There is a very narrow river between Nanyi and the bar, and the iron bridge is only a few dozen meters long, but just such a small distance, but it gives me a sense of urgency of life and death, I am afraid that I will not be able to keep up with her pace, and I am even more afraid that when I run to Metro Line 4, she has already gotten on the car, or drowned in the vast sea of people.

If she is really in Nanjing at the moment, there is a great probability that we will be able to run into places, except for Tulip Road, which is Nanyi, she must have come back to do something, so I don't think it was accidental to meet her here. Sometimes, I really believe that there is still a fate between us.

My body seemed to get heavier and heavier as I ran. Gradually, those who appeared in sight became more and more blurred, and finally the whole city seemed to become imaginary, wrapped in empty lights, but became a secret that most people had to chase.

I was tired, and I stood on my knees in the crowd, gasping heavily, I didn't have time to wipe the sweat off my face, and I still looked at the crowd coming and going around me with a painful expression. By this time, I had been running back and forth in the subway station four or five times, but I was finally a step too late. Perhaps, before I caught up, she was already in the car......

I don't know how long I stood there, until I saw my despair, I walked out of the subway station, and then looked at the iron bridge in front of me with some complaint, if it wasn't for the detour because of it, maybe I would have been able to catch her.

At a loss, I looked up at the sky, the moon seemed to be rounder than fifteen, this was a night full of reunion, but she flashed in my sight, and then lost her whereabouts, how can people be happy?

I reassured myself that maybe I was wrong, after all, I didn't see her face. And in Nanyi, a place rich in beauties, there are always one or two girls with her back.

But what saddened me the most was that I thought I was about to let go of her, but I didn't, which is why I felt so desperate at the moment.

I can't imagine how lonely and unconscious I will be in my life if I continue like this!

And I need more than just a bowl of chicken soup for the soul.

……

I didn't go back to the bar, I just stood on the iron bridge, looking at the calm and the river below, and I didn't quite believe that there were fish in it, just as I didn't want to believe that there was a woman named Xiao Ai in the city.

Jin Qiu didn't know when she came to my side, she handed me a bottle of beer, smiled at me and said, "Come, dry this bowl of chicken soup." ”

I took it from her hand, touched one with her, drank the whole bottle in one go, and then the whole person was sluggish, and I didn't want to say a word.

Jin Qiu saw my abnormality, and she asked me with concern, "When I was at the bar just now, didn't I have a lot of fun, why did I work like this for a while!?" ”

I lit a cigarette for myself, lowered my head and replied, "Some things are a knot if you don't say it, and it's a scar when you say it...... It's better not to say it. ”

Jin Qiu turned around and leaned on the guardrail of the iron bridge like me, looking at the Nanjing University of the Arts on the other side of the river. She said to me after a while, "If you don't want to say it, let's go back and rest early......

"Smoke this cigarette and leave."

"Hmm......" Jin Qiu replied and lit a lady's cigarette.

I don't know what affected it, but this winter in Nanjing is much colder than usual. There was really a biting sensation when the wind blew, and the face exposed to the air was more like it had been cut by a knife. And in the river in front of me, the water on the side has also frozen, and the moon is reflected on it, looking like he is angry, angry that there is no one like him around him, only a lonely self.

When I was about to finish a cigarette, Jin Qiu asked me again, "Have you found a house?" ”

"Not yet, I stayed at a hotel on Tulip Road."

"My family still has a house in the old city, why don't you go there and live, and ask my dad to give you the key tomorrow."

"It's too far from the old town, so I'd better look for it myself."

Jin Qiu coughed, but he didn't extinguish the cigarette in his hand, and I asked with concern, "Do you have a cold?" ”

"A little."

"Then go back and rest, don't get cold outside, you have to bring some warmth."

Jin Qiu looked at me, she still stubbornly pulled the topic back, and then said to me: "But I still want to know, what is it that suddenly makes you unhappy." ”

I took out the unfinished cigarette from her hand, then pressed it out, and then whispered to her: "Just now on Metro Line 4, I may have seen Xiao Ai!" ”

Jin Qiu's expression was full of surprise, and he asked after a while, "Are you sure?" ”

"I just can't be sure, so I'm a little depressed. To be honest, I only saw a back, and by the time I chased it to the subway station, she was gone...... Do you think it's more likely to be her? ”

Jin Qiu shook his head and replied, "It's unlikely, because it's not summer, wearing such thick clothes, as long as the figure and height are about the same, it's easy to get confused...... I think the reason why you have this delusion is because...... The place where you are standing at the moment is Nanyi, the place where she went to college for four years, which will give you a very strong psychological hint, and I wish she would appear in front of you immediately with the best attitude! ”

I didn't speak, but I also had a strong suspicion in my heart, and I seemed to be obsessed.

"But Jiang Qiao, it's been so long, can't you still forget even a little bit?"

