my parents come here often, they like to live in the countryside, I also like to live here quietly, and I will live here with Shaojie when I retire in the future."

The mother-in-law asked with a sparkle in her eyes, "Do you really want to come back to live in the future?" Then he shook his head and said with a smile: "You are fresh, there is nothing here, how can you stay?"

I laughed and said, "Living in the metropolis, what is yours?" I like to be here, it's quiet and my family is very close to me."

The college entrance examination is finally over, and I feel completely relaxed, and I still lie in bed late and don't want to get up.

Li Haoyu walked into my bedroom sleepily and saw that I was still lying on the bed, and also climbed into my bed and hugged me and said, "Mom, what time is it, you still don't get up?" ”

"Mom is tired, can't you rest for a while?" I patted him and said

"Mom, it's us in school, we're going to university, are you so tired?"

"You've only been in school for 12 years, and your mother has your heart for 18 years, can you not be more tired than you? When you go to college, I won't be able to control you, you'll have to fend for yourself."

Li Haoyu suddenly raised his body and said, "You won't let me earn my own tuition, right?" ”

I laughed and said, "Why, I can't support myself!" ”

Li Haoyu slammed himself down on the bed again, stretched out his arm to show his muscles, and said: "No problem, I can move bricks or grass, it's not trivial to earn some tuition for myself."

I smiled and patted him and said, "Are you so confident?" ”

"Of course, you see that your son is so handsome and capable, you just wait to enjoy it!" Li Haoyu said proudly. Then he suddenly put his arm around my neck and whispered in my ear, "Mom, I love you, you are the best mom".

I reached out and touched his head, my son was an adult and would soon be flying away.

Cheng Shaojie said that he wanted to go back to the village to harvest wheat and asked us if we would like to go back to participate in the wheat harvest, Li Haoyu immediately jumped up and responded positively, Cheng Jiahui did not show resistance, even if he agreed, since he did not see his mother during the Spring Festival, he has been cold to Cheng Shaojie.

The wheat field is not far from home to the south, and when the wheat turns green in the spring, I stand in front of the courtyard gate, looking at the large eye-catching green that has just gotten rid of the cold winter and say to Cheng Shaojie: "This piece of green is really a pleasure to look at."

Cheng Shaojie said: "When the wheat is harvested, you can see that the golden wheat waves here look better."

Now the eyes are really a golden wheat wave, this gold and spring green is not only different in color, but also different in weight, spring green gives people hope and joy, and this gold really makes people have a heavy sense of harvest, let people feel the weight of life, let people feel the power of the earth. Only by stepping on this land can we more deeply feel the meaning of the legendary Mother Earth giving her children endless power.

Li Haoyu and Cheng Jiahui excitedly followed Cheng Shaojie to sit in the harvesting "Combein" and harvest wheat in circles, I sat in the shade of the field and watched Li Haoyu wave his hand at me when the "Combein" passed by me, and I also waved his hand to him. I felt like I was just sitting and watching them go away little by little, the wheat that I had harvested was quickly turned into kernels and transported from the high conveyor belt to the big truck that followed the "Combein", the blue sky and the golden earth, and I felt at peace in my heart, despite the roar of the machines.

My current state of mind is different from before, and I can't tell others about the impact of Chen Yixiao's sacrifice on my inner world. Everything in the past has become a pile of ruins, I feel that the past life and the people in the past are not important to me, whether it is Wu Tianyang or Chen Jingde, the present and the future belong to me.

I have to re-examine my heart now, I have to rebuild my inner world and rebuild my life, if I don't choose to give up my life, I won't choose to be decadent in this chaotic world, no matter how much pain I go through, I must find a place for myself in this world.