What would it be like if one day you learned that the girl you love the most is going to get married? And why didn't you marry her?

1. I like you, I want the whole world to know

I liked her when I was in high school. I sat behind her, always talking to her under various pretenses, sometimes borrowing a book, sometimes borrowing a pen. She's also very nice and always doesn't bother me. I would occasionally tease her, for example, she ran out of water in her pen for self-study last night and asked me to borrow ink, I put the crickets caught in the weedy field behind the teaching building during recess into an empty inkwell and handed it to her, she opened it and screamed in fright, the eyes of the whole class were on the two of us, she blushed, embarrassed and shy look really cute. I thought she would ask the teacher to change her seat because of this, but she didn't. Since then, I still have nothing to do with her, borrowing a pen and a book, but she is not so gentle, every time she throws me a hateful look, and she is not so gentle when she talks to me. But I was so happy that I laughed when I went to bed, because that was her unique attitude towards me.

Some of the actions of my youth are inevitably childish and ridiculous now, and she later asked me why I was playing pranks on her if I liked her, and I thought about it, probably because I wanted her to really notice me, I wasn't handsome enough, and I didn't know what else could make me look different in her world. It's like she's starting to like me, but she's being fierce to me again.

At the end of the third year of high school, that is, a few days before the college entrance examination, we all began to take our books home in batches, and the classroom was more and more empty, and our hearts were more and more empty. This is the season of parting, we all know it, looking at the front table where there is only an empty table left, I feel an inexplicable irritability in my heart. On the day of the graduation photoshoot, the teachers and classmates were all assembled and lined up, and I suddenly came out of the queue and said, "Wait a minute." ”

"Wait a minute, teacher, I have something to say today." I took a deep breath, ignoring the stunned expressions of my teacher and classmates, "That girl from the fifth from the left in the second row, I like you." ”

I don't know where I got the courage to send God, I only know that if I don't say it, I will suffocate in the college entrance examination room, but why did I choose such an occasion, because at that time, I felt that if I liked someone, I had to be completely vigorous, as if I didn't get the whole world to know that she was my favorite girl, my heart would not be steady. I had prepared a Shakespeare poem as an opening line, but I forgot about it when I was nervous. Although it was a confession, it was finally a confession. When the teacher blew his face to the applause of the whole class, I walked back to my place with strength and calmness. The camera clicked and it snapped our entire high school days, and my mom wanted to frame the photo and hang it on the wall to record that I had finally completed my bar mitzvah, but I hid the photo in a drawer. That was my first photo with her, and I drew a flying kiss running towards her with a red pen.

When I filled out the volunteer form, I filled in all the volunteers to the school in the same city as her, but I was so bad in the exam that the schools I volunteered for were all out of the transfer line, and I was volunteered to be transferred to a northern railway school. The night the notice came down, she and I walked through the streets of our small county, from the south of the city to the north of the city, and from the north of the city to the south of the city, and I don't know how many people were as frustrated as we were that night. As she walked, she suddenly stopped and said, "Isn't it just four years, and it will soon pass." I held her hand, clenched tightly not to let go.

2. Kiss down, you will be my girl from now on

After I went to college, I went to open a common bank card with her, and whoever had spare money would deposit it in it. When we had enough money to pay for the journey, we went to each other's cities to meet. In order to save more money and see her a few more times, I smoked the cheapest cigarettes and worked various part-time jobs. Every time we met, the money in my pocket was only enough to go to the cafeteria, and when I didn't even have enough money for accommodation, I would surf the Internet all night at the Internet café near her school, and I only needed 10 yuan a night, and I could sleep on the sofa in the Internet café.

She asked me, "We contributed all the money to the fare, what will you marry me in the future?" ”

I said, "You can make more money." ”

She smiled and said ghostly: "It's okay, it's only 9 yuan to get married, I'll invite you." ”

I remember one time when I got out of the subway station with her, it was raining so hard that we had to change buses again to get her back to school, and I counted the money on me, which probably didn't add up enough to pay for a taxi. She smiled, the first one rushed into the rain, there was already a long queue outside the bus stop in the open air, none of us brought umbrellas, I asked her to go to the next eaves to hide for a while, but she didn't want to, she had already started coughing, but she still hugged me and didn't want to go away. At that time, I felt very distressed, and I secretly vowed in my heart that I must work hard to make her life less difficult.

In my senior year, she and I planned a graduation trip. We went to Yunnan together, and in that beautiful place of mountains and rivers, even breathing became romantic. I stayed with her in the inn, she took a shower in the bathroom, and I sat on the windowsill and smoked. The bathroom door was frosted glass, and through it I could still see her faint body, and the sound of the rushing water felt like a raging sea, crashing against the commotion where I had nowhere to put it. I smoked a cigarette and looked out the window, the moon was so bright, it made me a little dizzy. In fact, every time I meet her, I will encounter such a situation, every time I hold her in my arms and fall asleep, desire and reason are fighting, I pinch my thighs with hatred, because I am always afraid that I will hurt her in the uncertain future. But this time, she stood in front of me **** by herself.

