The conditions of the training department of the provincial department are better than those of the state. Standard room for two people, all the facilities are available, I see that I live in a dormitory with a person named Kim Se-young on the registration form, she has not come when I arrived at the dormitory, and she has not come when I take a shower in the evening.

I stood in front of the window and watched the clouds darken in the sky, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled it.

I have a strange habit, I like to travel on business, I like to take a car, I like to stay in a hotel, which gives me a feeling of escaping from the inherent circle of life, and I feel a sense of ease without worries, and I can look at my life in Qingbei County in a strange place, as if I am looking at a stranger.

I suddenly felt that I didn't know what the woman named Lin was doing.

What does she want to do?

That feeling of dazedness made my heart empty and lost all its strength, but I quickly reminded myself that I couldn't fall into this kind of nihilistic love, this is something that I have been vigilant about in my celibate life for many years, I can't let bad feelings control myself, because I am the only pillar of the family, the old people above and the children below are looking at my face, my mood affects their mood, I don't even dare to get sick, my little mistake makes my parents and sons fall into terror, There was too much uneasiness in their care for me.

So I'm used to using the real things in front of me to get rid of the bad feelings that come and go.

I patted the window frame and said to myself: do what you can do without a clear goal!

Let's wait until we think about anything else.

I turned around and took out the book for the bar exam, sat down at my desk and turned on the lamp, looking at it without distraction.

Later, I learned that Kim Se-young, who was in the dormitory with me, had acute appendicitis on the road and went directly to the hospital when he arrived in the provincial capital, so I was the only one living in this dormitory during the training.

Every morning, physical fitness, queue, and skill training, and theoretical study in the afternoon, some of the courses in the theoretical study overlap with the subjects of the judicial examination, and I just took advantage of the class to review.

Every morning outdoor training, I use it as a way to lose weight, every movement is done to the extreme, high-intensity physical training can indeed release the depression in the body.

After class in the afternoon, after dinner, I chatted with my colleagues who were training together, took a walk, and then returned to the dormitory to study, I arranged the time of the day in a compact and orderly manner, and the study was completed meticulously as planned, I didn't want the time of the 45 days to be idle, I felt like I was really going back to the time when I was admitted to university.

It's been almost a month, and the moonlight is particularly good that night, watching the moonlight dissolving in the window shine into the window, leaving a piece of light on the ground in front of the window, I can't help but change my clothes and walk out of the dormitory building.

The training department is built in the suburbs, where there is no hustle and bustle and dust of the city, the moonlight is clear, and the running track of the playground is strolled, and the lines on the track are clear in the moonlight.

Far away from my work, life, and family, I stood here and looked at me who was busy in Qingbei County, the woman named Lin who was still living with her head covered.

At this time, I suddenly raised my head and took a serious look at my life, looked at the surroundings, and found that what I had always felt familiar had changed, and I suddenly felt that the past me was a gentle, empty, and weightless person, and looking back at that time, my heart was blank.

I live like a machine, everything I once relied on will disappear, my parents will leave, my son will leave, a sense of physical and mental helplessness will hit me deeply, and tears will pour out irrepressibly.

I can't control Wu Tianyang's stay, I can't control my son's future, and I can't even control who I love or don't love, all I can do is choose to persist or give up, what I can do now is to be myself, and what I can do in the future is to make decisions I can make according to my own wishes.

I clenched my fists tightly, I didn't want my heart to escape to a corner and hide myself, ignoring the inexorable slipping away of time.

Towards the end of the training, Li Jiaming called me and asked where I was, and I said that I was in the training department of the Provincial Public Security Department.

He said: "Then let's meet, I'm also in the province, I'm at No. 608 Huide Hotel"

I said, "Okay."

We were eating in the restaurant of the hotel, Li Jiaming was a little surprised to see me, I brushed my short hair and said, "Why don't you know each other?" ”

Li Jiaming was a little blessed, his square face was a little fat, he stared at me and said, "You cut your hair and feel a lot of change, and it is dark."

"How can it not be dark if you train outside every day!"

"Your body is pretty good, what are you training? The current on-the-job training is all about eating and recuperating, and you are still training so seriously."

"Don't you know that you sweat more in peacetime and bleed less in wartime? Who eats and drinks like you all day long?"

I glared at him and said that I knew he had no ill intentions, but for some reason I wanted to choke on him just by talking to him.

Li Jiaming saw that my voice was a little high, and immediately made a "stop"

The power of the hand.

I looked around and smiled, stopped talking, and the two of us finished their meal peacefully.