I looked at Jin Qiu and finally replied: "I thought I could start a new life, but when I suddenly returned to Nanjing, I still remembered a lot of things about her, especially the Chinese New Year...... Last year, we had a great New Year together. ”

Jin Qiu pinned her windswept hair behind her ears, and she whispered: "Since you can't forget her so much, then go find her, look for her all over the world, I can help you take care of the dream tree...... Or, hire a private detective like Qin Miao, and after a year and a half, there will always be a way to find her! ”

Jin Qiu's sudden strong appearance made me a little uncomfortable, so much so that I replied after a while: "What other position can I take to find it?" She is already married to Yuan Zhen. ”

"You know this, why can't you come out openly? …… I really hope that you can live a normal life in a blank state and then take a good look at the people around you...... Don't you really feel that these people who care about you are using various ways to make up for the trauma you have suffered over the years? …… Look at me again, I've never had long hair, and now it's over my shoulders...... Each of us is looking for change, and you're the only one who is still standing still. ”

I looked at her, and then I realized that she really grew her hair and became more attractive as a mature woman. In terms of appearance, she inherited almost all the advantages of Russell May. Moreover, her beauty is not tacky at all, because she has a kind of wisdom and control that other women cannot have, but I choose to ignore all of this. As she said, I can't see the people around me for a long time, and I'm still living more or less on my past memories, and sometimes I even deceive myself.

So, is there anyone more pathetic in this world than me?

I thought of Chen Yi again, isn't her giving up a kind of fulfillment in disguise? She wanted me to live without burdens, but I was living with the heaviest burden.

At this moment, my faith crumbled little by little, and it was really time for me to live a new life, and then completely forget the past, just like Nirvana was reborn.

I finally said to Jin Qiu, "I'll figure it out." ”

"It's time to figure it out...... If you and Xiao Ai do not have a clear breakup, no one will dare to be a sinner between you, and you will be advised to give up without explanation. However, there are many things that you know better than us, and if you continue like this, you will be obsessed...... You should realize that the road between you and Xiao Ai has come to an end the moment she chooses to marry Yuan Zhen! ”

I didn't choose to talk to Jin Qiu again, I just looked up and walked through the school gate of Nanyi with my eyes, looking farther away, I don't know if it was good or bad, but it was brighter than the place I could see just now.

For the first time, I finally told myself clearly in my heart that some people lost is lost, and that there is no turning back.

……

Jin Qiu was still coughing in the cold wind, and her face was also very bad, I touched my forehead and then touched her forehead to make sure she had a fever.

I called Yang Qu the next moment, and asked her, who had not been drinking, to send Jin Qiu home.

Standing alone for a while, I seemed to see another figure similar to Xiao Ai's back, I shook my head, and I no longer trusted my instincts...... I deserve to leave this place more than anyone else, I don't deserve to see these buildings and scenes that evoke memories for me. Otherwise, I would not give up and mistake more beautiful backs for Xiao Ai who could not appear in Nanjing!

……

This night, I walked back to Tulip Road from Nanjing University of the Arts, and after such a long walk, the drunkenness on my head slowly subsided. As I lay on my bed in the small hotel, I was sure I was very conscious. But it is precisely because of sobriety that the pain caused by disappointment is also very real.

My eyes stayed on the blue guitar she gave me, and my most direct motivation for going to Shanghai was not to start a business, but to escape everything in Nanjing, and then learn to play the guitar with Liu Liu in Shanghai.

Sometimes, I can't even tell whether my pain is from Xiao Ai or this guitar, and every time I see it, I feel that Xiao Ai has not gone far, in fact, there is already the farthest distance between us in the world.

So, now that it seems that this guitar is like a drug, paralyzing my mind and making it difficult for me to get out of that relationship, is it time for me to say goodbye to it?

When I made this decision, I didn't get a kind of relief after shaking off the burden, but there was a dull pain in my heart. But the more this happens, the more necessary it is for me to send it away, because I really don't see a glimmer of hope in Xiao Ai. And the result of my reluctance to give up is like today, and the only thing I can gain is the wound after disappointment...... I can't even think about the despair I felt when I didn't find her at the subway station.

I really don't want to have a second time with this feeling of despair, I'm not fed up, I'm just scared...... I haven't even thought about it, if I really face her face-to-face, how can I let go of everything that happened between me, and can I still call her "Mrs. Yuan" with peace of mind?

After surviving this torturous night, the next morning, I took the shuttle bus from Nanjing to Yangzhou, and the person I was looking for was Ji Xiaowei. Xiao Ai may never meet me in his life, but he will definitely meet Ji Xiaowei, who is the most qualified person in the world to transfer the guitar to Xiao Ai for me.

For an hour and a half, I kept looking out the car window, and the plants that had withered all winter were like my mood at the moment. Eventually, however, they will wait for spring, and it is time for me to be reborn in a different way.

Come to think of it, except for this love that ended in tragedy, everything I have now is beautiful. I not only have a group of like-minded good friends, but also a thriving "dream tree", and even the appearance of Yang Qu also makes me feel a long-lost family affection. Now, as long as I am willing to let go of the obsession in my heart, I will live a completely different life.

……

When it was almost noon, I came to Ji Xiaowei's coffee shop on Dongguan Street, and then called Ji Xiaowei. He was so surprised by my arrival that he asked me to have a cup of coffee at the coffee shop first, and he would arrive later.

On the balcony on the second floor, I placed my guitar on the table closest to the armrest, and the harsh sunlight shone on its wooden planks, and it glowed blue......

It's been more than a year, and it still hasn't faded a bit. However, this quality does not symbolize the love between us...... And on this not special day, I finally made a special decision.

It's time for me to be relieved, and there's no reason to resent Xiao Ai like before, after all, we really loved each other. And giving the guitar back is a wise decision.

It is precisely because of the depth of love that I dare not miss it......

If I had a choice, I would have chosen to do it all over again, but I don't have a choice. The guitar may seem a little unkind, but it is actually a helpless act after despair.

I just don't know how she will feel when she sees this returned guitar one day, and will she remember that on that tulip road, there is a man named Jiangqiao, who once loved her deeply!

...