"You want me." She said. I didn't dare to look at her, my eyes looked out the window, and my heart turned upside down. When I turned my head and saw tears in the corners of her eyes, I finally couldn't control my heart, took her into my arms, and kissed her deeply.

Kiss it down, and you'll be my girl from now on.

3. I bless you with all my possible happiness

After graduating, I didn't get back to where she was, but continued to stay in a city in the north to do a job with the railway. The railroad went all the way to the south, but it didn't go to where she was. We continued to live in the same place, and she continued to wait. It's just that her mother couldn't bear it anymore and kept introducing her to someone, hoping that she would settle down soon. She always refuses to shirk for various reasons. Although she never did anything to be sorry for me, my self-esteem felt broken. During that time, the two of us began to quarrel often, and after the quarrel, we had a cold war, and after the cold war, we continued to quarrel, and both of us were exhausted.

One day after many days of cold war, she suddenly appeared in front of me, I was surprised and delighted, took her to meet my co-workers, everyone envied my blessing, to have such a beautiful girlfriend, she is really beautiful, at least in my eyes. It was only when she saw the cramped and dirty staff dormitory where I lived that her beautiful eyes were full of tears. I knew she was sorry for me, and I told her that everything would pass and that I would apply to be transferred back. In fact, I have been applying for transfer, but I have not been approved. After sending her away, I returned to the dormitory and found a stack of money pressed under my pillow, as well as a note she left: I'm leaving, you take care of yourself. This money is saved to buy yourself more food supplements, and you have lost weight.

I don't know why, but seeing the note she left made me feel very uncomfortable, and I faintly read a taste of parting. I believe that there should be a sense between two people who love each other, and I feel as if she is moving away from me more and more. And then we really separated. She brought it up because I had let her down.

After the breakup, I had no reason to go back, in fact, there is nothing worth nostalgia in the city I am staying in now, just staying and staying, and it feels like every day is like spending time. I've tried to have a new girlfriend, but she's the only one who wakes up in the dead of night. When I was on the night shift, I often looked at the railroad in a daze, wondering when the railroad would reach her, and wondering if I would be able to find her if I kept walking along the railway. Thinking about it, a big man began to shed tears at the railway. During this period, she also contacted me and asked me why I didn't think about making amends, but I couldn't answer, and she hung up the phone.

I don't know what I'm running away from, maybe the problem between us is not just the distance, but the heart that I dare not love her more and more. She's so good, she doesn't think it's appropriate to love me, and it feels a pity to put it in my hands. She deserves a better person who can give her what she wants, and give her stable happiness.

There are always so many reasons when I convince myself, until I know that she is going to get married, and all the reasons collapse in an instant, and they are about to collapse.

She asked on the other end of the phone, "Will you bless me?" ”

I said, "I bless you with all my possible happiness." ”

Hanging up the phone, I cried at the loud sound of the train horn.

I have fantasized countless times about how she would look in her wedding dress, and I would stand in the sun to greet her beauty. But we suffered so much together, and in the end, the person standing beside her in the wedding dress was not me. It feels like another loss, and this time it's a loss forever.

4. Time goes round and round, allowing for a new start

Later, when "Left Ear" was released, there was a passage that became popular: the most powerless thing for a man is "at the age when I have the most no material ability, I met the girl who wants to take care of her life the most"; There is nothing more regrettable for a woman than "meeting someone who can't afford to wait at the best age; In fact, women are even more helpless, "meeting a powerless man at an age when they can't afford to wait"; And what men are even more sad is that "when you have material things, you don't have a good woman who simply wants to live with you for the rest of your life!"

If I had seen this in the first place, I would have comforted myself with that, yes, that's why I let her go. But time passed, and when I read it after I was married and had a family of my own, I didn't feel it at all. What love is right is love, and love is wrong is youth. After the age of youth, I began to understand that true love can stand the test, and the so-called inability to wait is the reason why most people can't withstand the temptation and can't bear loneliness, as well as the excuse that they don't love enough or don't want to continue to love. I lost the girl I loved, because of those great reasons for self-paralysis, but only because of the cowardice and self-esteem of my youth, and I failed to support the determination to love someone.

This is what youth wants to tell us: it's like getting on a train that can't be turned back, losing all the way and gaining all the way, time goes on and on, and you can't go back, but you are allowed to start again.

Goodbye, my favorite girl.

This article is excerpted from the Internet***