Seeing that I was about to get up, he asked, "Are you going back to the training department today?" ”

"In the morning we have to do morning exercises, and we have to go back in the evening"

With that, I put my bag on the chair and said hello to him and went to the bathroom.

When I came back from the bathroom, I saw Li Jiaming putting money in my bag, and I said, "Didn't you give the living expenses last time?" ”

"Didn't you say that my son's grades in the exams last semester were not good? This is not about to start school, you sign him up for a few better cram schools, the second year of junior high school is very important, you should hurry up"

。

Li Jiaming said while packing up his things.

He deliberately didn't look at me, but I could hear the reproach in my tone, and I was a little displeased and said, "How do you know that I didn't arrest him, and if you study well, you can only use it by going to a few cram schools?" He didn't study well in serious classes, but he could study well in cram school, so what the hell! ”

I said angrily.

"What kind of attitude do you have, can you be kind to him, he is your son!"

Li Jiaming said dissatisfied.

"What am I doing wrong with him? I raised him so much, I said he wasn't my son? ”

"Do you speak in the tone of your own son? You speak condescendingly to everyone, and you can't see anyone, including your son."

Li Jiaming's voice is also a little high.

I stared at Li Jiaming sitting opposite angrily, my son's qualifications are so mediocre and ten ** are inherited from his genes, the more I think about it, the more angry I get, I can't attribute all the fault to my son He was born to me, but I can sprinkle my anger on Li Jiaming, because he has always been angry in front of me, I turned my head and sneered and said: "He wants me to look up to him and worship him, but he also has to be worthy, even if he is my son, I will not deceive myself and praise him every day, whisper to him, and coax him to hold him." , I want him to understand that it takes his own efforts to make people look like it, not by messing around, he is a boy now, and he will be like a man in the future."

。

"Lin Yi, in addition to being docile when you sleep with your eyes closed, do you still have a time to be docile? After so many years, do any men dare to say they love you? ”

Li Jiaming said indignantly, "Li Jiaming, what do you mean by this? ”

I stared at Li Jiaming and asked, "I'm not interesting!" ”

Li Jiaming turned his eyes to the side and did not look at me.

"Okay, okay, let's stop talking, I'm leaving"

With that, I picked up my bag and turned around and walked out the door.

"Still, Lin is still ......"

Listening to the sound of Li Jiaming chasing out, I walked out of the hotel without stopping.

I know that I am making trouble unreasonably, Li Jiaming is not unreasonable, but it is because he makes sense that I am particularly annoyed.

I returned to the unit with a slightly dark face, a slender body, and short hair, and everyone thought I was a different person.

Xiao Shen said in surprise: "Sister Lin, you have changed too much in this training, how many kilograms have you lost?" ”

I stretched out a slap and said, "Three kilograms, sue you, the real change is not the appearance, but the inside, you will know when the time comes"

I pointed to my heart.

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

Xiao Shen shouted with round eyes.

"you, is pregnancy in your heart? Don't talk nonsense here, people still think I'm out doing something! ”

I laughed.

"Sister Lin, it's strange that you have been out for so long and you don't do anything? What a waste! ”

Xiao Shen said jokingly.

"No waste, big gain"

I reached out and made a gesture to hit her, and laughed.

When I took the transcript of the judicial examination and a copy of the award document issued by the county bureau to the Political Affairs Office, I shook it in front of Director Li and put it on his desk and said, "When will I cash it out?" ”

, Director Li's eyes were as round as Xiao Shen's.

When I heard the news of the judicial examination, it was like throwing a small stone at the Public Security Bureau, and one stone stirred up a thousand waves, envy, jealousy, and hatred.

Some are for that piece of paper, some are for the 10,000 yuan, after all, this bounty makes me, an old woman who is nearly forty years old, stand out and make many people blush, this is by hard work, I used to be and am still the first talented woman here, not with nearly 20 years of old qualifications to eat here empty-eyed!

Zheng Duo looked at me for a long time and said, "It seems that you asked you to go to training this time, and you didn't go in vain!" ”

"What's strange about this, although I don't have any rank, but when am I the one who eats the food of the white mixed Gong Gong Party"

I looked at him with a smirk.

Does that sound like a lot of dissatisfaction with the organization? Don't you care about fame and fortune? ”

Zheng Duo tilted his chin and sneered, "There is no dissatisfaction, I only want to be worthy of the sky, worthy of the earth, enough"

I glanced at him disdainfully.

"It's a bit big, you're not that tall, are you? Isn't it sincere! ”

I laughed and said, "Is it illegal to say something big?" Really, it's not 100% or seventy or eighty! ”